Ch: 3 : That Which is a Secret Chapter Four
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Thanks to the reviewers you rock!
ChasetheWolves: Oops. Poor Hubb. He's even abused when we try not to abuse him.
BrittneyAnna: Weird huh? I think the title coulda told anyone that muahahaha! Thanks for reviewing.
Awrawrawrawrawrawra: I WORSHIP YOUR STORY! IT ROCKS! LMAO I loved the review you wrote.
Deraigon: Yes THOSE plushies. Don't turn your back on them!
Kim: You stole my name! Anyways.
Shadow Jaganashi: RUN RUN! THEY DIDN"T GET ME! I'VE GOT AN ARMORED CAR WAITNG FOR US IN ZIMBABWE. LET'S GO! THEY'LL NEVER GET US. MUAHAHHA.
Redward652: Lol nice to meet the King!
Shangri-La: I'm glad it made you feel better! ACK! Hubb died?! What episode? Their lying to you! They tricked your eyes!
absolkagome: I'm glad you liked it.
yuyuhakusho04: I'm glad the laughter came.
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I own NOTHING! Except my clothes. I'm not like those invisible people.
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And so Tsume, and Kiba (plus one vaquero named Toboe and a jolly green giant look a like) arrived at the airport. We will not tell you how, when, or why because I'm hungry and I don't feel like it. Also NOBODY in their right minds wants to hear Tsume sing...EVER trust me... one more IF I WERE AN OSCAR MEYER WEINER... and he woulda been flying out of that little igloo of his all the way to the USA (and no not Florida because otherwise they'd be putting the Wacko Jacko Airlines out of business). Yes it has a name... now... By the way before I start describing this most wonderful story of out of proportioness I would like to announce that this chapter has been deceiving you! Yes in these (counts) however many lines.. lie lies (haha)! YES LIES!!!!! This isn't really chapter three, it is actually chapter four buuuuuttttttttt it would seem my co-author for chapter three escaped from her mad boogie boarding escapade with the script! LE GASP! So instead of hearing about Quint and Blue's Amazing Disney Adventure we have... this. Now, everything is in paragraph form because evidently it is ILLEGAL (or so those spirits tell me) on to have scripts. How evil is this evil? EVIL I say. Anyhow time to show off my mad English skills. Just kidding. PARAGRAPH POWERRRRRRRRRR explodes into light.
Right so they came to the airport after ten hours of musicals. How scary. Anyways they took the elevator up three floors, down two more, and then climbed the fire escape (not Relishman though... he just jumped and he was there because he is RELISHMAN LORD OF THE HOTDOG CONCESSIONS!) to the ticket area only to find them selves at the same place they started. The idiots.
"I DECLARE THAT WE NEED TICKETS!" yelled a very angry and de-hotdogged Kiba (those damn security guards... EVERYTHING'S a weapon these days). So he scuttled over to the ticket counter. Yes. Scuttled. He does scuttle you know.
Then, random-ticket-lady-in-blue (no not THE Blue just blue like the color) told them they needed money. Lucky for them, Tsume was loaded.
"Quick fellow hotdog fiend! Buy us some tickets! I'm going... to paradise," Kiba said as the wind swirled around him and little sparkles exploded from his head. Okay, you fancy pants. The sparkles radiated from his cranium. Does that satisfy your intellectual craving for the day!? I hope so.
"Wee wee senor."
"The translation fee is an extra two hundred dollars," she said and then she took his whole wallet and ran! Oh no! What will they do now?!
"JACK THE PLANE!!!"
"No you leather wearing moron! We have no hands!... But even handless wolves can get to... paradise." This time the ceiling opened up and an all holy light shined down upon Kiba. "I can flyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!! See you in Miami suckers! Rauken rauken rauken rauken..."
Since Toboe is the brains of the operation he came up with the smartest, sneakist little plan anyone could ever come up with.
"We can beg for money with our dancing cats!"
"No."
"We can ask old ladies for money."
"No."
"We can ask old men for money."
"No."
"We can lock ourselves in the cargo hold Tsume! They'll never know until it's too late!...Tsume...Tssssssuuuuuumeeeee? Oh, no! I'm, just another statistic! I'M A LOST CHILD!"
"OGGABOOGA!" Cried Relishman as he magically appeared from the depths of the universe. Well the depths of my mind actually. But you don't want to go there. Cheese sticks and seahorses.
"RELISHMANNNNN!"
"OOOGABOOGA BRUDER!"
"I can't believe it's not butter either Relishman," said Toboe as he finished buttering his now visible and hot dog free sandwich.
"OOOGABOOGA WEATHER BRUDER" He cried as he struck a pose from the Terminator.
"Tsume's your brother? We're almost family! Let's go shoot someone!" He picked up a shotgun and ran around in circles with it. Unfortunately, he had the gun aiming the wrong way.
At this point Quint walked out of McDonalds and was shot in the leg. "Damn you Darcia!!! May you die a thousand deaths! Good thing I was wearing my rubber boots. Kudos to feet protectors." Then he walked off humming the Barney song and was subsequently attacked by rabid beavers. I pity him.
Sadly, at that exact same moment Kiba fell out of the sky and landed on Cheza. No actually he didn't. He'd probably like it if he did land on her, so he landed on some random hobo instead just so we could laugh at Kiba. HAHA!
"I do not see anything funny about this situation. I can assure you that you will not go to paradise." Oh woopdy doo.
Meanwhile, Cheza was walking around in the desert in some faraway land (probably Arizona) listening to her Walkman. It was playing one of those "Teach Yourself English" tapes. It probably didn't help her at all. What she didn't know was that she was being followed. A hundred dollars and a purple cow to whoever figures that one out. Who could it be? Actually, two people were stalking her and no it wasn't Kiba you morons he was still far away camping out with that hobo.
"This one is tired of your boring narrations. This one thinks that one should die." Cheza then began to dance around like a drunk, and pretty soon Quint popped out of the amazing nameless space in time and um...space. Then they both danced drunkenly around a cactus with a sombrero on it and fried eggs on the sand. YEEEEEEHAW! I say. Yeeeehaw!
Now you're probably all wondering where our favorite-strangely-not-hungry-wolf is? Too bad. Anyhow we'll focus on our favorite leather-wearing wolf instead. Why you ask? Beacuse I rule the world. MUAHAHHA.Tsume was sitting inside the nearest Taco Bell contemplating (I like that word and so do the froggies) why his life was filled with such crap. Soon he came to realize that technically it was his own fault because that's just how life is. EVERYTHING is your fault, even when it really isn't. Doesn't it suck? Suddenly, as he was walking back to the ticket counter (he had Quint's shotgun strangely) a bunch of skinny kids with plastic frame glasses and pimples came up to him.
"This is Zulu to Captain Kirk! Approaching warp speed in 10... 9..." They were closing in! The geeks were everywhere! There was no escape from them and their miniature Enterprise toys! "Zulu... zuuuuuuuullllllllllllllluuuuuuuuuuuuuu............... ZULU!...Ooops.... I popped a pimple. Vwhere are the nuclear wessles?"
Tsume took this as his one chance to escape. So he pulled out his uber cool Terminator sunglasses and jumped so high he could touch the ceiling. He then laughed evilly until he realized he was going to land right back where he started.
"Beam me up Scotty!" They cried and closed in on him. "It must be G.I. Joe!"
"I am NOT G.I. Joe."
"Autograph autograph autograph!"
"I have no hands!" Tsume cried, which only made him look worse than those geeks. EVERYONE thought he was crazy. Except Kiba, because he appeared before him in a vision to remind him of the handless problem. Then he stole Tsume's sunglasses and vanished.
"Curses!" Tsume yelled, hollered and howled. Yes, he did all three in that exact order with the same word. However, Tsume noticed an amazing thing! Random old people were throwing money at him and walking off saying that the poor soul had lost his mind. FOR SHAME TSUME! FOR SHAME! WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER THINK? Well, it eventually all added up so he could afford two tickets! One for him and one for his invisible friend Snubo! YAY!
Hige was already flying over the Florida keys in his first class seats complete with plasma screen TV. Woot! He knows how to fly in style!
"Just so you know... I never saw those idiots in my life..." Sure buddy. Whatever. That's what he said about that Blue's Clue's stuffed animal he had under his bed. Haha Blue's Clues. There's two Blues and Hige loves them both!
In case you were wondering, Hige's plane was flown by none other than the God worshiping Flanders, and Satan himself! Just kidding, it was just flown by Flanders and Akito. Well... that's basically the same thing.
"Bring in the BOOZE!" He yelled. Hige yelled that. Not Flanders. Not Akito. At least we hope not because the only thing worse then them being pilots, is them being drunk pilots.
"Why are we going in circles?" Asked the very confused Hige. Then he decided to take a nap and he dreamed about My Little Pony. Yes, in secret, Hige wished he was a My Little Pony pony. What can be better than dancing on rainbows and eating all day long?
The OTHER plane, now known as BIG FAT SQUIGGLE PLANE, was about to take off when Tsume suddenly jumped out the window. Poor guy, his invisible friend told him he forgot his hat. Invisible people don't even wear hats! Or do they? Are they really naked and that's why they're invisible so no one can see them in their shame? Ponder that for a while, or at least until I get the sound system working again. There it is. The Mission Impossible Theme. COMMENCE! MUAHAHAHA! Tsume stole the baggage car and drove it through the lower level of the airport. He stopped and took the elevator only to come face to face with the inseparable duo! Toboe and Relishman! He would've run off, but then he notice THE SMELL. That smell. It had returned. The menace.
Hotdogs.
What? Were you expecting Darcia or something? Nah that guy was busy playing black jack in Las Vegas. Anyhow Tsume cried. He wanted those hotdogs so bad it nearly killed him. Until he remembered the plane that is.
"Quick! To the bat mobile!" He cried. With that they burst forward running. In slow motion of course! Matrix style all the way! They were still too late though.
"NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" They cried and kneeled down on the floor and cried even louder. They cried so bad it rained. Nobody had ever cried that hard before. Maybe Hubb, but nobody who was important had cried that hard before. He's probably still crying from lack of respect. Let's take a moment to pity all the humans in this sad excuse for a story. Except Cher. Nobody likes Cher. She's the spawn of Satan. That's why I made her explode, but like most evil things, she didn't stay dead. Kinda like Homina. You know she's faking it! Let's pity Darcia too because he only has one eye... sort of. Like Hatori and Hakkai! They have an eye, it's just BROKEN! Just like their spirits, dreams, and my brain! Okay time to get back to the story people.
Suddenly, the ground split in two and the airport flooded with water! Those damn nobles melted the polar ice caps!
"We're all gonna die!" Pegleg Sam cried before bursting into flames and then gettting revived by the water.
"I'm alive!"
He drowned quickly after that.
TOOT! Oh my goodness it was Hubb in his yellow submarine! He had returned!
"HUZZAH! I've come to save the airport!"
"Looks it's random crying human guy! Where's your girl?" said insensitive Tsume as he was trying to climb into the submarine.
"Goodbye." Said Hubb and with that he locked Tsume outside. Not to worry though because Tsume does have friends.
"Good riddens to you! I SHALL SUMMON MY ARMY OF MAN EATING PENGUINS!!!" Yelled the very cranky gray wolf. He waited. Then he waited some more. He gave up and knocked on the submarine hatch. Okay maybe he has no friends.
"Can I come in now?"
"What's the password?"
"Charlie Brown stole my pie."
"Nope."
"Bigfoot is real?"
"Nope."
"The Kwiki Mart eats people!"
"You're good."
When they walked back into the submarine, Hubb noticed that everyone was ... DEAD!
"I can't believe I forgot the oxygen! Quick bury the bodies under McDonalds! Food poisoning is a common cause of death from that place. It won't look suspicious."
"Hotdiggidy dog! I will!"
'Hark! We be goin aground says aye!"
"I didn't know you were Irish!"
"Call me Hubb, Captain of the Seven Seas! You shall now hear my tales of adventure from Botswana."
"No!" Everyone cried. Everyone meant Toboe, Tsume, and Relishman. Well Relishman just went "YUKKI YUKK!" but it's all the same.
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What will happen next time?
Do any of these people have a license?
Do you want random character interviews at the end of my stories with your questions?
Will Cheza learn English? (That's a no.)
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The plushies are devouring my head argh!