Working to calm himself, Duo lead the other two Preventer agents into Relena's office building. They passed through the entrance hall and Duo was glad they had decided to go ahead with the arrest. If they had waited until the conference to catch him then, or arranged a sting operation, things wouldn't go as smoothly as they were about to go. Besides, it wasn't as though they needed to get the whole group in one place. They had an extensive list compiled from clues and sketches Kaden was able to provide them.
His mind, however, began to drift and race with a million thoughts, all centered around seeing Heero and Relena again. He was scared as to how he would react to seeing Heero again. After the talk with the woman on the shuttle back to Earth, Duo had been thinking about Heero more than ever, thinking about how maybe he was making a mistake. He pushed the thought away as he had endless times now. He was tired of feeling stupid and guilty and more than anything, he was sick of feeling like he was making mistake after mistake. First he thought he had made a mistake in being with Heero in the first place, then the idea that staying away from the man was a mistake… he didn't know what to think and thinking that he was a fool wasn't helping him any.
Quieting his mind, he focused on his present task. He had to find Malum.
As the three Preventers entered the lobby, their boots clopped against the marble floor, causing the receptionist to look up and smile at Duo.
"Hello Mr. Maxwell," the young woman greeted, brushing her long brown hair away from her face, "Here to see Mr. Yuy?"
Duo shook his head, mentally noting that Heero apparently hadn't told anyone about their break up, even though it had been over two months ago. "No," he replied, looking at her with serious eyes, "I'm working." He reached into his coat pocket and took out his badge, flashing his picture at the woman. "I'm here on behalf of the Preventers; can you tell us where Advisor Malum is?"
The girl's face visibly paled but she managed to stumble out an answer. "He's in the conference room with Miss Darlian and…"
"Thank you," Duo said quickly. He turned and nodded at the other two agents before walking across the large lobby and through two large oak doors.
"Wait!" the receptionist called after them, "You can't go in there!"
But it was too late. Duo quickly found the conference room, easily remembering the building's layout from his last visit. He peaked through the small window in the door, seeing Malum standing while half a dozen other officials sat and listened. Instantly, he noted Relena and Heero's position in the room. He instantly repressed any feelings that arose, noting that now was not the time to think about his personal life.
He mentally routed a way around the gathered official to get to Malum as fast as possible, should the older man decide to run. Looking at his partners, he nodded and they both took out their guns. Duo felt his gun against his side, the nose resting in the holster around his waist, ready to be grabbed when needed.
In one swift motion, Duo opened the doors and entered the room. The sudden bursting open of the doors called their attention and each of the officials looked up with wide eyes to star at Duo. Their bodies tensed when they saw the other agents with their guns raised, pointing at their chief advisor. Heero's lightning reflexes had him on his feet, battle positioned and gun held out in less than a second. His eyes widened when he saw who had opened the doors and the gun slowly lowered as he realized the intruders were of no threat to his boss, though the idea of Duo there to kill Relena did pass his mind. That couldn't be it though, he had other Preventer agents with him.
Duo's eyes briefly passed over Heero, then over Relena, a slight pang of familiar pain stinging him in the gut. Despite the fact that he would gladly leave Relena and Heero to anyone who wanted to kill them, it was his job to protect every citizen and make sure that their peace was retained. If that meant he had to kill a part of himself while saving those who betrayed him, so be it.
Brenn Malum gaped at the three agents in the doorway, confusion and slight fear covering his features.
"Brenn Malum," Duo said firmly as he walked to stand next to the man, "You are under arrest for the attempted assassination of global leaders, the possession of illegal arms and the organizing of an illegal terrorist organization."
The two other Preventer agents followed Duo closely, their guns aimed at Malum and eyes watching for sudden movements. As Duo laid a hand on the older man, he took the handcuff out of his pocket and worked to get them on Malum's wrists.
"What is the meaning of this?!" Relena demanded, stepping forward to emphasize her words.
"I… I don't know, Ms. Darlian, I…" Malum stuttered as he was handcuffed, his face turning red in embarrassment and fear.
"You have the right to remain silent," Duo began. "Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to be speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you--"
"Duo! What are you doing?!" Relena asked, her voice raising to a yell.
Duo looked up at her, his features hardening as he worked to keep his emotions under control. "I am arresting a terrorist, Ms. Darlian. Step aside."
Relena now positioned herself between Duo and the doorway, preventing him and the other two agents from leaving with her advisor. Heero remained at his post near the wall, in front of the chair he had abandoned moments ago. His eyes were fixed on Duo though he said nothing.
"I demand you tell me what is going on!" Relena shouted.
"I am helping you, now step aside!" Duo ordered, his voice raising to match Relena's in volume. The tension in his body tightened his muscles, causing them to twinge in pain. The anxiety coursed through his veins as he stared into Relena's dark eyes.
The girl didn't move and Duo's anger got the best of him. Before he could stop himself, his gun was raised and aimed directly in between Relena's eyes. The brown orbs widened as the fear rushed over the girl and Duo cheered inwardly. The room froze and there was dead silence. "Step aside," he repeated decisively, his voice lowering to a dangerous and threatening whisper.
The room was silent again and everyone stared at Duo, wondering what he was thinking. The two Preventer agents gaped at their superior but did nothing. Heero's grip on his gun tightened but he couldn't bring himself to raise it; he knew Duo was no threat, that he wouldn't hurt the girl.
Relena finally relented and stepped aside. Eyes blazing, Duo moved past her, pushing Malum out of the room.
He suddenly stopped, halfway through the door, and turned. "Mark!"
One of the Preventer agent's head snapped up. "Sir?"
"Get access to Malum's office and search his files for any evidence."
The agent nodded and Duo turned back around, leading Malum out of the building.
= = =
He gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were white with the strain. He stared out his side window, gazing at the house he hadn't seen in almost two months.
The tan house rose out of the ground in an ominous way, leaning over the driveway like an accusing parent. Duo found that the windows weren't as bright as he remembered them and the house itself wasn't as welcoming. He could tell the grass hadn't been cut, nor had the leaves been raked. Brown leaves sprinkled the yard and ornamented the roof, giving the building the appearance of an old haunted house.
Earl sat in the back seat, pawing at the door handle, sticking his head out the window and whimpering to get out. He hadn't seen his home in too long and he was eager to go and remark his territory. He also remembered the person in the house, the one he had bonded so well with. He continued to scratch at the door, ready to run at the house and be greeted by his missing parent.
Duo ignored the animal and continued to stare at the house. You have to go, he told himself. But his legs wouldn't listen. After sitting in the rental car, parked on the side of the street for nearly twenty minutes, he managed to make his way to the front door. It was another long moment before he gathered the courage to knock.
At first there was no answer and for a second Duo's courage faltered. He turned to run back to the car, but the door opened and Duo found himself staring at the object of his torment. His eyes traveled hungrily up and down Heero's body and moving up to his face to gape at the face he had recently only seen in his nightmares. Heero returned the silent gaze, a look of slight shock on his face. His eyes were sunken in, the area around them dark from lack of sleep. He was dressed in a white tank top and loose sweat pants. It was apparently his day off.
Heero stepped forward, his eyes wide but with no surprise, and reached out a desperate hand. "Duo…"
Taking in a deep breath, Duo slowly released it and looked at him, trying urgently to suppress the pain and anxiety that was building in his chest. "Hi. I just came to get the rest of my stuff…"
Heero's eyes suddenly dulled and the spark that had appeared moments ago was lost again. "Oh." He lowered his gaze and blinked at the concrete sidewalk for a few seconds before raising his gaze to look Duo in the eye. "All right." He turned and Duo followed him back into the house.
Duo looked around and every familiar object tore away at him, making his insides more divided. He saw the TV remote on the coffee table, held together with duct tape, and he desperately missed holding the broken plastic in his hand as he flipped through the stations. He noticed the VCR still blinked 12:00 am and wished that sometime while he'd lived there, that he had learned how to fix the damn thing. The abstract painting he had bought for Heero last Valentines Day still hung above the couch. The random shapes, when studied hard enough, composed the Japanese symbol for love and that was the sole reason Duo had bought it for him. He now wished he hadn't. Just looking at the picture reminded him that it was all a lie.
He turned and tried to focus on his task of getting his things. He followed as Heero went into the kitchen. While the stoic man stopped to take a drink of something, Duo continued to walk into the garage. He emerged moments later with a few flattened boxes. Taking the boxes to the living room, Duo opened them and began to pack the few remaining items he had in the house.
He threw in the few books that remained on the shelf and tossed in the magazines that had come to him through the mail. He went into the coat closet and took out his boots, his old tennis shoes and his dress shoes and placed them all into a box. He grabbed his umbrella and business coat and the suitcase he had gotten from Trowa for Christmas last year. The boxes slowly filled up and the house slowly emptied.
Heero watched the entire show in silence. He stood still as stone in the doorway, eyes fixed on Duo's every move. Duo knew he was watching and at first he became slightly nervous being under that gaze. But as the moments passed and the silence persisted, he began to ignore it and continued to pack under the watchful eyes of his ex.
He glanced once at the man watching him, noticing his hand moving nervously. But it wasn't moving for no reason; it was fidgeting with a ring. Duo instantly recognized the gold band and confusion hit him. He wasn't quite sure how to feel about Heero wearing the ring, but he didn't really have time to think about it.
Duo filled a box and a half from the living room and soon moved on to the bedroom. There was little talk between them; in fact they avoided talking unless necessary since neither really seemed to know what to say. The awkward silence drifted through the house like a seeping poison without a cure. It was only around noon that any sound was made by their mouths.
"Do you want something to eat?" Heero asked in a tone reminiscent of his emotionless war-state.
"M'not hungry," Duo replied, tossing an old photo album into a box.
"You haven't eaten since before you got here and I doubt you even ate then,. Just have some lunch."
Heero, leaning against the doorway of the bedroom, narrowed his eyes and stared at Duo, almost challenging him to argue more.
It was only by old habit that Duo stood and relented.
Duo walked out to the car to get Earl, knowing full well he couldn't leave the dog in the car all day without causing harm. He unlocked the door as Earl stuck his nose through the cracked window, whimpering to be let out.
"Hold on, buddy," Duo told him, grabbing the leash from the front seat. He then opened the door to the back seat, quickly grabbing Earl by the collar and clipping on the leash. He held the dog's face and looked at him while Earl continued to pant in excitement. "Don't get your hopes up, buddy. We're not staying. We can't stay."
The dog whined and Duo let go, allowing him to jump out of the car. Turning, Duo closed the car door and lead Earl up to the house.
They sat quietly across from each other. Duo avoided Heero's gaze and Heero constantly tried to catch Duo's. Earl lie quietly in the living room, curled into Heero's chair, re-carving his body into the cushion.
Silence reigned for a good five minutes before Heero tried to fill the void with small talk. "Thank you… for finding out about Malum and…" He couldn't bring himself to say 'saving Relena' for fear that Duo would take it the wrong way.
"I was doing my job," Duo replied quietly, ignoring the unspoken words.
"Still…" There was a few more moments of silence before Heero tried to lighten the mood. "You know you scared Relena out of her pants when you pulled the gun on her like that… she went on for a long while complaining about your conduct."
Duo swallowed his bite of his sandwich before answering. "I don't care. Let her complain. I saved her life… and it wasn't by choice so if she has complaints, she can shove 'em up her ass."
The tone in Duo's voice ended the conversation and the uncomfortable hush floated between them again.
Nibbling on his sandwich, Duo tried not to think about everything. He didn't give a flying monkey's ass about what Relena's opinions were on his conduct. The thoughts that swarmed his head weren't focused on her. He tried to center on something other than the emotions sitting across from Heero brought to the surface. But it was a futile effort as the cobalt eyes closely surveyed every movement of his body. Thousands of ideas came to mind and there were so many things he wanted to scream at Heero, so many things he wanted to ask. He refused to open his mouth, though; he was afraid, as always, that the snowball of emotions would continue to roll and never stop. He sat quietly, afraid to say anything for fear that it would lead to things he hated thinking about.
Heero didn't seem to understand this. He looked at Duo, his hand rubbing the ring under the table, and decided to break the silence again. "Duo?"
Swallowing the last bit of turkey, Duo cleared his head and looked up to face the boy across the table. "Yeah?"
"We need to talk about this."
Duo's eye narrowed and he stood, taking his plate and cup to the sink. "What is there to talk about?"
"Everything," Heero answered as he followed Duo across the kitchen, trying to get the other man to stop and talk to him.
"I don't want to talk about it," Duo said plainly.
Losing a bit of his control, Heero's arm slipped up to punch the wall; he was able to hold enough control to prevent his fist from break through the plaster. Earl looked up when the bang echoed through the house, his ears perking in curiosity. "Duo…"
"What do you want to talk about Heero?" Duo turned on him, standing no more than six inches from him, a deadly glare painted over his face. "You want to apologize? Try to get me to stay?"
"I just…"
"Do you understand that I can't believe anything you say anymore?" He waited and Heero lowered his gaze and nodded. "You stole from me, cheated on me and lied to me. What else is there to talk about?"
"I'm sorry," Heero managed to whisper, "I know that nothing I say will mean anything, but I am sorry."
Duo didn't respond. He remained silent while standing and staring into Heero's eyes. He searched his mind and heart but no response could be thought of. Slowly, as his head was swarming, the emotions began to resurface. The pain and hurt and betrayal came up on him all at once and he found himself helpless to stop them. They took over but he managed to fix his face to hide them. Still, he couldn't stop himself from whispering, "Why?"
Heero searched the boy's face. "I feel horrible…" he began to answer, but Duo cut him off.
"No!" Duo said, a little louder than he had intended, "Why did you do it in the first place?"
The only answer the former Wing pilot had for him was, "I honestly don't know."
"How did it happen?" Duo heard himself ask. He really didn't want to know, but he was also determined to get all the answers. Why the hell did I ask that? he yelled at himself.
Heero's eyes portrayed the same question but he focused and began to answer, perfectly willing to tell Duo anything he wanted to know. He had lied before and as Duo hoped, he didn't seem to want to do so again. "It was after the committee press conference. Relena and I were alone in her office. She said she had something to tell me and I assumed it was about the meeting. She began rubbing against me… I don't know why I didn't stop her. I just… stood there and she…" He moved his gaze away.
Duo's heart couldn't take that answer and the tightness in his chest increased. "Why?" he asked, stopping Heero from continuing.
"We fought that morning, remember? I was… not in my right mind and Relena, she…" Heero stopped himself this time, realizing what a stupid excuse he was trying to make. "There is no reason why. No good reason, anyway."
"So, what? You just thought to yourself, 'Hey, I think I'm gonna fuck Relena tonight because Duo's being protective?'"
Heero shook his head and opened his mouth to explain but Duo cut him off. "Why did you lie?" he choked.
This question took Heero longer to answer. He looked at Duo's face, his eyes happily taking in every feature and expression he hadn't seen for two months. Their eyes locked but no one spoke. Letting out a slow breath, Heero finally answered him. "I was afraid you would leave," he said quietly.
"Well your fears came true anyway," Duo told him, his tears suddenly stopping. Turning, Duo returned to the bedroom and grabbed the box he had been packing. He took it into the living room and that was where Heero stopped him.
Hand firmly grasping the other boy's arm, Heero's eyes penetrated Duo's psyche, reading every emotion he felt. "Duo, I am sorry I caused you so much pain."
"I'm sorry, too," Duo whispered. He moved his arm to pick up his mail and Heero let it go, his eyes taking on a defeated expression.
Heero stared at him for a moment, watching while Duo closed the boxes and taped them shut. "So… this is it?"
Duo turned to look at him. "What else would there be?"
"I… I don't know…" Heero responded slowly, "Something… anything."
"How would there be anything left?" Duo asked, now turning to look Heero directly in the eye, his face determined to prove a point. "How could there be anything else? You had sex with someone else - and it's not even that you did that! You lied. I couldn't tell you were lying because you have never lied to me before. How could I ever trust you again?" He watched the pain become apparent in Heero's eyes and felt no sympathy for him. He brought this on himself, Duo thought.
"What do you want me to do?" Heero asked, moving closer to the other boy. "I'll do anything. Anything you tell me to do, I'll do it. Just please… don't leave."
Duo saw the determination and hope return to Heero's face and for some reason it fueled his anger. "Heero, you had sex with Relena! You lied about it! You deliberately kept something from me! Nothing you can do can change all that."
"I know."
"So then why try?"
Heero's gaze rose until he was again looking straight at the other man. "Because I love you."
Duo stared at him, their eyes locked. "Then why did you do this?"
"Because I am stupid and careless… and I need to lose something to learn the value of it." Heero moved forward and held him with both hands gripping Duo's arms. Duo, in turn, seemed unable to move. "I love you. I made a mistake. I don't deserve you, but I can't stop needing you. Please don't leave."
A tear escaped his eye but Duo quickly wiped it away. "How can I ever trust you again?"
"I will never stop working to regain your trust - just tell me what you want me to do."
An idea came instantly into Duo's mind and he instantly voiced it. "Quit your job."
"Done."
Duo blinked at him. He stared Heero's face and his heart told him to believe him. He instinctively felt skeptical but his heart wouldn't let him continue to doubt Heero and he hated it. Heero had lied and yet Duo still loved him. He still trusted him. He had no idea how, but he couldn't help but feel that maybe they could fix this. But he had to be sure. "Where are you going to work, then?"
"Anywhere else. Wherever you want."
"You would never see her again?"
"Never."
All his demands were being met with compliance and he found himself unsure of how to take it. If Heero was willing to do anything for him to try and make up for his mistakes, where did that leave them? How could Duo still leave when Heero was there begging him to stay and his heart was begging with him. He wanted to stay more than anything, to have the relationship he had once had with this man. He wanted the days of happiness to return. He wanted his perfect world back. He knew that no matter what happened, they could never have that back, not completely. It was impossible to have it exactly the same. But he wanted it so bad. "You can't do this every time, you know. Every time you fuck up you can't just talk me into forgiving you - and don't get the wrong idea here! I am not forgiving you for what you did…"
"I know," Heero responded, a genuine smile forming on his lips.
"And I don't know if I ever will forgive you…"
"I know."
"And if I ever do forgive you, it won't be anytime soon."
"I know."
"I don't even know if I want to do this…" Duo turned to sit down on the couch but Heero grabbed him and turned him back to face him.
Heero's mouth opened and closed a few quick times before he decided on action instead of words. In one swift moment Duo was silenced when Heero firmly placed his lips over his. The kiss instantly deepened, Duo's arms snaking up around Heero's neck. For that moment, Duo forgot everything. The demons that had haunted him for the past two months faded away and for the first time in that period, his heart relaxed. He forgot what Heero had done, how he had cheated and lied, and forgot all the pain those actions had caused. For that moment he felt at peace in Heero's familiar arms.
When the kiss ended, they were both short for breath and neither wanted to release their hold on the other. Duo gazed up at Heero, his eyes boring into Heero's soul, searching for the truth when he pleaded quietly, "Don't ever lie to me again."
Heero returned the gaze, letting Duo see his sincerity. "Never."
Duo so badly wanted to believe him. His heart ached for it. The words of the woman from the shuttle ran through his head.
"I was more willing to be right with my convictions than happy. Believe me, boy, if you truly love this man, don't let him go. I am not saying you need to forgive him, but… listen to your heart and do what makes you happy. Just let yourself be happy. Respect yourself, certainly… don't let him get away with it, but let yourself enjoy the love you've found."
There was no doubt in his mind that he truly loved Heero. He knew from the moment he discovered Heero's infidelity. Even in that moment, Duo still loved the man and that was when he knew he was truly in love with him. He was sure of that.
He was equally sure that being with Heero would be the thing that made him happy. Trust would have to be rebuilt, yes. But it wouldn't be impossible.
It seemed that Duo's heart had already made up his mind for him. His hand opened, holding his palm out flat to Heero. "Can I have my ring back, then?"
It took Heero a moment to register his luck, but a genuine smile made its way across his face and he slipped the ring off of his own finger and took Duo's hand in his own. He turned it over so the palm was down and slid the golden band back where it belonged.
His mind, however, began to drift and race with a million thoughts, all centered around seeing Heero and Relena again. He was scared as to how he would react to seeing Heero again. After the talk with the woman on the shuttle back to Earth, Duo had been thinking about Heero more than ever, thinking about how maybe he was making a mistake. He pushed the thought away as he had endless times now. He was tired of feeling stupid and guilty and more than anything, he was sick of feeling like he was making mistake after mistake. First he thought he had made a mistake in being with Heero in the first place, then the idea that staying away from the man was a mistake… he didn't know what to think and thinking that he was a fool wasn't helping him any.
Quieting his mind, he focused on his present task. He had to find Malum.
As the three Preventers entered the lobby, their boots clopped against the marble floor, causing the receptionist to look up and smile at Duo.
"Hello Mr. Maxwell," the young woman greeted, brushing her long brown hair away from her face, "Here to see Mr. Yuy?"
Duo shook his head, mentally noting that Heero apparently hadn't told anyone about their break up, even though it had been over two months ago. "No," he replied, looking at her with serious eyes, "I'm working." He reached into his coat pocket and took out his badge, flashing his picture at the woman. "I'm here on behalf of the Preventers; can you tell us where Advisor Malum is?"
The girl's face visibly paled but she managed to stumble out an answer. "He's in the conference room with Miss Darlian and…"
"Thank you," Duo said quickly. He turned and nodded at the other two agents before walking across the large lobby and through two large oak doors.
"Wait!" the receptionist called after them, "You can't go in there!"
But it was too late. Duo quickly found the conference room, easily remembering the building's layout from his last visit. He peaked through the small window in the door, seeing Malum standing while half a dozen other officials sat and listened. Instantly, he noted Relena and Heero's position in the room. He instantly repressed any feelings that arose, noting that now was not the time to think about his personal life.
He mentally routed a way around the gathered official to get to Malum as fast as possible, should the older man decide to run. Looking at his partners, he nodded and they both took out their guns. Duo felt his gun against his side, the nose resting in the holster around his waist, ready to be grabbed when needed.
In one swift motion, Duo opened the doors and entered the room. The sudden bursting open of the doors called their attention and each of the officials looked up with wide eyes to star at Duo. Their bodies tensed when they saw the other agents with their guns raised, pointing at their chief advisor. Heero's lightning reflexes had him on his feet, battle positioned and gun held out in less than a second. His eyes widened when he saw who had opened the doors and the gun slowly lowered as he realized the intruders were of no threat to his boss, though the idea of Duo there to kill Relena did pass his mind. That couldn't be it though, he had other Preventer agents with him.
Duo's eyes briefly passed over Heero, then over Relena, a slight pang of familiar pain stinging him in the gut. Despite the fact that he would gladly leave Relena and Heero to anyone who wanted to kill them, it was his job to protect every citizen and make sure that their peace was retained. If that meant he had to kill a part of himself while saving those who betrayed him, so be it.
Brenn Malum gaped at the three agents in the doorway, confusion and slight fear covering his features.
"Brenn Malum," Duo said firmly as he walked to stand next to the man, "You are under arrest for the attempted assassination of global leaders, the possession of illegal arms and the organizing of an illegal terrorist organization."
The two other Preventer agents followed Duo closely, their guns aimed at Malum and eyes watching for sudden movements. As Duo laid a hand on the older man, he took the handcuff out of his pocket and worked to get them on Malum's wrists.
"What is the meaning of this?!" Relena demanded, stepping forward to emphasize her words.
"I… I don't know, Ms. Darlian, I…" Malum stuttered as he was handcuffed, his face turning red in embarrassment and fear.
"You have the right to remain silent," Duo began. "Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to be speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you--"
"Duo! What are you doing?!" Relena asked, her voice raising to a yell.
Duo looked up at her, his features hardening as he worked to keep his emotions under control. "I am arresting a terrorist, Ms. Darlian. Step aside."
Relena now positioned herself between Duo and the doorway, preventing him and the other two agents from leaving with her advisor. Heero remained at his post near the wall, in front of the chair he had abandoned moments ago. His eyes were fixed on Duo though he said nothing.
"I demand you tell me what is going on!" Relena shouted.
"I am helping you, now step aside!" Duo ordered, his voice raising to match Relena's in volume. The tension in his body tightened his muscles, causing them to twinge in pain. The anxiety coursed through his veins as he stared into Relena's dark eyes.
The girl didn't move and Duo's anger got the best of him. Before he could stop himself, his gun was raised and aimed directly in between Relena's eyes. The brown orbs widened as the fear rushed over the girl and Duo cheered inwardly. The room froze and there was dead silence. "Step aside," he repeated decisively, his voice lowering to a dangerous and threatening whisper.
The room was silent again and everyone stared at Duo, wondering what he was thinking. The two Preventer agents gaped at their superior but did nothing. Heero's grip on his gun tightened but he couldn't bring himself to raise it; he knew Duo was no threat, that he wouldn't hurt the girl.
Relena finally relented and stepped aside. Eyes blazing, Duo moved past her, pushing Malum out of the room.
He suddenly stopped, halfway through the door, and turned. "Mark!"
One of the Preventer agent's head snapped up. "Sir?"
"Get access to Malum's office and search his files for any evidence."
The agent nodded and Duo turned back around, leading Malum out of the building.
= = =
He gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were white with the strain. He stared out his side window, gazing at the house he hadn't seen in almost two months.
The tan house rose out of the ground in an ominous way, leaning over the driveway like an accusing parent. Duo found that the windows weren't as bright as he remembered them and the house itself wasn't as welcoming. He could tell the grass hadn't been cut, nor had the leaves been raked. Brown leaves sprinkled the yard and ornamented the roof, giving the building the appearance of an old haunted house.
Earl sat in the back seat, pawing at the door handle, sticking his head out the window and whimpering to get out. He hadn't seen his home in too long and he was eager to go and remark his territory. He also remembered the person in the house, the one he had bonded so well with. He continued to scratch at the door, ready to run at the house and be greeted by his missing parent.
Duo ignored the animal and continued to stare at the house. You have to go, he told himself. But his legs wouldn't listen. After sitting in the rental car, parked on the side of the street for nearly twenty minutes, he managed to make his way to the front door. It was another long moment before he gathered the courage to knock.
At first there was no answer and for a second Duo's courage faltered. He turned to run back to the car, but the door opened and Duo found himself staring at the object of his torment. His eyes traveled hungrily up and down Heero's body and moving up to his face to gape at the face he had recently only seen in his nightmares. Heero returned the silent gaze, a look of slight shock on his face. His eyes were sunken in, the area around them dark from lack of sleep. He was dressed in a white tank top and loose sweat pants. It was apparently his day off.
Heero stepped forward, his eyes wide but with no surprise, and reached out a desperate hand. "Duo…"
Taking in a deep breath, Duo slowly released it and looked at him, trying urgently to suppress the pain and anxiety that was building in his chest. "Hi. I just came to get the rest of my stuff…"
Heero's eyes suddenly dulled and the spark that had appeared moments ago was lost again. "Oh." He lowered his gaze and blinked at the concrete sidewalk for a few seconds before raising his gaze to look Duo in the eye. "All right." He turned and Duo followed him back into the house.
Duo looked around and every familiar object tore away at him, making his insides more divided. He saw the TV remote on the coffee table, held together with duct tape, and he desperately missed holding the broken plastic in his hand as he flipped through the stations. He noticed the VCR still blinked 12:00 am and wished that sometime while he'd lived there, that he had learned how to fix the damn thing. The abstract painting he had bought for Heero last Valentines Day still hung above the couch. The random shapes, when studied hard enough, composed the Japanese symbol for love and that was the sole reason Duo had bought it for him. He now wished he hadn't. Just looking at the picture reminded him that it was all a lie.
He turned and tried to focus on his task of getting his things. He followed as Heero went into the kitchen. While the stoic man stopped to take a drink of something, Duo continued to walk into the garage. He emerged moments later with a few flattened boxes. Taking the boxes to the living room, Duo opened them and began to pack the few remaining items he had in the house.
He threw in the few books that remained on the shelf and tossed in the magazines that had come to him through the mail. He went into the coat closet and took out his boots, his old tennis shoes and his dress shoes and placed them all into a box. He grabbed his umbrella and business coat and the suitcase he had gotten from Trowa for Christmas last year. The boxes slowly filled up and the house slowly emptied.
Heero watched the entire show in silence. He stood still as stone in the doorway, eyes fixed on Duo's every move. Duo knew he was watching and at first he became slightly nervous being under that gaze. But as the moments passed and the silence persisted, he began to ignore it and continued to pack under the watchful eyes of his ex.
He glanced once at the man watching him, noticing his hand moving nervously. But it wasn't moving for no reason; it was fidgeting with a ring. Duo instantly recognized the gold band and confusion hit him. He wasn't quite sure how to feel about Heero wearing the ring, but he didn't really have time to think about it.
Duo filled a box and a half from the living room and soon moved on to the bedroom. There was little talk between them; in fact they avoided talking unless necessary since neither really seemed to know what to say. The awkward silence drifted through the house like a seeping poison without a cure. It was only around noon that any sound was made by their mouths.
"Do you want something to eat?" Heero asked in a tone reminiscent of his emotionless war-state.
"M'not hungry," Duo replied, tossing an old photo album into a box.
"You haven't eaten since before you got here and I doubt you even ate then,. Just have some lunch."
Heero, leaning against the doorway of the bedroom, narrowed his eyes and stared at Duo, almost challenging him to argue more.
It was only by old habit that Duo stood and relented.
Duo walked out to the car to get Earl, knowing full well he couldn't leave the dog in the car all day without causing harm. He unlocked the door as Earl stuck his nose through the cracked window, whimpering to be let out.
"Hold on, buddy," Duo told him, grabbing the leash from the front seat. He then opened the door to the back seat, quickly grabbing Earl by the collar and clipping on the leash. He held the dog's face and looked at him while Earl continued to pant in excitement. "Don't get your hopes up, buddy. We're not staying. We can't stay."
The dog whined and Duo let go, allowing him to jump out of the car. Turning, Duo closed the car door and lead Earl up to the house.
They sat quietly across from each other. Duo avoided Heero's gaze and Heero constantly tried to catch Duo's. Earl lie quietly in the living room, curled into Heero's chair, re-carving his body into the cushion.
Silence reigned for a good five minutes before Heero tried to fill the void with small talk. "Thank you… for finding out about Malum and…" He couldn't bring himself to say 'saving Relena' for fear that Duo would take it the wrong way.
"I was doing my job," Duo replied quietly, ignoring the unspoken words.
"Still…" There was a few more moments of silence before Heero tried to lighten the mood. "You know you scared Relena out of her pants when you pulled the gun on her like that… she went on for a long while complaining about your conduct."
Duo swallowed his bite of his sandwich before answering. "I don't care. Let her complain. I saved her life… and it wasn't by choice so if she has complaints, she can shove 'em up her ass."
The tone in Duo's voice ended the conversation and the uncomfortable hush floated between them again.
Nibbling on his sandwich, Duo tried not to think about everything. He didn't give a flying monkey's ass about what Relena's opinions were on his conduct. The thoughts that swarmed his head weren't focused on her. He tried to center on something other than the emotions sitting across from Heero brought to the surface. But it was a futile effort as the cobalt eyes closely surveyed every movement of his body. Thousands of ideas came to mind and there were so many things he wanted to scream at Heero, so many things he wanted to ask. He refused to open his mouth, though; he was afraid, as always, that the snowball of emotions would continue to roll and never stop. He sat quietly, afraid to say anything for fear that it would lead to things he hated thinking about.
Heero didn't seem to understand this. He looked at Duo, his hand rubbing the ring under the table, and decided to break the silence again. "Duo?"
Swallowing the last bit of turkey, Duo cleared his head and looked up to face the boy across the table. "Yeah?"
"We need to talk about this."
Duo's eye narrowed and he stood, taking his plate and cup to the sink. "What is there to talk about?"
"Everything," Heero answered as he followed Duo across the kitchen, trying to get the other man to stop and talk to him.
"I don't want to talk about it," Duo said plainly.
Losing a bit of his control, Heero's arm slipped up to punch the wall; he was able to hold enough control to prevent his fist from break through the plaster. Earl looked up when the bang echoed through the house, his ears perking in curiosity. "Duo…"
"What do you want to talk about Heero?" Duo turned on him, standing no more than six inches from him, a deadly glare painted over his face. "You want to apologize? Try to get me to stay?"
"I just…"
"Do you understand that I can't believe anything you say anymore?" He waited and Heero lowered his gaze and nodded. "You stole from me, cheated on me and lied to me. What else is there to talk about?"
"I'm sorry," Heero managed to whisper, "I know that nothing I say will mean anything, but I am sorry."
Duo didn't respond. He remained silent while standing and staring into Heero's eyes. He searched his mind and heart but no response could be thought of. Slowly, as his head was swarming, the emotions began to resurface. The pain and hurt and betrayal came up on him all at once and he found himself helpless to stop them. They took over but he managed to fix his face to hide them. Still, he couldn't stop himself from whispering, "Why?"
Heero searched the boy's face. "I feel horrible…" he began to answer, but Duo cut him off.
"No!" Duo said, a little louder than he had intended, "Why did you do it in the first place?"
The only answer the former Wing pilot had for him was, "I honestly don't know."
"How did it happen?" Duo heard himself ask. He really didn't want to know, but he was also determined to get all the answers. Why the hell did I ask that? he yelled at himself.
Heero's eyes portrayed the same question but he focused and began to answer, perfectly willing to tell Duo anything he wanted to know. He had lied before and as Duo hoped, he didn't seem to want to do so again. "It was after the committee press conference. Relena and I were alone in her office. She said she had something to tell me and I assumed it was about the meeting. She began rubbing against me… I don't know why I didn't stop her. I just… stood there and she…" He moved his gaze away.
Duo's heart couldn't take that answer and the tightness in his chest increased. "Why?" he asked, stopping Heero from continuing.
"We fought that morning, remember? I was… not in my right mind and Relena, she…" Heero stopped himself this time, realizing what a stupid excuse he was trying to make. "There is no reason why. No good reason, anyway."
"So, what? You just thought to yourself, 'Hey, I think I'm gonna fuck Relena tonight because Duo's being protective?'"
Heero shook his head and opened his mouth to explain but Duo cut him off. "Why did you lie?" he choked.
This question took Heero longer to answer. He looked at Duo's face, his eyes happily taking in every feature and expression he hadn't seen for two months. Their eyes locked but no one spoke. Letting out a slow breath, Heero finally answered him. "I was afraid you would leave," he said quietly.
"Well your fears came true anyway," Duo told him, his tears suddenly stopping. Turning, Duo returned to the bedroom and grabbed the box he had been packing. He took it into the living room and that was where Heero stopped him.
Hand firmly grasping the other boy's arm, Heero's eyes penetrated Duo's psyche, reading every emotion he felt. "Duo, I am sorry I caused you so much pain."
"I'm sorry, too," Duo whispered. He moved his arm to pick up his mail and Heero let it go, his eyes taking on a defeated expression.
Heero stared at him for a moment, watching while Duo closed the boxes and taped them shut. "So… this is it?"
Duo turned to look at him. "What else would there be?"
"I… I don't know…" Heero responded slowly, "Something… anything."
"How would there be anything left?" Duo asked, now turning to look Heero directly in the eye, his face determined to prove a point. "How could there be anything else? You had sex with someone else - and it's not even that you did that! You lied. I couldn't tell you were lying because you have never lied to me before. How could I ever trust you again?" He watched the pain become apparent in Heero's eyes and felt no sympathy for him. He brought this on himself, Duo thought.
"What do you want me to do?" Heero asked, moving closer to the other boy. "I'll do anything. Anything you tell me to do, I'll do it. Just please… don't leave."
Duo saw the determination and hope return to Heero's face and for some reason it fueled his anger. "Heero, you had sex with Relena! You lied about it! You deliberately kept something from me! Nothing you can do can change all that."
"I know."
"So then why try?"
Heero's gaze rose until he was again looking straight at the other man. "Because I love you."
Duo stared at him, their eyes locked. "Then why did you do this?"
"Because I am stupid and careless… and I need to lose something to learn the value of it." Heero moved forward and held him with both hands gripping Duo's arms. Duo, in turn, seemed unable to move. "I love you. I made a mistake. I don't deserve you, but I can't stop needing you. Please don't leave."
A tear escaped his eye but Duo quickly wiped it away. "How can I ever trust you again?"
"I will never stop working to regain your trust - just tell me what you want me to do."
An idea came instantly into Duo's mind and he instantly voiced it. "Quit your job."
"Done."
Duo blinked at him. He stared Heero's face and his heart told him to believe him. He instinctively felt skeptical but his heart wouldn't let him continue to doubt Heero and he hated it. Heero had lied and yet Duo still loved him. He still trusted him. He had no idea how, but he couldn't help but feel that maybe they could fix this. But he had to be sure. "Where are you going to work, then?"
"Anywhere else. Wherever you want."
"You would never see her again?"
"Never."
All his demands were being met with compliance and he found himself unsure of how to take it. If Heero was willing to do anything for him to try and make up for his mistakes, where did that leave them? How could Duo still leave when Heero was there begging him to stay and his heart was begging with him. He wanted to stay more than anything, to have the relationship he had once had with this man. He wanted the days of happiness to return. He wanted his perfect world back. He knew that no matter what happened, they could never have that back, not completely. It was impossible to have it exactly the same. But he wanted it so bad. "You can't do this every time, you know. Every time you fuck up you can't just talk me into forgiving you - and don't get the wrong idea here! I am not forgiving you for what you did…"
"I know," Heero responded, a genuine smile forming on his lips.
"And I don't know if I ever will forgive you…"
"I know."
"And if I ever do forgive you, it won't be anytime soon."
"I know."
"I don't even know if I want to do this…" Duo turned to sit down on the couch but Heero grabbed him and turned him back to face him.
Heero's mouth opened and closed a few quick times before he decided on action instead of words. In one swift moment Duo was silenced when Heero firmly placed his lips over his. The kiss instantly deepened, Duo's arms snaking up around Heero's neck. For that moment, Duo forgot everything. The demons that had haunted him for the past two months faded away and for the first time in that period, his heart relaxed. He forgot what Heero had done, how he had cheated and lied, and forgot all the pain those actions had caused. For that moment he felt at peace in Heero's familiar arms.
When the kiss ended, they were both short for breath and neither wanted to release their hold on the other. Duo gazed up at Heero, his eyes boring into Heero's soul, searching for the truth when he pleaded quietly, "Don't ever lie to me again."
Heero returned the gaze, letting Duo see his sincerity. "Never."
Duo so badly wanted to believe him. His heart ached for it. The words of the woman from the shuttle ran through his head.
"I was more willing to be right with my convictions than happy. Believe me, boy, if you truly love this man, don't let him go. I am not saying you need to forgive him, but… listen to your heart and do what makes you happy. Just let yourself be happy. Respect yourself, certainly… don't let him get away with it, but let yourself enjoy the love you've found."
There was no doubt in his mind that he truly loved Heero. He knew from the moment he discovered Heero's infidelity. Even in that moment, Duo still loved the man and that was when he knew he was truly in love with him. He was sure of that.
He was equally sure that being with Heero would be the thing that made him happy. Trust would have to be rebuilt, yes. But it wouldn't be impossible.
It seemed that Duo's heart had already made up his mind for him. His hand opened, holding his palm out flat to Heero. "Can I have my ring back, then?"
It took Heero a moment to register his luck, but a genuine smile made its way across his face and he slipped the ring off of his own finger and took Duo's hand in his own. He turned it over so the palm was down and slid the golden band back where it belonged.