To Lose Someone

By: Virulent Enmity

Author's Rambles: What's up my lovely readers? It's getting close to ending. Hope you like it. Been having a few problems here and there, but it's all worked out.

Sorry to have Squall describing things all weird and stuff. I guess I might have put a little too much of myself into him, sorry about that. Hopefully, you can endure a few more chapters of it.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story. They belong to Square- Enix.

Chapter 3 -Gone

I walked out of the hospital still in shock. My muscles were so tense that my entire body felt numb. My mind was cluttered yet completely blank at the same time. I didn't know what to do...

Walking down the somewhat empty streets of Esthar, I kept my gaze forward, not knowing what to feel. I wanted to see Laguna. There was so much I wanted to tell him; so much he deserved to know...I kept scolding myself, hating the fact that I showed absolutely NO sensitivity, not only today, but since I have known that we're related by blood. He was always so kind to my friends and I, doing all that he could for us, and I wouldn't even spare him the time of day. I couldn't apologize for my rudeness nor could I ever see him ever again...

I boarded the Ragnarok in the station, heading straight for the cabin. I sat in one of the seats in the middle row, resting my head in my hands still hating the uncaring person I had become.

The ride was fast as I had hoped for it to be. Before I even had the chance to stand up-right, Selphie rushed into the cabin at almost full-speed. I just knew what she was going to ask.

"How is Laguna? Will he be okay?" she asked, her voice was full of so much hope...I knew that what I was going to tell her would shatter it all like plate glass...

"Selphie...Laguna's dead." I spoke regretfully. Her features fell like a lead weight. I could almost feel her heart sink as I said that last word.

"Oh my Hyne...Squall, I'm so sorry!" she wrapped her arms around me tightly. I could feel her tears staining my t-shirt as I returned the embrace.

"I'll go Cid of Laguna's passing. You should go get some rest..." she spoke as she wiped her face as best she could as she released me.

"Will you be okay?"

I nodded in response.

I left the cabin shortly and walked back to my room. I closed the door behind me and walked over to the window. It was cracked which allowed air to circulate through my room, an oddly calming sensation. I looked through the blinds, squinting as the sun shone through brightly. The view was depressing. The sky reflected my current mood; dark gray clouds blanketed the usually blue skies around these parts (Note: Balamb Island). The winds picked up, leaves were swaying helplessly with the strong gusts. Then the rain began to fall, its pace fluctuating from time to time. I took a few steps away. The weather had changed drastically since I set off for Esthar.

Could Nature be crying for me? Could she possibly feel my pain?

Impossible! I thought shaking my head at how ridiculous it sounded. Everything was so unclear to me now.

Would I miss him?

Am I missing him now?

Why does it hurt so much when I never seemed to give two bits of a damn before?

Why do I care?

Why, why, WHY!

So many questions remain unanswered. So many things I don't understand.

The frustration was building inside. I hated not understanding!

I felt warm liquid fall down onto the palm of my hand. I was crying. I hadn't cried in almost ten years, so the feeling was unusual. A quiet sob escaped me before I could even stop myself. Why does it hurt so bad?

There was a knock at the door and I didn't even bother to reply. It opened shortly and Rinoa took a slow step inside.

"Squall..." she called out to me.

I turned my face toward her, my cheeks still streaked with tears that had fallen. She looked directly into my eyes, her own softening as she stepped towards me. She wrapped her arms around me willingly.

"Rinoa, he's...he's..." I choked.

"Shh...I know. It's okay." She whispered into my ear, rubbing soothing circles into my back.

I felt so weak and ashamed, crying to her like a baby. I was so embarrassed, but she told me that it was alright. It was natural for me to react like this when in all actuality, it wasn't. Not for me...

Then, I thought about her...

I wonder how Sis is taking this...

"Does Ellone know?"

"Yes. She called not too long ago and wanted to speak with you but you weren't here. She said she wanted to discuss the plans for the funeral with you."

"How is she taking it?"

"She's been crying all day. She really misses him...We all do."

I sighed. We all had to deal with someone dying in the past. Now it was just so...unexpected.

"Squall, you really should rest. I'll come check on you later, okay."

I nodded as I wiped my face. She turned and walked out the door, leaving me there. I didn't even know if I wanted to be alone right now. I was so confused...

The door closed and I laid down in the bed, my eyes almost burning a hole in the ceiling with my heavy gaze.

I had just begun to warm up to Laguna when he gets taken away from me. Am I that horrible? Do I deserve this? Is this punishment for something?

I just don't understand.

Everyone does leave. It's inevitable. Nothing we can say or do will change that. No matter how much I want to believe that all of us will always be together, its just not true.

"Will you leave me, too, Rin?" I spoke aloud.

Am I meant to be miserable and alone...forever?

I clenched my eyes closed tightly, trying to dismiss the thought.

I don't want to be alone...

Turing over and facing the wall, I closed my eyes and just wanted to stop feeling. Stop being...

(TBC!)



Author's Rambles: I know this extremely short I just wanted some reviews so even posting this was enough for me (I hope). Chapter 4 should be up shortly and it will be a little longer and hopefully it won't take as long.

PLEASE review!