It was kinda fun answering reviews last time so I'm doing it again now.  I answer questions and respond to comments so send 'em!

Seraph Reaver: Coming up with what's wrong with Yami should be interesting, since it's not the baby thing. I have no idea what could be the matter unless it's like Bakura said, something beyond what they are aware of. The Puzzle seems to be the only thing that comes to mind, which is probably what everyone else is thinking. So, be mean and make us wait and throw us for loops or something. It's always fun to throw loops at readers *nods*

Borath: Oh.  I intend to.  You're the first person who hasn't begged to be told what the heck is going on you know.  Nice one.  You write too.  If I hadn't already read a fic by you I would know from that paragraph of typing.


SR: Keeps em coming back for more. Ok, so you already have them coming back for more, but be a meanie as well. Mislead us, let us think we have something figured out and throw something at us we aren't expecting ;B

B: Scroll down.


SR: By the way, I've got a friend who loves you work and is dying to see a Harry Potter fic from you.

B: Well, I started one and it's posted (as an abandoned one for anyone to pick up) but I'm not in that 'mode' (firmly entrenched in Yu-Gi-Oh) so don't expect any.  Nice to know I'm liked though!

B: (To Crystal Starr) Go for it!  Make Yami a female in your own fic and thanks for being polite enough to let me know instead of just doing it. 

Pachelbell: So, when are Yami and Bakura going to join the Mile High club? *wink wink, nudge nudge*

B: The what?!  I'm young and innocent (snorts) so a translation is needed there.  Excuse my ignorance and stupidity.

Kiyoshi-neko:: *sigh* well anywho my idea is that .......um..........hehe.....you could. make them have some sorta fight.......cause you know their relationship cant be this easy going the whole time........

B:I don't think it's easy going!  Thanks for the idea though.  I had already planned a fight but credit is due.  Been scratching around my brain when I'm not looking have you?

On with the fic!

Recriminations

Yami still isn't well and I'm really starting to get worried now.  Before it was a little niggle of anxiety wherein I knew that nothing was *really* wrong with him but now I'm thinking there is *something* and it's a pretty bad something at that.  He's a good few shades paler than usual all the time now and his strength is practically gone.  Medically he's fine and I spent three hours scanning through the magical conduits in the Puzzle with my Ring yesterday so the problem doesn't lie there.

It's really bugging me that I can't figure this out now. 

I decided that his ailment was magical so a trip to the Shadow Realm was required, pulling both of our essences there myself to save him the strain.  We've been wandering around this void now for a good few hours but time cannot exactly be judged in this place so I can't be sure.  Time is a concept but with the dimensional variations and sheer magic bouncing around here, trying to figure out how much time has passed will make your head explode.

"Do you sense anything?" Yami asks tiredly.  He doesn't seem as fatigued here as in the physical realm, the magic here supporting his essence and his strength saved from not having a real body to move.

I shake me head as I do another complete turn about myself.  I honestly have no idea what we're looking for here but I know that there will be a metaphysical manifestation of whatever is making Yami like this.  Yamis in general are tied to the Shadow Realm on many levels and if something is wrong in the body or mind of a yami then it will be represented here in some form.  We could be looking for anything; from a fountain of blood to a polka-dot rabbit. 

I hear a grunt of pain and I feel something tighten as I see Yami doubled over with his hand fisted in the material of his jacket.  Looking up at me with crimson slits for eyes, he looks off in front of him and points vaguely with his hand.  "Over there," he bites out between clenched teeth.

He'd reject any help I offer him so I leave him to deal with the pain on his own, knowing that if he approaches whatever I'm walking towards it'll only get worse for him. 

Checking over my shoulder rather obviously every few seconds, I nearly fall into the huge pit headfirst, stopping when I realise that my toes aren't on anything solid and leaning back instinctually.  I land rather spectacularly on my arse but it's better than falling through nothingness for all eternity.

Hmm.  A pit in what can just about be identified as the floor.  There's a damn good chance that this is the problem.  Something in the Shadow Realm is draining his strength directly from him perhaps?  Or this could be a symbol of something else.  I have no idea.  Damnit.  A rabbit I could figure out but a hole of nothingness *inside* nothingness is a brain-bruiser.

/There's a huge hole in the ground over here/ I send back through the bond, using the open link to check on how he's doing at the same time.  The pain seems to have receded meaning that he's retreated a few steps away from both the huge hole and me.  It really is a huge hole too; twelve odd meters in diameter, but measurements are like time here; you don't have a hope in hell of realistically estimating them.

/An energy-drainer?/

He just had my idea.  /I reckon so.  Do you want to leave now?  Now that I know where it is I can come back and look at it a bit more on my own/

/That sounds good/

Not bothering to walk back to him, I capture both of our spirits and snap us back to the physical world.  His stance is unsteady after we're both dumped back into our bodies and I have to grab his midsection to keep him upright.  He squeezes my forearms to show me that my concern is appreciated but unnecessary and steps back.  I let him but don't take my eyes off of him in case he's overestimating his strength again.

He did that yesterday.  After I was through examining every aspect of the Puzzle, which gave me one bitch of a headache and made him woozy, another stupid word there, I handed him a jug of water so that he could help himself to a drink.  He took the weight of the jug after assuring me that he wasn't feeling *that* weak and calling me a mother hen and ended up floored.  He was fine after a few minutes but it was scary seeing him like that.

/I'm going to sort out something for us to eat, all right?  I'll be back in a few minutes/

/Leave the pans alone.  I don't want to have to peel you off the oven today/

He scowls at me mildly before moving into the kitchen, leaving me on my own in the living room.  Exhaling heavily, I bury my hands in my hair and pull hard in a vain attempt to distract my mind from all the depressing thoughts that are trying to get to the surface.

I fail miserably.

That pit in the Shadow Realm was definitely linked to Yami; I could feel the ties between them when I nearly fell in and it wouldn't have had that drastic an affect on him if there weren't a relation.  I think we're on the right track in believing that it's draining his strength as that seems to be the core problem with him.  The question now is what do we do to fix it?  I can't exactly take a spade and fill it.

Damnit I feel useless.  We're supposed to be able to help each other and I can't do anything here.  He's getting worse and after looking into that hole I don't want to speculate on how *much* worse he *could* get. 

The doorbell rings and it mercifully distracts me from my musings, allowing me some respite as I move admittedly sluggishly to answer it.  Ryou?  Why the hell is he ringing the *bell*?  He lives here!  Uh oh.  He looks bad.  Worried.  Scared.  That's his 'I've done something that you're not going to like and are about to find out about' look.  I hate that look.

He looks so scared of me that it makes me cringe a little internally and I say nothing as I step aside to let him inside.  Normally that expression would annoy me but make me feel a swell of pride in my own abilities, but now that Yami's softening me up I feel rotten.

"Yami?" he begins hesitantly without looking at me.  I turn in a slow circle to face him from where he's darted around me into the living room.  He's now sat on the sofa and staring at the floor.  Soft brown eyes rise to meet mine as I stride over to sit on the coffee table directly in front of him, levelling my significantly harder gaze on him.

"What?"

"You told me to tell you when I, um…"

Oh.  I get it.  I don't let my expression change in the slightest as I cotton on; merely continue to watch him carefully.  About a year ago I practically ordered him to tell me when he started to have sex with anyone.  I had different reasons for that back then; Ryou is *my* Hikari which makes him *mine* and I didn't exactly like the idea of sharing what was mine back then.  I don't feel like that anymore but I still want him to tell me these things so I can make sure that he's all right and being safe.

What?!  If I don't do this then who else is going to?  His bloody father is off out of the country more times than he is *in* it so Ryou can't exactly talk to him, which leaves me.  I can tell by the look in his eyes that he'd rather be having this conversation with something that was about to gut him rather than me, but he's plucked up the courage to tell me so I'm pleased with him.  Coming to think of it, he probably thinks that *I'm* to gut him.

I can absently hear Yami pottering about in the kitchen but this is demanding my attention now.  For some reason I'm finding this very hard to deal with, but I'll be damned if I show that.  It's nothing sappy like 'my little Ryou is all grown up' or something stupidly judgemental along the lines of 'you're too young'.  He can do what the hell he likes.  It's…  By Ra I don't know. 

I've had him in a certain frame of mind for years and I was happy with him fitting into that little mould.  I've tried to make him stronger and although my methods weren't exactly pleasant, I've made him stand up for himself.  I did that.  I did that to him and made sure that the mould still fit.  Where does a mould come into this again?  Metaphor I think.  Bollocks to it I'll try to sort my head out before I start the fan-fucking-tastic task of questioning Ryou.

I find that I can't look at Ryou the same way now as I watch him.  He's squirming again, wondering what's going on in my head.  You don't want to know kid; you and your sanity are safer out of my head right now. 

I'm his yami.  It's my job to look after him.  I don't do it particularly well but I defend him from other people so I think I can be called a guardian of sorts.  Now, someone else is going to look after him instead of me and I'm not entirely sure what I think of that.  I'm a possessive bugger but I can't change that now.  I think I can deal with it given time.  Urgh.  I do not want details here.  I don't.  This is my hikari.  Ick.

I nod slightly to show that I know what he's talking about after I think that I have my mind in some sort of functioning order.  "Who's the lucky girl?"

A light blush comes up over his cheeks and his nose twitches as he looks down.  A guy then.  Interesting.  I'm unsettled that I didn't know this before but I have had other things on my mind recently so I think I can be excused.  I notice that I'm clenching my fists together under my chin when I follow his fearful gaze to them, surprised that I had done that unconsciously and loosening my grip a little so that my knuckles aren't white. 

A question and answer session is the only way that I'm going to be able to cope with this.

"When?"

"Last night."

And he came to me right away and told me.  Good; very obedient.

"Who?"

A pause.  That isn't good.  "You know him."

He's going to wish I didn't. 

Damnit!  I thought I was handling this!  I'm supposed to be fine with this; it isn't that big a deal.  So why am I feeling the strong urge to pummel something?  Apparently protective instincts are kicking in big time.

"Who?" I bite out, frowning as my voice sounds a bit like a growl.  Trying to soften my tone, or make it as soft as I can ever get my voice to be, I force some of the muscles in my face to relax.  "I won't do anything.  I just need to know who.  Tell me."

There's a long pause before he speaks in a strong voice, obviously having used the period of silence to gather up his courage.  "Yugi."

Well.  I feel like someone just hit me.  Mindless anger bubbles up before I can stop it and I have to stand and move away from Ryou for his sake.  Breathe in and breathe out.  Repeat.  Right.  I can deal with this. 

Glancing over my shoulder I see Ryou watching me anxiously still not having moved from the sofa and feel my stomach tighten.  I was wrong.  I can't deal with this.  I hope he knows why I can't because I sure as hell don't.  Damnit he's *mine* to look after!  No-one else's!  I protected him from the real world and made a point to prepare him for it for when I took away the buffer.  And he goes off and does something like this!

/Bakura?  Your end of the bond is on fire.  What's wrong?/

Deftly ignoring Yami, I take to walking stiffly back to face Ryou only this time I keep the coffee table between us and remain on my feet. 

Right.  This is okay.  Yugi is an okay kid and Yami's hikari so I can keep a close eye on him and make very sure that he doesn't hurt Ryou.  This is all right.  This is normal.  A part of growing up.  I will now open my mouth, state that I'm happy for him and then walk *away*.

Okay.  Here goes.

"What the bloody hell were you thinking?!  Damnit!  You and him and the-damnit Ryou!"

Hmm.  Where in the heck did that come from?  I actually surprised myself more than I did Ryou just then. 

He stands now and stares up at me, his eyes narrowing slightly and I can tell I touched a nerve.  He's never looked at me like that before.  Ordinarily I'd be proud but now is not a good time for me to feel any emotions like that. 

"We care a lot about each other and he won't ever hurt me.  You don't need to worry about me anymore," he tells me.  Tells.  Not implores.  *Tells*.

I try again for the understanding and the happiness crap but my mouth gets there before my brain can make the words.

"But why did you have to sleep with him?!"

Urgh.  What a stupid question but my mind is scrambling and my emotions have gone doolally.  I am *not* dealing with this well at all.  I'm having the strange urge to laugh hysterically now.  I don't know if that's better or worse than the urge to beat something into a bloody pulp, watch it for a few minutes and then kill it.  Worse I think.  Yes.  Laughing for me is worse than getting my hands bloodied.

"*What* is your problem Yami?  I don't feel anything but happiness about this and I think that you're just trying to make things difficult."

You're way off the mark there, Ryou.  My thoughtless emotional side is making things difficult.  Not me.  "It's not that at all-"

"Then what?" he demands now, appearing an entirely different person to the shy, soft-spoken teen I knew a few minutes ago.  "How is this any different to you and Yami-Yugi?"

"Don't you *dare* start trying to compare yourself to us," I bite out dangerously.  I hate people intruding on our business and that's what this feels like.  "We're entirely different people Ryou and you have no idea of what is going on.  You couldn't.  You're gentle and beautiful.  I'm a killer and a thief.  For all *you* could know he's just another notch in my bedpost."

There's a long silence as he stares at me in shock and it takes me a few moments to figure out that he's not looking at me but *past* me.  Oh bollocks.  Yami.

Twisting slowly and praying that he didn't just hear that, I feel my throat constrict and my skin freeze as I see him standing against the counter through the door in the kitchen.  He isn't looking at me, his head bowed slightly as he rests his weight through his hands that are braced against the counter-top.  I don't see any anger.  It's worse; he looks…  Tired?  Defeated? 

Turning on his heel, he doesn't look at me at all as he walks out of the kitchen and out of my line of sight.  I hear the door shut quietly behind him as he leaves and then the most terrible feeling that I have ever experienced slams into me.

He closes the bond between us entirely. 

We shield from each other but we've never put up a solid barrier *against* each other.  Even when we aren't in each other's heads we can still feel each other; we can feel a presence.  But now I don't even have that.  A numbing coldness sweeps through me, barren and reflecting my guilt and pain around and back at me.  The intensity of it makes my knees go and I drop back onto the sofa opposite Ryou weakly. 

He can obviously sense my distress and almost moves around the table to offer me comfort but wisely stops as he picks up another emotion rapidly surging through me.  I haven't felt this angry in a while; I wasn't *this* angry when I was shouting at Ryou just now.  This is a dangerous kind of angry and I need to get away from my hikari before I turn on him.  I don't think I could restrain myself this worked up and I could seriously harm him.   Or worse.

This isn't his fault.  It's mine.  *I'm* the one that I want to beat now.  Shaking from the sheer force of it, I am dismayed to feel it starting to invade the emptiness that the loss of the bond has left me with.  I stand and walk blindly past Ryou, out through the main entrance to the house. 

I'm at a complete loss as to what to do.  Yami's hurting and I can't let him believe what I said too long or there will be no hope of repairing the damage done between us.  But I'm hurting just as badly, possibly worse considering, and I would likely do something stupid if I went after him now.  I need to calm down.  Gather my thoughts.  Get my sanity back and my temper under control. 

I can feel that Ryou is worried now; worried about what I'm going to do.  I'm worried about that too.  I know what I'm capable of when I'm this tightly coiled. 

Standing outside, I can feel the weight of the sodden air pressing against me, making it difficult to breathe.  I wish that it were raining.  Water is always soothing and watching a storm would probably calm me down.

Trembling, I look around at my surroundings and find my eyes lingering on the house.  A bitter taste in my mouth and a stinging behind my eyes, I walk around to the side of the house and climb up onto the protruding bit on the side, the place that Yami and I first acknowledged the bond's existence.

My hands clenched into fists I lean back against the wall and bring my knees up close to me body.  The anger is fading a little but it leaves harrowing coldness in its place and the conflicting emotions make me want to retch.  Clenching my hands into my hair, I press my forehead into my knees and take long, measured breaths. 

I don't notice that I'm crying until the dampness spreads through my trousers and the chill of the air touches it.  I don't care about that though; no-one can see or reach me up here so I'm free to look and be as pathetic as I bloody well need to be.

The anger is just about gone now and all I'm left with is pain and misery.  What the hell am I going to do now?  Without the bond I can't find him.  I have to though.  I need him.  I have to fix this.  I fucked this up and I can't let it stay like this.

I *will* fix this.

****

Right.  This is officially the first part of this 'multi-chaptered-one-shot' that will *require* a next chapter.  Bear with me because the nature of this ending makes things rather difficult and I know that the next part is going to be a challenge.  Praise and advice are highly sought.  Please appreciate my efforts of writing this entire chapter inside of two days.  Thanks.