A/N: Yeah…sorry about the wait…again….here's the eighth chapter. We hope it compensates for the long wait!! Thank you for all the WONDERFUL REVIEWS!! 57!!!!! WOOOO!!! WE LOVE YOU!!! KEEP 'EM COMIN!! Love ya, mean it, muah!

Chapter 8: Tampax Turbans and a Strip-Tease

Hermione went over to Ron who was crying his eyes out. She looked at him sympathetically. "What's wrong, Ron?"

"Draco kissed you…which is my job…but then everyone was kissing somebody and I didn't have anyone to kiss." he sniffled.

"That's where you're wrong," said a squeaky voice from behind him. Ron turned around and saw Dobby the House Elf standing there. The house elf pulled a lipstick out of his pocket, reapplied his red color since his last coat had begun to fade and jump attacked Ron and snogged him. Hermione was pissed.

"GET OFF OF HIM, DOBBY!!!!!!!!" and she grabbed him and flung him across the ground. Dobby looked up with watery eyes.

Suddenly a turkey wearing a pink plastic tube top walked over to Dobby and helped him up off the ground. It looked at Hermione with hate in its eyes. "Don't ever touch gobble Dobby again! He's mine!!!!! Gobble, You crazy skank!"

Then there was a gun shot and the turkey fell to the ground. Ron was holding a gun. "Nobody talks to my bitch like that." and he snogged Hermione and they were both happy and skipped merrily onward to Wal-Mart. Everyone else shrugged and followed, skipping as they went.

And out of nowhere, Dumbledore came running out of the woods. "Whooooooo!!!!! whoooooooooo!!!!!!! fear me!!!" He came to a halt beside the carcass of the turkey in the pink plastic tube top. He fell to his knees beside the turkey and began to sob. He raised his arms in the air and began to scream.

"OLGA!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! WHY GOD?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!?!?!" But nobody was around to hear. So he just pulled out a slinky and began to play with it.

~Later at Wal-mart~

Fred and George hopped on the back of a grocery cart and ran all over the parking lot riding it at high speed. This was until Malfoy realized that he was in fact a Malfoy and decided to be a killjoy and stop the fun. He tossed his wand on the ground, nonchalantly.

As Fred and George sped past, the wheel of their cart hit the wand. This caused an overly dramatic, non-realistic reaction to occur. The shopping cart went flying through the air, flipping as it did so. It also appeared to be flipping across the sky in slow motion while Fred and George fell to the ground in a Matrix-like fashion.

It also appeared to be flipping across the sky in slow motion while Fred and George fell to the ground in a Matrix-like fashion.

Everyone just shrugged it off and went inside. Everyone except Malfoy, George, and Fred that is.

"Where'd you guys learn to do weird stunts like that?" Malfoy queried.

"I'm afraid that's classified information," George stated blankly, "and if we told you, we'd have to kill you."

Fred turned to Draco. "I'm also afraid we will have to wipe this little incident from your memory." He whipped a taser out of his back pocket and jabbed Malfoy in the shoulder with it. Draco collapsed to the ground and began to spasm and foam at the mouth from the shock.

"Damn it Fred!! You used the wrong one again!! That's the taser for llamas!!" George barked at Fred.

"Sorry man, but does it matter?" Fred replied.

George looked appalled. "WELL OF COURSE IT-doesn't matter," he grinned

They looked at each other and nodded. They picked Draco up and put him in the now busted up shopping cart and pushed him into the store.

Harry looked at Draco in immense interest. He pulled out his wand and began to poke him with it as a young child would poke a dead animal in the road.….well some young children. He giggled as Malfoy twitched with each poke.

"What happened to him?" Remus asked.

Fred and George exchanged glances. "He…uhh…" Fred stumbled, "He has a little seizure problem…but he's okay now. He'll recover in about 45 minutes. But I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't remember much."

"All right everyone, huddle up," Hermione said to the group as they gathered around her in a circle, applying their war paint.

"You know what you've got to do. We've got exactly," she looked down at her watch, "12.7463056957204 minutes. But you've got to remember one thing, I just lied to you. It doesn't matter how much time we take. I just said that to add dramatic effect. Now, the rules of the game are, that the last person kicked out, has to give Dumbledore his sponge bath. Ok, so….break!! GO GO GO GO !!!"

They all skipped madly in different directions. Harry and Ginny headed to the toy section, Sirius and Remus to electronics, Fred and George to health and beauty, and Ron, Hermione and Draco headed towards clothing.

~*~

Fred and George skidded to a halt in the make-up section.

"George, I think this color would look simply smashing on you, dah-ling!" Fred said holding up a L'Oreal lipstick.

"Oo! I totally get your drift! Give it to us, my love." Fred tossed George the lipstick. George put it on and spun around to look at his brother. "What do you think?"

"I think it looks absolutely Mah-velous!" Fred said.

"Maybe I'm born with it."

"Or maybe it's maybelline." Fred said.

"Oooooo!" said Fred running over to the razors. "Shaving cream!!" He pulled the little plastic thing off the top of a can and began to inhale it feverishly. "Oooo...peaches" he said shuddering with excitement.

"BOMBS AWAY!!!" George said as he sprayed Fred with the shaving cream.

"Oh no you DIDN'T!!" Fred said in shock. He grabbed a can of shaving cream and chucked it as hard as he could at the tile floor at his brother's feet. The pressurized can exploded covering George in shaving cream.

"Whoa snap!!" Fred said realizing he was about to get jumped. He took off running to the end of the aisle. George skidded after him but halted at his side and the two boys stared in astonishment at what lay before them. They exchanged mischievous grins and set to work on their evil scheme.

~10 minutes later~

A wal-mart associate rounded the corner carrying a large box of deodorant to be stocked on the shelves. She screamed when she saw what was in front of her, dropping her box. The twins had opened boxes of tampax pads and had stuck them all over themselves to make costumes. Fred had a nice tampax turban on.

"I am prince Lalli Jama from the Ringy Dingy Heights near Bombay, India!" Fred said with a really thick Indian accent.

The two boys looked at the woman who was staring at them in astonishment. George ran over to her and grabbed her hand as he fell to his knees. "Where have you been all my life, gorgeous?!"

She gawked at him in shock. Fred skidded over and knocked George out of the way. He looked into her eyes and said "Hey baby! Where can I find some band-aids? Cause I seem to have scraped my knee when I fell in love with you!"

The twins were to busy harassing the lady to realize that a really big, ugly brute of a wal-mart associate had walked up behind them. He grabbed them by the ear and pulled them to their feet.

"I'm afraid you boys are going to have to leave." He escorted them to the opening of the store. And gave them a push.

"Are you gonna let him push you around like that, Fred?" George asked.

"No.…" Fred looked around. When he saw the way of his revenge. He ran over to a coke machine and put in some change. He came back with a Dr. Pepper.

"Hey George. You think you got. Oh you think you got it. But got it just don't get it till there's nothing at all!!" Fred said dancing.

George caught on and started to sing while Fred continued to dance. "Shake it….sh-shake it…Shake it….sh-shake it….Shake it….shake it.…sh-shake it…shake it like a polaroid picture!" Fred shook the crap out of the Dr. Pepper then spun around and opened it, spraying the big, ugly brute of a wal-mart associate with the drink.

The man shook with fury. "GET THE HELL OUT!!!" he screamed picking up Fred by the collar and tossing him out on the curb. Fred looked around in shock. And suddenly George landed beside him.

"Whoa," George said. "We literally got thrown out. Awesome!" They high fived.

~*~

We now turn to the women's apparel, where Ron and Hermione are hiding inside clothes racks.

A woman approaches.

Then a voice comes from a rack of ugly orange spandex pants. "Pick me!! Pick me!!"

A look of uncertainty crosses the woman's face, but then leaves, assuming she imagined it, and she moves closer to the rack.

"Pick me!! Pick me!!"

She stops again. Surely she's hearing things. Clothes don't talk.

"Damn it!! Pick me you fucking whore!!"

"Oh sweet mother of pearl!!" The woman clutches her chest and runs.

Ron topples out of the rack, face red, and laughing.

"Ron!" Hermione scolded. "That is no way to treat a lady!! Don't call her a whore!!

Call her a wench!!" Ron crawled back inside the rack and they continue on their merry mischief making ways.

In the meantime, Draco had managed to climb to the top of a shelf, laden with shoes and socks. Many shoes and socks.

He slowly built a fort at the end of the shelf, made of socks and crouched behind it. A balding man approached, and just as he passed beneath the shelf, BAM!! That man got slammed by cheap-imitation Nikes.

Making sure no one was looking, he whipped out his wand and levitated the unconcious man away from the foot of the shelf.

This time a child, about eight, ran by and WHAM!! was slowed down by none other than cheap-imitation Timberlands.

"I DO love children," Draco chortled to himself. "Oh, shit," he mumbled, as a large woman, dressed in the mandatory "How can I help you?" Wal-Mart uniforms ran to the shelf on which Draco was sitting, jiggling in all her fat-glory.

"BOY!! WHAT THE HELL YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!! GET DOWN HERE!! WHERE'S YOUR MOTHER?"

Draco then pushed all the socks and shoes down on top of the woman.

"She died. Of injury to the head. By shoes. It was so sad. Those were my favorite shoes."

The woman looked horrified, not only because she had just been pummeled by 30 pairs of shoes, but because this boy just said he murdered his mother.

"I'll never forgive my father for stealing my shoes," Draco looked at the ground and stuck out his lower lip.

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that son, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave,"

Draco sniffed. "Yes ma'am," he rubbed his nose. The woman escorted him to the door, and with a triumphant smile, he turned around and said "Thank you!! And my mother's not dead, she's probably only getting raped by my father right now."

Just then, Hermione and Ron appeared, also escorted by a Wal-Mart employee.

"Apparently they didn't like the free advertising we were giving them," Ron said with a grin.

"That's too bad," Draco replied, "Apparently they didn't like my personal war I was waging on all of mankind." They nodded.

They turned, walked past the guy handin out those damn smiley-face stickers, and walked through the doors. Fred and George were drinking a couple 25 cent cokes (those 25 cent cokes ROCK!).

"Damn!!" Ron exclaimed, with awe on his face. "You two made it out in like 4 minutes flat!"

"Three, Ron m'boy. And it's a gift, really." Fred dusted his fingernails on his suit jacket. "I wish we could teach you but, alas, that is not allowed in The Service."

George gave Fred a warning look, and Fred nonchalantly zapped them all with his memory taser.

"Heh heh," Fred forced a laugh. "So let's see who comes out next, shall we?"

"Allright," Hermione replied, none of them remembering anything that had just happened.

~*~

"All right, Ginny. You don't wanna have to give Dumbledore his sponge bath, right?" Ginny nodded as Harry addressed her.

"Good, neither do I, so I've got a plan. Just follow my lead, k?"

Ginny didn't entirely trust Harry's 'plan' but nodded in agreement anyway.

Harry walked into an aisle, where there dolls and stuffed animals lining the shelves. He found the one he wanted and pulled it off the shelf. A hokey-pokey Elmo. He opened the box, and pulled out the Elmo, turned it on, and placed it on the ground.

"You put your hand in, you put your hand out, you put your hand in and you shake it all about. You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself about. That's what it's all about!"

Harry clapped his hands after dancing and looked at Ginny with a large grin on his face. "Come on, Gin! Listen, I know it doesn't sound the best, but we gotta get kicked out. Please?"

"Oh, all right," Ginny finally consented. And they danced. The hokey-pokey. With hokey-pokey Elmo. After a few goes, A small crowd of children began to form around them and dance with them.

"This was your great plan?" Ginny demanded.

"It was more of a vague concept, if you will," he confessed.

"Oh screw this bitch!!" Ginny snapped. "You can dance with Elmo all you want but I am bustin outta this joint!!"

She jumped in a nearby Barbie jeep and drove down the main aisle, knocking over displays in the middle, and a few old ladies with walkers.

Harry watched her go and just shrugged his shoulders. Then continued gettin down with his bad self and some five year old to the "Hokey-Pokey."

In the produce section, she was finally stopped by a woman who seemed a bit…perturbed about something.

"Who do you think you are driving through this store like a maniac on crack? Don't even think that I'm going to allow you to stay in here one more second! Turn your lil' juvenile delinquent butt around right now and march out of this store!!" Ginny turned the jeep around and drove out of the store. "Honestly, kids these days," the woman muttered to herself, too preoccupied to notice that Ginny was stealing the jeep.

"Damn Ginny!!" George exclaimed. "You managed to steal a jeep too!! I think she's winnin fellas!!" Everyone grinned at Ginny and waited for the others to get kicked out.

~*~

~Meanwhile in the electronics section~

"Hey, Remus, check this out!" Sirius said holding up a styx cd. "I looooooove Styx!!!" He swiped the cd under the scanner thing and put on the headset. And began to sing.….very loudly. Not to mention poorly and unskillfully.

"I'M …SAILING AWAY!!!!! SET AN OPEN COURSE…FOR THE VIRGIN SEA!!!!!!! CAUSE I'VE.…GOT TO...BE FREEEEEEEE! FREE TO CHASE THE LIFE THAT'S AHEAD OF ME!" Remus could no longer take. He walked over to Sirius and removed the headset from his ears.

"No. You need to stop. Really. Take some lessons, my love, and you'll improve." He said giving the now sad Sirius a hug.

"Hey! I've got an idea, Remus! Let's dance for everyone. But this time you sing!" Sirius said excitedly.

"Ok…it's worth a try…I really don't want to be giving that old geezer a sponge bath." Remus said shrugging.

Sirius began to imitate doing turntables while Remus made the sounds. Then Remus began to sing.

"I like big butts and I cannot lie. You other brothers can't deny. When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung. Wanna pull up front when you notice that butt was stuffed. Deep in the jeans she's wearing. I'm hooked and I can't stop staring. Oh baby! I wanna get with ya. And take your picture. My homeboys tried to warn me. But that butt you got make me so horn-"

Remus was cut off by a Wal-Mart worker who came up behind him and covered his mouth while Sirius continued to do what he believed to be a wonderful booty dance. He shook his groove thing.

But Remus was escorted from the store for using such language in front of young children. Sirius realized that he was still there and decided this required spur of the moment action.

He jumped up onto the check out and began to dance like crazy. And sing as well. "I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT! TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT! SO SEXY IT HUUUUUURTS!!!" he sung as loud as he could muster while he began to take of his shirt.

"I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY HAT! TOO SEXY FOR MY HAT! WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?!" He took off his hat and chucked it along with his shirt into the group of people that had gathered around him. A really nerdy chick caught it and began to inhale it with a huge smile on her face.

"I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY PANTS! TOO SEXY FOR MY PANTS! THIS ISN'T AN ACTUAL VERSE AND NOTHING GOOD RHYMES WITH PANTS!!!" he said tossing his pants into the crowd. The nerdy chick screamed with delight.

The big, ugly brute that rid the store of Fred and George ran over to the check out.

"Sir! Sir! I'm gonna have to ask you to get down from there! Get out of my store, dammit!!" He said trying to catch Sirius.

But it turns out Sirius was pretty popular with the ladies. Maybe it was because he was like Johnny Depp and was really sexy for and old guy, plus he was dancing in his underwear. Which is a plus.

So he gave into the associates cries to leave the store. He looked to his groupies. "I'm out!" With that he fell into the crowd and he crowd surfed right out of the store.

Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Draco, Remus, and the twins were sitting on the curb drinking 25 cent cokes when Sirius landed beside them on the ground.

"Sirius," Fred said, "where are your clothes?" Suddenly, a little nerdy chick walked out of the store feverishly sniffing a pile of garments.

Sirius nodded towards the nerdy chick. "Well there ya go." Fred said and continued drinking his coke.

"Hey, where's Harry?" Hermione said.

"Does it matter?" Ron asked.

Everyone nodded in agreement and continued to drink their cokes. Suddenly, Harry came outside looking very disgruntled to see that he was the last one out.

"So," Ginny said, "how'd you finally get kicked out?"

"Well," Harry said looking up in a thoughtful matter. Suddenly everything went fuzzy and some funny music started to play signaling a memory sequence.

Harry was boogieing down with the little kids and the hokey pokey elmo. But suddenly he realized that he was not only making a total ass of himself, but was also getting nowhere in the game. He decided to take action.

Unfortunately for Harry, he is a complete dumbass and his plans never work. He went over to the food section and grabbed some jumbo bottles of ketchup. He ran up to the front of the store and started to write threatening messages on the wall with the ketchup, pretending it was blood. Some Wal-Mart workers came up and turned him around.

A lady put her hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eye. "Son, where is your mom?"

Harry thought this would be a good time to act like he was insane. He tapped the lady on the cheek. "Whoa snap! Whoa snap! Whatcha gonna do?!" He tapped her again in a challenging way.

A dorky associate try to calm Harry down. "Is your mother in the store? Does she have some medication we could give you?"

"Shut up, bitch," Harry said, "I bet you've never even kissed a girl, have you?"

"Hey!" the dork said, "that is none of your business, you man."

Harry looked at the dude's name tag. It read: Hello, my name is Gunther. How may I help you?

"Well....Gunther ....Just know, it's okay if you haven't."

"Really?" Gunther said like they were having a real heart to heart.

"Of course, Gunther, perhaps it's just not your time yet. Listen, I know this GREAT little singles bar just down the road. There are some VERY cute guys there, lemme tell ya. I'll just write down the adress and-"

"Boy, get the hell out of my store!" the big brute yelled who had thrown out Fred, George and Sirius.

"Call me!!" Harry called back to Gunther.

~End memory sequence~

Wendimister: Everyone looked at Harry in emblankment. "Apparently," Harry said, "saying things about sex to people can be considered sexual harassment. Gunther is too distressed at the moment to know if he is gonna press charges."

Harry looked around and realized that nobody cared. He was a complete loser and nobody was listening to him. Fred and George just realized that they still had electric collars on and were trying to get them off. Ron looked at Hermione's collar. "Hey..." he said, "there is a switch." He switched it to 'on' and it shocked Hermione.

"OW!!! BITCH! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!" and she chased his red headed self all over the parking lot.

Fred and George watched them run when their eyes locked on the building next door. The dollar general. They snuck over to the store when nobody was looking and began their merry mischief making.

A/N: So there's the eighth chapter. Hope you enjoy!! Review please!! Love ya, muah!