Well, I was talking with some of the people who are working on this project with me the other day and we came to the conclusion that we needed some funny things for the opening credits. We chose the one thing that offers endless resources to make fun of...pop culture. Here they are, the opening credit mini-parodies!

REINSTALLED

Parody of the "Thirst" Sprite commercials.

(An action figure of Morpheus, much like the Thirst action figure appears at a door)

(The doorbell rings)

(Matt answers the door)

Matt: What's up, Morph?

Morpheus: Hey. I thought I'd just check out your new house.

Matt: Sure, come on it.

(Switch to bedroom)

Matt: This is the bedroom.

Morpheus: Yeah, yeah, king size waterbed.

(Switch to the kitchen)

Matt: This is the kitchen.

Morpheus: Ok, sprite vending machine, whatever.

(Switch to ICC Integrated Command Center)

Matt: This is the Integrated Command Center

(A bunch of large monitors with information such as nuclear missile silos, and other military things are in a dark room, the ICC)

Morpheus: Yeah, yeah, hostile military take over of the world.

(Switch to living room)

Matt: This is the living room.

Morpheus: What?!? Oh no you didn't. You got the matrix trilogy on DVD to watch anytime you want?

Matt: Yep.

(Matt looks at Morpheus)

Matt: Morph? Morph? You need a tissue?

Morpheus: It's just so beautiful, man. Show 'em my motto.

(On the screen it says "Free Your Mind" in the same way that it would say "Obey Your Thirst" in the Sprite commercials.)

Morpheus: Can a free mind get a minute?

UNPLUGGED

(Morpheus is sitting in a chair in a room)

Morpheus: Hello, by now you all probably know who I am, but for those of you who don't, I am Morpheus. I just got back from a high level meeting from the suits over at Cursing Sailor and Wally Vision and we've all agreed that what lacks in this installment is suspense, drama, Academy Award winning performances, talent, so we decided to give you all of that in a super condensed, fun size, mini movie which is more suitable for your more active, fast paced life. Since a story is almost impossible in this short time, we've just changed up great scenes from many classic movies. Think of it this way, now you don't have to go rent those movies. You could spend you time better, like seeing this again. Ok, here we go.

(Screen fades)

(Morpheus is dressed like Marlin Brando from The Godfather)

(Morpheus is talking to Neo)

Morpheus: Neo, you here, today, on the day of my daughter's wedding and ask me to kill a man I do not know.

Neo: Yep.

Morpheus: Ok.

(Cut to Neo dressed as Spider Man)

Neo: With great power comes great responsibility.

(Morpheus breaks in with four flexible air-ducts taped to his back)

Morpheus: I am villain! Give me money so I can build a fusion reactor!

(Cut to Morpheus standing in the street)

Morpheus: It's made of people! Soylent Green is made of people! And so are people!...People!

(Cut to Neo and Agent Smith doing the lightsaber battle at Cloud City)

Agent Smith: Mr. Anderson, I mean...Luke...there is something you should know about me. I...am...your father!

Neo: No!!!!!

Agent Smith: Now I will cut off you hand for no good reason.

(Agent Smith cuts off Neo's hand)

(Cut to Neo and Morpheus playing themselves from the first Matrix except Neo is Morpheus and visa versa)

Neo: You have two choices, you take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in you bed and...Wait a minute...who wrote this crap? We already did this movie.

Morpheus: Are you...are you sure?

(Cut to Trinity on a large door floating on the ocean and Neo hanging on to it in the water)

Trinity: No Neo, don't die. You can't die.

Neo: Well, maybe if you moved over I could get on the door and we could both...

(Neo dies)

(Cut to Neo and Morpheus driving in a car)

Neo: You know in France they call it a Royal with cheese.

Morpheus: What do they call a Big Mac?

Neo: A Big Mac is still a Big Mac they just call it Le Big Mac.

Morpheus: Le Big Mac.

(Cut to Morpheus Driving a bus)

(Neo jumps on the bus)

Neo: Wait! If this bus goes under 50 miles per hour, it will explode!

Morpheus: Dear God. Wow, Neo, you do that part good. You should of been in this movie.

(Cut to Neo walking with a flashlight)

(Neo enters a public bathroom and finds Morpheus sitting on a toilet with a rifle)

Neo: Is that what I think it is?

Morpheus: Yep. Full metal jacket.

(Commander Locke enters)

Locke: What are you doing in my head?

Morpheus: This.

(Morpheus shoots Commander Locke)

(Cut to Morpheus in a street)

Morpheus: It's still made of people! Soylent Green is still made of people!

Voice Over: Now available in light version with 50% less fat people.

(Cut To Morpheus at bat)

(A ball is pitched)

(Morpheus hits the ball)

(The Ball follows the results of the movie, The Natural, hitting a light and the music plays)

(Cut to Morpheus and Neo standing in an office)

Neo: I have AIDS.

(Morpheus starts laughing uncontrollably)

(cut to Neo in a room)

Neo: Welcome to fight club. the first rule of fight club. We don't talk about fight club. Second rule of fight club, no outside food or drink.

(Cut to Trinity in the cockpit of a commercial airliner)

Trinity: I don't know what to do.

Morpheus: (over radio) Now listen, you've got to land that plane!

(Neo enters the cockpit)

Neo: I just wanted to tell you good luck and we're all counting on you.

(Cut to Morpheus and Neo sitting in a room)

Neo: So tell me what you see?

Morpheus: I see dead people...and you're dead.

Neo: Really?

(Cut to Capt. Mifune laying on the ground)

Capt. Mifune: The horror...the horror.

(Cut to Morpheus back in the chair at the beginning of the segment)

Morpheus: Well, there you have it. We gave you 14 movies in only a few minutes. Goodbye. I have to go to 14 copy write lawsuits now. Bye.

TECH SUPPORT

Parody of the "Rubber Band Man" commercials.

(Shot of Morpheus's feet as he's walking)

(Cut to behind him. Morpheus is pushing a cart similar to the Rubber Band Man cart)

(Morpheus is in an office building)

(Morpheus enters an office and we see Neo clinging to the building on the outside as in the first movie)

(Morpheus hands him a parachute)

(Now we see Morpheus in the subway station from the Neo/Smith fight of the first movie)

(Neo and Smith are stuck in the bullet time part where they have the guns to each other's head.)

(Morpheus takes Smith's gun and loads a new clip)

(Morpheus walks away and once Smith and Neo are out of view, a gunshot is heard)

(Now we see Morpheus in Commander Locke's office)

(Morpheus hands him a game of matrix edition risk called "MatRisk") (may'trisk)

(Morpheus exits the office, turns a corner and gives Councilor Hamman a sleeping pill)

(Now we see Morpheus in the Merovingian's home)

(Morpheus goes up to the Twins who if you'll remember in the parody are Larry and Andy Wachowski and gives them each a book called "3rd Movie: The Key To A Good Trilogy")

(Morpheus turns a corner and Persephone passes him and he turns around to check her out then, after turning back gives a "damn" look)

(Morpheus turns another corner and opens a door to the key maker and gives him a key making kit)

(Now we see Morpheus in the office building where Trinity falls in Reloaded)

(He looks out of the window and sees her fall)

(Morpheus jumps out, taking his cart with him)

(Morpheus dives to gain speed and passes the agent)

(He then gives Trinity a first aid kit)

(Then Morpheus pushes a button on the cart and a parachute deploys)

(Morpheus lands on the street and sees a bunch of Agent Smiths lined up)

(He gives one a name tag and writes "Agent Smith No. 8757" on it)

(Morpheus walks over to a manhole and thrusts his foot down upon it shattering it.)

(He then jumps in)

(Morpheus falls for a few seconds)

(Morpheus lands on top of a hovercraft being pursued by Sentinels)

(Morpheus presses another button on his cart and a laser beam comes out and cuts the hull)

(Morpheus does his foot thrust again at the cut hull and jumps in)

Gunner: Sir, I'm out! They'll kill us for sure now!

(Morpheus walks over to the gunner and gives him a bullet. 1 bullet)

(The Gunner looks at Morpheus confused)

(Morpheus gives him a "do it" approving head nod)

(The gunner loads the bullet into the gun and fires at the nearest Sentinel)

(The bullet hit's it ricochets and proceeds to hit and destroy every single sentinel pursuing the ship)

(Morpheus looks at his watch which has a large red wedge that says "Movie Starts" The watch only has one hand which is near the wedge)

(Morpheus presses another button on the cart and a blinding flash flashes and both are gone)

(Morpheus is now in an office building and hands the guy who spilled toner ink all over his pants a napkin)

(Morpheus walks and passes the Rubber Band Man from the commercial)

(shot of Morpheus's eyes)

(The music used in Kill Bill when The Bride spotted one of the assassins is played)

(Rubber Band Man music resumes)

(Moprheus presses yet another button on his cart and it converts into an armored assault vehicle)

(The Rubber Band Man does the same)

(Morpheus launches a missile which hits the Rubber Band Man's cart and sends him flying out of the window, but then the Rubber Band Man's cart/battle tank deploys wings from the side of it and flies away)

(Morpheus gets out of his cart and coverts it back into a cart)

(Morpheus proceeds to the elevator like in the end of the commercial)