It's been a month now since Yami was first 'possessed' by Zel and the situation hasn't really improved. It turned out that it was pain rather than shock that stuns the creature back to wherever it is he's hiding, and he's slowly becoming more resilient to it. That wasn't quite what I was hoping to find out, but at least there is a way to control this at the moment.
Neither of us particularly like it, but it's better that I thump Yami a little harder each time when Zel takes control than to let him run riot. It didn't quite work last time and I ended up having to throw a knife at him, the blade nicking his arm and kicking Zel back out. I didn't like myself after that, but I learnt pretty quickly that it was a better option than letting him keep control when Zel tried to make a run for it, into the city. I nearly had a coronary catching and downing him. Yami doesn't stray far from me now.
There's not a lot he can do about all of this, and he hates that even more than I do. He hates being powerless. No, scratch that. He *loathes* it. He doesn't even know that Zel's taken charge until I knock him back to his senses, just like Ryou when I used to have to possess his body to have any sort of life. Ra knows how he coped with it…
We've scoured the Puzzle, the bond, his mind and a good portion of the Shadow Realm for the little bastard to no avail. Zel pops up at least every other day and for a little longer each time, even though it's only been a minute at its longest. Both of us are exhausted, both from trying to handle all of this as best we can and from dealing with two very interfering Hikaris.
Yugi was very much against Yami moving in with me. I have no idea what Yami finally said to convince him to let go of his arm as it was through their bond, but it worked. Yugi's still over at the house a lot, keeping an eye on us both. He doesn't trust me and he's tried to confront me about it more than once, but since I'm always with Yami now he hasn't had much of an opportunity.
Ryou… I don't see Ryou as often now. He's tried talking to me through the link a few times, asking questions and reasoning with me, but with that comes a landslide of guilt that I don't need nor want, so I've been cutting him off to the point where he's stopped trying. I think he's disappointed, certainly upset, and a bit angry with me. I don't care though. Yami's understands my actions and although not entirely pleased with his collection of bruises, is far happier with them than he would be with blood on his hands.
Theo's been difficult, but we've worked around it. Yami still goes to perform –he refuses to let Zel disrupt his newfound life - and I standby on the first balcony in case I'm needed.
I spend an hour before his performance 'charging' the Ring. I've magically rigged both it and the Puzzle so that I can send a fairly strong shock through them, enough to burn Yami if Zel raised his head halfway through a routine. I haven't had to yet. I don't particularly want to try either. We haven't tested it so I don't know how strong the charge will be. I'm hoping we'll have sorted this all out before we have to find out.
Today we're having the day off. We've spent part of every day so far hunting him down, formulating theories and plans and arguing. This is not a healthy relationship, even less so than when it started out. We both need a break, so I came up with a game we could play to whittle away a few hours and perhaps relax a little.
As of yet, we've spent an hour chucking a juggling ball back and forth across the kitchen. Non-competitive, easy and not requiring many skills on my part. Very relaxing.
"Okay," Yami murmurs as he catches the ball again, signalling that he's finally thought of something. Tossing the ball back to me, he smiles thinly. "If I hated myself, I'd jump off the tallest building in Domino and catch my eyelid on a nail."
I nod, catching the ball without looking at it and throwing it back just as idly. "If I hated myself I would… watch a whole episode of 'Oprah' about women's rights with my eye glued open."
Throw and catch. Yami's just going through the motions now, but his mind's distracted. "I'd shave my entire body."
"Have sex with Joey."
"Sex with my own Hikari," Yami answers with a grimace.
I wince. "Ditto. Sex with Anzu."
Yami shudders involuntarily. "Wearing schoolgirl uniforms."
"With ribbons in our hair."
"In public."
"With tape over our mouths so that we'd have to swallow our own vomit."
I pause, my face the picture of disgust. Glancing down at the ball in my hand, I look up to Yami who is wearing a similar expression. "I went too far, didn't I?"
He nods. "Little bit."
We chuck the ball back and forth for a few minutes in silence. I'm quite surprised at how calm the atmosphere in here is. We've both been unwaveringly anxious for days on end, but apparently the fact was that we weren't letting up wasn't helping that. Doing something as trivial as this is loosening us up a bit. Good thing too. I've got so many knots in my back I think I might snap and involuntarily twist into a piece of origami at any moment.
"Is Kaiba alright now?" Yami asks suddenly, breaking me out of my 'wow, this is what life used to be like' reverie.
Oh yeah, I forgot about that. He did nearly die an' all. Certainly demonstrates my love for him, that does.
"Yeah. He got out of hospital a while ago. Joey's keeping tabs on him and the gang are pestering him. They reckon he's suicidal. Doesn't surprise me. Anyone that stuck up must end up hating themselves eventually," I grumble with a shrug.
Yami nods. Always the neutral, but he respects his rivals so I wouldn't expect any comments. "And the Joey/Kaiba situation hasn't changed?"
"Well, if you mean that no one's getting laid and no one's dead, then yeah, nothing's changed," I reply without any real interest. And I have none. The only good thing I can see of them either being together or of Joey maintaining this infatuation is that the Mutt will be too distracted to notice me.
I'm not particularly worried about what Yugi and Ryou think about me hitting on Yami, or anyone who might know by now, but Joey… Well, I've seen him with a baseball bat and I have enough sense to know that when, and I do mean when, he finds out about this, he is not going to hesitate to send it around my head. He might even know already and has been too distracted with Kaiba to come at me in my sleep. Hmm. Note to self: stop sleeping.
"It's a pity," Yami suddenly speaks again, putting the ball down on the side counter. He doesn't want to play anymore then. "I think they'd be happy together."
I nod in agreement. "And the Mutt could leach off a few brain cells from Kaiba. I'm sure he wouldn't miss them, and it would be charitable." Heh. Joey with a brain. Could be funny in a world-implosion kind of way.
Yami scowls at me disapprovingly. It's a favoured expression of his when I'm in one of my snarky moods.
"Can we go out somewhere? I'm getting cabin fever in here," he asks, motioning to the room at large as he speaks. I can see how he would be feeling a bit caged-up; we haven't left the house since Theo and that was two days ago.
We could both do with a bit of fresh air, actually. I'm not too happy with the idea of letting him out in the open where I'd have to run a decent distance to catch him if something happened, but I know that it would be a relief for both of us to be around grass. Not that we're sheep or anything. Just the calming effect of nature and the wind stealing away tension from tired muscles, and… Bugger it, I thought I'd killed that off. If I wrote half this stuff down I'd make a fortune. Hey…
"Alright. Lemme get my boots," I say finally, shaking my head a little to get myself back together. Striding into the hallway, I dig around for my boots and slip them on. I sense Ryou above me and look up the stairs to see him watching me from down the banister.
"Just going out," I tell him, slipping my jacket on and walking away. Wouldn't want him to worry now, would I? As I head back for the kitchen, I hear him descend the stairs and pick his up own coat.
Yami's waiting for me next to the open door, his hands in his pockets. I walk out first and he follows, his hand reaching for the door when he pauses. I don't even look at him.
"Jacket?"
He doesn't respond but I can feel a degree of embarrassment down the bond. I wondered how many seconds it would take him to notice the cold and equate that with the sleeveless shirt he's wearing.
I turn back to face the house, seeing my Hikari approach me with his arms hanging loose at his sides. Should I go back in there? Yugi's in the house and I don't know where Yami left his jacket. What if it takes longer than I thought for him to find it and I'm out here if he turns?
Cursing myself, I take a step back towards the door but have to stop when I run out of walking room. Damnit, Ryou!
He's effectively invaded my personal space before I realised what was happening. Stupid distracted mind. Must be getting sloppy… Huh. My ego is remaining oddly unwounded. Could this be the beginning of pride in my Hikari? That he got this close to me without me noticing, seemingly Hell-bent on gaining my attention and accomplishing that?
I look at him, see the soft eyes that he is mentally trying to wrangle into a hard glare and the mouth deformed into an imitation of a stern expression. Nope. Not pride then. Mild annoyance perhaps?
"How did Yami get that cut on his arm?" He asks in a forcibly quiet voice, glancing behind himself as if to both check that Yami isn't listening and to remind me of who 'Yami' is. Ta for that, Ryou.
I'm about to say 'none of your damn business' but his eyes turn weird. Like he really means to go through with getting an answer and for once he isn't going to back down from me no matter how much I threaten him. Shite, he's really serious about this. Yeah, from the appearance we've been giving off anyone would be concerned, but for him to actually get in my face and demand an answer of me is something I hadn't expected. Maybe Yugi put him up to this.
I won't tell him the truth though. I said I wouldn't and it would make things too complicated. So I scramble around for an answer.
Giving a half-shrug, I try to appear as gruff yet honest as possible. Tough, but quite possibly manageable. "We were drunk, in bed and there were knives. Shit happens."
Hmm. Not bad for fast thinking. Sadomasochism is something that Ryou expects of me so he'll probably buy it.
He crosses his arms. I resort to glaring at him.
"I really thought you cared about him. I can't believe you'd do this to him, after doing it to me for years. I don't know what made you stop it with me, but you'd better stop it with him. He doesn't deserve it and I don't know why he's putting up with you," he bites out angrily, his eyes narrowing, and I can tell that memories of the years of misery I gave him are fuelling this.
Still, who the Hell does he think he is? I've been with Yami for almost a year now and Ryou knows for a fact I care about him. I've made it obvious enough in the past.
How can he honestly believe that there isn't even a chance that I'd have a decent reason for hurting Yami like this? That I enjoy it? I don't. I hate it. I hate having to do it because it'll save people that I don't care about. I hate that I have to keep saving him from an imprisonment in his own mind.
I fucking hate it.
"You have no idea Ryou, so stay out of it," I hiss, anger coiling my muscles and bringing a foul taste into my mouth. This is all hard enough as it is. Why should I put up with him trying to interfere on top of it?
"No! You acting like this is putting everyone on edge, not to mention upsetting Yugi. Yami doesn't-"
Blah, blah, blah. I'm not listening to this crap. Where the Hell is Yami? Surely it doesn't take this long to get a coat.
"-and if you had *any* decency-"
Christ, it's like being married again. Sod off Ryou, you're blocking my view. Great. More rhyming. Seriously though, Ryou's too close for me to see over his head.
I take a step back. Ryou continues his rant as if he hadn't noticed.
"-cannot believe that you'd-"
And then I see him. Or at least, I see the shell of him. His mind's vacant again. Damnit, Ryou shut up. Walk off in a huff or summut. Move!
Zel languidly moves up onto the step by the door, rubbing the doorframe slowly and deliberately with one hand whilst leaning his face towards Ryou. He seems to inhale deeply, green eyes closing with bliss before opening again to immediately stare at me. A disconcertingly benign smile slides into place.
Shite. Need to open the link, tell Ryou he needs to go. Run.
A warning glare stops me before I even try. I don't want to risk it, not against this psychopath. Finish yelling at me already Ryou!
"- need to get your head straight before you really hurt him and then-"
Zel inhales my Hikari's scent again, his mouth dropping open hungrily this time.
"-be sorry. You should just leave him alone because-"
Slender hands that aren't his own reach out to grab silken hair. Screw secrecy; I won't allow this.
Before Ryou has a chance to look surprised, I shove him violently to the side with one hand mid-dive, my other hand already reaching for Zel's stolen throat. The force of me landing on him in the hall winds him, but the glow on his eyes remain.
Grabbing his shoulders as I hear Ryou scrambling to his feet, I slam him back down hard only to hear him laugh. I do it again and the laughter is only punctuated. Ra, it's like it was last time…
I sense Ryou running at me, making the fatal mistake of glancing in his direction. Zel seizes the opportunity to free a leg and crack his knee into my groin before squirming away. I don't register the pain with all the adrenalin, grabbing a handful of hair instead and smashing his face into the floor with as much force as I can muster.
The glow blinks out as rapidly as the body's clutch on consciousness does. I stare at Yami's prone form for a moment before the agony from Zel's knee catches up with my head. Ryou chooses this time to manhandle me away from Yami. Stupid Hikari.
Ryou kneels in front of me in mild shock, his hands on my shoulders preventing me from curling into a ball like I really want to. At least until I growl at him: then the hands snap back.
He looks down at Yami before back at me. Good, he's noticed that something's up. Now maybe he'll stop bitching at me. *Nothing* is worth that.
"I… That glow, what was that?" he asks quietly, the cogs in his mind working audibly.
"Not something I want to explain right now," I practically squeak, still concentrating on getting the pain in my abdomen to go away. Shite, Zel's never been that violent before. Must be getting cocky, confident, ergo: more dangerous.
Ryou nods at the edge of my peripheral vision. He looks back down to Yami for a moment, thinking. "Will he be okay?"
Yeah, he's gotten used to possession and the like over the past few years. And he's giving me the benefit of the doubt and letting me explain. That's nice. This might go well after all.
Nodding, I open my mouth to speak. Yami's entire body jerks before I get the chance to make a sound though, a harsh breath as his mind drops back into place vocalizing his shock. He picks his upper body up, leaning on his forearms as he turns his face to look at us. I think I cracked his cheekbone, maybe loosened a tooth there too. I might have to start tying him up at this rate.
Yami takes in me and then Ryou, seemingly putting it together in his own mind. Closing his eyes tiredly, he lowers his head back to the ground facing away from us.
****
Yes, the ending just kind of trails off there, I know, but it was the best I could come up with. The next chapter is going to be very difficult to write so I can't say when that'll be up, but there will be at least two more before I take a break from this never-ending fic. At some point I should really pick up 'Domination' too…
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