To Lose Someone

By: Virulent Enmity

Author's Rambles: Sorry it took so long to put up the next chapter but there were some err...technical difficulties. Those of you who wanted me to update, here ya go! Hopefully, the same thing won't happen with chapter 3...

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story. They all belong to Square-Enix.

Chapter 2: Away From Me

I stood up and walked over to the door. I turned the knob and opened it to reveal Selphie, panting heavily, bent down with her hands on her knees.

"We're back! We heard about Laguna. I'm sorry, Squall..."

"It's okay. I'll be ready in a minute." I said, my brows displaying an unconscious frown.

She looked at me for a moment, her jade eyes reflecting emotions I wasn't used to seeing from them.

"I'll get the Rag ready for take off," She said as she took a few steps back. She gave me a small smile and headed down the corridor.

I closed the door, retrieved my jacket from the bed, and left out a few minutes later. I left the dormitories quickly and got on the Rag before anyone decided to stop me and talk. Mostly, it would be them talking and me 'listening'; something I didn't have time for at the moment.

The ride to Esthar wasn't long, but it was unusually quiet. Selphie didn't come up with a topic of discussion that she thought was interesting and expect me to speak on it like she would have done had she been in her usual chipper mood. Laguna being in the hospital must really be getting to her...

I was sitting in the seat next to Selphie, slouched back, leaning my head back in thought until the city of Esthar came into view. Keeping my gaze in front of me, I leaned forward as we closed in on the city.

When we arrived and landed in the air station, we were greeted by Kiros. He heard that we were on our way and decided to take us to where Laguna was being treated. I asked about Laguna's current condition and he told me that it hadn't gotten any better.

"They highly doubt that he'll pull through. I'm sorry, Squall," He told me in a soft voice.

Even though this was my second time hearing that, I was still overcome with emotions. Something inside of me wouldn't let me react the way I wanted to...

The walk to the hospital was relatively short and finding Laguna was easy considering that Kiros had already visited him before Selphie and I came.

I opened the door to his room slowly, the hinges protested by creaking with every slight crack of the door. I walked in and Selphie followed closely behind, peaking her head around my shoulder, looking towards where Laguna lie.

From the looks of it, there was nothing wrong with his external appearance, and right now, he seemed to be sleeping. I took a few uneasy steps forward as Selphie closed the door behind us. She whispered his name a little too loudly, and his eyes opened slowly, looking over in our direction. He smiled weakly and as soon as he did, he began coughing. I wanted to run over to him; pat him on the back, or at least ask if he was all right. No matter how much I wanted to do these things, I wouldn't budge. It was like some unknown force was keeping me from moving; something holding me back...

Unknown? I knew exactly what the hell this 'unknown' force was...

My own insecurity! My own uncertainty! My own anxiety! Just... ME! I was holding myself back, and I wouldn't even free the caring side of me for my own father!

His breathing was returning back to normal again, so I got the closest chair and positioned it on the side of Laguna's bed so that it was facing him. He turned his gaze toward us once again.

"Hi, Sir Laguna!" Selphie chimed. She must have been trying to make him feel better by displaying her usual optimistic cheerfulness as she called him by the name only she would use. He smiled at her.

"Hi, Selphie," he said in an odd voice as she gave him a tight hug.

"I'm glad to see you both," he spoke as she released him.

"Yeah, we had to..." Once the words left my mouth, I realized how utterly cruel they must have sounded. As if visiting my own father on his possible death bed had been more of an order rather than a choice...

"Squall, can I talk to you...alone, if you don't mind Selphie," his voice sounding a little strained.

"No problemo! You'd just better get well soon!" she exclaimed as she pointed a slender finger at Laguna. "I'll head back okay. Buh-bye!" she waved as she walked out the door.

I looked back over to him as the door closed.

"I'm sorry about--"

"It's okay. I understand." I just looked at him in silence as he continued.

"You don't really know how to react to what's happening; how to react to me," cough "I don't blame you though, if you don't care about what happens to me..."

His words were cutting me like a sharp knife and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Laguna..." was all I could manage. I felt so pathetic!

"No, it's my fault. I should have come back when I found out what happened to Raine. I should have gotten you before you were sent off to the orphanage. I should have been there for you. I should have been in your life!" His heart rate was increasing and his breathing became labored.

"Laguna, you didn't know."

"I should have known! You and Raine are my family..."

"And so is Ellone. That's why you rescued her from that laboratory, because you cared. You didn't want her to fall victim to Odine's experimentation. You didn't find out about me until you were near the end of your search for her. There was nothing you could have done at the time. Don't be so hard on yourself...I don't blame you."

He closed his eyes tightly and I even felt my own begin to water. He thought I blamed him for everything wrong in my life. He might have believed that I hated him. Maybe...he thinks I despise him...

I wish he knew the truth...

Before I could even open my mouth to provide him with any kind of verbal comfort, the door opened and in walked a nurse who was holding a clipboard close to her chest. She walked over to the machines that Laguna was hooked up to and began inspecting them. Occasionally, she would take a few notes.

"How are you feeling, Mr. Loire?" she asked during her observations.

"I'm feelin' fine! A little cough every now and then. That's about it." he said with a strange confidence in his voice. Even though he tried to make out like he was doing okay, he broke out in a coughing fit. She sat her clipboard down and quickly rushed over to him, adjusting his pillows.

"Mr. Loire, you should really get some rest. It's for your own good." He nodded in response.

She looked over at me for a few moments and she retrieved her clipboard then left.

I looked back over to Laguna and his eyes were now closed, obeying what the nurse had told him barely seconds ago. I leaned back in the seat and took a few deep breaths. Today had been so tiring…All I wanted was some rest…

I glanced over at the clock.

'7:10.'

I felt my own eyes close, and before I knew it, I was out like a light.

I was awoken by a repetitive beeping somewhere nearby. I opened my eyes and looked at the clock yet again. Only fifteen minutes had passed.

My eyes narrowed and searched the room for the source of the unbearable noise. When my eyes feel upon Laguna, my stomach churned.

His eyes were wide and his gaze was on the ceiling. His skin was a sickly pale color and none of his limbs were moving. His chest was heaving wildly as his fist clutched the sheets tighter with every intake of air. His grip was so firm that there was even a dent in the mattress. The sight was truly horrific...

I tried to rise to my feet and help him when the door to his room flew open, doctors and nurses running in like a stampede of wild animals. I was still trying to go to Laguna but I was being dragged away. No matter how much I fought against them, my efforts were to no avail. I was screaming his name, hoping that he could hear me and know that I was still there...

I was soon out in the hall and someone was standing over me, saying something that I couldn't make out. I couldn't possibly comprehend a damn thing. Soon though, he left me in the hall and went back into Laguna's room, closing the door. I turned the knob desperately, trying my best to get through and it never opened. I finally gave up after several attempts and sat down in the closet seat to his room.

Time had passed. Exactly how much, I can't say. As soon as I got up to yet again, try to pry open the door, it opened and a doctor walked out and faced me.

"Mister Leonhart..."

"Yes?" I asked, my voice was filled with worry.

"I regret to inform you that...Mister Loire didn't pull through," I turned away. "Despite our attempts to resurrect him, he never came to...I'm sorry..." He looked at me for a while, waiting for a response but there was none. He walked down the hall leaving me in my silence.

How can he not be resurrected?

I don't believe it!

I won't believe it!

He can't possibly be...dead...

(TBC!)

Author's Rambles: I know this isn't the Squall we all know, but I wanted his reaction to things to be hesitant and uncertain. I didn't want him to be all calm and cool about everything. He never wanted to be alone and that was one of his greatest fears. That is the main reason for his panic, though I didn't directly state that. I hope all of you enjoyed it! Please review!