Disclaimer: Diane Duane and J.K. Rowling own their own stuff. I own the off-the-wall characterizations.

A/N: This is probably the fastest series of updating I've ever done in my life…witness my other stories that haven't been updated in over six months. I'm really liking this story and apparently you are too, so I'll update as soon as I can until school starts. ::dark muttering:: Has to start on the 13th this year, doesn't it? Couldn't give us a normal length vacation, could they? Anyway…

viper676: Weeeeell…we'll see. No, I have no life, I'm the one writing this…

Venus Goddess Sailor Magna U: OOC-iness it is…Enjoy. Can I call you Venus? Cool name, but hard on the fingertips…Yeah, I'm lazy.

Virgo: Poor unfortunate me. I just can't seem to write in character…I hope you enjoy it anyway. I personally always enjoy a little Harry-bashing.

mornstar: Jealous Kit is so much fun to write. So is Dense Nita. I only hope it's still entertaining to read.

Erin: Thanks! Here's another chapter!

RandoMaia: An enchanted Twizzler, huh? Didn't think of that one…That's funny, I like that.

edgy wedgy: Yes, Nita is extremely deluded. Imagine…she thinks she and Harry actually have something special…You need to read these books. You haven't yet, right?

AnyOtherName: Now, really…do you really think Kit would sacrifice Harry to the Lone Power? …Yeah, me too.

Reading Redhead: Yes, infinite possibilities for disaster…heh heh heh…muahahahahahaha.

Attempted Murder

Kit woke up to light streaming through the blinds on his window. For a moment, he couldn't remember why he was so upset. Then it all flooded back.

"Harry Potter, I'm gonna kill you," he groaned.

It was obviously going to be impossible to sleep any more, so Kit rolled out of bed with much weeping and gnashing of teeth and headed for the bathroom to splash some water on his face. It didn't help. Then he dragged back to his room to plot the destruction of Harry.

Perhaps, he thought, he could dig a large hole in the backyard all the way to China and push Harry into it. No…too much work. Or he could have Ponch create a universe filled with screaming fangirls, none of which were Nita, and leave Harry there. Then he'd at least have a lifetime supply…

He clenched his fists. "To the moon, Harry!" he growled, imitating Ralph from The Honeymooners, which his father occasionally made the family watch together on the grounds that it provided "bonding time". He sank back onto his bed and stared at the ceiling.

Wait…

To the moon…

With most people, this would be an empty threat, but for Kit, a wizard…Kit began to grin as endless possibilities suddenly filled his mind. "Easy as taking candy from a baby," he said to the ceiling and began to laugh maniacally.

Obviously, Kit had never tried taking candy from a baby, or he would not have used this particular simile. Trying to take candy from an infant usually fails because in 999 out of 1,000 cases, the baby will begin to cry, attracting the unwelcome attention of others in the area who will then scold the would-be thief for disturbing the baby. Kit was failing to take into account the fact that Harry Potter, by the simple virtue of being Harry Potter, automatically attracted attention in everything he did.

Ignoring this fact of life, Kit began to hatch a plot. Would it be best to "forget" to include Harry in the bubble of air that kept wizards visiting the moon from dying in the vacuum of space? Or would that be too hard to explain away later as an understandable error? Decisions, decisions…

His planning session was interrupted by the realization that his stomach was growling. Still deep in thought, Kit went downstairs and poured himself a bowl of cereal. Maybe he could push Harry out of the transit circle at the last moment, leaving him on the moon by himself…with no air…now that had promise. Just needed a bit of fine-tuning.

Kit was still eating when Harry came downstairs, his hair sticking up in all directions and his glasses almost sliding off the end of his nose. "'Morning," Harry said, obviously still half-asleep and blissfully oblivious to the fact that Kit was busy plotting his doom. "What's for breakfast?"

"See for yourself," Kit told him, then softened it hurriedly by adding, "If I were you, I'd wait till Carmela gets up. She can make a mean pancake." He had a brief and very attractive vision of adding a pinch of cyanide to Harry's orange juice, but quickly dismissed that. Too unsophisticated and, besides, where would he get the cyanide?

Harry smiled at him. "Look, Kit, I'm really sorry about last night. I didn't mean to intrude on your peaceful life or anything…"

Kit snorted. "Peaceful, my foot. You have no idea." Still, Harry's apology hadn't covered the main grievance Kit held against him: Nita. He hadn't said he was sorry for stealing Kit's best friend right out from under his nose, making her into one of those giggling, hair-twirling creatures Kit despised. And for that, he would die.

"I wanted to thank you for being so nice about all this," Harry continued. "I mean, here I show up in the middle of the night and you give me a place to stay and everything." He shrugged. "So…thanks."

"Don't mention it," Kit said. It took all his self-control to keep his voice from shaking with rage. He quickly got up, deposited his bowl in the sink, and shoved his way past a bleary-eyed Harry. The main thing was to get out of the same room as Harry before he committed murder. These things must be done delicately, after all…

An hour later, Kit felt up to talking to Harry again. He went to the guest bedroom and knocked politely. "Hey, Harry?" he called through the door. "Want to go to the moon today?"

Kit had barely gotten the words out of his mouth before the door swung open. "What?" Harry asked in disbelief. Kit gave him what he hoped was a friendly smile and leaned casually against the doorway.

"See, it's like this…"

Most unfortunately, something occurred just as they were about to leave. "Something" meaning "Nita". She appeared in the living room, bright and cheerful despite their late night.

"What's going on?" she asked Kit, but she was quickly distracted by Harry. Kit scowled as she turned to him and repeated the question.

Harry grinned like a two-year-old at Christmas. "We're going to the moon," he told Nita. "Want to come along?" Kit smacked himself in the forehead. Of course! Why hadn't he seen it coming? It would be almost impossible to do anything to Harry with Nita along!

Unless…Taking advantage of Nita's distraction, Kit reached into his otherspace pocket, pulled out his rowan wand, and began to write in the Speech on the living room carpet. After all, if Harry was going to travel with them, he would need his name included in the transit circle…

"How's this look?" he asked Harry, pointing at the string of characters.

Harry squinted at it. "Er…fine…?" But Nita was looking at it too.

"Kit, Kit, Kit," she said patiently, shaking her head. "You were up much too late last night." Kit smoldered, recalling exactly whose fault that had been.

Nita continued, "Just look at this! It's lucky I'm here…Why, over here you've described Harry with a third arm growing out of his forehead!" Kit looked shocked. "And here you said his…" She trailed off as she read. "…oh, my…"

"What?" Harry asked, curious.

"Nothing," Kit told him. "Just tired, that's all. Nita's proofreading for me." He forced a smile. "Wouldn't want you to end up in thirty small pieces on the other end, now would we?"

At last Nita was satisfied that no harm would come to Harry. However, she insisted on doing the rest of the transit circle herself. "You just rest and get your strength back," she said patronizingly to Kit, who bristled. He was sure she would never say anything like that to her precious Harry.

Just as the circle was ready, with the corrected version of Harry's name added in, Carmela bounded into the living room. "Going somewhere?" she asked in a frighteningly cheerful voice. "Can I come?" Kit let out a groan of relief as they disappeared from the living room with a pop. Another lovestruck female staring at Harry would have been just too much.

"Wow," Harry breathed, looking around him. "This is amazing." Kit scowled; Nita had taken them to a small crater that he considered their private spot, where they sat and talked or just enjoyed each other's company. Or at least they had before someone else came along…

"I still can't believe this." Harry was grinning at Nita. "Thanks for bringing me here."

Kit cleared his throat. "Of course," he said before Harry and Nita could exchange any more sappy looks, "it was my idea…"

Nita gave him a sharp look. What's wrong with you? she asked silently. Kit shook his head—if she didn't know, he wasn't going to tell her. He did have his pride, after all.

"Right," Harry said with much less enthusiasm. "Thanks, Kit." He sat down on the rim of the crater, and Nita followed suit. Kit jealously eyed the four-foot space between them, imagining Harry edging closer…closer…

"Do you come here often?" Harry asked, making an obvious effort to break the tense silence. Kit noted that the question was addressed to Nita.

She shrugged and looked down at her feet. "Yeah," she said. "It's so peaceful…and Earth is absolutely gorgeous from here if you catch it at the right time."

"Gorgeous," Harry repeated, but he wasn't scanning the airless sky for a sign of their home planet. His green eyes were fixed on Nita.

This had to stop. Before he could think better of it, Kit had vaulted over the edge of the crater and taken a seat between the two lovebirds. "So," he said in a horrible impression of polite curiosity. "Do you have a girlfriend back in England?"

Kit could feel Nita's eyes burning a hole in the back of his neck, but he stared at Harry, eyes narrowed, waiting for a reply. Maybe, just maybe, he could nip this little summer romance right in the bud.

"Er." Harry coughed a few times, took off his glasses, and began to clean them on his T-shirt. "You know, that's actually a very personal question…" He tried to lean past Kit to say something to Nita, but Kit stopped him with a glare that would have frozen carbon dioxide.

"I asked you a question," he said. "Do you have a significant other?" I sound like someone on a soap opera, Kit thought. It must be a side effect of being around Harry.

He felt a sharp pain in his left arm as Nita pinched him. "Kit!" she snapped in a low voice. "Be nice!"

Nice. Ha. That was a good one. "I am being nice," he protested, nettled. "I'm just making polite conversation." He turned back to Harry. "So, as you were saying…?"

Harry looked around for help. Understandably enough, nobody else seemed to be around. Nobody except the three of them.

It would be a perfect opportunity. He could murder Harry, leave the body here, and nobody would know…except Nita…that was a bit of a drawback. He didn't think she would understand if he plunged a knife into her new crush.

"No, I don't have a girlfriend," Harry said brusquely, interrupting Kit's thoughts. "Not that it's any of your business. There was one girl, but…we agreed it wasn't working out." He pointedly avoided Kit's gaze, staring out at the starlit horizon. "Are you happy?"

Kit wasn't happy. Not at all. Things would have been so much easier if Harry wasn't single…

"Stop kicking up dust, Kit," Nita said reprovingly, changing the subject before Kit could say anything rude. "You're as bad as Dairine."

"Thanks," Kit muttered sarcastically, but he stopped. The only thing worse than seeing Nita stolen away by a spoiled boarding-school brat was being compared to her sister Dairine. That was the ultimate insult. Pouting slightly, he abandoned his spot between Harry and Nita and moved further away to regain his privacy. No point in subjecting himself to more misery.

Deliberately tuning out Harry and Nita's conversation, Kit put his brilliant mind to work on more ways to hurt Harry or otherwise get revenge. The name trick hadn't worked…any direct physical attack was obviously out…what was left? Aside from the hole to China, of course.

Unobtrusively, Kit turned his back on the pair and pulled out his manual. He was about to engage in some highly unethical activities…Tom and Carl would not be pleased if they found out. Of course, he didn't intend for them to find out.

He looked up a particular spell, then grinned. Perfect. If he could pull it off unnoticed…Carefully, he began to read under his breath in the Speech. He had that peculiar feeling he always got, of the universe leaning in around him, listening to hear what he would say next…but it was different this time. This time the universe seemed to be listening with a certain amount of disapproval, like an old friend who won't turn you in for breaking the rules but will give you reproachful looks. Kit wasn't sure he liked it.

Still—this was too perfect to pass up. Hurriedly, he said the last word, snapped the manual shut silently, and waited.

He didn't have to wait long. "Augh!" Harry screamed, leaping up as if jabbed in a sensitive spot by a poker. "Get them off me!" He danced around, slapping at himself like mad. Nita stared, her eyes wide.

Kit was doubled over with laughter. His specialty was so-called "inanimate" objects like cars, as a rule, but it had been a simple enough matter to talk the molecules of air directly around Harry into trying something new, into becoming, just for a moment, another element entirely…Kit realized with a rush of pride that he was becoming quite mean-spirited, and devilishly clever to boot. What would he think of next?

Nita, however, was not amused. "It's all right, Harry," she said soothingly, guiding him back to his seat. The tiny, invisible tongues of flame had, of course, reverted back to their normal state. "What was it?"

"I'm fine," Harry said, seemingly by reflex. His hair was smoking a little, but he didn't seem to notice. "It's all right now…it's gone."

Kit made the mistake of snickering softly in the short silence that followed. Nita turned on him. "You think it's funny?!" she demanded. "Harry could have died!"

"Quick, call the fire department!" Kit choked, rolling on the floor of the crater. He was amazed at his own wit.

This was another mistake. "Fire, was it?" Nita asked in a dangerously soft voice. "And just how do you know?" Kit gulped.

"I meant, he acted like he was covered in thousands of tiny flames," he said hastily. "That's just what it looked like, of course I don't know anything about it…"

Kit was not a very good liar. He knew it, and he knew Nita knew it. Still, he was a little surprised at the force of her fury.

"I cannot believe you!" Nita exploded. "Kit, Harry is our guest! And you…you…" She trailed off in incoherent rage and went to take care of Harry, who was still looking rather shell-shocked. "It's okay, Harry, I honestly don't know what got into him—"

Kit was in complete and utter disgrace. Nita refused to speak to him or even look at him as she laid out the transit circle for their return. Once back in the Rodriguez living room, Harry made a beeline for his room and Nita transited back to her own house, staying only long enough to give Kit a dirty look. Obviously she thought the best punishment would be the silent treatment.

After a bit of thinking, Kit came up with a new plan. Electing to walk to give himself more time to think, he headed for the Callahan residence. He let himself in the back door, which was unlocked, and silently climbed the stairs to the second floor. Tiptoeing down the hallway, he stopped at one of the bedroom doors and knocked.

"What is it?" came a slightly surly voice from inside the room. "Go away!"

"It's me," Kit hissed. "Open the door."

There was a pause. Then Kit heard the padding of feet crossing the room, and the door opened. "What?"

Kit took a deep breath and swallowed his pride. "Dairine," he said miserably, "I need help."

A/N: Dun dun DUN…Kit must be desperate if he's going to Dairine for help, huh? But she has more experience being evil, so it makes sense. I had this extremely weird thing last night instead of the little fire fiasco, which is weird enough by itself…I had to fix it this morning. I'll do you the favor of not telling you about it. It was weird. Which, by a coincidence, exactly describes Kit's state of mind at this point…I'll try to update soon and give you a more entertaining chapter, free of weird things we won't talk about because you'd run away screaming. Meanwhile, review!