The PlasticInedible Frankfurter Fort War by thedarksquiggle

Ch: 2 Relishman and Toboe's Seahorses Popsicle Survival Theory

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If you laugh at my humble writing it just goes to prove there ARE other crazy people. Right my little Seahorsey friends? (Talking to invisible space). Oh yes, these woofies you see, they're not mine. I tried to steal them, but Pegleg Sam got his name after they bit off his leg, yes very sad. So I had to let them go. So I don't own Wolf's Rain or any wolves, or any seahorses for that matter. That's okay though because Wild and Free is the Way to Be!

Natsruby: Those damn cheeseitz of yours are gonna eat you one of these days and I'll LAUGH!

Piesbiggestfan: Random's the name and weirdness's the game (did that make sense? O.o) Squshies... (the equivalent of darn it).

Genkai Lady: T.T I feel so special inside! I think I'm gonna go find a corner to cry with happiness in.

Kina: I'll try to keep the funny gene in me.

Macha-The Phantom Queen: RANDOM EPOPLE UNITED!!! WE SHOULD MAKE A COUNTRY!!

BrittneyAnna: Strange is my middle name! ... Not really.

THANKY THANKY REVIEWERS!!!!

=======================Story

It was a sad and lonely day for poor Toboe as he chased after Hige in the airport (A/N: why do all of my stories involve airports? O.o). The damn luggage kept trying to eat his foot! Not his food his foot! Why did the bags hate him? Nobody knows. Anyhow, he was on a quest of heroic proportions! He was in search of.... HOTDOGS!!! Strangely all he could find was McDonald's.

Ronald McDonald: Hello there little boy! What's your name? /pats Toboe on head/

Ronald McDonald: AHHHHHH MY ARM!!!

Hige: I think the happy meals aren't that happy anymore....

Toboe: /munch munch munch/ I like fast food...

Hige: I'll ignore that.

Random cone man: HOLY JOSHUA!!! IT'S A MONSTER!!!!

Everyone: Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Hige: DAMMIT THEY'RE ONTO ME! /jumps in random trashcan/

Toboe was the only one left! He was one sad, lost little woofie in the airport. How dreadful, whatever will he do? (Nothing, evidently). Anyhow, he became the scared little woofie too, especially after he saw.... RELISHMAN!!!!! He was as tall as a lamppost and twice as fat as that one cop who sits inside the donut store and eats all day (that's impossible as we all know).

Relishman: FE FI FO FUM! I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN ENGLISH MUN!

Toboe: IT''S HIM! HE'S THE ENGLSIH MUN! /points at some random old lady (he thought it was guy, you can't tell sometimes you know) walking with her Wheely Walker 2000/

/munch munch munch/ (not Toboe this time)

Toboe: GRANNY!!!! OH FOR SHAME!!! I COULDNT PROTECT HER! SOMEBODY SHOOT ME!

At this point, exactly two million and one wood-cutters (right out of little red riding hood folks!) showed up and shot him. Luckily, Toboe used his amazing "I'm-a-sad-puppy-HUG-ME!-look" to deflect them all, so now there were exactly two million and one dead wood-cutters. It's a shame they weren't hot dogs. The roof of the airport opened up and three boxes fell on Hige because he's a coward. Evidently, there were people in those boxes.

Hub: Six weeks in a crate with no food or water and I still didn't make it Botswana! Least Cher's in the other box so I didn't go insane... or she was... where is she...? /finds random note/

THE NOTE READS: Buy the red car. --Courtesy of Panda Express

Hub: Could it be a message from God? /finds another note/

TO BUB:

/Hub thinking: I am not Bub/

IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN, YOU WILL DIE. (Walmart smiley drawn on paper) Have a nice day!

Hub: I'm confused, last time I checked, Cher was a woman. /Looks farther down to writing in size two font at the bottom, written upside down./

Hot dogs would also speed up the re-registration process. X marks the spot on the treasure map. Please silence all cell phones and pagers during the presentation. ¡Feliz Cumpleaños!

Hub: Okay using my mad detective skills I can clearly see it's a coded message. It means inside the red car, I will talk to a transvestite, but keep my distance otherwise he will shoot me. He'll sell me a map if I buy him 59 hot dogs (because that's how many words there are in the letters combined), and I will be able to register at Spy USA if I go to AMC theaters at ten o' clock because X= ten in Roman numerals and there I will be able to buy a compass from Spain that will make an X where Cher is! MUAHAHAHAH! I'm a natural genius.

Cheza: I am the flower maiden, I suggest you look at the message on the back of the paper; the front is just scratch paper. The first note was from last night's dinner.

Hub: Right. I was getting to that.

THE NOTE READS: I found another man, his name is Darcia. Get lost. --Cher

Hub: Well, at least I got the transvestite part right. What type of name is Darcia for a guy anyways?

Cheza: I will name my child Darcia.

Hige: Oh, joy; it's the flower child.

Hippie escapee from The Furuba Jedi Mole Attack: DID SOMEBODY SAY MY NAME!?

Hige: No. Go away.

Hippie: Okay. Peace and love my brother! Righteousness!

Hige: /punching noises heard/

In the mean time, Relishman was wrecking havoc and stomping his feet really hard, but nobody cared. Eventually, Pegleg Sam showed up and tried to kill him, but it ate his pegleg so he had to hop on one leg (actually Hub ate his pegleg, but that can be our little secret, right?) all the way home. By the time Pegleg Sam got home, Hub had already decided he was gonna get to Botswana sooner or later. Whether that meant taking the country by storm or forging his passport we'll never know, but either exactly one Noble's ship went mysteriously missing that day. Hige informed Toboe that they were going to Florida and Cheza was coming too (joy). Toboe, however, remembered his bronco ridding days of yesteryear (yes, he was a cowboy back in the day) and jumped on Relishman and managed to get back to Tsume and Kiba's igloos in time to warn them of the flight. Naturally they didn't care, so he hooked Relishman up to a tractor, which was hooked up to a train, which was hooked up to a portable Barbeque and cooked hotdogs. At the same time he contemplated whether seahorses could survive in water that was negative two hundred and ninety-nine degree's Celsius. Like the Tootsie Pop question, we'll probably never know (A/N Eventually Hatori fell out of the sky and fell in the water and died so we now have scientifically proven that Toboe's Seahorses Popsicle Survival Theory is false).

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Are they really gonna leave on a jet plane?

Will they take their igloos with them?

Is Relishman really Tsume's twice removed gay cousin from Berlin?

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All the questions in life (or at least most of them) will be answered ... someday.

MEEP!