Title: Closure
Series: Ashes to Ashes
Author: Jon Emery
Email:
Summary: Xander's stay in Los Angeles continues, with strange consequences.
Pairing: Xander/Spike, Xander/Angel
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimers: None of the characters of Buffy or Angel belong to me; they are the property of Joss Whedon (dammit!).
Notes: Finally, the sex is here! It took me a while to get to it, but hey, I'm new…
As the morning sun crept up over LA, Xander woke and got out of bed. He'd done little but sleep since he'd 'returned', and he felt as if he would almost definitely kill someone if he didn't get out and do something. Rummaging through the bag that he had quickly packed before leaving Sunnydale, Xander got dressed and went downstairs. His senses were still heightened, like they had been the night of the resurrection, as if every square inch of skin on his body had developed an extra five hundred neurons. It wasn't as pronounced as before, he'd kind of gotten used to it, but it was still unnerving.
On his way down to the lobby, Xander heard voices. They were charged with emotion, and as Xander got closer he could hear growling.
"How could you even think about bringing him back, didn't you think of the damage it could do to him?"
"For the last time, you great Poof, I didn't bring Xander back!" Spike let out a low snarl in response to Angel's growl, and as Xander became visible, they both turned and looked at him.
"Xander." They both said. Angel looked as if he were going to approach Xander, but Spike gave him a look that said don't even think about it and went over to Xander himself.
"Hey, Precious." Xander gave the vampire a hesitant smile and said:
"Morning."
"How are you feeling, Xander?" Angel asked, looking as if he could barely hold himself still. There was a strange look in his eyes that Xander had never seen before.
"I'm alright, considering. Thanks, Deadboy." Angel grunted in amusement. The use of the nickname had had the desired effect, it had calmed him down. After a moment's thought, Xander asked; "Is Cordelia going to be here today?"
"Yes." Angel replied. "She should arrive soon."
"Good. Do you think she'd come with me if I wanted to go out?" Spike looked at him.
"Are you sure that's such a good idea, Pet?" Xander nodded.
"Yeah, I'm sure. I just need to get out and do something. I've done pretty much nothing but sleep since… well, you know. And, since neither of you guys can go outside in the next ten hours, I thought a human might be a safe bet?" Both the vampires nodded in acquiescence. "Well, now that's sorted… Where's Cordy?"
Angel spent the hours after Xander left with Cordelia in a deep brood, contemplating what had happened. On one hand, he felt extremely worried, worried for Xander's state of mind and the consequences of the spell, and on the other hand he felt breathless with happiness. Happiness, because the man he loved was alive, happy because he could finally tell him how he felt. But he couldn't, could he? He was with Spike now, it was pretty obvious from the possessive way in which Spike acted around Xander. And that caused him almost as much pain as Xander dying.
The whole time he was out with Cordelia, Xander couldn't help but feel that the ex-cheerleader was nervous, careful about the way she spoke to him. Almost as if she were afraid of saying the wrong thing. It was the most sensitive that he could ever remember her acting. After breakfast at Martine's and a few hours of walking around town, they made their way back to the Hyperion. As they entered, Xander immediately became aware of two new presences. One he was familiar with; he could see Wesley sitting behind a desk, reading some ancient text. The second, however, was completely new. He saw the girl with the long wavy hair sitting in a chair in the corner, trying to make herself as small as possible. When Xander caught her eye, she gave him a nervous smile, then looked down, but not before Xander returned her smile with one of his own. He couldn't see Spike anywhere.
"Xander, it's… it's good to see you." Wesley stood up and nervously offered a hand. Xander smiled and shook it.
"Hi, Wes. How are you?"
"Oh, I'm, um, fine, I suppose…" Is it just me or is he even more Hugh Grant-ish than usual? The whole stammer thing was old hat thanks to Giles, but the way in which everybody seemed to be quiet around him was just annoying.
"I don't think you've met Fred?" Angel offered, gesturing to the girl in the corner. She stood up, and smiled at him.
"Hi," she said. "Pleased to meet you." He smiled back at her.
"Yeah."
"So, we were looking into what might have caused you to… come back." Angel said. "We don't know enough to start researching specific spells, but we have a few good leads." That look in his eyes was still there, and it made him look even more attractive than before. Xander was suddenly reminded of why he had a crush on Angel in high school. No! Bad, bad Xander… He hadn't thought of Angel in any sexual way for at least two years. Well, okay, he hadn't really seen Angel for two years… He hadn't thought about him sexually for about a year, since he hooked up with Spike. Spike…
"Where's Spike?" Xander asked, the second that he thought it.
"I'm here, love." The vampire came through from Angel's office, his hair slightly ruffled. "I fell asleep at Peaches' desk." He drew Xander into his arms, and held him for a moment before letting go again. They both found seats, and turned to Angel.
"Sorry, you were saying?" Xander asked, and the research began.
It had been nearly a week since the resurrection, and Spike had not so much as implied any kind of sexual contact. It was killing Xander. Well, not killing, because that was a lot more painful, but it wasn't easy. He was beginning to think that the vampire no longer desired him, didn't want him anymore… but what about the things Spike had said after he had found him? He'd said that he never wanted to be apart, ever again. So what was with the celibacy gig? Xander craved Spike's soft, caring touch, he could think of little else.
After the third night of seemingly endless research, Xander was prepared to take drastic action. He went up to his room, closely followed by Spike, and as soon as the vampire entered the room, the young man slammed the door shut behind them and pinned him against it, pressing his lips against Spike's in a deep, passionate kiss. He felt the vampire resist for a moment, and then relax, before pushing him away a few inches.
"What are you doing, Pet?" Xander ran his fingers over Spike's lips.
"Isn't it obvious? I need you Spike. I can't do this, not without you…" He closed the short distance between them, more gently than before, and softly kissed him. He felt Spike part his lips, and delved his tongue into the other man's waiting mouth. He ground his hips against Spike's and felt the vampire's hard-on brush against his own. The intensity of the kiss increased as Spike returned Xander's fervour, and as desire overtook them, they fell to the floor, each trying to cover the other with his touch.
Xander's hands explored beneath Spike's T-Shirt as the vampire's smooth cold fingers ran down the young man's hips and through his hair. They stripped each other down, each of them worshipping the other's body with his hands and lips. Somehow they managed to break away just long enough to get to the bed, but then Spike was on Xander again, and as he trailed his tongue down Xander's chest, the young man let out a low moan. Grinning as he took Xander's cock in his mouth, Spike stroked his balls and slowly moved a finger back and forth over the guy's asshole. Xander ran his fingers through Spike's hair and came loudly, thrusting upwards, his head thrown back in ecstasy.
Purring like a satisfied cat, Spike moved upwards to lie next to Xander. The young man turned to look at him, and ran his hand down the vampire's chest, taking his cock in his hand. He started off slowly, moving his hand back and forth, then picked up his rhythm, swiftly jerking off the vampire. Spike's panting quickened, and just as he was about to come, Xander squeezed the base of his cock, stopping his orgasm. He raised his legs up, baring his ass, and Spike quickly positioned himself behind the boy.
"Lube?" He asked gently.
"No way. I want to feel you, all of you. I need it."
Spike tried his best to be gentle, but Xander thrust his ass out, needing to be fucked, so in the end the vampire just thrust his whole hard length into him. He moved back again, to the point of drawing out, pushed back in, noticing in wonder that Xander's cock had grown hard again, in barely a few minutes. As the intensity of his thrusts increased, so did Xander's moaning, and as Spike pounded into him, he took a hold of his cock, and started to bring him to edge. Feeling himself reach the brink, Spike came, releasing himself inside Xander. Xander kissed Spike fiercely and then came, this time gasping softly, eyes closed in rapture.
Pulling out of Xander, Spike settled himself next to the young man and drew him into his arms before they both drifted off to sleep.
The second that Xander came down the stairs the next morning, Angel could tell that he had been with Spike. He could smell the cold odour of death on the boy, the kind that can only come from a vampire, as well as the lingering scent of sex. The beast inside of him screamed in jealousy as Xander settled himself down in one of the seats and grabbed the book that he had been reading the night before. Angel went into his office, taking deep breaths to calm Angelus. His inner demon was not going to ruin anything else, especially not this…
"Xander?" Hearing his name, Xander looked up from his increasingly tedious book and saw Angel, staring at him with a disturbing intensity.
"Yeah?"
"Can… Can I talk to you for a minute, please?" The look that Angel was giving him sent Xander straight back to High School again, when he would watch Angel and Buffy jealously from his place at the research table. Kinda like now.
"Sure…" He followed Angel into the office, unsure of what to expect. "What's the matter, Deadboy?"
"I was, um, I was just wondering how you're feeling." Xander smiled tiredly.
"I think I will savagely murder the next person that asks me that. I mean, yeah, sure, I was dead for a while, and now I'm not, but… I don't feel particularly bad about anything…" Except the hallucinations, yeah, don't forget those…
"So you're doing okay?"
"Yes, I am fine." Feeling uncomfortable under the power of Angel's gaze, Xander turned to leave. "It's alright, Deadboy. You don't have to keep pretending that you care. I can figure out whatever this is by myself." He took two steps toward the office door, and heard a soft:
"Don't." That single syllable was just so laden with emotion, such pain, that it stuck a cord deep within Xander. He slowly turned around again, and said;
"Don't what?"
"Don't leave. Don't make me feel this way. Just, stop trying to escape the fact that I am in love with you." Xander froze.
"What?"
"I'm in love with you. I'm sorry, but I can't help it. It's like a fire, burning away inside of me. It's always been there, and it always will be. Back in Sunnydale, every time I saw you, it was like an inferno. I would see you with Cordelia, and I would hate her. I would hate myself for feeling that way." Xander felt a tear make its way gently down his cheek.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"How could I? What would your reaction have been? You made it pretty clearly that you hated me." Another tear, this time on the other cheek. Xander shook his head.
"No…"
Angel took a step closer to Xander, and raised his hand to touch his cheek. He hesitated before their skin met, and then he caressed the side of Xander's face.
"When Willow told me that you died, my world collapsed. It was like she had doused me in holy water, because that burning just increased. It was as if I wanted you even more now that I knew I could never have you." He took another step, so that there were barely inches between them. "I love you, Xander." And he lowered his head to plant a gentle kiss on Xander's lips, their skin just brushing together for the slightest of moments.
This sudden trance that Xander had fallen into was brought to a halt by the sound of a throat clearing. He turned to the office door, and Spike was standing there, his cold blue eyes fixed on Angel. Now that the spell was broken, everything came rushing back. Oh my God…
Oh – My – God!
Breaking away from Angel's arms, Xander rushed past Spike into the lobby, his strides quickly becoming a run. With the tears now running freely down his face, Xander left the hotel and ran into the sunlight, where neither of the vampires could follow.
To Be Continued
On to Next Part - Entropy