Chapter Thirty-Two: Gaining and Losing
"You and I both know that this will never work." Hermione told Draco. "You're only going to get hurt, or you're going to end up hurting someone else. This is not going to work Draco." Her voice was beginning to get harsh and she was practically yelling at him, but her tones were low. Dangerously low.
"I am not going to just sit around and let them capture me again, and running isn't going to be any use, they will find me Hermione, and when they do they're going to kill me. You're setting me up for death by trying to make me do this."
"You're going to end up hurting someone and when you do they're going to lock you up. Are you willing to make that sacrifice?"
He laughed in spite of himself. "I'm making a lot of sacrifices lately, what's one more?"
"Draco be serious!" She snapped. "These are people's lives you're toying with."
"I'm only doing my job."
"This isn't your job! This isn't you!" She nearly pleaded with him.
"You're wrong." He told her simply. "I am my father's son, heir to the Dark Lord, and currently am residing in that position. Don't tell me that this isn't who I am. This is the only person I am, the only person I have ever been, and the only person I ever will be. Don't you understand? You don't get to choose who you are, you're given your life and what you make of it is your decision, but because of the atmosphere someone is raised in, that's who he or she are. Freedom is only an illusion; you and I are free to do whatever we wish; however because of society we can be punished for our actions. I am who I am, Hermione. And all those months with you can't change it. We're trapped in our destinies. The fates hold our futures in the palm of their hands; it's out of my control now. And you can't stop me from doing what I feel is right, and the right thing to do is to run." He told her as he walked towards the door of the room. Tears streamed down Hermione's cheeks. She didn't wipe them away and they stained trails down her pale cheeks.
"You're a bloody chicken." She said in a watery hiss, he turned around to face her. She pulled the green Slytherin sweatshirt off and flung it at him. "Take your bloody sweatshirt and leave, since you seem so adamant about it. Get out of here!" She yelled at him. He stared at her dumbfounded, her eyes were a vibrant red and bloodshot, and her pale cheeks were glistening from the constant fall of tears. He wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms and comfort her, promising that he wasn't going to go anywhere but he knew it wasn't that simple. Willing himself to keep moving, he strode out of the room but didn't make it as far as he had wished.
"You're a dead man." A cold, vehement voice hissed from the corner of the room.
"Potter." Draco gaped out. "How did you get in here?" He snapped. Harry crossed the room standing in front of Draco, a glinting metal in his hand. He held the object up to Draco's view; he recognized it as a simple kitchen knife.
"It's easy to get in when you slash the paintings, something my godfather taught me." It seemed as if he was annunciating the consonants. The words were coming out in a hiss; so much so that Draco was surprised he wasn't being showered in spit.
"That's nice." Draco said sarcastically, maneuvering around the boy so he could reach the now slashed painting to get out. However, Harry was too quick. He stood in front of Draco, the knife glinting dangerously. He eyed the wand in suspicion; he didn't believe however, that Wonder Boy would use it. He didn't dare test him however. "Move, Potter." He said rather harshly. Harry just grinned sardonically.
"No." He shook his head; the grin remained untouched on his lips. "Where do you think you're going to go? You know we'll find you, wherever you go."
"Like I would tell you, and besides why would I run?" He asked. "There's no point, like you said, you'll find me where ever I go."
"Don't be sarcastic Malfoy." Harry pulled out his wand. Great, Draco though. Now he has two weapons. "What did you think you were doing? Fooling around with Hermione? You didn't actually think she loved you now did you?" He laughed. Draco's gaze flickered to Hermione's room but Harry's grin only got bigger. "She doesn't love you, she was using to so that we could get to you. She didn't want you to leave because she knew I would be here soon. Face it Malfoy, you just lost. Again." He lied through his teeth, but he prayed that Draco wouldn't be able to see through his mask. He only heard Hermione say that she didn't want him to leave due to the fact he was eavesdropping, there was no truth in his words.
"I don't lose." He snapped. Draco willed himself not to believe anything the Boy-Who-Lived said but he words seemed to fit somehow.
"You're a coward. Or as Hermione put it, you're a bloody chicken. Face it Ferret Boy, in what world could you ever beat me?"
That sent Draco over the edge, in a mere second he had his wand out and he was prepared to send curse after curse at the man opposite him. Hermione heard shouts coming from the common room, she opened the door and spotted both Harry and Draco had their wands drawn. She noticed that Harry seemed distraught, his eyes were tinted slightly red as if he had been crying. They both had their wands drawn, neither making the slightest bit of movement.
"Would you both stop it?" Hermione asked, exasperated. She noticed that Harry was the first to look at her, and Draco's gaze just followed him. He was watching Harry like a hawk would watch its prey. Neither of the men lowered their wands so Hermione stepped in, pushing their arms down. "It's not worth it." She told them. "And why would you possibly fight over me? I'm the same bookish, bushy haired, Hermione Granger I've always been. I'm not worth any of this." She told them harshly. "Don't you dare even raise your wands at each other because of me." She looked Draco in the eye before dragging Harry away from the blonde. "Listen to me." She told him when they were out of earshot of Draco. "I do love you. But… Not how you deserve. Don't waste your time fighting for me when you could have any other girl you want. I'm nobody, Harry. I'm nothing special. Fighting with Malfoy will do no good. It won't help you and it won't help me. Please just let it go." She pleaded.
"This isn't about you anymore." He told her, his tone was harsh and she cringed slightly at the manner he was speaking to her in.
"Then what is it about? It's not about the good verses the evil, because you're on the same side."
"He's warped your mind, Hermione." He said placing his hand on her cheek and smiling sadly. He slid his hand down her cheek and past her jawbone before pulling his hand back to his side. "Evil is sharing the same bed as you and yet you're oblivious to the effects. You don't even see what's going on around you…" His voice was eerily calm but Hermione's cut off his sentence.
"Nothing has happened!" She cried out. "Nothing, no deaths, no disappearances, everything is fine."
"No! Everything is not fine! You're not fine; you're in love with Malfoy! What has gotten into you? What about us Hermione? We were supposed to get married, if you hadn't gone to that bloody coffee shop of yours we wouldn't be in this position. I will never hurt you in any way, but he will, and I can't promise that I won't hurt him in return." He told her.
"Hermione, I love you. I love you as a friend, as a lover, and most importantly, I love you as you. Nothing can change that, and I can't forget that, no matter how hard I try."
"But you're not trying Harry." She blinked back the tears that stung the back of her eyes. "You're not trying to forget me, you're not trying to fall out of love with me. I've moved on… I love Draco." She hung her head, tears hot against her cheeks. "Please, don't do anything to hurt him."
Harry looked at her distressed state and realized it was all his fault. He was the one at fault for everything that happened, he was the reason that Draco would be locked in Azkaban, he was the reason why Hermione was unhappy, and he was the reason why he was unhappy. "I have to get out of here." He said suddenly. "I have to go." Hermione looked up at him questioningly. "I just… Have to get out. Don't worry about Malfoy; I was the only person who came after him. Everyone else believes your story, they believe he's innocent." He walked away from her, turning around before he left the room. "You always did have a way of convincing people." He walked out the slashed painting and his footsteps echoed on the corridor floor. Hermione fell to the floor and just began to sob. Draco moved over towards her and knelt down, he hugged her. Allowing her to cry on his shoulder, never questioning what was going on.
Moments later, Hermione had calmed down and the pair sat on the couch in their common room. Draco tried to figure out the best way to ask Hermione what was going on with Harry.
"Are you okay?" He asked. She simply nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?" He pried. He tried not to sound too pushy.
She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "He still loves me. More than he should. And he's not even trying to move on, it's like I'm his safety net. Something to fall back on when things get rough, and I feel awful because I can't be that. I can't be there for him to fall back on. I'm taking away the cushion and allowing him to hit rock bottom, I'm the reason why he's doing this. If I hadn't gone to that coffee shop and seen you, we wouldn't be in this mess. You'd be living free, Harry and I would be getting married and nothing would ever cause us this much distress."
"Don't say that." Draco chided her. "I love you, and I will always love you."
But you didn't. Once you hated me Draco, and I can't forget that."
"I never hated you, I was envious that a Mud… Muggle-Born could be so much more intelligent than me, so much happier than I could be." He couldn't bring himself to say Mudblood; just the thought of the word caused him to get a vile taste in the back of his mouth. "Secretly, I always had a little crush on you." He smiled at her, kissing her softly.
She laughed, despite herself. "That's always nice to know."
Harry sat on a small hill over looking a lake or a pond, he couldn't figure out what one it was. It was too small to be an actual lake but it looked too deep to be a pond. Either way, it didn't matter; his attention wasn't on the pond/lake. The metal of the blade in front of him, however, was captivating. Seeing his reflection in the blade he couldn't help but gaze at his most notable features. His scar on his forehead was showing, as he had pushed his hair back in frustration, making it stand on end. Gazing at the scar he wondered why a simple scar caused everyone to gawk at him. He knew, they did it because it was a curse scar, but there must have been more to it. The grotesque coloring of it perhaps, the pale pink and white, or maybe because it was the one thing he tried to keep hidden. He looked at the startling green color of his eyes, losing himself in their own depth. His thoughts traveled to his mother and father, and then to Sirius. The only people who had ever really treated him just as Harry, not as the Boy-Who-Lived. Sure, Hermione and Ron came second but in the beginning there was the whole gaping at his forehead thing, wanting to know how he defeated Voldemort that year… He was never a normal teenager, and he wasn't a normal adult. He got unwanted attention, media, and unfaithful friends. His life was too difficult for him to even imagine, but Hermione was the glue that attached him to sanity. Now that he had lost Ron to the vows of marriage he had no one to fall back on. No family, and no friends. He was utterly alone. He turned the blade over in his hand and allowed it to drop to the soft earth. His wand lay next to him on the hill and he looked down at it, contemplating the idea that had been running over in his head. He has heard the spell leave his mouth dozens of times before, and he knew now that it would be just as simple, but he needed to truly want it. He needed to want him to die. Clutching the wand in his hand he breathed heavily before turning the wand on himself.