At about 9:10 AM, Butters and Wendy were going over the Purgatory spell book and double checking the spells they had decoded, just to make sure they hadn't decoded the right one and missed it the first time. The task was not only taking it's toll on Wendy's brain, since Butters was starting to get a headache from seeing all these symbols over and over. But unlike the other spells that existed, the Purgatory spells were the only ones you could translate into English instead of Latin, so that made it a little easier. "Aw geez, we've been doing this for an hour and 10 minutes, shouldn't we have decoded the right spell by now? And how are we supposed to know which decoded spell is the right one anyway, what's it supposed to say?"
"If I knew what it said, I would have said it by now to go away! Don't worry, we've gone through about half of these and we still have the translations for all the symbols, one of these has to work!" Wendy went back to looking at her piece of paper where she wrote the English translations for all the symbols on the book. She had to keep her hopes up that the next spells would translate into what she wanted, but a few more failures and that hope wouldn't look so good by now. "Let's see.....there's a symbol of a cow, that means the first word is See. The next symbol has a picture of President Kerry, so that translates to The."
"Hey, I remember those next three pictures, we saw them in that spell where you send dildos to Purgatory! The next three words are Journey To Come!" Butters pointed out with growing excitement. "And those next two pictures of a Christmas tree and a dying dog are the symbols for the words To Pass!" Butters had indeed learned something in the last hour despite being overloaded with knowledge and symbol translations. He wrote down the spell so far with growing confidence, although Wendy knew they'd been down this road a few times only to be disappointed when they saw a spell for giving someone in Purgatory a burst liver, or to have someone's head explode in Purgatory, or some other disgusting spell. But she went on to look for the translation to the next few symbols anyway. And like Butters, she had seen these symbols so often during the reading that she could remember their translation right off the bat.
"I think I got most of the second sentence! The next five words are The Trip Ahead Will Be!" Butters wrote down the translation on a seperate piece of paper where he wrote the first line. Then he saw the symbols of a cereal box and a vampire in the book, and figured out the next two words were "A Blast" Two of the four lines to the spell had been solved already.
At 9:15, the spell was completly translated and the hopes and dreams of Wendy had gotten their biggest break ever. For the spell was:
See the journey to come to pass
The trip ahead will be a blast
If a journey to Purgatory you seek,
Just repeat these words to achieve your feat.
"This is it!! This has to be it, it says so right there! We just say these words and we're right there to see my man!" Wendy almost jumped for joy at the success she had just found, but Butters had one more concern. "So that's the spell to get there, huh? Well, uh, if we go there now, how are we gonna get back when we find Stan?"
"I translated that spell late last night on this piece of paper!" Somehow Wendy contained herself enough to pull out a piece of paper with this spell written on it.
So now the journey is at an end
You visited the place of the suicidal dead
To get back to Heaven and your old home
Say this to leave Purgatory and never roam.
She took the piece of paper that Butters wrote the recently translated spell on and was about ready to memorize it and forfill her destiny- until she heard quite a bit of commotion outside.
======================================================
It had taken 30 minutes, but the special dead military that Saddam ordered God to send had arrived in the neighborhood. The noise and marching they made could be heard by everybody in the area, and since none of them knew about what God and Saddam needed those troops for, they didn't know if they should be afraid of the troops attacking them. But this army's orders about what they would do came from Saddam, who had an earphone placed in the army general's ear so he could command orders to him from God's palace.
"We're at the neighborhood where the suspects live, sir." This general wasn't talking to any of his men, he was just speaking out loud so Saddam could hear him through the earpiece. Only he could now hear Saddam's orders in his ear. "Well, it's about time, genius! Okay, you have the address, go there and torch the place, but bring that book they have to me! And bring the suspects to me alive!"
"Mr dictator, no one can die here, there's no way they couldn't be brought back alive", stated the general, using logic that Saddam really had no time to pay attention to. "I knew that, asshole! Will you just go destroy some stuff and maim the targets now or something?!" Since God told the troops to do whatever Saddam ordered, the general stopped bugging Saddam and ordered his men to surround the Testaburger house. About 20 seconds later the entire place and all it's exit points were indeed covered by the military, making sure the targets could not escape.
Once everyone was in position, the general ordered the attack to start and he began it by charging into the front door and knocking it down. Half of his fleet followed him inside to capture the kids while the other half stayed outside to capture them if they got out of the house. The half inside the house got a different kind of surprise, however. When they got inside the kitchen, there was no one inside and the Purgatory spells book was lying on the table with no one guarding it. It appears they had accomplished their mission of retriving the book without breaking a sweat- only the front door. "Mr dictator, we have the book! We haven't found the suspects yet, but we have what you wanted and that's what counts!", shouted the general.
Back in God's palace, Saddam was sitting on a chair listening to the good news. God overheard it too and was overjoyed that the book was found and Saddam could go home now and away from Him. However, Saddam had a nagging thought in his brain. Saddam was never much of a thinker, except in the catagory of how to spice up gay sex, but when he was sent to Heaven to put up with the Mormons, he had to sharpen his brain and become smart enough to combat their sickening goodness, and it paid off. So with that added intellegence, Saddam figured out a problem with getting the book back this easily. Butters and Wendy probably escaped somewhere- but why didn't they take the book with them? He knew that Wendy wanted that book to translate the spell that would take her to Purgatory to rescue Stan, it should have been so important to her that'd she escape with the book so no one could take it from her. That should have been the case unless....unless she already had the spell translated and would use it to go to Purgatory to see her beloved if she wasn't stopped now. Although Saddam had the book, there was no way he'd let that bitch go to his place to see some boy after what she'd put him through.
"General, you're not done yet! I want you to send more troops to the area and not leave until the girl and that foo foo boy with her are in your custody! Don't argue with me, just send in everyone you can get right frigging now and find those bitches!"
======================================================
As Saddam figured, Wendy and Butters had indeed escaped the house before the troops got there. Since Wendy had heard the general talking to Saddam and figured out quickly why they were there, she and Butters used their head start to slip out the back door and out of sight before the soldiers covered all the exits. And like Saddam thought, they left without the book because Wendy already had the two translated spells they needed to get to Purgatory and back in her pocket, so the book was now useless. Now as they walked into the busy part of town and hid next to one of the business buildings there, the only problem was finding a deserted place to use these spells unnoticed.
The two kids saw that more troops were now in the area but were marching through the area between the two rows of buildings. So since they were too busy marching to look to their lefts, Wendy and Butters ran off to the back of one of the buildings. They then noticed the back door of the place was open, and it led to a small storage room with no one inside it. This seemed like the perfect opportunity for them, as they could go inside, hide behind some boxes just in case someone came in, repeat the spell to Purgatory quietly, and then get sent to their destination without any troops seeing them leave. So with that, they both prepared to open the door slowly and finally make their way towards Purgatory and Stan at long last.....but the booming voice of the general interrupted their plans.
"Attention, Wendy Testaburger and her dead friend!" The general and his men were in the center of town and they couldn't see Wendy, but as Saddam ordered him to do, the general spoke his plans out loud in case she could hear him. "We know you have the Purgatory spell and you plan to use it! But by the orders of God Himself, we order you to come out and surrender and not use that spell!" Of course it wasn't God's orders, but to keep Saddam from being outed as the Purgatory dictator in public, Saddam had told the general to pass the buck to God. Then he told the general to repeat his ultimatum, although it didn't seem that smart of an idea. But he went on anyway. "If you do not come out and surrender and not cast that spell.....we will use our military might to destroy the businesses in this part of town! We won't be able to kill the people here, but we will make sure that they lose their business and become total bums if you don't surrender! Do you really want that to happen just so you can see a boy again?!" Behind the building, Wendy had heard that and was having a hard time thinking of an answer to that question.
"Wendy, what'll we do?" pleaded Butters, since his sense of fairness let him know that it wasn't fair for others to suffer because they wouldn't give themselves up. But he didn't even know those people, and he still had to help accomplish this mission for two people he knew very well. He figured it was lucky that Wendy was the smart one so he didn't have to make the decision on whether to go inside and cast the spell, or give themselves up. But right now Wendy was wishing she wasn't so smart, since this was racking her brain too. She knew the decision she had to make was to go cast the spell and ignore the military's threat- but her own annoying as hell sense of fairness told her it wasn't right to let hard working people suffer as a result of her greed. It didn't help that the general added, "You have 30 seconds to come out before we start torching the whole area!"
Suddenly inspiration struck. Wendy was originally planning to just read the spell from the paper, but in 30 seconds time, perhaps she could memorize the whole spell and keep it in her head. She quickly got out the paper and read the spell over and over while she could. Her plan was to come out before the military torched places, then once she knew the people would be safe, she would repeat the spell without having to reach for the paper, and be transported to Purgatory before they could stop her. But Wendy wasn't actually going over the plan in her head for that long, she was just busy trying to study the poem/spell. After about 22 seconds, she figured she remembered enough to repeat it word for word, so she told Butters she was ready to give herself up. Before he could protest, she said, "Don't worry, I have it all worked out. Just trust me and hold my hand when I start saying the spell." Fortunatly there was no time for Butters to ask any questions about that plan, so Wendy just grabbed his hand and led him over towards the center of the town. There the troops were just about to start laying siege to the stores exactly one second before they spotted Butters and Wendy coming towards them.
"We surrender, we're ready to be taken in now!" After Wendy gave herself up, the general actually heard Saddam make a noise of disappointment before he ordered him to have the kids surrounded. The rest of the people there quickly went back inside since this didn't concern them or their financial future anymore.
"So kids, you thought you could steal from people in Heaven, eh?" asked the general. Wendy took it as her chance to recite the speech while she remembered it all. "I gotta admit, it was pretty foolish of me. I don't know what to say. Except.....See the journey to come to pass! The trip ahead will be a blast!" Saddam yelled really loud in the general's ear to shut her up before she finished the spell, so not knowing what else to do, he fired a warning shot over her head with his gun. This threw her off track enough for another soldier to grab her and cover her mouth so she couldn't speak again. She tried her best to find a way to bite the guy's finger off, but it wasn't working.
Butters thought as fast as he could to remember word for word the last two lines of the spell. When he thought he had an idea, he started speaking rapidly. In fact, he spoke so quick that the soldiers were too impressed to shut him up at first. "See the journey to come to pass, the trip ahead will be a blast! If a journey to Purgatory you seek, just repeat those words to achieve-"
Under Saddam's orders, the general kept him quiet by shooting Butters. It only slightly grazed his leg, but it left him in enough pain to forget the last two words. It also gave the soldiers enough time to grab him and cover his mouth up too. "Okay, we finally got them under control, now what?" asked the general out loud, to which Saddam answered, "Take them on a little trip to God's palace, and gag them up for His sake already! What are you, dumbasses to let them get away with that twice, geez!" So some of the soldiers figured they'd better go purchase a few gags before they went on their way.
======================================================
Wendy and Butters were gagged up and had their hands tied up, then they were put into army trucks for the drive to God's palace. Of course since this part of Heaven was far away from the major city where God lived, the drive took some time. During that hour drive, Wendy did everything imaginable with her tounge to try and loosen the gag so she could whisper the spell and escape. She tried pushing it with her tounge, nawing at it with her teeth, anything she could think of. Finally, once the drive ended and the truck parked in front of God's palace, Wendy had played around with the gag enough so she could actually have the ability to talk, though the gag was still on. Once the soldiers instructed them to get out, Wendy gave a reassuring nod to Butters as they got out, then held his hand so she could go with her as she whispered the spell so no one could hear it this time.
"See the journey to come to pass, the trip ahead will be a blast." She kept whispering and no one heard her, since the troops just focus on leading her and Butters inside the building. "If a journey to Purgatory you seek-"
"Ec neado se po silenco dominion Wendy Butters!!"
Wendy clearly didn't say that or talk that loud- that unique voice actually belonged to God Himself. Under Saddam's advice, God cast a silence spell on both of the kids so that even without the gags, they could not talk. Therefore, they would not be able to interrupt anyone by casting the spell and escaping to Purgatory after all. And judging by the fact that Wendy wasn't able to whisper anything now, or make a sound when she tried to talk louder, the silence spell was quite a success. Wendy still tried to talk and then yell however, and since the soldiers were puzzled by this themselves, they didn't know how to react. Plus, Butters just found out he couldn't make noises even with the gag in his mouth, so he was getting just as confused too. Clearly some order had to come back to the scene.
"Ey guys, relax! We're getting pretty lonely upstairs, so could we settle all of this there, if you don't mind?"
If Butters or Wendy could make any noises of shock at seeing Saddam Hussain walk down a large staircase to greet them, they would have made quite a few of them.
"If I knew what it said, I would have said it by now to go away! Don't worry, we've gone through about half of these and we still have the translations for all the symbols, one of these has to work!" Wendy went back to looking at her piece of paper where she wrote the English translations for all the symbols on the book. She had to keep her hopes up that the next spells would translate into what she wanted, but a few more failures and that hope wouldn't look so good by now. "Let's see.....there's a symbol of a cow, that means the first word is See. The next symbol has a picture of President Kerry, so that translates to The."
"Hey, I remember those next three pictures, we saw them in that spell where you send dildos to Purgatory! The next three words are Journey To Come!" Butters pointed out with growing excitement. "And those next two pictures of a Christmas tree and a dying dog are the symbols for the words To Pass!" Butters had indeed learned something in the last hour despite being overloaded with knowledge and symbol translations. He wrote down the spell so far with growing confidence, although Wendy knew they'd been down this road a few times only to be disappointed when they saw a spell for giving someone in Purgatory a burst liver, or to have someone's head explode in Purgatory, or some other disgusting spell. But she went on to look for the translation to the next few symbols anyway. And like Butters, she had seen these symbols so often during the reading that she could remember their translation right off the bat.
"I think I got most of the second sentence! The next five words are The Trip Ahead Will Be!" Butters wrote down the translation on a seperate piece of paper where he wrote the first line. Then he saw the symbols of a cereal box and a vampire in the book, and figured out the next two words were "A Blast" Two of the four lines to the spell had been solved already.
At 9:15, the spell was completly translated and the hopes and dreams of Wendy had gotten their biggest break ever. For the spell was:
See the journey to come to pass
The trip ahead will be a blast
If a journey to Purgatory you seek,
Just repeat these words to achieve your feat.
"This is it!! This has to be it, it says so right there! We just say these words and we're right there to see my man!" Wendy almost jumped for joy at the success she had just found, but Butters had one more concern. "So that's the spell to get there, huh? Well, uh, if we go there now, how are we gonna get back when we find Stan?"
"I translated that spell late last night on this piece of paper!" Somehow Wendy contained herself enough to pull out a piece of paper with this spell written on it.
So now the journey is at an end
You visited the place of the suicidal dead
To get back to Heaven and your old home
Say this to leave Purgatory and never roam.
She took the piece of paper that Butters wrote the recently translated spell on and was about ready to memorize it and forfill her destiny- until she heard quite a bit of commotion outside.
======================================================
It had taken 30 minutes, but the special dead military that Saddam ordered God to send had arrived in the neighborhood. The noise and marching they made could be heard by everybody in the area, and since none of them knew about what God and Saddam needed those troops for, they didn't know if they should be afraid of the troops attacking them. But this army's orders about what they would do came from Saddam, who had an earphone placed in the army general's ear so he could command orders to him from God's palace.
"We're at the neighborhood where the suspects live, sir." This general wasn't talking to any of his men, he was just speaking out loud so Saddam could hear him through the earpiece. Only he could now hear Saddam's orders in his ear. "Well, it's about time, genius! Okay, you have the address, go there and torch the place, but bring that book they have to me! And bring the suspects to me alive!"
"Mr dictator, no one can die here, there's no way they couldn't be brought back alive", stated the general, using logic that Saddam really had no time to pay attention to. "I knew that, asshole! Will you just go destroy some stuff and maim the targets now or something?!" Since God told the troops to do whatever Saddam ordered, the general stopped bugging Saddam and ordered his men to surround the Testaburger house. About 20 seconds later the entire place and all it's exit points were indeed covered by the military, making sure the targets could not escape.
Once everyone was in position, the general ordered the attack to start and he began it by charging into the front door and knocking it down. Half of his fleet followed him inside to capture the kids while the other half stayed outside to capture them if they got out of the house. The half inside the house got a different kind of surprise, however. When they got inside the kitchen, there was no one inside and the Purgatory spells book was lying on the table with no one guarding it. It appears they had accomplished their mission of retriving the book without breaking a sweat- only the front door. "Mr dictator, we have the book! We haven't found the suspects yet, but we have what you wanted and that's what counts!", shouted the general.
Back in God's palace, Saddam was sitting on a chair listening to the good news. God overheard it too and was overjoyed that the book was found and Saddam could go home now and away from Him. However, Saddam had a nagging thought in his brain. Saddam was never much of a thinker, except in the catagory of how to spice up gay sex, but when he was sent to Heaven to put up with the Mormons, he had to sharpen his brain and become smart enough to combat their sickening goodness, and it paid off. So with that added intellegence, Saddam figured out a problem with getting the book back this easily. Butters and Wendy probably escaped somewhere- but why didn't they take the book with them? He knew that Wendy wanted that book to translate the spell that would take her to Purgatory to rescue Stan, it should have been so important to her that'd she escape with the book so no one could take it from her. That should have been the case unless....unless she already had the spell translated and would use it to go to Purgatory to see her beloved if she wasn't stopped now. Although Saddam had the book, there was no way he'd let that bitch go to his place to see some boy after what she'd put him through.
"General, you're not done yet! I want you to send more troops to the area and not leave until the girl and that foo foo boy with her are in your custody! Don't argue with me, just send in everyone you can get right frigging now and find those bitches!"
======================================================
As Saddam figured, Wendy and Butters had indeed escaped the house before the troops got there. Since Wendy had heard the general talking to Saddam and figured out quickly why they were there, she and Butters used their head start to slip out the back door and out of sight before the soldiers covered all the exits. And like Saddam thought, they left without the book because Wendy already had the two translated spells they needed to get to Purgatory and back in her pocket, so the book was now useless. Now as they walked into the busy part of town and hid next to one of the business buildings there, the only problem was finding a deserted place to use these spells unnoticed.
The two kids saw that more troops were now in the area but were marching through the area between the two rows of buildings. So since they were too busy marching to look to their lefts, Wendy and Butters ran off to the back of one of the buildings. They then noticed the back door of the place was open, and it led to a small storage room with no one inside it. This seemed like the perfect opportunity for them, as they could go inside, hide behind some boxes just in case someone came in, repeat the spell to Purgatory quietly, and then get sent to their destination without any troops seeing them leave. So with that, they both prepared to open the door slowly and finally make their way towards Purgatory and Stan at long last.....but the booming voice of the general interrupted their plans.
"Attention, Wendy Testaburger and her dead friend!" The general and his men were in the center of town and they couldn't see Wendy, but as Saddam ordered him to do, the general spoke his plans out loud in case she could hear him. "We know you have the Purgatory spell and you plan to use it! But by the orders of God Himself, we order you to come out and surrender and not use that spell!" Of course it wasn't God's orders, but to keep Saddam from being outed as the Purgatory dictator in public, Saddam had told the general to pass the buck to God. Then he told the general to repeat his ultimatum, although it didn't seem that smart of an idea. But he went on anyway. "If you do not come out and surrender and not cast that spell.....we will use our military might to destroy the businesses in this part of town! We won't be able to kill the people here, but we will make sure that they lose their business and become total bums if you don't surrender! Do you really want that to happen just so you can see a boy again?!" Behind the building, Wendy had heard that and was having a hard time thinking of an answer to that question.
"Wendy, what'll we do?" pleaded Butters, since his sense of fairness let him know that it wasn't fair for others to suffer because they wouldn't give themselves up. But he didn't even know those people, and he still had to help accomplish this mission for two people he knew very well. He figured it was lucky that Wendy was the smart one so he didn't have to make the decision on whether to go inside and cast the spell, or give themselves up. But right now Wendy was wishing she wasn't so smart, since this was racking her brain too. She knew the decision she had to make was to go cast the spell and ignore the military's threat- but her own annoying as hell sense of fairness told her it wasn't right to let hard working people suffer as a result of her greed. It didn't help that the general added, "You have 30 seconds to come out before we start torching the whole area!"
Suddenly inspiration struck. Wendy was originally planning to just read the spell from the paper, but in 30 seconds time, perhaps she could memorize the whole spell and keep it in her head. She quickly got out the paper and read the spell over and over while she could. Her plan was to come out before the military torched places, then once she knew the people would be safe, she would repeat the spell without having to reach for the paper, and be transported to Purgatory before they could stop her. But Wendy wasn't actually going over the plan in her head for that long, she was just busy trying to study the poem/spell. After about 22 seconds, she figured she remembered enough to repeat it word for word, so she told Butters she was ready to give herself up. Before he could protest, she said, "Don't worry, I have it all worked out. Just trust me and hold my hand when I start saying the spell." Fortunatly there was no time for Butters to ask any questions about that plan, so Wendy just grabbed his hand and led him over towards the center of the town. There the troops were just about to start laying siege to the stores exactly one second before they spotted Butters and Wendy coming towards them.
"We surrender, we're ready to be taken in now!" After Wendy gave herself up, the general actually heard Saddam make a noise of disappointment before he ordered him to have the kids surrounded. The rest of the people there quickly went back inside since this didn't concern them or their financial future anymore.
"So kids, you thought you could steal from people in Heaven, eh?" asked the general. Wendy took it as her chance to recite the speech while she remembered it all. "I gotta admit, it was pretty foolish of me. I don't know what to say. Except.....See the journey to come to pass! The trip ahead will be a blast!" Saddam yelled really loud in the general's ear to shut her up before she finished the spell, so not knowing what else to do, he fired a warning shot over her head with his gun. This threw her off track enough for another soldier to grab her and cover her mouth so she couldn't speak again. She tried her best to find a way to bite the guy's finger off, but it wasn't working.
Butters thought as fast as he could to remember word for word the last two lines of the spell. When he thought he had an idea, he started speaking rapidly. In fact, he spoke so quick that the soldiers were too impressed to shut him up at first. "See the journey to come to pass, the trip ahead will be a blast! If a journey to Purgatory you seek, just repeat those words to achieve-"
Under Saddam's orders, the general kept him quiet by shooting Butters. It only slightly grazed his leg, but it left him in enough pain to forget the last two words. It also gave the soldiers enough time to grab him and cover his mouth up too. "Okay, we finally got them under control, now what?" asked the general out loud, to which Saddam answered, "Take them on a little trip to God's palace, and gag them up for His sake already! What are you, dumbasses to let them get away with that twice, geez!" So some of the soldiers figured they'd better go purchase a few gags before they went on their way.
======================================================
Wendy and Butters were gagged up and had their hands tied up, then they were put into army trucks for the drive to God's palace. Of course since this part of Heaven was far away from the major city where God lived, the drive took some time. During that hour drive, Wendy did everything imaginable with her tounge to try and loosen the gag so she could whisper the spell and escape. She tried pushing it with her tounge, nawing at it with her teeth, anything she could think of. Finally, once the drive ended and the truck parked in front of God's palace, Wendy had played around with the gag enough so she could actually have the ability to talk, though the gag was still on. Once the soldiers instructed them to get out, Wendy gave a reassuring nod to Butters as they got out, then held his hand so she could go with her as she whispered the spell so no one could hear it this time.
"See the journey to come to pass, the trip ahead will be a blast." She kept whispering and no one heard her, since the troops just focus on leading her and Butters inside the building. "If a journey to Purgatory you seek-"
"Ec neado se po silenco dominion Wendy Butters!!"
Wendy clearly didn't say that or talk that loud- that unique voice actually belonged to God Himself. Under Saddam's advice, God cast a silence spell on both of the kids so that even without the gags, they could not talk. Therefore, they would not be able to interrupt anyone by casting the spell and escaping to Purgatory after all. And judging by the fact that Wendy wasn't able to whisper anything now, or make a sound when she tried to talk louder, the silence spell was quite a success. Wendy still tried to talk and then yell however, and since the soldiers were puzzled by this themselves, they didn't know how to react. Plus, Butters just found out he couldn't make noises even with the gag in his mouth, so he was getting just as confused too. Clearly some order had to come back to the scene.
"Ey guys, relax! We're getting pretty lonely upstairs, so could we settle all of this there, if you don't mind?"
If Butters or Wendy could make any noises of shock at seeing Saddam Hussain walk down a large staircase to greet them, they would have made quite a few of them.