[Disclaimer]
[Kouga and Ayame are standing in front of a western matinee backdrop that was probably borrowed from Kagome's school. Ayame is dressed as a saloon girl and Kouga as a cowboy.]
Ayame: I feel like a slut.
Kouga: You mean you're not?
Ayame: *whacks him over the head*
Kouga: Owie!
Ayame: Just give the disclaimer, Cheeseball.
Kouga: Scorpiogal does not own Inu Yasha. And he deffinately does not own Kagome.
Ayame: *glares at him*
Kouga: What?
Ayame: Well I had asked the writer if you didn't have to say that embarrassing line she suggested, but now I think you can say it –
Kouga: What?!
Ayame: -With gusto.
Kouga: Oh come on!
Ayame: Say it or else.
Kouga: Or else what?
Ayame: Or else I tell you're precious "Kagome" about your little incident at the train station.
Kouga: *sweatdrops and looks at her nervously* You wouldn't.
Ayame: *plucks a cell phone out of the lining of her saloon girl dress and begins dialing Kagome's home phone number*
Kouga: Alright! I'll say it! But only if you don't dial, please Ayame!
Ayame: Okay! ^_^
Kouga: *takes a deep relieving sigh then turns to the readers. He smirks and stands with his legs apart* I ride 'em high and ride 'em fast! Yeehah!
Ayame: *giggles*
Kouga: *blushes and looks extremely confused* What the Sam Hill does that MEAN anyway?!?!
Chapter 17: Hamburger and Country Pai
(AN: Try to remember that Pai is the name of one of the personal girls, and I put it up there on the off chance it actually sounds like it's English Equivalent "Pie".)
In the little Musashi village, there was a woman with ten children. Can you imagine that?? Ten children, and she hadn't murdered a single one of them! Well, not yet anyway….
"Leave your little sister alone!" the mother shouted at one of them. She was trying to get them all to sit down for breakfast – but was failing horribly. She sighed loudly and walked outside to get a drink of water. As she was dipping the ladle into the pail, she felt someone tap her on the shoulder. She turned around and there was Inu Yasha.
"Yes?" she asked. She didn't run from him, she knew who he was. But was nervous to see him lurking around the village without his keeper. What could he have wanted from a poor old mother such as herself?
"Do you have any milk?" he asked.
The woman blinked.
WHAP!
"ARGH!!" Inu Yasha kneeled on the ground clutching the huge lump on top of him head.
The woman gave him a flustered glare and dropped the now broken ladle on the ground. She stormed back inside her house, muttering about what a sick creep Inu Yasha was.
Inu Yasha growled, still holding the lump on his head, and waved a fist at the door she disappeared through. "You've got a nasty mind, lady!!"
Inu Onna scampered over looking at the house then looked up at Inu Yasha worriedly. "Owa?"
Inu Yasha scooped her up with one arm onto his shoulder, and shot the house one last glare before he began to walk off again. "Crazy old bat. Don't worry, kid - there's plenty of women in the village with newborns."
(AN: For those of you who don't know, women can only produce milk right after they have a baby and stuff. It doesn't last forever either.)
-
And so there was another new mother in the village. But she wasn't an old woman who lived in a shoe – she only had three kids. Two boys and a girl. She had just had a girl and the two boys were twins. She stood by her little cooking fire, making fish soup. The baby slept soundly in a papoose on the woman's back. She stirred the soup with a wooden ladle and every few minutes lifted the ladle out for a taste test. It was either too bland or too salty, and there was always a thin line in between…
"Excuse me," Inu Yasha walked up to her.
She turned to look at him.
"Do you have any milk?" he asked.
WHAP!!
The new lump was even more painful then the first one!
"Pervert!" the woman quickly walked away from him.
"I'm not a pervert!" he shouted after her. He teetered where he stood with the pain in his head.
Inu Onna came over again with a sweatdrop. "Eeee, owa guh!" she tugged at his pants leg pleadingly. If her daddy was just going to keep getting hit, then maybe she could wait till her mommy came back.
"No, no really! I can handle this!" Inu Yasha said waving at her. He hissed through his teeth pressing the lump down. Then he picked Inu Onna up again and walked away.
-
"Excuse me, do you have any milk?"
WHA-CHING!
Inu Yasha blocked the third woman's mad ladle with the tetsusaiga scabbard. He smirked smartly. That's right, Inu Yasha only had to be hit in the head twice before he learned to block!
But the woman was pretty quick too. Once he had the ladle blocked, she came at him with her second plan of attack. A hot skillet.
"DAH!!" Inu Yasha went down.
The woman huffed in harassment. "Sicko!"
Inu Onna jumped out growling like a puppy and charged the lady. She ran away screaming. Inu Onna stopped chasing her when she got to Inu Yasha. The pup sniffed him worriedly. Dog boy sat up. He was pretty much okay, except for the three red burn marks across his right cheek. He nodded and said, "One more place I guess…" ;;;
-
There was a young woman in the town who farmed animals and grew rice. She had large innocent eyes and fluffy hair. Shio called her a class A air head zeppelin. She had only one child, yet that child was also a newborn.
Inu Yasha went up to her, "Excuse me."
The lady turned to look at him with a look on her face that made her look like she had been snorting helium.
Inu Yasha took a deep breath and asked. "Do you by any chance have any milk?" he crossed his arms in front of him quickly ready for a ladel to come flying out of no where.
She smiled at him and replied in a bubbly voice. "Oh! Why yes I do!"
He lowered his arms hesitantly then dropped them and asked, "Really?"
"Yeah!" she nodded. "Just one second! I'll get you some fresh goat's milk!" ^_^
-
The air headed woman came back later with a pan of milk. She gave it to Inu Yasha, telling him it was no trouble at all. He took the pan and set in on the ground. Inu Onna leapt at it happily. She hung over the side of the pan, lapping up the milk like a starving puppy. Inu Yasha sighed in relief. Getting that milk was way too much trouble.
All of a sudden the air headed woman screamed causing Inu Yasha to jump. "What??" he exclaimed. His nervousness was quite normal considering he got hit in the head and face with kitchenware all day.
"Oh my lord!" she exclaimed pointing at him. "What in the world happened to you cheek!?!"
Inu Yasha facefaulted.
-
"AH – TIEU!"
BLING!
Seventeen year old Sumiko searched every searchable nook and cranny of the forest for her Vitoletto, but to no avail. Soon she saw Shio coming back from his third date.
She stopped her search and bounded over to hear how it went. The first thing she noticed was that he looked like a World War 2 veteran: sluggish, withdrawn, and drained of all emotion. She guessed how it went. "Bad day?"
Shio gave her a despaired whimper before dropping to his knees. "I need a hug." He croaked.
"Ohh," Sumiko picked him up off the ground and gave him a great bear hug. She carried him like he was her baby and sat down on a fallen tree trunk.
"I can't go on, Sumiko-chan," Shio said painfully. "Just leave me here alone to die!"
"Okay, stop now! Don't be such a drama queen!" she said cradling him a bit.
"It's no use, Sumiko!" he whimpered. "I'm just not meant to have a mate! God's gift to women must die a sad and lonely death!"
"Hush it, Shio! I can't believe you're saying this!" Sumiko exclaimed. "The Shio I know wouldn't cower in the corner with his tail between his legs! No way! The shio I know would spray on some more cologne, maybe brush out his hair, then take a deep breathe and say, 'I'm not tired! Just give me another bucket of strawberries and some whipped cream and I'll be fine!'"
Shio sweatdropped and gave her a raised eyebrow. "I don't sound like that." ;;;
"Not the point!" Sumiko said. "The point is that if there's anyone who's going to die a sad and lonely death, it's only the person who gives up too soon!"
Shio was silent and looked off to the side. Inspiring indeed little sister, but was it true? Only one way to find out.
Shio held out his hand. "Keven Klein." He replied.
Sumiko smiled and placed the bottle of men's cologne in his open hand.
-
Shin'yo told Yakidaruma and Sashimi to stop their warm-up meditation and stand beside her. "Ready Sashimasu?"
Sashimasu stood a few feet away facing them with her arms crossed. "As I'll ever be." She replied dryly.
Shin'yo ushered them closer then told her friend, "You may begin."
Sashimasu took a deep breath and placed her hand over her heart. She blinked and the light in her eyes grew brilliant. Within seconds a phantom-like glow surrounded her in a soft halo of light. Yukidaruma had to rub his eyes and squint at it to believe this glow was really there. The light seemed natural yet unnatural – or possibly even supernatural!
It must have been noon in the day but for at least a half of a minute, Sashimasu was like the brightest star in the darkest night. But the light had faded as soon as it came, and Sashimasu became herself again.
Sashimi gave an awed gasp and exclaimed, "That was beautiful, Mommy!"
Sashimasu took a bow and the two students clapped for her. Then she gave them an ear to ear grin and said, "It's quite an entertaining party trick, too!" ^______^
Shin'yo rolled her eyes and said, "All right then, as my assistant Miss Sashimasu has just demonstrated, you will be practicing bringing out your light."
She put the students on opposite sides of the tile floor. "All of your previous training will help you for this. First you empty your mind, then you concentrate on your element. Then once you see the light in your mind, you draw it out!"
Yukidaruma closed his eyes and cleared his mind. He decided to concentrate on his element.
"Remember, I'm not asking you to show your full power, even if you're able to pull out a small amount and keep it constant you will have passed the test!"
The tiles around Yukidaruma's feet became icy and slick. Frost settled in his raven black hair and icicles sprouted off of his clothes. He reached into his mind out for the light, but it was too far away. The ice on the tiles crackled as it spread further out, The icicles grew longer and more jagged. He still couldn't reach the light!
'What is it? Why can't I get closer?!'he thought frantically.
Suddenly he was brought out of his consentration by a new glowing light. As he came to, the icicles hanging from his sleeves broke off and shattered on the floor. Sashimi stood off to the side hugging herself. She was illuminated with a wispy silvery light that was as bright as demonstration given by Sashimasu.
Shin'yo watched her with her chin tilted upward a little bit. She was either surprised by Sashimi's display, or at least very impressed. Sashimasu who was watching not far away also watched, though her face showed more signs of amazement. Then the light disappeared and she turned to smile at Sashimasu excitedly. "I did it! I did it! Did I do well, Mommy??"
"Very well, Sashimi-chan!" her mother gave her a wink and a thumbs up.
Sashimi giggled to herself and put her hands behind her back, bowing cutely.
Yukidaruma felt a little bit jealous of course, but all that meant was that next time he had to try harder.
-
Well by date #4, Shio was starting to get full from eating. So witought even thinking about canceling the next three already made reservations at the restaurant, Shio went on to his next date with country girl, Pai.
He met up with her, she dressed pretty casually for the date – casual for a hillbilly that is. Short shorts, A red low cut shirt that tied together in the front. Even though no one in Japan dressed like that (not even the hookers). When Shio saw her he was very shocked that she would dress like that. Especially since she was so busty. It was like the cloth that was tying her shirt together would tear open or something.
"How-dy!" Pai greeted him with an unusually strong handshake.
"Howdy!" Shio grinned at her. "Have you already eaten?"
Pai shrugged her shoulders. "Why for? You already full?"
"A little." Shio answered.
"No problem, we can find somethin' else tuh do!" Pai patted him on the back also unusually hard. So they stopped for a moment to brainstorm.
"How 'bout cow tipping?" Pai suggested.
Shio blinked. "Cow tipping?"
"Yeah!" she exclaimed. "Don't tell me you never heard a' cow tipping a'fore?"
Shio scanned his encyclopedia of futuristic knowledge but nothing came up on cow tipping! Oo
"I'm afraid I haven't." he answered truthfully.
She shrugged again and simply smiled at him. "Well, that's okay I guess. I'll learn ya!"
So they began walking toward the next cattle farm.
"How old are you by the way?" Pai asked.
"Seventeen."
"Really? So am I." Shio said. "And you said your family distills sake and stuff right?"
"That's right! I've been drinking it and making it myself for years!" she said proudly.
"That's cool. I think of Sake as my partying brother that gives people a hangover." Shio said.
"You like it too?" she asked.
"Of course." He replied.
"Well, I'll have to make some for ya sometime!" she winked at him.
He grinned back then asked, "You don't kill demons do you?"
She looked upward for a second as if she had to think about it first, then said, "Nope. I'd rather go fish'n."
He nodded and sighed. "That's good." Then he asked, "Are you a virgin?"
After a few moments of silence, she gave him a wary eye. "Are you tryin' to get some from me, City Boy?"
"No, no! I was just wondering!" he said quickly and innocently. "I mean hey! I'm a virgin."
She smiled at him and replied. "Me too."
He looked up and said in a surprised tone. "Really?"
"Yeah." She blushed a little bit, cute for her freckly background. "I'm saven' myself fur marriage. What about you?"
"Me? Oh yeah! Of course!" he nodded honestly.
She laughed to herself then tilted her head forward, giving him a mysterious wink. "That don't mean though, that I don't like to have fun."
Shio looked at her surprised and he laughed interestedly. A girl that knows future things, drinks sake, is sexy, and likes to have fun. This one seemed pretty good.