There had been so many reasons to do it. Having a car in New York was impractical; she rode the subway to work and everything else she could possibly want was within walking distance from their apartment. The fact that it screamed that she had her mind set on staying with him was just a bonus in her eyes. She put out an ad, for free due to her new job as a lowly New York Times intern (a fancy term for coffee and bagel girl). Within two hours of the morning paper hitting people's doorsteps, she got ten calls. The next day, she watched a stranger climb into the all leather interior of the car her grandparents had bought her upon her high school commencement. She held the tears in after they handed the cash over and drove away, disappearing into the streets of New York.
In the last few years, she'd never regretted it. The cash had furnished their apartment modestly, and they even got to save a little money. He had dutifully tried to talk her out of selling the car, but it would have broken their rule. The car wasn't about them. So, it went. She said just that definitively to him without batting an eyelash.
"Fair enough," he said, still allowing her to change her mind at any moment, ready to take on the wailing and hitting for making her lose everything to live here with him.
But she didn't. She smiled and threw her arms around him. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he carried her into the bedroom as she talked about what kind of couch she wanted to buy with the money. Until his lips hit hers and her back met the mattress.
But needing to drive to Connecticut was now presenting to be a problem. No car and a hell of a cab fare. Buses were too messy for them; it brought back memories that Jess would assume remain buried in her mind. Long last looks and lies flew to his mind anytime he heard the very word uttered. Guilt and shame followed. He said nothing. She knew exactly what he wasn't saying, also never suggesting it.
"Call Luke. Tell him to bring Mom here."
Jess looked up at her, as she pushed some chicken around on her plate at dinner two nights after she talked to her mom. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she looked up at him.
"I'm serious."
"Rory, we can go up there. I'll just borrow a car."
Now it was her turn to raise an eyebrow. Jess' definition of borrow was loose at best.
"What?"
Rory sighed. "Just, call Luke."
"I talked to him yesterday. He's all excited, and your mom is ... let's just go, alright?"
"But what if--," she cut off, not wanting to finish the thought that was in her head already. She cursed the fear and doubt invading her head, and worse, he could feel it in the room with them, like an unwelcome guest.
"Rory, we're going. It's going to be fine."
"You talked to Luke yesterday?"
Jess nodded silently chewing his food. He called Luke every few months, something that he never discussed with Rory. He and Luke had ended their Stars Hollow days on a good note, and Jess liked that he had family he could count on. The fact that he lived at Lorelai's house made it trickier now, so he had to catch him at the diner. Talking about Stars Hollow was too taboo for him to bring up to her. He felt like what he was, a hypocrite. Unwilling to stay there with her, unable to avoid it all together himself.
"I'm only going to say this once, okay?" she let out a timid breath. "What if we only work here?" tears had already formed in her eyes by the time she got the last word out. Jess looked up at her, not in surprise, but concern was evident in his eyes. He stood up, pushing his chair way back from the kitchen table. He was pulling her up from her chair not a moment later, and had encased her face in his hands before a tear could break the barrier of her eyelashes.
"I'll say this as many times as it takes to put your mind at ease for life. We work anywhere. Put in any situation, it is only you that I need. It may have taken us the last four years to cement it, but I knew it the first time I saw you. I hate the idea of marriage in and of itself, but I feel like I'm drowning when I think of not being with you for the rest of my life. Got it?" he whispered into her ear, holding her head gently against his own. He could feel the warm tears against his cheek as they traveled down hers. He tasted the salt as it seeped into the corner of his lips.
She nodded slowly as he turned his head and caught her lips on his own. He was harsh, roughly drawing his lips against hers, gripping her arms and pulling her closer until he couldn't distinguish where he ended and she began. Their food forgotten, he navigated them to the couch, the leather making that delicious sound that it makes as soft fabric scrapes across it. The sensation of her underneath him made him crazy, it always had. It flooded his brain with pleasure, and with memories of the two of them. The first time she kissed him. The first time he kissed her. The sound his heart made in his chest as it dissolved when she told him no at Yale. The feeling of rebirth when her lips crashed into his, at his old apartment following her graduation. Her voice, soft and hypnotic as she moves her body in tandem with his, urging him on. It all swirls in his head, making him dizzy.
"I got it," came her response, between shallow breaths.
He kissed her again, gently now, and wrapped his arms around her tighter. They fell asleep, in the other's arms, the only place either of them found any peace.
From work the next day, she called her mother, the first exchange without anxiety in years for her.
"Mom? We'll be there Friday."
The next few days went by without mention to the impending trip or doubts of any kind. She had no doubts about marrying him. Her fears were rooted in the opinions of the people that had once mattered more to her than anything. Her mom. Her grandparents. Her dad. Lane. That damn list wasn't getting any smaller, and the more she thought about it, eloping didn't sound so bad. Her mother never really talked about wanting to throw her a large wedding, but Stars Hollow was the big party capital of the world. Her mother had planned so many weddings she could probably throw together a reception for five hundred in five minutes. Thoughts like this ate up more and more of her attention as Friday neared. By that afternoon, as she was packing while she waited for Jess to get home, she was nearly paralyzed with trepidation.
"Rory?" came the voice that made chills run up and down her spine each and every time she heard it from the hall.
"I'm in the bedroom," she called back, thankful for him breaking her out of her daze.
"Packed?" he asked, looking at her most full suitcase.
"Yeah."
He ran a hand through his hair and nodded. That's when the pacing started. Back and forth, at the foot of their bed as she sat on the edge, watching him like he was a close tennis match.
"Alright. I've been thinking about this. As far as I can figure it, we just need to relax, stay in close proximity to the other all weekend and if it gets bad, we leave."
She nodded and held out her hand to signal him to sit next to her.
"Can't sit. Need to smoke," he informed her reaching for his pack of cigarettes that hadn't left his person in four days.
"Jess, please?"
He sat. Her fingers interlaced with his and she looked into his frazzled brown eyes.
"It's just my mom and Luke. And if I know anything now, I know that you and I are supposed to be together. End of story. I can't listen to anyone that says otherwise, and neither can you. Right?"
He let the breath he'd been holding out and nodded. He kissed her cheek and stood immediately.
"Going to pack?"
"Right after that cigarette," he informed her, leaving her to shake her head as she finished putting some books in her suitcase.
Smelling of tobacco and sedated with just enough nicotine in his blood, he sat behind the wheel of a car he borrowed from his boss. Rory was impressed with the car, but when you run a successful publishing house, you can afford a car like this. Impractical though it might be in New York City. Leather seats with heaters imbedded in the cushions, automatic climate control, six-disc CD changer, not to mention it was a Jaguar, well, Rory was more than impressed. Especially that his boss had lent it to Jess. She thought about the first cars she had ever ridden in with Jess. They were the most unsafe rattletraps ever to see pavement. To say this was a step up was saying that being fluent in three languages was a step up from saying your first word.
She fingered through the CD's in their collections, and put six in the changer, careful to not to scratch the ones she took out of the player. They'd be losing the good radio stations before long, and there was no way that Jess would stay sane listening to Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits and Yanni. She made a face as she pulled out the last and most offensive to her taste, John Tesh. Jess watched her, moving swiftly and ever so carefully, as though she were working with dangerous chemicals. She was the most graceful person, and she had no idea. She was so concentrated on every little task at hand, and oblivious to everything else when she had her thoughts focused on something. This usually fell in his favor, the very thought of which caused a smile to spread across his face.
Now finished choosing music, she pressed play and Muse came blaring out on the sound system. She noticed his smile and his gaze fixed on her, and she smiled shyly.
"What?" she laughed.
"Nothing, just thinking." He revealed nothing, but satisfied her for the moment. She let herself fall into the song, the beat causing her to rock to the beat as she remained belted into her seat. They both unconsciously began mouthing the words, only to stop when they both tried to steal a glance at the other. Knowing smiles spread across their faces.
The song changed, and instantly took them both back in time. Jess leaned over to her, as they sat at a stoplight, still waiting to get out of the city with the rest of the commuters on a Friday evening.
"All I can think of right now is you and me on our first date," he stated, as she felt the blush creep up from her neck, painting her cheeks pink.
Their first date. She could still hear her mother's voice griping about the fact that his wheels might flee from the body of the car as they neared the speed limit on the highway, and made sure she had her cell phone on her so they could call Luke to come get them. She had fully warned her and therefore wasn't liable for any stranding situation they got themselves into. The words had rolled right off of Rory, barely registering as her nerves got the better of her. She pulled her shirt down a little to smooth it out, brushing her lips together to check to see how much lip gloss she still had on before bidding her mother a goodnight.
She had a date with Jess. Jess. She could hold his hand during the date and kiss him goodnight afterwards. Kissing Jess. It was still new, and it was like someone lit a match in an unexplored cave. She walked outside to see him standing up against the car, as if it were holding him up. She smiled at the thought that at least it could withhold pressure, even if it were just his body weight.
They ended up a bookstore in Hartford, getting coffee and sorting through title after title, talking about the merits of the ones they had read, debating over others. He admitted he wanted to take her to a bookstore in New York, but had thought Lorelai might have him arrested for kidnapping if he tried it. She'd laughed, agreeing with his choice of locale and they at long last decided to leave the bookstore before they were charged rent.
Neither had wanted the evening to end. The nervousness had worn off fast, though the exhilaration of just being together just seemed to increase. They didn't say much when they got into the car. He drove for a few minutes when she realized she was talking.
"Can we not go right home?"
That got his attention quickly, a bit surprised at her brazen question. He attempted to remain calm and rational, not letting his desire to pull the car right over and get her into the backseat right this second.
"You hungry?"
"No."
Swallow. Hard. Think. Breathe. "Where do you want to go?"
"Um, I'm not sure. Is there somewhere we can be alone?"
"Y-yeah. Sure." Oh. Dear. God. He felt the blood rush down from his head, and turned the car off the main road when they got to the exit before Stars Hollow. He'd come across a quiet spot on the way home one night after getting off work early a few weeks ago. There was the main water tower for the county one town away. He pulled off the road into the grassy area under the water tower and turned off the ignition. He turned to her slowly and she gave him a hesitant smile.
"Rory?"
"Yeah?"
"Come here," he breathed, moving towards her as she scooted over towards him. He interlaced his fingers in her long silky hair and massaged her lips with his, stroking them vigorously. Each time they were alone, something had managed to interrupt their chance to kiss for more than five seconds. Here they were, finally in charge of what happened. He let out a sound of appreciation as she moved her hand down his chest and slipped it under his shirt. He pulled back just so he could utter a few words.
"Backseat, more comfortable," he managed before her lips were back on his. She moved her attentions to his neck, making shifting around a bit painful, as blood was displaced in his body. They slid back into the rear of the car, him moving the stuff that had collected in the seat onto the floor. This was the first time she felt powerful and in control of her sexual needs. It didn't matter that they weren't going to have sex, but to have the ability and the freedom, she pulled him tighter against her, molding her body to his as they continued to enjoy themselves. They carried on in that backseat until he had just enough time and willpower to drop her off at home at a decent hour so they could ensure many, many more similar encounters. Which they had.
Her blush was a full on crimson as she allowed her mind to go back to the memory Jess too was reliving.
"You know, you should probably not walk into my mother's house looking like that," she managed.
"Like what?" he asked, seemingly innocent.
"With your pants so, snug," she giggled.
"Wanna stop by the old water tower?" he whispered in her ear, causing yet more shivers down her spine. Damn him for getting her like this.
"Home, Jeeves, home," she commanded.
He nodded, turned up the stereo and they continued on their way to Stars Hollow.
AN: Thank you for the kind words on this story so far. You reviews really turned around a sucky, sucky day for me. Hope you enjoyed this installment, as I get to work on the next one. . .
In the last few years, she'd never regretted it. The cash had furnished their apartment modestly, and they even got to save a little money. He had dutifully tried to talk her out of selling the car, but it would have broken their rule. The car wasn't about them. So, it went. She said just that definitively to him without batting an eyelash.
"Fair enough," he said, still allowing her to change her mind at any moment, ready to take on the wailing and hitting for making her lose everything to live here with him.
But she didn't. She smiled and threw her arms around him. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he carried her into the bedroom as she talked about what kind of couch she wanted to buy with the money. Until his lips hit hers and her back met the mattress.
But needing to drive to Connecticut was now presenting to be a problem. No car and a hell of a cab fare. Buses were too messy for them; it brought back memories that Jess would assume remain buried in her mind. Long last looks and lies flew to his mind anytime he heard the very word uttered. Guilt and shame followed. He said nothing. She knew exactly what he wasn't saying, also never suggesting it.
"Call Luke. Tell him to bring Mom here."
Jess looked up at her, as she pushed some chicken around on her plate at dinner two nights after she talked to her mom. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she looked up at him.
"I'm serious."
"Rory, we can go up there. I'll just borrow a car."
Now it was her turn to raise an eyebrow. Jess' definition of borrow was loose at best.
"What?"
Rory sighed. "Just, call Luke."
"I talked to him yesterday. He's all excited, and your mom is ... let's just go, alright?"
"But what if--," she cut off, not wanting to finish the thought that was in her head already. She cursed the fear and doubt invading her head, and worse, he could feel it in the room with them, like an unwelcome guest.
"Rory, we're going. It's going to be fine."
"You talked to Luke yesterday?"
Jess nodded silently chewing his food. He called Luke every few months, something that he never discussed with Rory. He and Luke had ended their Stars Hollow days on a good note, and Jess liked that he had family he could count on. The fact that he lived at Lorelai's house made it trickier now, so he had to catch him at the diner. Talking about Stars Hollow was too taboo for him to bring up to her. He felt like what he was, a hypocrite. Unwilling to stay there with her, unable to avoid it all together himself.
"I'm only going to say this once, okay?" she let out a timid breath. "What if we only work here?" tears had already formed in her eyes by the time she got the last word out. Jess looked up at her, not in surprise, but concern was evident in his eyes. He stood up, pushing his chair way back from the kitchen table. He was pulling her up from her chair not a moment later, and had encased her face in his hands before a tear could break the barrier of her eyelashes.
"I'll say this as many times as it takes to put your mind at ease for life. We work anywhere. Put in any situation, it is only you that I need. It may have taken us the last four years to cement it, but I knew it the first time I saw you. I hate the idea of marriage in and of itself, but I feel like I'm drowning when I think of not being with you for the rest of my life. Got it?" he whispered into her ear, holding her head gently against his own. He could feel the warm tears against his cheek as they traveled down hers. He tasted the salt as it seeped into the corner of his lips.
She nodded slowly as he turned his head and caught her lips on his own. He was harsh, roughly drawing his lips against hers, gripping her arms and pulling her closer until he couldn't distinguish where he ended and she began. Their food forgotten, he navigated them to the couch, the leather making that delicious sound that it makes as soft fabric scrapes across it. The sensation of her underneath him made him crazy, it always had. It flooded his brain with pleasure, and with memories of the two of them. The first time she kissed him. The first time he kissed her. The sound his heart made in his chest as it dissolved when she told him no at Yale. The feeling of rebirth when her lips crashed into his, at his old apartment following her graduation. Her voice, soft and hypnotic as she moves her body in tandem with his, urging him on. It all swirls in his head, making him dizzy.
"I got it," came her response, between shallow breaths.
He kissed her again, gently now, and wrapped his arms around her tighter. They fell asleep, in the other's arms, the only place either of them found any peace.
From work the next day, she called her mother, the first exchange without anxiety in years for her.
"Mom? We'll be there Friday."
The next few days went by without mention to the impending trip or doubts of any kind. She had no doubts about marrying him. Her fears were rooted in the opinions of the people that had once mattered more to her than anything. Her mom. Her grandparents. Her dad. Lane. That damn list wasn't getting any smaller, and the more she thought about it, eloping didn't sound so bad. Her mother never really talked about wanting to throw her a large wedding, but Stars Hollow was the big party capital of the world. Her mother had planned so many weddings she could probably throw together a reception for five hundred in five minutes. Thoughts like this ate up more and more of her attention as Friday neared. By that afternoon, as she was packing while she waited for Jess to get home, she was nearly paralyzed with trepidation.
"Rory?" came the voice that made chills run up and down her spine each and every time she heard it from the hall.
"I'm in the bedroom," she called back, thankful for him breaking her out of her daze.
"Packed?" he asked, looking at her most full suitcase.
"Yeah."
He ran a hand through his hair and nodded. That's when the pacing started. Back and forth, at the foot of their bed as she sat on the edge, watching him like he was a close tennis match.
"Alright. I've been thinking about this. As far as I can figure it, we just need to relax, stay in close proximity to the other all weekend and if it gets bad, we leave."
She nodded and held out her hand to signal him to sit next to her.
"Can't sit. Need to smoke," he informed her reaching for his pack of cigarettes that hadn't left his person in four days.
"Jess, please?"
He sat. Her fingers interlaced with his and she looked into his frazzled brown eyes.
"It's just my mom and Luke. And if I know anything now, I know that you and I are supposed to be together. End of story. I can't listen to anyone that says otherwise, and neither can you. Right?"
He let the breath he'd been holding out and nodded. He kissed her cheek and stood immediately.
"Going to pack?"
"Right after that cigarette," he informed her, leaving her to shake her head as she finished putting some books in her suitcase.
Smelling of tobacco and sedated with just enough nicotine in his blood, he sat behind the wheel of a car he borrowed from his boss. Rory was impressed with the car, but when you run a successful publishing house, you can afford a car like this. Impractical though it might be in New York City. Leather seats with heaters imbedded in the cushions, automatic climate control, six-disc CD changer, not to mention it was a Jaguar, well, Rory was more than impressed. Especially that his boss had lent it to Jess. She thought about the first cars she had ever ridden in with Jess. They were the most unsafe rattletraps ever to see pavement. To say this was a step up was saying that being fluent in three languages was a step up from saying your first word.
She fingered through the CD's in their collections, and put six in the changer, careful to not to scratch the ones she took out of the player. They'd be losing the good radio stations before long, and there was no way that Jess would stay sane listening to Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits and Yanni. She made a face as she pulled out the last and most offensive to her taste, John Tesh. Jess watched her, moving swiftly and ever so carefully, as though she were working with dangerous chemicals. She was the most graceful person, and she had no idea. She was so concentrated on every little task at hand, and oblivious to everything else when she had her thoughts focused on something. This usually fell in his favor, the very thought of which caused a smile to spread across his face.
Now finished choosing music, she pressed play and Muse came blaring out on the sound system. She noticed his smile and his gaze fixed on her, and she smiled shyly.
"What?" she laughed.
"Nothing, just thinking." He revealed nothing, but satisfied her for the moment. She let herself fall into the song, the beat causing her to rock to the beat as she remained belted into her seat. They both unconsciously began mouthing the words, only to stop when they both tried to steal a glance at the other. Knowing smiles spread across their faces.
The song changed, and instantly took them both back in time. Jess leaned over to her, as they sat at a stoplight, still waiting to get out of the city with the rest of the commuters on a Friday evening.
"All I can think of right now is you and me on our first date," he stated, as she felt the blush creep up from her neck, painting her cheeks pink.
Their first date. She could still hear her mother's voice griping about the fact that his wheels might flee from the body of the car as they neared the speed limit on the highway, and made sure she had her cell phone on her so they could call Luke to come get them. She had fully warned her and therefore wasn't liable for any stranding situation they got themselves into. The words had rolled right off of Rory, barely registering as her nerves got the better of her. She pulled her shirt down a little to smooth it out, brushing her lips together to check to see how much lip gloss she still had on before bidding her mother a goodnight.
She had a date with Jess. Jess. She could hold his hand during the date and kiss him goodnight afterwards. Kissing Jess. It was still new, and it was like someone lit a match in an unexplored cave. She walked outside to see him standing up against the car, as if it were holding him up. She smiled at the thought that at least it could withhold pressure, even if it were just his body weight.
They ended up a bookstore in Hartford, getting coffee and sorting through title after title, talking about the merits of the ones they had read, debating over others. He admitted he wanted to take her to a bookstore in New York, but had thought Lorelai might have him arrested for kidnapping if he tried it. She'd laughed, agreeing with his choice of locale and they at long last decided to leave the bookstore before they were charged rent.
Neither had wanted the evening to end. The nervousness had worn off fast, though the exhilaration of just being together just seemed to increase. They didn't say much when they got into the car. He drove for a few minutes when she realized she was talking.
"Can we not go right home?"
That got his attention quickly, a bit surprised at her brazen question. He attempted to remain calm and rational, not letting his desire to pull the car right over and get her into the backseat right this second.
"You hungry?"
"No."
Swallow. Hard. Think. Breathe. "Where do you want to go?"
"Um, I'm not sure. Is there somewhere we can be alone?"
"Y-yeah. Sure." Oh. Dear. God. He felt the blood rush down from his head, and turned the car off the main road when they got to the exit before Stars Hollow. He'd come across a quiet spot on the way home one night after getting off work early a few weeks ago. There was the main water tower for the county one town away. He pulled off the road into the grassy area under the water tower and turned off the ignition. He turned to her slowly and she gave him a hesitant smile.
"Rory?"
"Yeah?"
"Come here," he breathed, moving towards her as she scooted over towards him. He interlaced his fingers in her long silky hair and massaged her lips with his, stroking them vigorously. Each time they were alone, something had managed to interrupt their chance to kiss for more than five seconds. Here they were, finally in charge of what happened. He let out a sound of appreciation as she moved her hand down his chest and slipped it under his shirt. He pulled back just so he could utter a few words.
"Backseat, more comfortable," he managed before her lips were back on his. She moved her attentions to his neck, making shifting around a bit painful, as blood was displaced in his body. They slid back into the rear of the car, him moving the stuff that had collected in the seat onto the floor. This was the first time she felt powerful and in control of her sexual needs. It didn't matter that they weren't going to have sex, but to have the ability and the freedom, she pulled him tighter against her, molding her body to his as they continued to enjoy themselves. They carried on in that backseat until he had just enough time and willpower to drop her off at home at a decent hour so they could ensure many, many more similar encounters. Which they had.
Her blush was a full on crimson as she allowed her mind to go back to the memory Jess too was reliving.
"You know, you should probably not walk into my mother's house looking like that," she managed.
"Like what?" he asked, seemingly innocent.
"With your pants so, snug," she giggled.
"Wanna stop by the old water tower?" he whispered in her ear, causing yet more shivers down her spine. Damn him for getting her like this.
"Home, Jeeves, home," she commanded.
He nodded, turned up the stereo and they continued on their way to Stars Hollow.
AN: Thank you for the kind words on this story so far. You reviews really turned around a sucky, sucky day for me. Hope you enjoyed this installment, as I get to work on the next one. . .