*A/n: "A small part of Chamber of Secrets is going to play a big part in Book Six, and it is confirmed by Steve Kloves and JK Rowling that this small part is included in the movie as well." (Quoted from thepatronus.com)
Wow. I wonder what it is. Any theories? Anyway thx Paige for helping me out on this one. As for the reviews…
Anasazi: You rock! You rock! You rock! Helen won't be in the room much longer (later chapters will show this) Hehehe. I guess you could say this is the last chapter until Friday. I would have put it up earlier but there's been a storm here (that messed up the internet for a while).
Julia: Hehehe I'm sorry but this story will definitely keep you wondering whether Helen will be with Harry or Draco and whether Hermione will be with Harry or Ron. I know the answer but it's more fun to play around with all the characters a bit and keep readers guessing! Lol you rock too!
minniemouse808: Thanks for review! (in WT)
Chapter 6 "The class"
" 'Ello class." Hagrid beamed. "Gather 'round the crates o'er here. They're cute lil blokes."
The Slytherins and Gryffindors edged cautiously to where he was standing. No one had any idea what new horrors Hagrid conjured up for them to study. Usually, the 'cuter' something was the more dangerous it would be.
Hagrid stuck his hand inside the crate and pulled out a handful of things as small as ants. He walked past all of them, placing two of the mini creatures in every boy's hand.
"Alrigh' now yer have ter pair up wit a girl."
Harry grouped with Hermione.
"Good, now, point yer wands at it but LIGHTLY tap it."
As soon as this was done everyone jumped back and screamed as the baby things turned into ten inch long silvery green lizards.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY?" Draco yelled.
"Mokes." Hargid grinned. "Does anyone know about them?"
Usually Helen would raise her hand but she was too busy hiding behind Ron. Phobia of lizards can do that to a person, so Hermione answered.
"They can shrink at will. Their skin is also used for purses and bags since their scales contract at the touch of strangers and is hard for thieves to find."
"Right yer are. Five points for Miss Granger. I handed yous two mokes, one female, the other male. Yer jobs for you n yer partner is to take care of em and try to mate them."
"What if we don't want to take care of them?" Draco asked, looking repulsed at the mokes he'd told Paige to hold.
"Then you fail yer lesson." Hagrid growled. "You can keep them in a cage but you must carry em around, everywhere you go."
"How are we going to make this partner thing work?"
"Just consider the mokes as a baby and you and yer partner are its mummy n daddy."
"Hey! This is like Child Development/Family Dynamics class!" Dean shouted. Only the muggle-born students understood what he was talking about.
"Umm…okay…" Hagrid said, puzzled. "I think it'd be a good idea ter name em."
"Hermione." Draco said, pointing at one of the mokes. " 'Cause it looks like her."
"If that's Hermione, then you must be its turd." Pansy retorted.
Woah now! Since when did Pansy EVER badmouth Draco?
"You're just mad because Draco dumped you!" Paige yelled.
"What would you know about it, you little tramp!" Pansy shouted back.
"Pricks like you ought to keep their mouths shut if they know what's good for them!"
The Gryffindors exchanged bewildered looks. Slytherins always teamed up against the Gryffindors, not each other! Was something in everyone's pumpkin juice?
"You can go back ter the castle now ter look up the information you need, or you can read yer books out here." Hagrid said nervously, trying to direct the class back to the lesson.
Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Helen decided to stay with Hagrid while the rest of the class went back to the castle.
"Holy shit! Did you see Paige and Pansy?" Ron exclaimed.
"Who didn't?" Helen replied.
"What do you reckon is going on?"
"Well…" Hermione began thoughtfully, "Draco always has to have some girl in his posse. First it was Pansy and now it's Paige. I'm guessing Pansy doesn't like that much."
"It's something you don't see everyday!"
"Yeah, like mating mokes. How exactly are we supposed to do that, Ron?" Helen asked.
"You're asking me?" Ron replied. "You sure that's a good idea?"
"Okay, I'll look it up, just as long as I don't have to touch those things." Helen shuddered.
"Aww c'mon. They really aren't that bad." Harry laughed and as his and Hermione's mokes (which they later named Dungbomb Draco and Pissy Paige) were rubbing against each other.
"Figures you'd say that! You got the horny mokes!" Ron pouted.
*A/n: Sheesh! Only two pages? It feels like I've been writing for hours! (Well it has taken forever to come up with something to write).
They stuck their mokes in their cages and carried them to Defense Against the Dark Arts class.
~*~
*A/n: I'm willing to bet that Snape will finally be DADA teacher in the 7th book…but for the purposes of my fanfiction I made it Mrs. Baker. Hehehe.
"Hello class." Mrs. Baker smiled. The thirty-two year old witch walked to the front of her desk and sat on it. "I guess you could call me Professor Baker. I used to teach at Salem Institute but for various reasons I came to Hogwarts."
After Mrs. Baker said this she winked at Helen.
"Know thy enemies. This is a famous quote used in various wizard and muggle books, as well as being a key rule for Aurors. Can any of you say that you have enemies?"
The entire class raised their hands.
"And how many of you think you know your enemies well?"
Again everyone raised their hands.
"Good. I'd like to test that."
She handed everyone a piece of parchment and told them to take out their quills.
"I'll read you a question and you put down the answer you think it best. After we're done you will switch papers with another student and they will write whether they think you answered them correctly."
Harry dipped his quill into the ink.
*A/n: Bolded is what Harry wrote.
"Name your enemy."
Harry paused. Who was his greatest enemy? Voldemort, Malfoy, Bellatrix, Umbridge, Snape, Dursley, etc. His enemy list could go on forever. He looked on other papers to try getting ideas. Ron put Malfoy, Hermione put Voldemort, then crossed it out and put Paige, and Helen wrote Neil. Harry figured he may as well write down Voldemort.
"What is their bloodline and family history?"
Harry knew Voldemort's mum was a witch who died when he was a baby and his father was a muggle who abandoned him. He's a half-n-half.
"What is their personal history?"
Grew up an orphan, is the heir of Slytherin, opened up the Chamber of Secrets and set the basilisk on Myrtle, framed Hagrid, ruled the wizard world, killed hundreds of muggles and good witches/wizards, killed my parents, gave me my scar, lost his powers, bonded with Quirell, drank Unicorn's blood, tried to get the Sorcerer's stone, kidnapped Ginny, wrote in a diary, came back to life, and made his quest trying to kill me. I think I left a lot out.
"What do they like?"
Killing.
"What do they dislike?"
Me, muggles, Dumbledore, opposition, and all things good.
"Weaknesses?"
Did Voldemort have a weakness? If so…he couldn't see it.
Weakness: Allowing me to live.
"Strengths?"
Very effective Avada Kedavra-ing. Spreads evil throughout the wizarding world fairly well. Got the world to be afraid of saying his name.
"What is their element?"
"What's an element?" Ron asked.
"Water, fire, earth, and air."
What element was Voldemort?
No idea. Whichever element is worse.
"Zodiac sign."
No idea. Whichever one is most evil.
"Personality traits?"
I don't think he has a personality.
"Views on life?"
He tries to make sure he never dies.
"Views on love?"
Voldemort love? I don't think that's possible, except maybe loving himself. He could never love another person.
"Views on death?"
Avoiding it at all costs.
"Hobbies?"
Muggle killing and Harry hunting.
"Best Spell/charm/curse/jinx?"
Avada Kedavra or the one that conjures up the dark mark.
"Worst Spell/charm/curse/jinx?"
No idea.
"Most prized possession?"
His wand? I don't know.
"Goals?"
Killing me. Ruling the world.
"Favorite food or drink?"
I don't think he eats.
"Favorite subject?"
If they taught Defense Against the Light Arts he'd take that.
"Is this person an Animagus, metamorphagus, or tumorphagus?"
"What's a tumorphagus?" Dean asked. "Someone with a tumor?"
"Ask Helen. She's somewhat of one." Mrs. Baker responded.
"It's someone who can change the appearance of another person."
"Hey! You never told us you could do that!" Harry heard himself say.
"That's because it's really hard for me to do and it drains my energy."
*A/n: Helen can't change her own appearance but she can change other people's. She hasn't changed anyone else's yet either. Just clarifying that.
"Write down your answers." Mrs. Baker instructed.
No idea.
"Are they superstitious?"
No idea.
"Introverted or Extroverted?"
No idea.
"Realist or idealist?"
Both? What most people would think is impossible…he can do. Some things he thinks he can do, he can't."
"Factual or Opinionated?"
No clue.
"Light or deep sleeper?"
Am I really supposed to know this?
"Tattoos or special markings?"
Dark Mark located on forearm.
"Do they have any disorders or phobias (beyond normal fears)?"
Maybe mentally. I have no idea.
"Worst fears?"
Drying because then he couldn't rule the world.
"Do they own pets?"
A gigantic snake.
"Eye color?"
Red. He's a nasty little bugger.
"Legillimency or Occlumency?"
Legillimency.
"Special powers or talents?"
Parseltongue.
"I think that's all." Mrs. Baker decided. "Swap parchments."
Ron handed his paper to Hermione, so Harry gave his to Helen. He watched her laugh at a few of his answers. Harry liked the way her eyes lit up when she was amused.
"Yo, mate, check your work! Not the girl!" Ron whispered.
"Whoops."
Harry looked down at his paper and saw that Helen knew everything about Neil. She'd even put extra information on her paper.
"Give a point for every sufficient answer. Total it whatever amount they got right over thirty two. Pass them back."
Harry had 22 out of 32 on his as he handed Helen back her perfect paper.
"Ummm does this count as a grade?" Ron asked. He'd gotten 8 out of 32. Hermione looked worried too because she just met Paige yesterday and didn't know her well.
"No, Mr. Weasley, it does not. This was just a test to show you if you truly knew your enemy inside and out. Just out of curiosity…how many scored 22 or higher?"
Three people raised their hands.
"As I predicted." Mrs. Baker nodded.
"But how important are some of those questions? I mean…who cares what eye color they have, if they are a light sleeper, their zodiac sign, or whether they have pets."
"Anyone want to answer Miss Patil's question?"
Hermione raised her hand, trying to redeem herself from her low score.
"Eye color shows you pay attention to detail, deep sleepers are vulnerable to attacks when they are sleeping, zodiac signs give clues to personality and how they can be approached, and people generally care about their animals so hurting their pet hurts them."
"I'm not familiar with the point system but I believe that answer deserves ten points."
Class was dismissed and so they all went to dinner, except Helen.
"Tori?"
"Yeah, Helen." Mrs. Baker said.
"Do you mind signing a paper that will allow me to look in the restricted section for books on ancient Egyptian magic?"
"Why?"
"Just curious." Helen lied. She trusted Mrs. Baker but she didn't want her to get the heads up on what she was planning to do (even though Helen was still worried about her plan). Mrs. Baker signed the slip and Helen went to the Great Hall for dinner.
~*~
"Professor Baker isn't that bad a teacher." Ron said.
"Yeah, I just wish she didn't tell everyone about the tumorphagus thing."
"What's so bad about that?" Harry asked.
"People will want me to change how they look all the time. 'My nose is too big' or 'My ears are too small,' or 'My pecker—'"
"Don't finish that sentence!" Ron pleaded.
"Speaking of which, Malfoy better keep his girls away from my room!"
"We can do what I suggested at breakfast." Harry said, putting an arm around Hermione.
"Over my dead body!" Ron barked.
"Woah, Ron, what's wrong?" Helen asked nervously. She'd never seen him get mad at Harry before.
"I just want him to stop trying to get touchy feely with Hermione."
"What's wrong with that? You aren't going out with her. You had your chance." Harry snapped.
"Uh, guys, what—"
"—Since when did you start liking her?" Ron demanded.
"Since the summer, not that it's any of your business!" Harry said, raising his voice.
"Uh, guys—"
"—Not my business when someone moves in on my turf?"
"EXCUSE ME?" Hermione yelled, "What am I? Property?"
"No, 'mione, you know what I mean."
"No, I don't know what's going on with the two of you, but you better knock it off! Suppose I don't like either of you?" Hermione shouted, jumping from the table and walking off. Helen was officially confused. Had Harry, Ron, and Hermione been discussing their love triangle when she wasn't around, because the argument over Hermione was pretty random…
"Good going, Harry."
"Me? What about you, Mr. Territory?"
"You guys are so stupid!" Helen shook her head, "Honestly, the two of you are acting like Slytherins, fighting with each other over another person."
"You'd know, wouldn't you? You generally get along fine with them, like Bianca and Malfoy."
"Jerk." Helen muttered, following Hermione's example, and leaving.
"I'm sorry!" Harry called, running after Helen. "I didn't mean it!"
~*~
Draco watched Ron sitting at Gryffindor table by himself, angrily stabbing his food and flinging it around.
"Stupid Gryffs," Paige muttered in Draco's ear. "So, are you going to fuck me tonight or what?"
"How many times do I have to tell you? If you want to have the privilege of hanging out with a Malfoy then you better stop being so damn pushy! And I don't know what kind of viruses you're carrying, so to answer your question it's a NEVER!"
"How Pansy put up with you as long as she did, I'll never know. Man, I feel sorry for your future wife. Have you done any of your girlfriends?"
"If I had a girlfriend I would! Pansy wasn't a girlfriend and neither are you."
"So what are we?"
"Gold-diggers." Draco drawled, and then noticed the look on Paige's face. "Don't give me that! Every girl I'm with I let them know they're just for show. You included. Besides, what would I want with a girl who just threw herself at me?"
"Sex."
"There's more to a relationship then just sex."
"That's a typical thing for a virgin to say."
"That's it!" Draco stood up. "You may be hot and all but it isn't worth listening to your bullshit."
Paige's mouth hung open in shock. He was done with her?
"I don't have patience. I gave you one chance and you blew it." Draco said as he walked over to Ravenclaw table.
"Nicki, come walk me to my dorm." Draco commanded. Nicki eyed him mischievously and followed him out the door.
*A/n: He's got some vestiges of what real relationships should be like, even though he doesn't follow through with them.