A/N: I love you people! You make my co-author and me feel so very happy! Reviews make us happy! And I was so happy to get such good reviews from you people! Our insanity is such a people pleaser that we plan to keep it up! :)

Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter. We do not own some of the quotes in our fic as well. Some of them come from the great Mike Myers. bows to his greatness But anyways. On with the show!

Chapter 3:

The Electric Collar of Doom!

Hermione just stared. "So…anyway…" was the only thing she could manage.

Ron looked at her with his good eye, and his eyes widened, "My god, Hermione! You are so extremely beautiful!" He grabbed her hands and looked deeply into her eyes. Hermione, shocked, slapped him. Ron fell down. Ron cried.

"Ooookaaayyy! If we are through, we shall begin the game," Dumbledore said as that friggin lightning flashed again. He sat in a large overstuffed chair and swirled his sherry in his glass.

"Hello and thank you all for coming on such short notice. I am Jack Kass, and I will be your host during your stay at my oddly placed mansion on a deserted, haunted island."

Oddly placed crack of thunder

"I asked you all here to discuss my will. I am afraid that I have no heir and all of my estate will be lost unless I get one. I asked you here for this purpose: the one of you who can stay in Kass Manor for the night without being killed by the evil, carnivorous chipmunks that carry pink umbrellas, or simply undergoing an eccentric and overly-elaborate death will be my heir."

"That has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard!" Draco sniggered.

"Oh really? Is that a fact?" Dumbledore said sipping his drink. "Well then, to make the game more realistic..." with a wave of his wand everyone was wearing a collar. "These collars, if any of you gets out of character, will zap the crap out of you."

"You cheated," Draco complained. He was quickly zapped. "OWWW! MAN! THAT BLOODY FRIGGIN HURT!" This earned him another zap. Draco cried.

"Hahahaha...I think that's bloody brilliant man," Ron said in a drunken stupor. "You are a genius, Mr. Kass!"

"Well...thank you...I guess," Dumbledore said with a confused expression on his face.

"Hahahaha...Yes, but if you were feeling quiddly why not just have a J.Arthur?" Ron slurred.

Everyone blatantly ignored Ron.

"But professor," zap! "OW! I mean...Mr. Kass, what are we supposed to be doing here?" Harry asked, now sober.

"Well if one of you makes it through the night in my oddly placed haunted, deserted, and otherwise retarded mansion you will inherit my fortune," Dumbledore quipped. (A/N: quipped is such a cool word! Hehehe…)

"Oh....okay…" as Harry said this, the lights went out and there was a really sissy-ass squeal from Dumbledore. As the lights came back on...everyone saw Dumbledore's chair flipped over and him lying on the floor with his tongue hanging out.

Ginny, with one eyebrow raised, leaned over to Harry. "Is he supposed to be dead?…I suppose we'd better play along then." With that, Ginny collapsed on the floor and cried.

When everyone looked at her strangely she winked at them and continued her crying. Catching on, there was a collective gasp from everyone.

"Monsieur! Who has done this to you?" Ginny sobbed trying to sound sad and French, and failing miserably at both.

"Rrrriiiggghhhhtttt...well I say we split up and look for 'clues'," Harry said doing quotation marks in the air. "If we split up, we'll find more 'clues'. So Ginny you come with me, Ron go with Hermione, Fred with George, Sirius with Remus," (A/N: I was asked why I kept Sirius in the story...I don't care if he's dead...oh sorry...I'm not supposed to use spoilers am I? oh well...sue me! mwahahaha...ok...but he's like my favorite character...so deal with it...he's staying...though him and Remus are just kinda there...they do nothing), "and Malfoy with Hagrid. Is that everybody? Ok, good. Let's go then. Ginny and I have the kitchens."

Harry grabbed Ginny and they set off towards the kitchens. Everyone else left on their separate ways...well, Draco was dragged off by Hagrid while he grabbed everything in his path in an attempt to escape this horrible fate.

This left Ron, Hermione, and Dumbledore, who was still pretending to be dead, in the library.

"Well I guess we'll search here first. I assume there have been clues set out to lead us to who the "killer" is. So let's look shall we?" Hermione sighed to a drunken Ron.

"Whatever you say, love. I'll do whatever you need me to do," Ron slurred while making kissy faces and walked into the wall.

Hermione just turned around and started digging through the bookshelves looking for anything that wasn't a book. She was startled by a scream from Ron.

She turned to see that Dumbledore had gotten up, walked up behind Ron, and said "BOO" as Ron studied an oddly shaped stone in the wall.

"Dumbledore!" Zap! "OW! Damnit! Mr. Kass! Whatever are you doing?" Hermione screeched.

"Well, my dear, it's quite boring being dead...so I decided to be a ghost. Boo!" with that, Dumbledore...uh...Mr. Kass ran off down the corridors going "whoooo whoooooo!" and moaning like an imbecile.

"Ron...are you okay?" Hermione asked, with slight concern.

"No worries, love," Ron choked.

"Uh...god! Quit calling me "love" you ass!" all sign of concern now gone from her voice.

A/N: Sorry it took me like...uhhh...four days to post....I think...my co-author is out of town so I wrote this one all by myself...so it might not be as funny...I tried my best...but I didn't have anyone to say "man...that's not funny...don't do that." So I'm sorry ahead of time...I have no faith in myself...oh well! Just review and let me know of my faux pas, or however you spell that...I don't even know what that means...well I think I do...oh well. Just review. I'll stop now.