His eyes are on me, I can feel them. He hates weakness, even a little bit of it. He knows I'm afraid.
"I have been talking to your captain." He waits and I nod, looking at my hands. If I can just concentrate on them, maybe they'll stop shaking.
"She says you are lazy, willful and refuse to go into any simulations. Is this true?" I can't help the tear running down my cheek, how can I? This man will send me back because I can't tell him my captain was lying to him and I can't say that she wasn't.
"Herse?" His voice is so cold. So cold and filled with threats, I have to look at him or he'll assume she's right about me.
"Sir?"
"Are the allegations true?" His voice softens but it doesn't matter, I cannot tell him the truth.
"Commander, I don't think she can answer that." My father says, putting his big hand on my arm.
"And why not?"
"She is still a member of the Spartan, to speak against her captain would be a form of mutiny."
"I realise this but if I am to hear the truth, she must say it now."
"Commander, Sir. I can't." I can't make you understand. "It would be better I was dead than spoke against her."
"Why do you say that?" I shake my head, it burns, it all burns so much.
"I can't. Please Sir, don't make me."
"Would you be able to if she was no longer your captain?" I freeze. I know my eyes are red and puffy, I know that they stare like lamps.
"Do you mean it Sir?"
"You do not have to go back if you tell me what happens on the Spartan." I lick my lips, it's a hard choice. In a way I am still part of that witch's crew, because until I commit the crime, I can't be free.
"I can only tell you if you promise my safety personally."
"What?" He asks quietly, angrily, I feel the bile, it's rising in my throat.
"I am certain she shall kill me if she finds out that I've said anything. I can't go back there, I'll do anything, just don't make me tell you and then go back. Please." Something changes in him, I see it happen, I hope I am right.
"Alright. If you tell me what she does on her ship, I shall guarantee your transfer to a ship that will have you." He holds a hand up, stilling my father's speech. I nod, it hurts but I have to.
"For the last year I have cleaned grates, repaired cables of every sort, been uploaded with more operational programs than I knew existed and lived in fear of her."
"Of who Herse?"
"Captain Helen of the Spartan."
"Why?"
"She hates me. I don't know why, but she hates me. It started before I even had the chance to get into the construct. She told me that if she ever so much as heard a whisper about me being in any simulations, I would be one of the casualties that the Agents are responsible for. And I believe her."
"Have you seen anyone die on the ship?"
"Yes."
"How?"
"Agents, they get them, they always get them. It doesn't matter who they are, what they've done before or how good they are, she sends them in and they get them." I keep seeing them die, I keep feeling the blankets I had to lay over the bodies of comrades who had been kind to me, smiled at me, stood up to her.
"I can't go back." The words are out before I can stop them, and I want to call them back, to make them unsaid. My hands cover my eyes and the sobs are choking my throat. He has to understand now, he has to.
"Captain, take her to the Shadow. Send someone back here in an hour, all the paperwork will be done by then."
"Yes Commander." He steers me gently, I can hardly walk, I can't feel my legs or my feet. I can feel my toes though, they tingle like I have pins and needles. I'll concentrate on them. He stops me for a moment, just outside the door. He goes back in and I stand like a zombie. I should tell Mercury everything, I should tell him it all before I die.
"Come on little one, you'll be all right." I nod mutely. How can I be all right when my hours are numbered until the time she sees me next? I can hear her boot heels on the metal of the dock. She's coming, she's coming for me.
"So, the little bitch still on my ship?" Her voice is light, cold and brittle, it cuts me like a dagger. God it hurts, it hurts so much.
"For now she is to stay with me."
"You better not spoil her, more work for me to undo when I get her back."
"I think you should speak to Lock if you want her Helen."
"Why? You taken an… interest… in the runt? Fine, have her for a while. They all come back in the end." Her feet leave and I feel so small that I could slip right through the cracks. I close my eyes and there's nothing at all. The ground has disappeared, I wonder where it went?
*~*
A/N: I love my Herse so I brought her back. Please let me know what you think of this chapter, I might take it off. Let me know what you think.
Mayfly: I studied Classical Societies and Cultures for 2 years, we did Greek for both and it was GREAT! I love Euripides, especially "Trojan Women". Thanks for the review!
Da Buffster: Your wish, oh reviewer, is my keystrokes! I hope this didn't take too long, I got a little carried away with my other stories :). Let me know if I should keep going or what, thanks :)