Title: Sanctuary

Series: Ashes to Ashes

Author: Jon Emery

Email:

Summary: Spike takes Xander to safety in LA.

Pairing: Xander/Spike, Xander/Angel

Rating: R

Disclaimers: None of the characters of Buffy or Angel belong to me; they are the property of Joss Whedon (dammit!).

Notes: I know it's a little slow, but please, give it time!  I'm new at writing slash, so the sex will come in due course…

  Spike watched Xander quietly as they entered the young man's apartment.  The confused look had faded, and he had stopped shaking, but Spike could smell a shit-load of uneasiness coming off Xander in waves.  He gently guided him to the bathroom, slowly and lightly stroking the boy's arms and back.  The shaking started again, and he quietly whispered into Xander's ear, calming him.  He eased Xander out of the suit jacket, shirt and tie that he had worn in silence since the funeral three months ago, letting his fingers trail lightly down the centre of his back, comforting him.  Letting him know that he was safe.

  As the deep shuddering ceased, Xander felt his body tense up when they entered his apartment.  Looking around he saw that little had changed, most of the pictures and posters on the walls were still there, and all of the furniture was still present.  He silently took note of a few black T-Shirts and a pair of Doc Martens on the floor in a corner, and realised that Spike had been living here.  Xander almost smiled as he recalled one of the conversations he and Spike had had before the nightmare with Glory, about how they were both ready to move in together.  They had decided that they would tell the others about their relationship once the trouble was over, but then…

  He started to shake again as Spike led him to the bathroom, remembering those final moments.  He had said goodbye to Dawn, telling her how much he loved all of them, and then he had jumped into the Gate… He had died.  So how the hell was he back?  Living, breathing, a full package of pain and anxiety. 

  He felt Spike's hands gently touching his bare back, and he closed his eyes, letting the vampire's touch wash over him, calming him.  Turning around slowly, he raised his hands to caress Spike's cheek.  Leaning slightly forward, he kissed him, letting his new ultra-fine senses delight in the smoothness of his lips, the gentleness with which he responded.  He didn't know how he was back, or why, but he was safe.  At least, for now.

  When Xander awoke, the first thing he became aware of was the clean, fresh-smelling blanket gently laid over him.  The second thing was the smooth, firm hand on his arm. He looked to his left and saw Spike lying on the bed next to him.  His face was so full of worry and concern, Xander felt he could of lost himself in those beautiful blue eyes.  And then, he heard the words that he had so wished Spike would say when he was alive:

  "I love you."  I love you.  It was an unexpected wonder, a burning warmth that filled Xander from his head to his toes.  Yet again the tears came, and he raised his hand to stroke the vampire's cheek.

"What?"

"You heard me.  I love you.  I just wanted you to know.  I should have told you earlier, but I know that whatever is coming, we'll get through together.  I've lost you once, and I never want to be away from you again."  Was this Spike talking?  Xander looked into those blue eyes and didn't dare disbelieve him.  So he just moved closer, and let Spike put his arms around him. 

"What's going to happen?"  He looked up at Spike.  "I mean, something has to happen.  Hasn't it?  When will people notice that…"  When will people notice what?  When would his friends notice that his grave was empty?  He'd seen enough of those himself to know that they would assume vampirism.  And that brought up another question.  "Do you think that I should go to them?  Let them know that I'm… back?"  Just the thought of explaining, or at least trying to explain what had happened gave Xander a cold chill.

  After a further moment's thought, Xander pulled himself quickly out of bed, went for the closet and pulled out a pair of jeans.  All of his stuff was still there, nothing had been moved.  "Get me out of here."

"Y'What?"

"Please.  I can't stay here.  I have to leave…"  Oh God, do the tears ever stop?   He turned away from Spike, and quickly buttoned up a shirt.  He felt Spike's arms circling round him and relaxed a little.

"Of course.  I'll get the car."  Before the vampire could go, Xander said;

"Shouldn't we wait until dark?"  He turned and saw the slight embarrassment on Spike's face.

"Of course, pet.  It's amazing how many times I've almost died from bursting into flames."  Barely a second later the vampire winced.  "Sorry.  Bad joke."

"It's okay."  Xander sat down and reached for a pair of boots.  "What time is it?"

"About seven, pet."

"So sundown will be in an hour or so.  That's plenty of time."

"Plenty of time for what?"  That concerned look was on Spike's face again.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine.  I just need to do something."  He saw the question form in the vampire's eyes and said: "Please don't ask.  I'm not going to let anyone see me, but I have to do this.  Will you trust me?"

"You know I will.  I just don't like the idea of you being out on your own, after all you've been through."  Xander smiled.

"Well, thank you mom.  I'll be fine."  And with that, he left.

  The first thing that he did was go to the graveyard, to cover up the hole in his grave.  The pure surreal value of it was nearly enough to kill him all over again.  Seeing his own headstone… even in Sunnydale, how many people could claim to have done that?  Xander barely stopped to look at the stone before he had filled the grave, in fear of… well, something.  But after he had finished the disturbing task, Xander looked at the message inscribed on the granite.

Alexander LaVelle Harris

1979-2001

Beloved Friend and Son

Never Forgotten

  It was the 'son' part that suddenly reminded Xander of something which his newly reanimated brain had failed to process – his parents.  He hadn't spoken to either of them for at least two months before the battle with Glory… where did that leave him?  If he was to leave town, then he had to see them.  See how they were handling things.  Remembering his promise to Spike, Xander resolved not to reveal himself to them, but only to watch.

  As he approached his old house, the place of so many of his childhood nightmares, Xander felt a chill that had nothing to do with cold pass through him.  His parents were far from perfect, but they'd still miss him, wouldn't they?  He might have left home a year ago, and neglected to tell them about his girlfriend leaving town (due to a job offer from D'Hoffryn), but they couldn't not notice that their only son was dead.  Could they?

  He silently crept round to the side of the house and looked through the window.  In the living room, he could see his mother sitting on the couch, a glass of wine (even though it was only early evening) resting on her lap.  So, nothing had changed.  It took a second glance for Xander to notice the red eyes, sore from crying, and the lack of make-up, which his mother usually applied with a trowel.  And along with the wineglass on her lap was something that Xander recognised.  The family photo, the only one that Xander could think of which didn't portray an exasperated look or just sheer annoyance.  His mother remembered him.  And she missed him.  Fighting the tears that threatened to return, Xander ran away from the house as fast as he could.

  He ended up on Main Street, a bad idea, which he realised after spotting at least three people from work almost straight away.  And then at the bottom of the road was the Magic Box.  Shit.  Had he actually meant to come here?  Even as he watched he saw Tara and Willow step out, closely followed by Dawn.  All three of them looked distant, as if what had happened was yet to sink in.  Rushing into an alley to avoid being seen, Xander felt the blood rush to his head and an unnatural dizziness permeate his skull.  He heard a woman talking to him, or was she crying?  He felt red and blue lights flashing against his temples, and then he saw it clearly – the image of two women, with long red hair and wild green eyes.  They were looking at him… they understood why he was here.  Okay, so the resurrection fucked up something in my head, no biggie… But Xander knew that it wasn't just a fuck-up.  It was scarily true.

  The door to his apartment opened before Xander even had a chance to reach for the latch – Spike had been waiting for him.  He let himself be drawn into those strong protective arms, and wondered whether to tell the vampire about the two women.  He decided that he should get over being all alive again before he started thinking about the 'why's and 'who's of the situation.

  "Have you thought about where you want to go?" Spike asked gently, stroking his hair.

"LA." Xander answered quickly, unsure himself of whether he really wanted to go there or not.  Why not San Diego?  Or Australia, maybe?  Anywhere other than Sunnydale was fine.

"Are you sure?" The concerned look in Spike's eyes got more and more beautiful each time Xander saw it.  "I mean, the Great Poof is there, not to mention the cheerleader…"

"That's why I want to go."  Xander looked into his lover's(?) face.  "I mean, they can help, right?  And I wouldn't mind seeing Angel or Cordelia again, it's just my parents that I'm worried about, and the gang… the people in Sunnydale."

"Okay." Spike planted a kiss on his forehead.  "We can leave in about ten minutes, once the sun has fully set.  Do you want to go pack some things, pet?"  Xander nodded silently and went into the bedroom, leaving the vampire in the kitchen, leaning against the fridge and resisting the urge to cry.

  The Hyperion was way bigger than Xander had expected.  It stood in front of him like a giant beast waiting for its next meal.  Or maybe what really scared Xander were the people inside it.  Why had he thought it was such a good idea?  Had the resurrection addled his wits?  Gripping Spike's hand firmly, Xander let himself be guided into the hotel.  He took a step back from the vampire as they entered, so that the first thing Angel and Cordy would see was Spike, and not him.  And that was what happened…

  Deciding that today's work was pretty much done, Cordelia Chase turned off her computer and picked up her coat and bag.  Going into Angel's office, she said;

"I'm off now.  That okay?"  She got no reply.  "Alright, shall I say that again?  I'm off now.  Hello, broodboy?"

"Goodbye, Cordelia."  Rolling her eyes, Cordy took that as a response and went out into the lobby.  Just coming through the entrance was a tall, lean, blond apparition dressed in black.  She recognised him instantly.  "Spike?  What are you doing here?"  Then her eyes trailed past him to he silent brunette that entered the hotel after the vampire.  Cordelia froze.  Her skin turned to ice.  She couldn't have said a word if she tried.  She heard Angel come out of his office.  Oh, shit.  Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit…

"Cordy?  Did I hear you say Spi…" He saw Xander.  Cordelia saw a similar reaction occur with him.  Then; "Xander…"  That one word spoke volumes, painted a picture that no artist could ever imagine.  Cordy didn't think she could ever remember hearing Angel say anything with such feeling, such emotion.  The only time she could relate it to was the way Angel acted after Doyle was killed.  Tears formed in her eyes.

"Is it really you?"  She asked, hesitantly holding a hand out, to touch his face.  He nodded silently, the pain obvious in his face.  Cordelia hugged him tightly, letting the hysterical sobs out onto his shoulder.  After a few moments, she raised her head and asked:  "But how?"

"I don't know."  His brown eyes were different, something in them had changed.  "That's why I'm here.  I don't know why I'm… back… and I can't deal with my family, or Buffy, so I came here."

"And Spike?" Cordelia turned to Angel.  He was eyeing the blond vampire with something that fell between contempt and jealousy.  "Where does Spike fit into all of this?"

"He found me." Xander said it almost instantly, as if to defend Spike.  Cordelia remembered that Angel might not know about Spike and Xander's relationship. 

"So you're here to find out what happened?" Cordy looked up into Xander's face.  Something was definitely different.  She couldn't tell what it was… but she would.

"That's right.  After the gang, I didn't know where else to go that might provide answers."

"Don't worry."  Angel said, barely able to mask the emotion that Cordelia was so adept at detecting.  "We'll find answers."

  And that was how it started.  Cordelia showed Xander to a room, and then she went downstairs to see Spike and Angel in a heated argument.  They both slipped into gamefaces at one point, but Cordelia found the whole point of the argument rather elusive.  But whatever was going to happen, Xander was safe.  Both of the vampires would make sure that he was always safe.

To Be Continued

On to Next Part - Closure