Alrighty then... Chapter four... I don't really know exactly what's going in here. I only updated a week ago... Oh well. I'm watchin' Yu-Gi-Oh with my brother... I don't really pay attention to the storyline, tho. I like to watch Yugi change into Yami and at times... if dressed right... Yami is pretty sexy ::laughs:: I actually think the same thing of Link from Zelda... In this one booklet that came with the Nintendo game he looks a lot like Duo when he's a kid! It's so kawaiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!! And adult Link in that booklet is awesome... hehehe... I'm listening to Meteora, too. I'm seeking songs that may possibly end up in this story.
Anyway... The song is Nobody's Listening by Linkin' Park. It doesn't really fit as well as some of my previous songs in different fics, but I just thought that some things were good for this chapter. The other song is Don't Stay by Linkin' Park
Warnings: (all the usual: yaoi, gore)
Lifting Curses and Mending Broken Wings
Chapter 4: Understanding is the Key
:: Yo, peep the style and the kids checkin' for it : The number one question is "How could you ignore it?" : And drop right back in the cut : Over basement tracks and rap stack got you backin' us up : Like... Rewind that! : We're just rollin' with the rhythm : Rise from the ashes of stylist division : With these non-stop lyrics and life livin' : Not to be forgotten but still unforgiven : But in the meantime, there are those : Who wanna talk this and that, so I suppose : That it gets to a point where feelings gotta get hurt : And get dirty with the people spreadin' the dirt. It goes... :
Duo sat in his cell room but this time in a straightjacket. His arms were cramping as he sat in the corner on his bed, staring down at his white sheets. He sighed heavily. He was sedated again, but this time he didn't fall asleep. He had too much on his mind.
: Tried to give you warning, but everyone ignores me : Told you everything loud and clear : But nobody's listening : Called to you so clearly, but you don't want to hear me : Told you everything loud and clear : But nobody's listening :
Duo shifted so his legs were folded under him. His movements were slow and sluggish. His limbs felt as though they were filled with lead. Meanwhile, those annoying people in white were watching, bewildered, behind the camera in the corner of Duo's ceiling. They murmured about Duo's ability to stay awake with the sedation that was running through his veins.
: I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress : Handful of anger, Held in my chest : And everything left's a waste of time : I hate my rhymes, but hate everyone else's more : I'm riding on the back of this pressure : Guessin' that it's better, I can't keep myself together : Because all of this stress gave me something to write on : The pain gave me something I could set my sights on : Never forget the blood, sweat, and tears : The uphill struggle over years, the fear and : Trash talking and the people it was to : And the people that started it, just like you :
Duo shut his eyes tightly, trying to will away the drugged, forced sleep that threatened to overwhelm his body. He opened them again and shifted into a more uncomfortable position. But in doing so, he twisted his right leg under his body, sending a jolt of pain through his lower body. That lightning hot pain woke him up fairly well and he groaned impatiently. The drug was affecting his thinking ability and his thoughts kept becoming muddled.
'I have to convince them to let me go back...' he would think at one point and then his thoughts would randomly go fuzzy. Trying to force these fuzzy thoughts away, he would wonder how. 'How am I going to get them to let me out... out... of here...?' It was always at the end that it would go hazy and unclear. He sighed again. He started to think that it might be a good idea to just go to sleep. They would think him normal if he reacted the right way to the drugs.
'Yes...' he thought, letting his weighted eyelids flutter closed. 'I'll do this tomor... Ugh... In the morning.' They wouldn't believe his so-called "rantings" about what he saw and how he had reacted made him lose touch with reality for a little while. This was not a good sign in their eyes. They merely saw him as a crazy adolescent even when he passionately denied it.
: Tried to give you warning, but everyone ignores me : Told you everything loud and clear : But nobody's listening : Called to you so clearly, but you don't want to hear me : Told you everything loud and clear : But nobody's listening :
He tried to tell them what he saw, but he would just start crying again and see something else when they didn't believe him. Well, they said they believed him... But it was painfully obvious that they didn't mean a word of it. If they truly believed him, they would know how to help him and wouldn't stress him out about his "condition".
: I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress : Handful of anger, Held in my chest : Uphill struggle, blood, sweat, and tears : Nothing to gain, everything to fear : Heart full of pain, head full of stress : Handful of anger, Held in my chest : Uphill struggle, blood, sweat, and tears : Nothing to gain, everything to fear : Heart full of pain... :
Duo's head ached and his leg throbbed as he drifted quickly to sleep. There was a tight band around his chest that was robbing him of air. Even in this state, the band would not loosen. And even though his sleep was deep, it was immensely troubled. Duo dreamed of Heero and his wings. His broken wings which filled him with pain each time he thought of them. He once again saw what he had previously seen in his cell. He was subconsciously expecting it, so it really didn't affect him more than a low groan and a forced look away.
: Tried to give you warning, but everyone ignores me : Told you everything loud and clear : But nobody's listening : Called to you so clearly, but you don't want to hear me : Told you everything loud and clear : But nobody's listening :
Once again, the people behind the camera watching Duo were ultimately confused. First, this neurotic teen had held off falling asleep for more than half an hour. Then he had then managed to fall into a light enough sleep to dream. This sedative was well known for its efficiency and ability to launch the one drugged into such a deep sleep that no dream could reach them. Dreams were sometimes bad things for MI patients. They could arouse some horrible thoughts and cause the patient's rehabilitation process thus far to falter and perhaps regress.
But Duo's dreaming now was beyond their control. For the moment.
: I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress : Nobody's listening : Handful of anger, Held in my chest : Nobody's listening : Uphill struggle, blood, sweat, and tears : Nobody's listening : Nothing to gain, everything to fear : Nobody's listening ::
.......................................
Duo smiled slightly and rubbed his arms where the straightjacket had cramped them up. He winced a little as they started to loosen up. He nodded to himself and watched the people in white motion for him to go back into the cell.
He shifted his eyes to the floor and kept the mellow look he'd plastered on when they came so they wouldn't suspect anything. "Um... If it's all the same to you..." he began, wondering if his plan would work or fail miserably. "I'd like to go back to my other room, if that's all right." He looked up hopefully at the three people in front of him. He could see more out of the corner of his eye, but he figured these three would suffice.
The man in the middle sighed and placed his hands on his hips. "I'll tell you what - You stay in here for a little longer while we talk about that and decide on an answer to your request with people who know more about your current condition. We'll come back as soon as we can to let you know." He smiled kindly and nodded towards the cell, indicating that Duo should do as he said.
Duo forced a small smile back. "Thanks," he muttered and trudged into the gray room. He heard the door close and lock behind him and sighed. He sat down on the bed and looked up at the camera that was "hidden" in the corner. He shook his head and leaned back against the wall and pulled his legs up onto the bed.
And here he waited.
.......................................
The guard came back roughly an hour later. There was no clock or anything in his room, so he had no way of knowing for sure how long it had been. When he arrived, he unlocked Duo's cell with a smile on his face. Duo stood in front of the door when he heard the lock click. The man nodded and answered Duo's silent question, "Your request has been accepted. You can go back to your regular room if you wish."
Duo beamed. He thanked the man and was escorted to his room by him. He wanted to see if Wufei was there, but he wasn't. The man left and Duo went to the recreation room. He found Wufei, Quatre, and Trowa there. They were lounging and talking and as Duo approached, Wufei nearly fell out of his chair.
Laughing, Duo took a seat next to him. "Hey, guys. How've ya been?" he asked happily.
Quatre avoided eye contact with Duo and muttered a "Fine..." while Trowa shrugged. Wufei stared at Duo in disbelief and didn't answer.
"So, um... Where's Heero?" Duo tried not to sound too urgent. He just wanted to see Heero safe (again) after his hallucination. He grew confused and a bit worried when no one would answer nor look him in the eye. "What? Where is he? He's ok, isn't he?"
Wufei sighed and decided not to ask about Duo's little trip to the other section of the institution. "He's fine, but it's just that he hasn't come out of his room since the night after you were transferred to the other side of the building." Wufei's euphemism was clear enough.
That night he spoke of was only the night before last. Duo had been in that straightjacket and was kept sedated for the next day and night after seeing Heero.
Wufei rubbed his forehead. "Well, he DID come out, but you know... Just for things he had to. Meetings, meals, and whatever else. He hasn't said anything to us, either."
"How do you know he hasn't come out otherwise?" Duo wondered aloud.
Wufei nodded to Quatre. "He's Heero's roomie." The nervous blonde nodded in confirmation.
"Well... Have any of you been to see him or anything?" Duo wanted to know. On seeing all three of them shake their heads, he stood and walked briskly from the room toward Heero's and Quatre's room.
Arriving there, he hesitated before knocking on the closed door. He didn't hear an answer, but the room doors can't lock from the inside, so he opened the door slowly. "Heero?" he called in softly. He looked around the small room. The two beds were made and the place was surprisingly cleaner than Duo's and Wufei's room. Duo peered around again as he stepped into the middle of the room. He then noticed the bathroom door was only slightly ajar.
"Heero?" he called again. He could feel his heart beating in his chest. 'What if something happened to him? What if he did something to himself?!' he thought with rapidly growing panic. He dreaded to look inside. He reached out his hand and pushed the door, making it swing open slowly. He braced himself and stepped in.
He sighed in relief when he saw Heero merely sitting in a corner of the tiled room staring coldly at something in his hand. He glanced up when Duo came in and stuffed the something into his pocket. He didn't stand or even greet Duo. He only seemed mildly relieved to see him.
Duo wet his lips and smiled a little. "Hi, Heero."
Heero looked down to his left, his expression cold and uninviting. Duo had never known Heero to avoid eye contact with anyone before. He sighed and shifted his weight onto his other foot.
"Heero... Why won't you say anything? What's the matter?" he asked slowly.
Heero randomly shivered and wrapped his arms loosely around himself. Duo stepped forward experimentally. Heero, in truth, wasn't exactly thrilled to see his braided "friend". He had yet to figure out why, but he felt betrayed. Ultimately betrayed. He was so angry at Duo for seemingly no reason at all. "It's nothing, Duo," he growled, not looking up.
:: Sometimes I need to remember just to breathe : Sometimes I need you to stay away from me : Sometimes I'm in disbelief, I didn't know : Somehow I need you to go :
Duo swallowed and looked down too. "Did I do something to upset you?" he asked timidly.
Heero sighed slowly and shook his head. "What made you freak out that day?" he inquired vaguely. He assumed Duo would know what he was talking about. He finally raised his ice cold gaze to Duo's eyes.
: Don't stay : Forget our memories : Forget our possibilities : What you were changing me into : Just give me myself back and : Don't stay : Forget our memories : Forget our possibilities : Take all your faithlessness with you : Just give me myself back and : Don't stay :
Duo groaned a little. "Do we really have to talk about that?" he whined.
Heero narrowed his eyes. "Yes, I want to know." He noticed Duo flinch back at his tone. He was suddenly fully aware of the pocketknife pressing against his right hip.
: Sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well : Sometimes I just feel like screaming at myself : Sometimes I'm in disbelief, I didn't know : Somehow I need to be alone :
Shaking his head, Duo sighed and began weakly, "I just saw something that scared me, that's all..." He looked up at Heero hoping that that explanation was enough. Heero continued to stare somewhat expectantly at him, so he continued with another sigh, "When you were sitting there in the sun that day... I... I-" He shut his eyes and shook his head furiously. "Your wings - they were broken and it upset me so I ran away," he finished quickly, staring at the tiles beside his left foot. "That's what it was... Your broken wings..."
: Don't stay : Forget our memories : Forget our possibilities : What you were changing me into : Just give me myself back and : Don't stay : Forget our memories : Forget our possibilities : Take all your faithlessness with you : Just give me myself back and : Don't stay :
Heero surpressed a growl. "You should be used to your hallucinations by now - Didn't you realize that it was just another figment of your imagination?" he lashed. Verbal abuse was Heero's specialty. "Why would you see me with wings, anyway?"
"Why do I see any of it, Heero?!" Duo snapped back. "I don't choose what I see - It just happens! How am I supposed to control it? You seem to know, so please tell me!" he raged on.
: I don't need you anymore, don't want to be ignored : I don't need one more day, of you wasting me away : I don't need you anymore, I don't want to be ignored : I don't need one more day, of you wasting me away : With no apologies :
Heero stood swiftly and glared daggers at Duo. "You know perfectly well that I understand you can't control your hallucinations-"
"Then why are you all up in my face about it?! You can tell me that, can't you?!" Duo clenched his fists in fury and glared back at Heero. But before he could answer, Duo continued, "Why are you so angry at me? What did I do? I called for you in the middle of the night last time I saw you - Did I offend you in some way? I hear you haven't been out of your room or spoken to anyone since that day. Heero, please tell me what I did wrong! I can't fix it if I don't know what it is!"
: Don't stay : Forget our memories : Forget our possibilities : What you were changing me into : Just give me myself back and : Don't stay : Forget our memories : Forget our possibilities : Take all your faithlessness with you : Just give me myself back and : Don't stay : Don't stay : Don't stay ::
"Duo!" Heero stopped him. "You didn't offend me - I know you had a hallucination in the middle of the night and you just needed comforting, so I tried to help. You didn't do anything that I wouldn't do in your place. And if you really need to know why I'm so upset with you - I was worried about you, ok? I thought something bad was going to happen to you." He paused.
Duo's eyes softened. "Why did that upset you?"
"Because I've never worried about anyone like that and I got confused. I didn't want to because that's gotten me into trouble before so I got upset with you. It's because you've become my friend that I worried about you, but I hate where worrying has brought me in the past. I blamed you for it." Heero sighed heavily and leaned into the corner of the room. "Worry is part of what got me here."
"What d'you mean?" Duo stepped forward again.
"You know what I'm here for."
Duo nodded and crossed the room to stand in front of Heero. He slowly reached out and took Heero's left arm and turned it so his wrist was visible. He could feel that Heero was very tense and obviously disliked showing his forearms to others.
"Oh, Heero... How can you do this?" Duo asked on seeing the slightly redder lines that tallied his arm in long, wide strips. The top and most obvious one was at a diagonal from the base of his thumb crossing the blue-tinted lines beneath his skin in three places.
Heero sighed impatiently. "Don't ask - I hate it when people ask me that."
"Do you have an answer to it?"
Heero nodded. "Of course, but even if I tell those who ask, they don't understand. Nobody understands how this is beneficial to me. They don't understand that when I cut, I don't mean to kill..." he trailed off.
"Then what DO you mean to do?" Duo placed his palm over Heero's wrist and held it loosely in his fingers.
Heero looked down somewhat guiltily and muttered, "Bleed."
Duo's solemn and sympathetic expression was what made Heero feel guilty for being what he was. Duo looked down at his pocket where the bulge of the pocketknife was visible. Duo pointed to it, almost touched it, but didn't and asked, "Is that what I think it is?"
"If you think it's a pocketknife, then yes, it is," Heero confirmed. Duo nodded. "But just because I had it doesn't mean I used it, just so you know."
Duo smiled slightly. "Good, because I'd hate to know that you did something like this on my account," he told him, tracing one of his scars.
Heero shook his head. "I may not have any physical marks caused by you, but emotionally, you tore me apart. You really scared me when I came to see you in the middle of the night. They took you away down the hall and I thought I'd never see you again."
"Ah, but what they don't know is that I have them fooled. I should probably still be in that hellhole of a room, but little do they know that I've just been messing with their heads to make them think I'm ok." Duo smiled sadly. "I'm not ok, they just don't see it. Nobody really does."
"You hide it well," Heero pointed out. "Even I can't see what's behind your mask. But sometimes I wish I could. It's not a good thing to keep yourself locked away like that."
"But it can be. For instance - I would still be back in that cell if I hadn't hidden my hysteria away. If I wasn't so determined to stay out of there, I would probably have a nervous breakdown." Duo released Heero's wrist and turned away. "So in that way, you and I are very much alike," he continued, walking slowly across the room towards the door. "Nobody understands us." He stopped at the door and turned back. "Maybe if we're lucky, we'll start to understand each other to make up for it." He smiled and was gone.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Yea, this chapter didn't turn out so hot... Oh well... I suppose that's just how it gets when I force an update out of myself. The bathroom scene was playing out weird in my head and then I needed Heero to get mad and then I needed a REASON for him to get mad... Ack... it was evil.
Alright, Heero did not do anything to himself in case you didn't catch that. And I know the last part of this chapter (mostly what Heero says) was cheesy and sappy and not very good, but deal.
BTW, I was comparing Heero to myself and I know I hate it when people ask me why I cut and everything... I kinda seemed to fit Heero's part in this.
It was kinda funny... Last week when I was reading the last chapter of this story, I was listening to "Unwell" by Matchbox 20, right? Yea, so y'know how the song goes "But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell..." Yea - Right when I read the part where Duo screamed "I'M NOT CRAZY!!!" The song said "I'm not crazy". I laughed for a long time... It was highly amusing...
And Duo is how I see him. I see him as the comic relief - He's there for everyone's amusement, but he doesn't feel so great emotionally. He could have a nervous breakdown if he didn't always want to be the carefree, nothing-can-hurt-me person that I see him as. It's kinda like my poem "My Barrier" the last verse goes like this:
"And if I seem full of life
I'm lying
You can sometimes see it in my eyes
That inside
I'm dying"
I didn't actually mean for that to rhyme... ::sweatdrop:: Anyway! Let's wrap this up, shall we? (I forgot what else I wanted to say, anyway...)
Arigatos:
Shinigami's-Girl - Funfulness... this wasn't really a reply, was it? Heh... Gomen.
Butterfly Hikaru - Moo-haha! He did NOTHING! Hehehehehe.... Aishiteru! ::muah!::
nekomoongirl - Yissssssssss!!!!!!!!! Poor boys... I feel bad for 'em sometimes... sometimes...
kaori-chan - Yep... not soon... but here... Stuff...
Nyxity - Lol, yea, no privacy! Poor boys. Hm... speak in your sleep? Fun... hehehehe....
my-parents-worst-nightmar - Hehehe... Um... Duo is "ok" but yea... Disturbing moment, huh? I get those a lot.
scrtshdfgry (::quirks an eyebrow:: whateva...) - Yea, thanks... ::still wondering about "scrtshdfgry"::
Regina - NO FOREBODING LAST LINE!!!!! Must go back and do it over so there is a foreboding last line!!!!!!! Nah... too much work ::shrugs:: I didn't have my moment... this chapter sucked. Yea, I wasn't gonna have everyone murder me for having Heero... die... ::cough cough::
Nikkler - Fuuuuun... I'm not sayin' much in these...
Hazel-Beka - Yea, "hikari" "yami" gotcha... I like Yu-Gi-Oh ::grins:: I don't follow the storyline, but I watch anyway... And, yes, I do know that it gets addictive... ::cough::
Angel Reid - Yes, I'm SURE I've never been... I don't think... ::shudder:: Maybe I was there, but I just don't remember cuz my parents killed that part of my memory... ::makes up short story with that:: Fun.
Jade Crescent - ::sweatdrop:: Ehh... Weird... Fei killed Duo for touching Nataku... His wife or his gundam? I heard that he named his gundam after his wife sooo.... ::shrugs:: Haha! Fei, she's not an idiot... Don't worry... I say worse things than "bastard", believe me... ::sweatdrop... again::
Oh, and one more last comment (irrelevant, mind you). I read this short book called The Witches of Worm and it's about an evil, possessed cat and he acts all weird. He reminded me so much of Heero! Lemme quote something from it:
'"Look at me!" Jessica demanded with no result. Then she jumped at him suddenly, clapping her hands and making a loud noise. "Ssssst!" she went, almost in his ear.
His reaction was not at all what she had expected. She had only meant to scare him to make him notice her, but instead of jumping and running away, he whirled to face her, and Jessica caught her breath in surprise - almost fear.
He looked so incredibly evil. His large pointed ears were twisted outward and shifted back on the sides of his head until they formed a horned crescent - like the horns of a devil. The long tufts of pale hair at their tips quivered in the light like thin blades of electric fire, and the pupils of his mossy golden eyes had narrowed to slits of darkness.'
Yea, he reminded me so much of Heero! He never makes any noises... Except when he's mad. He hides away all the time, he only comes out when Jessica is alone. He's just evil! ::hisses:: Ok, I'm done now!
Anyway... The song is Nobody's Listening by Linkin' Park. It doesn't really fit as well as some of my previous songs in different fics, but I just thought that some things were good for this chapter. The other song is Don't Stay by Linkin' Park
Warnings: (all the usual: yaoi, gore)
Lifting Curses and Mending Broken Wings
Chapter 4: Understanding is the Key
:: Yo, peep the style and the kids checkin' for it : The number one question is "How could you ignore it?" : And drop right back in the cut : Over basement tracks and rap stack got you backin' us up : Like... Rewind that! : We're just rollin' with the rhythm : Rise from the ashes of stylist division : With these non-stop lyrics and life livin' : Not to be forgotten but still unforgiven : But in the meantime, there are those : Who wanna talk this and that, so I suppose : That it gets to a point where feelings gotta get hurt : And get dirty with the people spreadin' the dirt. It goes... :
Duo sat in his cell room but this time in a straightjacket. His arms were cramping as he sat in the corner on his bed, staring down at his white sheets. He sighed heavily. He was sedated again, but this time he didn't fall asleep. He had too much on his mind.
: Tried to give you warning, but everyone ignores me : Told you everything loud and clear : But nobody's listening : Called to you so clearly, but you don't want to hear me : Told you everything loud and clear : But nobody's listening :
Duo shifted so his legs were folded under him. His movements were slow and sluggish. His limbs felt as though they were filled with lead. Meanwhile, those annoying people in white were watching, bewildered, behind the camera in the corner of Duo's ceiling. They murmured about Duo's ability to stay awake with the sedation that was running through his veins.
: I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress : Handful of anger, Held in my chest : And everything left's a waste of time : I hate my rhymes, but hate everyone else's more : I'm riding on the back of this pressure : Guessin' that it's better, I can't keep myself together : Because all of this stress gave me something to write on : The pain gave me something I could set my sights on : Never forget the blood, sweat, and tears : The uphill struggle over years, the fear and : Trash talking and the people it was to : And the people that started it, just like you :
Duo shut his eyes tightly, trying to will away the drugged, forced sleep that threatened to overwhelm his body. He opened them again and shifted into a more uncomfortable position. But in doing so, he twisted his right leg under his body, sending a jolt of pain through his lower body. That lightning hot pain woke him up fairly well and he groaned impatiently. The drug was affecting his thinking ability and his thoughts kept becoming muddled.
'I have to convince them to let me go back...' he would think at one point and then his thoughts would randomly go fuzzy. Trying to force these fuzzy thoughts away, he would wonder how. 'How am I going to get them to let me out... out... of here...?' It was always at the end that it would go hazy and unclear. He sighed again. He started to think that it might be a good idea to just go to sleep. They would think him normal if he reacted the right way to the drugs.
'Yes...' he thought, letting his weighted eyelids flutter closed. 'I'll do this tomor... Ugh... In the morning.' They wouldn't believe his so-called "rantings" about what he saw and how he had reacted made him lose touch with reality for a little while. This was not a good sign in their eyes. They merely saw him as a crazy adolescent even when he passionately denied it.
: Tried to give you warning, but everyone ignores me : Told you everything loud and clear : But nobody's listening : Called to you so clearly, but you don't want to hear me : Told you everything loud and clear : But nobody's listening :
He tried to tell them what he saw, but he would just start crying again and see something else when they didn't believe him. Well, they said they believed him... But it was painfully obvious that they didn't mean a word of it. If they truly believed him, they would know how to help him and wouldn't stress him out about his "condition".
: I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress : Handful of anger, Held in my chest : Uphill struggle, blood, sweat, and tears : Nothing to gain, everything to fear : Heart full of pain, head full of stress : Handful of anger, Held in my chest : Uphill struggle, blood, sweat, and tears : Nothing to gain, everything to fear : Heart full of pain... :
Duo's head ached and his leg throbbed as he drifted quickly to sleep. There was a tight band around his chest that was robbing him of air. Even in this state, the band would not loosen. And even though his sleep was deep, it was immensely troubled. Duo dreamed of Heero and his wings. His broken wings which filled him with pain each time he thought of them. He once again saw what he had previously seen in his cell. He was subconsciously expecting it, so it really didn't affect him more than a low groan and a forced look away.
: Tried to give you warning, but everyone ignores me : Told you everything loud and clear : But nobody's listening : Called to you so clearly, but you don't want to hear me : Told you everything loud and clear : But nobody's listening :
Once again, the people behind the camera watching Duo were ultimately confused. First, this neurotic teen had held off falling asleep for more than half an hour. Then he had then managed to fall into a light enough sleep to dream. This sedative was well known for its efficiency and ability to launch the one drugged into such a deep sleep that no dream could reach them. Dreams were sometimes bad things for MI patients. They could arouse some horrible thoughts and cause the patient's rehabilitation process thus far to falter and perhaps regress.
But Duo's dreaming now was beyond their control. For the moment.
: I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress : Nobody's listening : Handful of anger, Held in my chest : Nobody's listening : Uphill struggle, blood, sweat, and tears : Nobody's listening : Nothing to gain, everything to fear : Nobody's listening ::
.......................................
Duo smiled slightly and rubbed his arms where the straightjacket had cramped them up. He winced a little as they started to loosen up. He nodded to himself and watched the people in white motion for him to go back into the cell.
He shifted his eyes to the floor and kept the mellow look he'd plastered on when they came so they wouldn't suspect anything. "Um... If it's all the same to you..." he began, wondering if his plan would work or fail miserably. "I'd like to go back to my other room, if that's all right." He looked up hopefully at the three people in front of him. He could see more out of the corner of his eye, but he figured these three would suffice.
The man in the middle sighed and placed his hands on his hips. "I'll tell you what - You stay in here for a little longer while we talk about that and decide on an answer to your request with people who know more about your current condition. We'll come back as soon as we can to let you know." He smiled kindly and nodded towards the cell, indicating that Duo should do as he said.
Duo forced a small smile back. "Thanks," he muttered and trudged into the gray room. He heard the door close and lock behind him and sighed. He sat down on the bed and looked up at the camera that was "hidden" in the corner. He shook his head and leaned back against the wall and pulled his legs up onto the bed.
And here he waited.
.......................................
The guard came back roughly an hour later. There was no clock or anything in his room, so he had no way of knowing for sure how long it had been. When he arrived, he unlocked Duo's cell with a smile on his face. Duo stood in front of the door when he heard the lock click. The man nodded and answered Duo's silent question, "Your request has been accepted. You can go back to your regular room if you wish."
Duo beamed. He thanked the man and was escorted to his room by him. He wanted to see if Wufei was there, but he wasn't. The man left and Duo went to the recreation room. He found Wufei, Quatre, and Trowa there. They were lounging and talking and as Duo approached, Wufei nearly fell out of his chair.
Laughing, Duo took a seat next to him. "Hey, guys. How've ya been?" he asked happily.
Quatre avoided eye contact with Duo and muttered a "Fine..." while Trowa shrugged. Wufei stared at Duo in disbelief and didn't answer.
"So, um... Where's Heero?" Duo tried not to sound too urgent. He just wanted to see Heero safe (again) after his hallucination. He grew confused and a bit worried when no one would answer nor look him in the eye. "What? Where is he? He's ok, isn't he?"
Wufei sighed and decided not to ask about Duo's little trip to the other section of the institution. "He's fine, but it's just that he hasn't come out of his room since the night after you were transferred to the other side of the building." Wufei's euphemism was clear enough.
That night he spoke of was only the night before last. Duo had been in that straightjacket and was kept sedated for the next day and night after seeing Heero.
Wufei rubbed his forehead. "Well, he DID come out, but you know... Just for things he had to. Meetings, meals, and whatever else. He hasn't said anything to us, either."
"How do you know he hasn't come out otherwise?" Duo wondered aloud.
Wufei nodded to Quatre. "He's Heero's roomie." The nervous blonde nodded in confirmation.
"Well... Have any of you been to see him or anything?" Duo wanted to know. On seeing all three of them shake their heads, he stood and walked briskly from the room toward Heero's and Quatre's room.
Arriving there, he hesitated before knocking on the closed door. He didn't hear an answer, but the room doors can't lock from the inside, so he opened the door slowly. "Heero?" he called in softly. He looked around the small room. The two beds were made and the place was surprisingly cleaner than Duo's and Wufei's room. Duo peered around again as he stepped into the middle of the room. He then noticed the bathroom door was only slightly ajar.
"Heero?" he called again. He could feel his heart beating in his chest. 'What if something happened to him? What if he did something to himself?!' he thought with rapidly growing panic. He dreaded to look inside. He reached out his hand and pushed the door, making it swing open slowly. He braced himself and stepped in.
He sighed in relief when he saw Heero merely sitting in a corner of the tiled room staring coldly at something in his hand. He glanced up when Duo came in and stuffed the something into his pocket. He didn't stand or even greet Duo. He only seemed mildly relieved to see him.
Duo wet his lips and smiled a little. "Hi, Heero."
Heero looked down to his left, his expression cold and uninviting. Duo had never known Heero to avoid eye contact with anyone before. He sighed and shifted his weight onto his other foot.
"Heero... Why won't you say anything? What's the matter?" he asked slowly.
Heero randomly shivered and wrapped his arms loosely around himself. Duo stepped forward experimentally. Heero, in truth, wasn't exactly thrilled to see his braided "friend". He had yet to figure out why, but he felt betrayed. Ultimately betrayed. He was so angry at Duo for seemingly no reason at all. "It's nothing, Duo," he growled, not looking up.
:: Sometimes I need to remember just to breathe : Sometimes I need you to stay away from me : Sometimes I'm in disbelief, I didn't know : Somehow I need you to go :
Duo swallowed and looked down too. "Did I do something to upset you?" he asked timidly.
Heero sighed slowly and shook his head. "What made you freak out that day?" he inquired vaguely. He assumed Duo would know what he was talking about. He finally raised his ice cold gaze to Duo's eyes.
: Don't stay : Forget our memories : Forget our possibilities : What you were changing me into : Just give me myself back and : Don't stay : Forget our memories : Forget our possibilities : Take all your faithlessness with you : Just give me myself back and : Don't stay :
Duo groaned a little. "Do we really have to talk about that?" he whined.
Heero narrowed his eyes. "Yes, I want to know." He noticed Duo flinch back at his tone. He was suddenly fully aware of the pocketknife pressing against his right hip.
: Sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well : Sometimes I just feel like screaming at myself : Sometimes I'm in disbelief, I didn't know : Somehow I need to be alone :
Shaking his head, Duo sighed and began weakly, "I just saw something that scared me, that's all..." He looked up at Heero hoping that that explanation was enough. Heero continued to stare somewhat expectantly at him, so he continued with another sigh, "When you were sitting there in the sun that day... I... I-" He shut his eyes and shook his head furiously. "Your wings - they were broken and it upset me so I ran away," he finished quickly, staring at the tiles beside his left foot. "That's what it was... Your broken wings..."
: Don't stay : Forget our memories : Forget our possibilities : What you were changing me into : Just give me myself back and : Don't stay : Forget our memories : Forget our possibilities : Take all your faithlessness with you : Just give me myself back and : Don't stay :
Heero surpressed a growl. "You should be used to your hallucinations by now - Didn't you realize that it was just another figment of your imagination?" he lashed. Verbal abuse was Heero's specialty. "Why would you see me with wings, anyway?"
"Why do I see any of it, Heero?!" Duo snapped back. "I don't choose what I see - It just happens! How am I supposed to control it? You seem to know, so please tell me!" he raged on.
: I don't need you anymore, don't want to be ignored : I don't need one more day, of you wasting me away : I don't need you anymore, I don't want to be ignored : I don't need one more day, of you wasting me away : With no apologies :
Heero stood swiftly and glared daggers at Duo. "You know perfectly well that I understand you can't control your hallucinations-"
"Then why are you all up in my face about it?! You can tell me that, can't you?!" Duo clenched his fists in fury and glared back at Heero. But before he could answer, Duo continued, "Why are you so angry at me? What did I do? I called for you in the middle of the night last time I saw you - Did I offend you in some way? I hear you haven't been out of your room or spoken to anyone since that day. Heero, please tell me what I did wrong! I can't fix it if I don't know what it is!"
: Don't stay : Forget our memories : Forget our possibilities : What you were changing me into : Just give me myself back and : Don't stay : Forget our memories : Forget our possibilities : Take all your faithlessness with you : Just give me myself back and : Don't stay : Don't stay : Don't stay ::
"Duo!" Heero stopped him. "You didn't offend me - I know you had a hallucination in the middle of the night and you just needed comforting, so I tried to help. You didn't do anything that I wouldn't do in your place. And if you really need to know why I'm so upset with you - I was worried about you, ok? I thought something bad was going to happen to you." He paused.
Duo's eyes softened. "Why did that upset you?"
"Because I've never worried about anyone like that and I got confused. I didn't want to because that's gotten me into trouble before so I got upset with you. It's because you've become my friend that I worried about you, but I hate where worrying has brought me in the past. I blamed you for it." Heero sighed heavily and leaned into the corner of the room. "Worry is part of what got me here."
"What d'you mean?" Duo stepped forward again.
"You know what I'm here for."
Duo nodded and crossed the room to stand in front of Heero. He slowly reached out and took Heero's left arm and turned it so his wrist was visible. He could feel that Heero was very tense and obviously disliked showing his forearms to others.
"Oh, Heero... How can you do this?" Duo asked on seeing the slightly redder lines that tallied his arm in long, wide strips. The top and most obvious one was at a diagonal from the base of his thumb crossing the blue-tinted lines beneath his skin in three places.
Heero sighed impatiently. "Don't ask - I hate it when people ask me that."
"Do you have an answer to it?"
Heero nodded. "Of course, but even if I tell those who ask, they don't understand. Nobody understands how this is beneficial to me. They don't understand that when I cut, I don't mean to kill..." he trailed off.
"Then what DO you mean to do?" Duo placed his palm over Heero's wrist and held it loosely in his fingers.
Heero looked down somewhat guiltily and muttered, "Bleed."
Duo's solemn and sympathetic expression was what made Heero feel guilty for being what he was. Duo looked down at his pocket where the bulge of the pocketknife was visible. Duo pointed to it, almost touched it, but didn't and asked, "Is that what I think it is?"
"If you think it's a pocketknife, then yes, it is," Heero confirmed. Duo nodded. "But just because I had it doesn't mean I used it, just so you know."
Duo smiled slightly. "Good, because I'd hate to know that you did something like this on my account," he told him, tracing one of his scars.
Heero shook his head. "I may not have any physical marks caused by you, but emotionally, you tore me apart. You really scared me when I came to see you in the middle of the night. They took you away down the hall and I thought I'd never see you again."
"Ah, but what they don't know is that I have them fooled. I should probably still be in that hellhole of a room, but little do they know that I've just been messing with their heads to make them think I'm ok." Duo smiled sadly. "I'm not ok, they just don't see it. Nobody really does."
"You hide it well," Heero pointed out. "Even I can't see what's behind your mask. But sometimes I wish I could. It's not a good thing to keep yourself locked away like that."
"But it can be. For instance - I would still be back in that cell if I hadn't hidden my hysteria away. If I wasn't so determined to stay out of there, I would probably have a nervous breakdown." Duo released Heero's wrist and turned away. "So in that way, you and I are very much alike," he continued, walking slowly across the room towards the door. "Nobody understands us." He stopped at the door and turned back. "Maybe if we're lucky, we'll start to understand each other to make up for it." He smiled and was gone.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Yea, this chapter didn't turn out so hot... Oh well... I suppose that's just how it gets when I force an update out of myself. The bathroom scene was playing out weird in my head and then I needed Heero to get mad and then I needed a REASON for him to get mad... Ack... it was evil.
Alright, Heero did not do anything to himself in case you didn't catch that. And I know the last part of this chapter (mostly what Heero says) was cheesy and sappy and not very good, but deal.
BTW, I was comparing Heero to myself and I know I hate it when people ask me why I cut and everything... I kinda seemed to fit Heero's part in this.
It was kinda funny... Last week when I was reading the last chapter of this story, I was listening to "Unwell" by Matchbox 20, right? Yea, so y'know how the song goes "But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell..." Yea - Right when I read the part where Duo screamed "I'M NOT CRAZY!!!" The song said "I'm not crazy". I laughed for a long time... It was highly amusing...
And Duo is how I see him. I see him as the comic relief - He's there for everyone's amusement, but he doesn't feel so great emotionally. He could have a nervous breakdown if he didn't always want to be the carefree, nothing-can-hurt-me person that I see him as. It's kinda like my poem "My Barrier" the last verse goes like this:
"And if I seem full of life
I'm lying
You can sometimes see it in my eyes
That inside
I'm dying"
I didn't actually mean for that to rhyme... ::sweatdrop:: Anyway! Let's wrap this up, shall we? (I forgot what else I wanted to say, anyway...)
Arigatos:
Shinigami's-Girl - Funfulness... this wasn't really a reply, was it? Heh... Gomen.
Butterfly Hikaru - Moo-haha! He did NOTHING! Hehehehehe.... Aishiteru! ::muah!::
nekomoongirl - Yissssssssss!!!!!!!!! Poor boys... I feel bad for 'em sometimes... sometimes...
kaori-chan - Yep... not soon... but here... Stuff...
Nyxity - Lol, yea, no privacy! Poor boys. Hm... speak in your sleep? Fun... hehehehe....
my-parents-worst-nightmar - Hehehe... Um... Duo is "ok" but yea... Disturbing moment, huh? I get those a lot.
scrtshdfgry (::quirks an eyebrow:: whateva...) - Yea, thanks... ::still wondering about "scrtshdfgry"::
Regina - NO FOREBODING LAST LINE!!!!! Must go back and do it over so there is a foreboding last line!!!!!!! Nah... too much work ::shrugs:: I didn't have my moment... this chapter sucked. Yea, I wasn't gonna have everyone murder me for having Heero... die... ::cough cough::
Nikkler - Fuuuuun... I'm not sayin' much in these...
Hazel-Beka - Yea, "hikari" "yami" gotcha... I like Yu-Gi-Oh ::grins:: I don't follow the storyline, but I watch anyway... And, yes, I do know that it gets addictive... ::cough::
Angel Reid - Yes, I'm SURE I've never been... I don't think... ::shudder:: Maybe I was there, but I just don't remember cuz my parents killed that part of my memory... ::makes up short story with that:: Fun.
Jade Crescent - ::sweatdrop:: Ehh... Weird... Fei killed Duo for touching Nataku... His wife or his gundam? I heard that he named his gundam after his wife sooo.... ::shrugs:: Haha! Fei, she's not an idiot... Don't worry... I say worse things than "bastard", believe me... ::sweatdrop... again::
Oh, and one more last comment (irrelevant, mind you). I read this short book called The Witches of Worm and it's about an evil, possessed cat and he acts all weird. He reminded me so much of Heero! Lemme quote something from it:
'"Look at me!" Jessica demanded with no result. Then she jumped at him suddenly, clapping her hands and making a loud noise. "Ssssst!" she went, almost in his ear.
His reaction was not at all what she had expected. She had only meant to scare him to make him notice her, but instead of jumping and running away, he whirled to face her, and Jessica caught her breath in surprise - almost fear.
He looked so incredibly evil. His large pointed ears were twisted outward and shifted back on the sides of his head until they formed a horned crescent - like the horns of a devil. The long tufts of pale hair at their tips quivered in the light like thin blades of electric fire, and the pupils of his mossy golden eyes had narrowed to slits of darkness.'
Yea, he reminded me so much of Heero! He never makes any noises... Except when he's mad. He hides away all the time, he only comes out when Jessica is alone. He's just evil! ::hisses:: Ok, I'm done now!