The Inebriation of the Bebop Crew
A/N: Whoa… Have I ever told you (you being the reviewers) that I love you peeps? You all made my crappy day a much better one than it was before! So I thank you all… Individually though, of course…
Bloody Love: Hey, thanks a lot! I quite enjoyed writing that little part myself… It was buried in the deep recesses of my mind… Poetic, huh? Hehe… well, I'll think about doing an Ein one since you said I should.
krysalys73: I'm glad you think it's entertaining! I'm pretty sarcastic so that wry humor came easy to me. And who wouldn't want to be around when Spike's three sheets to the wind? Heck, I know I'd want to! Also, thank you kindly!
demonic girl: Thank you, thank you! I'm told that I tend to describe things a little too much so I'm glad in this fic I'm not overdoing it, yet it's enough description to picture things.
Kendra Luehr: Wow, did anyone ever tell you that you're awesome? If no one has… You're awesome! I used your idea, tweaked it, and put it in my own words. So I have to thank you personally for giving me the idea! It's much better than what I had in store before. Thank you so much!
jennaaay! (Awesome way to put your name btw): I thank you much! Subtle bits of humor are what I try to include frequently!
Xtreme Nuisance: OMG, thank you! Heh… Somebody seems hyper too now, eh? And here's more for you!
Marie: Well, I guess this is the right time to say that it's… Faye's time to get drunk! Thank you so much!
So now, I leave you to read whatever the hell I have left after this! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Yeah, that's right… I OWN COWBOY BEBOP!! Pfft… I'm kidding! Don't sue me now! =(
Second Inebriation of the seductive, unrelenting, voluptuous vixen… Faye!
"Hot diggity! All you bounty hunters out there perk your ears up 'cause we got a bounty for ya that'll knock your britches off!" Judy, the buxom blonde of Big Shots, enthusiastically exclaimed as she leaned on the back of her co-host, Alfred.
"You are indeed right, Judy." Alfred said. "Howard Weller notoriously known as Heatwave is on the run for committing a large amount of crimes including a mass murder of one of Jupiter's wealthiest families. He's worth a big one, folks!"
"How much is a big one, Alfred?" His co-hostess questioned with curiosity, although with her bad acting skills, anyone could figure that this was rehearsed before.
"200 million woolongs! You heard right, bounty hunters! 200 million woolongs!"
Faye quickly got up from her position of lying on the couch. A bounty worth that much, who wouldn't take the chance? She was at the moment of deciding whether or not to take the mission when Spike and Jet entered the room.
As if Spike had read her mind on this bounty, he said, "Jet and I are going to get this Heatwave guy we just heard on Big Shots. And no, you can't come along nor get a share of what we earned."
"God, you two are unfair!" Faye said angrily and sat down with her arms crossed, lips in a pout. "What the hell do you expect me to do here?"
Jet looked around the ship. He spotted dirty dishes in the sink, flies swarming about, dust bunnies on the floor, and a ton of other things that needed tending to. "Well for one, you could be maid for the day and do a little ship cleaning. It would make Spike and I happier men coming home to a clean ship."
"Sounds like a good idea to me, Jet." Spike agreed with him.
"Why you bunch of chauvinistic pigs of men." Faye muttered irritably under her breath.
"Then what say you if we give you ten percent of what we earn if you do the job?" Jet inquired, daring to take the plunge of giving in to some demands.
"Doesn't sound like a good idea to me, Jet." Spike said, disappointed.
Faye contemplated on the deal Jet presented to her. "Alright, I'll think about it." She said. "But you have to come back here with ten percent of that bounty money whether or not you catch that scumbag."
"I'll see about that." Jet said and left the room.
Spike was still there, leering down at Faye. "What?" Faye said crossly.
"You're going to make Ed do all the cleaning, aren't you?" He automatically assumed.
"Now that you mention it," Faye said slyly, "I just might do that. Thanks for the idea, Spike!"
Spike shook his head. "I don't know why I even open my mouth."
"Well you should do it more often, Spike. G'bye now!" Faye waved goodbye sweetly yet mockingly toward Spike. He shook his head shamefully at her before leaving.
Deciding to start going through with her wicked plan, Faye called out for Ed. "Edward! Oh, EDDDDDDD!!!!"
She heard zooming noises and the sound of bare feet running before the golden-eyed, tan Edward came into view. She jumped over onto the couch and sat cross legged next to Faye. "Why does Faye-Faye yell out for Ed? Does Faye-Faye want to play Dungeons and Dragons with Ed?" She asked excitedly at the prospect.
"Uh… I don't think…" Faye paused for a moment. There was only one surefire way that she could make Ed do something for her and Ed just mentioned it. "Actually, Edward, I do want to play with you..."
"YAY!! Faye-Faye wants to play games with Ed!!" Ed jumped up from her cross legged position on the couch and started jumping up and down on the springy surface.
"BUT!" Faye yelled aloud to stop Ed jumping.
"But? But what?" Ed asked curiously.
Faye had it all figured out in her mind in an instance. "But you see, Ed, Faye-Faye can't play when the ship's unclean like this. It'll lower Faye-Faye's enjoyment level. And cleaning lowers Faye-Faye's enjoyment level to a zero so there's nothing Faye-Faye can do about it but be bored!"
Ed sat down cross legged again and put her forefinger to her chin inquisitively. "Ed will clean the Bebop for Faye-Faye!" Ed instantly offered.
"You will?" Faye asked happily yet deep down, thankful that her plan would work out.
"If Faye-Faye can have fun because of it, Ed will clean!"
"Alright then, Ed! Get to it!" Faye said, slightly sounding bossy.
"YIPPEE!!" Ed yelled happily and ran off to start cleaning.
"Ah, this is life." Faye declared and put her hands behind her head while lying back on the couch. Now all she could do was watch her favorite soap operas on TV for the rest of the day.
While watching a scene where the glamorous Susan and debonair Michael were having dinner, the jealous mother of Susan spying right behind a tree, Faye couldn't help but stare at the tall bottle of wine that sat beside their table. And the wine in their glasses looked both sparkling and delicious in the emerald eyes of Faye.
"I could use some alcohol in my system… sure as hell would loosen me up a bit." Faye decided and got up to walk toward the kitchen.
"Hiya, Faye-Faye!" Ed greeted cheerfully, currently washing the filthy dishes in the sink.
"Oh hey, Ed." Faye replied and opened the fridge. Luckily for her, there was a six pack of beer in there. Not her first choice of alcohol, but Faye had to deal with what she had.
"Whatcha drinkin', Faye-Faye?" Ed asked curiously when she saw Faye carrying the pack of cans.
"Nothing, Ed. Just keep cleaning." Faye responded quickly.
"Alrighty!" Ed exclaimed happily, scrubbing the dishes even harder afterward.
After taking a can off of its plastic ring and opening it with a 'pop' noise, Faye lay down once again on the couch, lazier than ever. Slowly she sipped the cold liquid from the can, savoring and enjoying the taste.
She drank as she watched the TV screen. Today they were showing a marathon of The Young and Ridiculously Wealthy, Faye's favorite soap opera.
"Oh, dearest, I could never love anyone as much as I love you." Michael crooned to Susan.
"And I love you so much I can't bear the thought of not having you in my life, my honey bear!" Susan declared back before passionately kissing Michael on the lips.
Faye felt a tear come down her cheek. "Oh God, I love happy endings."
But then suddenly Susan's mother came out from behind the tree, carrying a gun. "You two take your hands off each other or I shoot!" She shouted. There was a freeze frame with the words 'To be continued…' at the bottom.
"Oh man, oh man, oh man." Faye said quickly, excited that this was not ending anytime soon. Finishing her first can off, she reached for another and opened it. She gulped it down rather quickly, so it wouldn't be a distraction to her as she watched the next episode. She wouldn't even blink once throughout the whole show if she could.
"Hillary, don't do this please!" Michael begged as the show continued from where it ended in the last episode.
"Yes, please don't do it, Mother." Faye whispered to the TV surprisingly. It didn't surprise Faye though… she couldn't help it.
"I love you, Michael. How could you go for my whore of a daughter?!" Susan's mother, Hillary, shouted back.
"Whore… whore?!" Faye yelled out angrily and stood up, getting a bit way out of hand. It was almost as if she was in the character Susan's point of view… A definite effect caused by…
Alcohol…
"I guess there's always next time, Jet." Spike said as they entered inside the Bebop an hour later.
"Damn, who'd thunk that Big Shots played reruns back from 6 months ago!" Jet yelled aloud and put his hands up as if to ask 'why?' "And I thought they could be a damn trusted source."
"Nobody ever said that Big Shots was a trusted source, Jet." Spike responded.
"Ah, whatever." Jet said. "I need to go water my bonsai trees."
Spike chuckled. "How fruity." He said quietly to himself.
"What did you say?" Jet turned around to Spike.
"Uh… nothing at all!" Spike laughed nervously and walked ahead of Jet.
"Weird bastard." Jet said and followed Spike into the main room.
Entering the main room, Jet found the ship to be fantastically squeaky clean. He didn't think Faye would actually clean the ship. This feat Faye accomplished amazed him.
He spotted the back of Faye's head as she sat on the couch in front of the TV. "Hey! I'm surprised you actually got to cleaning. Too bad you're not getting anything from it since Spike and I didn't have a bounty to hunt in the first place!" He laughed.
Faye got up from her seat and turned around, looking straight at Jet. "What're you talking about?" She questioned, her words a little slurred.
"Oh, good. So you don't remember…" Jet stopped himself from saying anymore. He didn't want to remind her.
"I don't know who you are, mister but…" Faye stopped herself mid sentence and turned her body ninety degrees to where Spike stood unnoticing and reading the paper. "Oh my, it's you." She whispered…lovingly…
Spike looked up from his newspaper. With an expression of complete confusion he said, "Is something wrong? W-why are you looking like that?"
In a fit of passion, she quickly went up to Spike and took his hands into hers, throwing the newspaper onto the floor. "I really, really, really need to talk to you." She turned toward Jet. "In private, please."
Jet shrugged. "Whatever the hell's going on, one of you better tell me what's up tomorrow." He left the room.
"Hey, wait!" Spike called out to Jet. It was too late though. Spike would have to handle whatever was going on by himself. He looked down at Faye. Her eyes were almost… twinkling?
"Alright, what is up with you?" He noticed his hands were still in Faye's hands. Feeling suddenly awkward, he snatched his hands away from her grasp and asked, "Is there a reason as to why you're looking at me so…" He tried to find a synonym for 'lovingly'. "… so… adoringly?" He questioned, finding a better word.
"Oh, it's tragic!" Faye said dramatically. "We could be together, if only… if only…"
"What?!" Spike shouted, taken aback.
"Oh the humanity!" Faye turned around and put her hands to her face, shaking her head side to side. She quickly turned back toward Spike, startling him with the abruptness. "Don't you think we'd make such a good couple?"
Spike was speechless and stood there uneasily as she mentioned this.
"If only I were a woman! But alas, I am but a mere woman trapped in a man's body!" Faye cried out.
"Uh… You are a woman." Spike said, puzzled as to why she would say such a thing.
"What? I am?" She asked astounded. Spike nodded.
Faye looked down at her chest. As if to prove what she saw was really there, she placed her hands under her breasts and pushed them up and down. "Heey… So I am a woman!" She exclaimed excitedly.
Spike wasn't sure how to respond to this. Was it wrong of him to think what she did was kinda… hot? Nah… He thought. That's just the testosterone talking.
"So now that I realize I truly am a woman," Faye continued babbling, "we can be together!"
"Umm…" Spike was really, really getting uncomfortable at the whole 'togetherness' she was talking about. "Faye, you know I don't think of you like that and you know you sure as hell don't think of me like that either."
"Oh, but I do!" She said in her slurred speech. "I do, I do, Michael!"
"Michael?" Spike said confusingly. Just at that right moment, Spike's ear perked up at the sound coming from the TV.
"Don't you say that to me, Michael!!" The woman, opposite the man she called Michael, said.
"Oh…" Spike said as he realized where Faye was getting all the mumbo jumbo from. It's her damn soap operas. But why?
He skimmed the room for a moment, trying to find anything that would have made Faye act the way she was acting. "God, I hope it isn't drugs." Spike said to himself.
"Drugs?! Where?!" Faye questioned and went around in circles. She practically made herself dizzy from all the spinning and fell smack down onto the floor. "Why is the room moving around?" She questioned, still slurring her words badly. "And why does my face hurt?" It hurt probably because she fell on her face.
"I've fallen and I can't get up! Somebody help me!" She yelled pathetically.
"Oh, jeez." Spike muttered as he helped Faye get up to her feet.
"T-t-t-t-thank you, M-m-m-michael!" Faye stuttered to Spike.
"My name is not Michael! It's Spike!"
"Oh, Michael. I love the way you look when you're peeved." Faye responded, pointing her finger at him and trying to look seductive. Of course it didn't look that way and she ended up staggering a bit and then falling forward. Luckily Spike caught her in time before she could hit her face on the ground again.
"T-t-thank you, my knight…in… shining… spacesuit…" Faye murmured slowly as she dozed off in Spike's arms, her head buried in his chest.
Spike sighed heavily and carried her over to the couch. Before laying her down on the couch he swiped an empty can off of the surface. He suddenly realized what was wrong with Faye.
"She was drunk." Spike acknowledged to himself. He found the other five cans, all empty, underneath the couch. "Okay, she was very drunk."
Jet entered the room as Spike was picking up the empty cans. "Who's been drinking?" He asked when he saw what Spike was doing.
"Who else? Faye."
"Is that why she was…"
"Yep."
"I was thinking so for a moment back there." Jet said. "Ed's fast asleep herself. The kid had an apron on her and was carrying a duster. She looked pretty beat."
"Isn't it obvious?" Spike questioned Jet.
"What's obvious?"
"Faye didn't clean the ship, Ed did. And I guess Faye tried to enjoy herself by drinking and getting herself drunk." Spike added.
Jet nodded. "She didn't happen to drink a six pack of beer, did she? Because I was about to have some of that."
"All out, Jet…" Spike replied, showing him the six cans before throwing them into the trash can.
"Aw, damn." Jet said disappointedly. "Remind me next time to hide any kind of alcohol of mine's away from Faye."
"I'll make sure to do so." Spike responded. "I sure as hell don't want her acting like she did just now again… Michael… pfft."
A/N: BAM! Second chapter done with! (I think I've been watching too much Emeril) You the reader know what to do next… right?
CassieKA