At this particular moment in God's main chamber room, no one was there other than the Lord Himself. He figured He'd better savor that moment while He could. Soon Saddam would be back to plead for a harsh punishment for Butters and Wendy, and like always, He'd have to agree to his demands. It was either that or give Saddam a reason to stay in Heaven and lay siege to the place in typical Saddam fashion. And on the other end of the spectrum was Wendy Testaburger, the only other dead human that had ever given God such a hard time on such a consistant basis. And now because God would not let Wendy see Stan or take him away from Purgatory, she had stolen a book to get there herself. Even if God was not under pressure by Saddam, He knew He had to punish her somehow and make her stop this and move on with her life. He knew how hard it was for her to lose Stan, but it was the will of Heaven and she had to learn to accept it now before she did something really drastic. Tough love was needed for this meeting, since she wouldn't back down even without the ability to speak. But she had to learn to back down anyway, and do it now.
At that moment the whole gang came inside the room, the soldiers, Wendy, Butters, and Saddam. The gags were now off of the two kids since they still didn't have the ability to make a noise, and by now they'd given up trying to break the silence. And once Butters saw the form of God Himself, he was too taken back to even attempt to talk, both out of reverence for seeing the Creator of the Universe, and in shock in trying to figure out what the hell he looked like. Wendy had seen His strange form a number of times, so the shock had worn off for her, she just wanted to get down to business. God got that business started for her though.
"Miss Testaburger. I can't say anymore that I'm relieved I haven't heard from you in a few weeks, since you obviously used that time to plan out your little escapade.", started God. "Luckly Saddam figured out the basic part of your plan, but I discovered the rest. You only joined the soul takers club and killed this kid so you could steal that book, didn't you?" Wendy of course, could only nod yes as an answer. "I can't tell you how much this....disappoints me."
"All right, you're good and angry now, so let's get on with the punishing already!" Saddam was obviously hoping for a harsher punishment for Butters since, because of his bias towards men, it wasn't as much fun to see a girl suffer and have her body abused. But God wasn't even looking at Butters as His attention was still on Wendy.
"Wendy, you have to learn to move on. It wasn't my fault that Stan died, he took things into his own hands and altered his fate, not me. He would have been here soon if he had just learned to control himself, so no offense, but I think you need to blame Stan for this more than me. It's hard, I know, but it's the truth and you need to accept it so you can be happy here."
Not only did Wendy not take God's advice, she was even angrier at the Lord now. She went back to trying to say something without any success, and God was now even more relieved He cast that spell- since if she didn't use her voice to go to Purgatory, she would have used it to get into a huge fight with Him and His head already hurt from hearing Saddam's voice. Wendy was still determined to find some way to let God have it, but how could she without her voice? How else do you communicate with someone when......and then she remembered.
Wendy turned around and although her hands were bound together, she moved them around as much as she could in an attempt to make God untie them. God was pretty confused by this, so in an effort to make sense of this, He indeed untied her hands. After all, even if she did attack Him, He was all powerful enough to hold her back and Saddam was there to use his own....special skills to hold her back. But when Wendy's hands were undone, she didn't use them to attack Him- she used them to talk. She was using sign language to speak her thoughts, a skill she used during a project in the 10'th grade. She worked with Timmy and used sign language as a way to hold a conversation with him, and although he could still only say "TIMMY!!!", with Wendy's help they used sign language to hold a lot of conversations together, which made it easier to talk to Timmy. Now she was using this power to communicate with the Lord, and God got what she was doing quite quickly. He started to translate her words as the others and Saddam were still clueless to the whole thing. "God, uh, what the fuck is this? Why are her hands moving around in a way that has nothing to do with handjobs and every other sex thing that hands are good for?", inquired the ignorant Saddam.
"Saddam, may I answer you later?" God would have just said shut up and be quiet to anyone else, but of course He had to be more delicate with Saddam. He'd have to worry about that later as he decoded what Wendy was saying with her hands. "She's saying if she can't blame me for Stan's death, she can always blame me for her demise, since Stan wouldn't have killed herself if she didn't die first." This wasn't the first time Wendy had brought that up, but God didn't know what else to say about it other than it was what had to happen. He tried to respond anyway. "Wendy, I know the fate I gave you with dying so young and so tragically was cruel, but I've done a lot worse to a lot of people that deserved it less! This was not a personal thing, it was just business, and truthfully you could have died in ways that were more horrible. I could have decided that you would die from Widmark killing you in prison, but I decided it wouldn't happen and you had 7 extra years with Stan as a result. So you see, I've been both cruel and kind to you."
"And that makes it better?!" Wendy spoke in sign language. "You've made it so that I could be puked on for years, be a total bitch a lot of the time, come to my senses only after Stan almost died from agin, be put through Hell on Earth in prison, and now this!! I've been hated by so many people in my life, and I've given them reasons to hate me a few times, but I didn't want to! It was in my nature to rub people the wrong way, and you gave me that nature! Why me, huh?! Why did you love making me go through torture and then take me away when things go really good? Why me?!!"
"Because that was the fate that the powers that be gave to you." God answered out loud- even though no one else translated sign language well enough to know what question Wendy was talking about. "Wendy, you were given some bad breaks, but we gave you the strong will and spirit to overcome them. You were a survivor until the end, and I figured that your strong spirit would help you move on and realize you can live a happy life here without Stan. After all, you already have a friend here and your other friends will be here eventually. Heck, it'll only take 20 years for Bebe to be here."
"That's not good enough, I want Stan! I wouldn't have put you through so much trouble today if you just let me go back to him in the first place! Besides, you knew how far I went for him in the past, I killed for him before! Why are you so surprised I did this?!", asked Wendy with her hands.
"Honestly, I shouldn't be. But steps must be taken so that this never happens again."
Saddam now stepped in since he was assuming the good stuff was finally coming. "Oh yeah, lay it on them, baby! Smack them down, then I can take my book and transport souls from Heaven to Purgatory with an extra kick in my step, or something!" This was the first time Wendy heard about why Saddam wanted this book- and it was basically for the same reason she wanted it, only with less good intentions. If she wasn't pissed then, she was now at the cruel and horrific hypocrisy on display.
"You won't let me go to Purgatory to find my boyfriend, and yet you're letting this asshole take away people from Heaven to go there! You told me that was against the rules dozens of times, and yet you're letting him break them and not me! What the fuck for?!!" Wendy almost hurt her hands because she was using the sign language with such anger and fury. She had hit on a very sensitive subject for God and had almost exposed how cowardly He was to listen to sadistic dictators and bend the rules for him and not for someone more deserving. But the consequences of not doing that would be disastrous, and Wendy had to understand that and why what she did was so dangerous to the afterlife as a whole. But since He didn't want Saddam to join in this discussion, God told Wendy His answer in sign.
"Because unlike you, Saddam can wreck the entire afterlife if I don't listen to him. Because he knows how to get to me and how to drive me insane, and how to ruin the fabric of Heaven itself! He would have overthrown Heaven and ruined the lives of it's citizens if I didn't give him Purgatory and give him everything he wanted, including this! So now you must know what you almost did today could have wrecked everything! You might have made the life of one soul better if you got what you wanted, and I emphazize the word might- but you would have destroyed the lives of millions in the process! You almost gave Saddam a reason to destroy everything we hold dear as a punishment for your actions!"
"And you're so weak and such a pussy that you couldn't have stopped him, or put up with him earlier?! He's obviously torturing the love of my life in Purgatory, and all because you didn't have the balls to subdue him in Heaven! So who's really to blame for that, huh God?!"
After Wendy's angry answer, her and God traded exchanges in sign language that no one could understand. All the others could get was that they were both looking more and more upset as their hand movements became faster and rougher. None of them looked willing to admit the other had a good point, they were both too committed to their own visions about what must be done. God's will would not be altered and neither would Wendy's- but as it turned out, unlike others that bowed to God's will, Wendy's will became so strong that she literally pushed God and shoved Him to the floor since she was at her emotional peak. At that point she was gonna get the ability to talk back by any means nessecary.
Wendy grabbed God by the neck and used Him as a shield before the troops or Saddam could shoot her. Butters didn't know what to do to help, but he went next to her and God anyway so he could be nearby if he was needed. Wendy had one arm wrapped about God's neck, and she used both hands to make some kind of demand in sign. The soldiers asked what she was saying, and God answered, "She's demanding that one of you repeat the spell I cast on her so she can be able to talk again. She's ordering that this happened or else she'll hurt me."
"Oh come on, it's not like you're gonna die or anything!", Saddam crassly answered. "You could use a good beating after you fucked up so much today, even if you came up with that cool voice spell! I should say Ec neado se po silenco dominion Wendy Butters to people that bug me!" God almost chuckled at the fact that Saddam throughly fucked up this time. By repeating the spell ver batum, Wendy and Butters got their ability to talk back.
"Wow neato, we can talk and make all kinds of noise again!" Butters yelled out with glee. But Wendy was able to contain her joy so that she could get back to business right away. "See the journey to come to pass, the trip ahead will be a blast! If-" She would have gone on if not for one new problem- Saddam had grabbed her neck with one hand and put a knife to her mouth with the other. "Go on, guy! I've cut off lots of guys tounges to get them in the mood, but I have no problem just having fun with cutting off a bitch's tounge!" Saddam pressed the knife closer to her lips when Wendy tried to struggle free even more. "Aw come on, give me a break, it'll grow back tomorrow and just stop you from saying my spell today anyway!"
Normally, Butters needed to think more before he could get himself brave enough to face a problem like this. True, hearing about the Purgatory dictator gave him the chills, and they were turned up even more after finding out the guy was Saddam Hussain, a guy who was nuts and scary enough before he got that job. Maybe the soldiers and God knew that already since none of them were making a move to stop this. Therefore, Butters knew he had to get brave faster than usual to face his fears on behalf of protecting a friend. To that end, it took about 2 seconds before he started walking towards Saddam's back, and after it looked like Saddam was really gonna use his knife on Wendy's tounge to shut her up, he balled his hands into fists. Then he hit Saddam on the top of his head, which loosened his grip on Wendy but made him move the knife so that it cut Wendy on the face slightly. But it did make him let go of the knife and give Wendy the chance she needed to recover.
Butters and Wendy got together to grab Saddam before he fought back, and they dragged him over to the fireplace in the room- making sure to place him right in front of the fire. "Ay, what the fuck is this?! Are you retarded enough to think you can hurt me with a fire, I'll just heal tomorrow!" But Wendy had a clear answer for Saddam's arrogance. "Butters, get Saddam's knife." As Butters went to do that, Wendy explained things further. "It's true that you'd heal tomorrow if you got burned up. But there's one thing I found out in my research that you were too stupid to remember. If I cut off a body part of yours, it would grow back tomorrow.....if it was still intact. If it got blown up, destroyed, or burned apart, the body part would not grow back. I've never tried it before, but maybe it's time I gave it a try." Butters handed her the knife and for the first time, Saddam was actually concerned with what she might do with it, and what she might cut off.
"Okay God, we've had enough fun now, get them off me." God stood there not knowing what to do as Wendy kept holding Saddam down nearby the fireplace, and Butters held his legs down so he wouldn't kick his way out. "God, this isn't funny anymore, get them to stop playing now! You know you can't defy me!" God knew that better than anymore, but now He was starting to think of the possibilities of Saddam losing his....special place. If that happened, he'd lose his whole reason for living and never do "it" to any guys again, and without that, he couldn't live. He'd be so depressed and so bitter about losing his member that....that he'd be too distracted to run Purgatory, or to annoy God or Satan again. They could lock him up in a prison and feel safe that he wouldn't try to escape, since without his manhood and without the means to have gay sex, what did he have to live for? And how could he remember to blackmail God and threaten him with his penis gone?! But all Saddam was thinking and saying was, "God, order the troops to put 10 holes each in these two now!"
"Troops....stand down." God now had His way out from dealing with Saddam and his threats to wreck Heaven or Hell again, and He wasn't gonna let the troops ruin it now. Perhaps if Wendy succeeded in her little theory, He might have an excuse to reward her and get her off his back as well.....
"Butters, keep holding his legs down, I got the rest covered!" Butters did as Wendy said, and she started to take care of the rest by unzipping Saddam's front zipper. Normally Saddam wouldn't mind that except at times like this, but this time it wasn't a good thing. Now all Wendy had to do was actually put her hand in that area, pull out the target body part, cut it, and toss it in the fire to finish the job. She was a little uneasy about having to touch something that had been in practically every dirty place there was in existence, but it had to be done. For Stan.
Wendy held Saddam's hands together with one hand, and used the other to put the knife in her mouth so her hand would be free to explore Saddam's pants. God and the soldiers continued to stand there in hopes Wendy would succeed, and Saddam got more and more pissed at them and swore to burn them alive if he ever got out of this. But how could he get Wendy off her to do that before she did to him what that other girl almost did to....."That's it!" Saddam acted quick to speak the one thing that would throw Wendy off track. "Say Wend, it's funny that you wanna cut off my ding dong to see Stan, because I saw his ding dong getting real busy last night! Mainly cause I hired a girl to rape the shit out of him by shoving his thing in her!"
"YOU WHAT?!!!!"
Wendy should have used that info to cut Saddam's thing off quicker, but she was so stunned by the news of what her beloved went through that she was thrown off track just like Saddam wanted. Butters saw this a lot faster than Wendy did. "Come on Wendy, aren't you gonna cut his weiner off now?!" But by the time he finished asking that, Saddam had got his hands free from Wendy's grasp and he shoved her away from him. Butters acted fast to tackle him before he did even more damage, and then once Wendy recovered, her rage finally kicked in and she pounced on Saddam. This time, she was probably gonna wind up eating his nose or eyeballs out if she could. But the problem was, although Wendy got plently pissed when girls came near Stan like that, Saddam got even more pissed when thinking about how close he came to never having sex again. His rage over that was the only thing imaginable that could subdue Wendy's rage over Stan being touched by another woman. And Saddam's rage won as when Wendy strangled him, he strangled her back hard enough so that she let go, then she grabbed her and threw her right at the stunned group of soldiers. For good measure, he got up and kicked Butters to the floor so he couldn't do anything. He then zipped his pants up and got up to compose himself before he got mad again, this time at God.
"God, I noticed my penis was in danger and you did nothing to stop it, as if you wanted my main man to be thrown in the fire."
"But, but it didn't, you outwitted them and stopped them from emasculating you!" At that point God stopped in realization- His dreams had died just then. He could have gotten the edge over Saddam and successfully locked him up forever if he lost his manhood, and He stood by because he trusted Wendy to do that for Him. But she couldn't even do that. She had failed and in turn, she had doomed God to be nothing better than Saddam's bitch again. Cause now he was so mad that he could very well order the destruction of Heaven as a result, and He wouldn't be strong enough to stop him and his fury. Before that happened, God concluded the obvious- Wendy had to pay for failing Him. "Troops, seize the captives again!" And the troops did just after Wendy and Butters recovered from the fight and just before they were ready to attack Saddam again.
"Wendy, Butters, you committed a serious crime last night, and attacked me and Saddam today. This calls for a serious punishment." Now that Wendy was slightly calmed down, she remembered that she could still cast the spell out loud and escape. Unfortunatly, God knew that too.
"I hearby decree that I shall cast a spell in which you both forget the two Purgatory spells you memorized today. This way, you will not be able to transport yourself to Purgatory, and with Saddam holding the spells book, and the fact that you have a lifetime ban from the soul takers group, there will be no possible way for you to go away to see Stan Marsh now. Because you committed a crime against me, you must pay the penalty, and the ultimate penalty for you is to lose your own chance to see your boyfriend ever again." God quickly added that last bit for Saddam's sake because since this was indeed the ultimate punishment for Wendy, it would please Saddam enough to back off.
"You've got to be shitting me!", yelled Wendy as eloquently as she could. "You're only doing this because I didn't cut off his ding-dong and get him outta your hair, or whatever's on the top of your stupid head!" God was in no mood to fight with her now, especially after she had failed to cripple Saddam, so He started casting the forgetful spell. "Du ma cheney forget me spell to purga!"
God had another line left, and by then Butters was looking frantically for a way to stop this. Since this canceled out his fear of going against the Master and Creator of the Universe, he focused clearly on his task. Finally in the middle of God's spell, he got his task set- he kicked the soldier behind him in the crotch and ran towards God to tackle Him as he finished the spell. "Forget purga to permanent Wendy Butters!!"
By the time Butters actually tackled God down, it was a split second too late. Both of the kids heads hurt like Hell for a second, and then when they recovered, both of them tried their best to remember the two Purgatory spells, but they couldn't. Taking advantage of their current state, God got Butters off of Him, and then used his mental powers to transport Butters and Wendy out of the palace. They would be put back into their house in their Heaven town and deal with their failure there. Now with that out of the way, the hard part of the day began- trying to appease Saddam for letting him face castration alone. But Saddam wasn't even gonna let God get a word in edgewise.
"Look God, you tried to fuck me over just now, but I won't take it out on you. I have my own ways of making you regret shit like this. So I'll tell you what, I'm gonna stay right here today and tomorrow, and I'm gonna tour all of Heaven, then use my new Purgatory spells to take anyone I want back to Purgatory with me to be my slaves!" Saddam took his new book and held it up to prove his point, which was that he was gonna take any number of souls from Heaven over the next two days and make them slaves in his kingdom. And God knew that if He refused Saddam's plan, he would use the anger from a while ago to destroy the lives of Him and all his dead children here. So it would be better for Saddam to take a few hundred souls with him, instead of destroying the spirit of every single person here.
With that, God agreed to take Saddam on tours of the Heaven towns, where he could use his new spells to send anyone he wanted to Purgatory. Truely, no one but Saddam had come out ahead in the last 15 minutes, not God or the people in Heaven, and certainly not Wendy or Butters. But now that they had failed God, He didn't really care about their suffering right now, and was actually quite proud that He did what He did to them. At least it was one thing He would be proud of in the next two days.
At that moment the whole gang came inside the room, the soldiers, Wendy, Butters, and Saddam. The gags were now off of the two kids since they still didn't have the ability to make a noise, and by now they'd given up trying to break the silence. And once Butters saw the form of God Himself, he was too taken back to even attempt to talk, both out of reverence for seeing the Creator of the Universe, and in shock in trying to figure out what the hell he looked like. Wendy had seen His strange form a number of times, so the shock had worn off for her, she just wanted to get down to business. God got that business started for her though.
"Miss Testaburger. I can't say anymore that I'm relieved I haven't heard from you in a few weeks, since you obviously used that time to plan out your little escapade.", started God. "Luckly Saddam figured out the basic part of your plan, but I discovered the rest. You only joined the soul takers club and killed this kid so you could steal that book, didn't you?" Wendy of course, could only nod yes as an answer. "I can't tell you how much this....disappoints me."
"All right, you're good and angry now, so let's get on with the punishing already!" Saddam was obviously hoping for a harsher punishment for Butters since, because of his bias towards men, it wasn't as much fun to see a girl suffer and have her body abused. But God wasn't even looking at Butters as His attention was still on Wendy.
"Wendy, you have to learn to move on. It wasn't my fault that Stan died, he took things into his own hands and altered his fate, not me. He would have been here soon if he had just learned to control himself, so no offense, but I think you need to blame Stan for this more than me. It's hard, I know, but it's the truth and you need to accept it so you can be happy here."
Not only did Wendy not take God's advice, she was even angrier at the Lord now. She went back to trying to say something without any success, and God was now even more relieved He cast that spell- since if she didn't use her voice to go to Purgatory, she would have used it to get into a huge fight with Him and His head already hurt from hearing Saddam's voice. Wendy was still determined to find some way to let God have it, but how could she without her voice? How else do you communicate with someone when......and then she remembered.
Wendy turned around and although her hands were bound together, she moved them around as much as she could in an attempt to make God untie them. God was pretty confused by this, so in an effort to make sense of this, He indeed untied her hands. After all, even if she did attack Him, He was all powerful enough to hold her back and Saddam was there to use his own....special skills to hold her back. But when Wendy's hands were undone, she didn't use them to attack Him- she used them to talk. She was using sign language to speak her thoughts, a skill she used during a project in the 10'th grade. She worked with Timmy and used sign language as a way to hold a conversation with him, and although he could still only say "TIMMY!!!", with Wendy's help they used sign language to hold a lot of conversations together, which made it easier to talk to Timmy. Now she was using this power to communicate with the Lord, and God got what she was doing quite quickly. He started to translate her words as the others and Saddam were still clueless to the whole thing. "God, uh, what the fuck is this? Why are her hands moving around in a way that has nothing to do with handjobs and every other sex thing that hands are good for?", inquired the ignorant Saddam.
"Saddam, may I answer you later?" God would have just said shut up and be quiet to anyone else, but of course He had to be more delicate with Saddam. He'd have to worry about that later as he decoded what Wendy was saying with her hands. "She's saying if she can't blame me for Stan's death, she can always blame me for her demise, since Stan wouldn't have killed herself if she didn't die first." This wasn't the first time Wendy had brought that up, but God didn't know what else to say about it other than it was what had to happen. He tried to respond anyway. "Wendy, I know the fate I gave you with dying so young and so tragically was cruel, but I've done a lot worse to a lot of people that deserved it less! This was not a personal thing, it was just business, and truthfully you could have died in ways that were more horrible. I could have decided that you would die from Widmark killing you in prison, but I decided it wouldn't happen and you had 7 extra years with Stan as a result. So you see, I've been both cruel and kind to you."
"And that makes it better?!" Wendy spoke in sign language. "You've made it so that I could be puked on for years, be a total bitch a lot of the time, come to my senses only after Stan almost died from agin, be put through Hell on Earth in prison, and now this!! I've been hated by so many people in my life, and I've given them reasons to hate me a few times, but I didn't want to! It was in my nature to rub people the wrong way, and you gave me that nature! Why me, huh?! Why did you love making me go through torture and then take me away when things go really good? Why me?!!"
"Because that was the fate that the powers that be gave to you." God answered out loud- even though no one else translated sign language well enough to know what question Wendy was talking about. "Wendy, you were given some bad breaks, but we gave you the strong will and spirit to overcome them. You were a survivor until the end, and I figured that your strong spirit would help you move on and realize you can live a happy life here without Stan. After all, you already have a friend here and your other friends will be here eventually. Heck, it'll only take 20 years for Bebe to be here."
"That's not good enough, I want Stan! I wouldn't have put you through so much trouble today if you just let me go back to him in the first place! Besides, you knew how far I went for him in the past, I killed for him before! Why are you so surprised I did this?!", asked Wendy with her hands.
"Honestly, I shouldn't be. But steps must be taken so that this never happens again."
Saddam now stepped in since he was assuming the good stuff was finally coming. "Oh yeah, lay it on them, baby! Smack them down, then I can take my book and transport souls from Heaven to Purgatory with an extra kick in my step, or something!" This was the first time Wendy heard about why Saddam wanted this book- and it was basically for the same reason she wanted it, only with less good intentions. If she wasn't pissed then, she was now at the cruel and horrific hypocrisy on display.
"You won't let me go to Purgatory to find my boyfriend, and yet you're letting this asshole take away people from Heaven to go there! You told me that was against the rules dozens of times, and yet you're letting him break them and not me! What the fuck for?!!" Wendy almost hurt her hands because she was using the sign language with such anger and fury. She had hit on a very sensitive subject for God and had almost exposed how cowardly He was to listen to sadistic dictators and bend the rules for him and not for someone more deserving. But the consequences of not doing that would be disastrous, and Wendy had to understand that and why what she did was so dangerous to the afterlife as a whole. But since He didn't want Saddam to join in this discussion, God told Wendy His answer in sign.
"Because unlike you, Saddam can wreck the entire afterlife if I don't listen to him. Because he knows how to get to me and how to drive me insane, and how to ruin the fabric of Heaven itself! He would have overthrown Heaven and ruined the lives of it's citizens if I didn't give him Purgatory and give him everything he wanted, including this! So now you must know what you almost did today could have wrecked everything! You might have made the life of one soul better if you got what you wanted, and I emphazize the word might- but you would have destroyed the lives of millions in the process! You almost gave Saddam a reason to destroy everything we hold dear as a punishment for your actions!"
"And you're so weak and such a pussy that you couldn't have stopped him, or put up with him earlier?! He's obviously torturing the love of my life in Purgatory, and all because you didn't have the balls to subdue him in Heaven! So who's really to blame for that, huh God?!"
After Wendy's angry answer, her and God traded exchanges in sign language that no one could understand. All the others could get was that they were both looking more and more upset as their hand movements became faster and rougher. None of them looked willing to admit the other had a good point, they were both too committed to their own visions about what must be done. God's will would not be altered and neither would Wendy's- but as it turned out, unlike others that bowed to God's will, Wendy's will became so strong that she literally pushed God and shoved Him to the floor since she was at her emotional peak. At that point she was gonna get the ability to talk back by any means nessecary.
Wendy grabbed God by the neck and used Him as a shield before the troops or Saddam could shoot her. Butters didn't know what to do to help, but he went next to her and God anyway so he could be nearby if he was needed. Wendy had one arm wrapped about God's neck, and she used both hands to make some kind of demand in sign. The soldiers asked what she was saying, and God answered, "She's demanding that one of you repeat the spell I cast on her so she can be able to talk again. She's ordering that this happened or else she'll hurt me."
"Oh come on, it's not like you're gonna die or anything!", Saddam crassly answered. "You could use a good beating after you fucked up so much today, even if you came up with that cool voice spell! I should say Ec neado se po silenco dominion Wendy Butters to people that bug me!" God almost chuckled at the fact that Saddam throughly fucked up this time. By repeating the spell ver batum, Wendy and Butters got their ability to talk back.
"Wow neato, we can talk and make all kinds of noise again!" Butters yelled out with glee. But Wendy was able to contain her joy so that she could get back to business right away. "See the journey to come to pass, the trip ahead will be a blast! If-" She would have gone on if not for one new problem- Saddam had grabbed her neck with one hand and put a knife to her mouth with the other. "Go on, guy! I've cut off lots of guys tounges to get them in the mood, but I have no problem just having fun with cutting off a bitch's tounge!" Saddam pressed the knife closer to her lips when Wendy tried to struggle free even more. "Aw come on, give me a break, it'll grow back tomorrow and just stop you from saying my spell today anyway!"
Normally, Butters needed to think more before he could get himself brave enough to face a problem like this. True, hearing about the Purgatory dictator gave him the chills, and they were turned up even more after finding out the guy was Saddam Hussain, a guy who was nuts and scary enough before he got that job. Maybe the soldiers and God knew that already since none of them were making a move to stop this. Therefore, Butters knew he had to get brave faster than usual to face his fears on behalf of protecting a friend. To that end, it took about 2 seconds before he started walking towards Saddam's back, and after it looked like Saddam was really gonna use his knife on Wendy's tounge to shut her up, he balled his hands into fists. Then he hit Saddam on the top of his head, which loosened his grip on Wendy but made him move the knife so that it cut Wendy on the face slightly. But it did make him let go of the knife and give Wendy the chance she needed to recover.
Butters and Wendy got together to grab Saddam before he fought back, and they dragged him over to the fireplace in the room- making sure to place him right in front of the fire. "Ay, what the fuck is this?! Are you retarded enough to think you can hurt me with a fire, I'll just heal tomorrow!" But Wendy had a clear answer for Saddam's arrogance. "Butters, get Saddam's knife." As Butters went to do that, Wendy explained things further. "It's true that you'd heal tomorrow if you got burned up. But there's one thing I found out in my research that you were too stupid to remember. If I cut off a body part of yours, it would grow back tomorrow.....if it was still intact. If it got blown up, destroyed, or burned apart, the body part would not grow back. I've never tried it before, but maybe it's time I gave it a try." Butters handed her the knife and for the first time, Saddam was actually concerned with what she might do with it, and what she might cut off.
"Okay God, we've had enough fun now, get them off me." God stood there not knowing what to do as Wendy kept holding Saddam down nearby the fireplace, and Butters held his legs down so he wouldn't kick his way out. "God, this isn't funny anymore, get them to stop playing now! You know you can't defy me!" God knew that better than anymore, but now He was starting to think of the possibilities of Saddam losing his....special place. If that happened, he'd lose his whole reason for living and never do "it" to any guys again, and without that, he couldn't live. He'd be so depressed and so bitter about losing his member that....that he'd be too distracted to run Purgatory, or to annoy God or Satan again. They could lock him up in a prison and feel safe that he wouldn't try to escape, since without his manhood and without the means to have gay sex, what did he have to live for? And how could he remember to blackmail God and threaten him with his penis gone?! But all Saddam was thinking and saying was, "God, order the troops to put 10 holes each in these two now!"
"Troops....stand down." God now had His way out from dealing with Saddam and his threats to wreck Heaven or Hell again, and He wasn't gonna let the troops ruin it now. Perhaps if Wendy succeeded in her little theory, He might have an excuse to reward her and get her off his back as well.....
"Butters, keep holding his legs down, I got the rest covered!" Butters did as Wendy said, and she started to take care of the rest by unzipping Saddam's front zipper. Normally Saddam wouldn't mind that except at times like this, but this time it wasn't a good thing. Now all Wendy had to do was actually put her hand in that area, pull out the target body part, cut it, and toss it in the fire to finish the job. She was a little uneasy about having to touch something that had been in practically every dirty place there was in existence, but it had to be done. For Stan.
Wendy held Saddam's hands together with one hand, and used the other to put the knife in her mouth so her hand would be free to explore Saddam's pants. God and the soldiers continued to stand there in hopes Wendy would succeed, and Saddam got more and more pissed at them and swore to burn them alive if he ever got out of this. But how could he get Wendy off her to do that before she did to him what that other girl almost did to....."That's it!" Saddam acted quick to speak the one thing that would throw Wendy off track. "Say Wend, it's funny that you wanna cut off my ding dong to see Stan, because I saw his ding dong getting real busy last night! Mainly cause I hired a girl to rape the shit out of him by shoving his thing in her!"
"YOU WHAT?!!!!"
Wendy should have used that info to cut Saddam's thing off quicker, but she was so stunned by the news of what her beloved went through that she was thrown off track just like Saddam wanted. Butters saw this a lot faster than Wendy did. "Come on Wendy, aren't you gonna cut his weiner off now?!" But by the time he finished asking that, Saddam had got his hands free from Wendy's grasp and he shoved her away from him. Butters acted fast to tackle him before he did even more damage, and then once Wendy recovered, her rage finally kicked in and she pounced on Saddam. This time, she was probably gonna wind up eating his nose or eyeballs out if she could. But the problem was, although Wendy got plently pissed when girls came near Stan like that, Saddam got even more pissed when thinking about how close he came to never having sex again. His rage over that was the only thing imaginable that could subdue Wendy's rage over Stan being touched by another woman. And Saddam's rage won as when Wendy strangled him, he strangled her back hard enough so that she let go, then she grabbed her and threw her right at the stunned group of soldiers. For good measure, he got up and kicked Butters to the floor so he couldn't do anything. He then zipped his pants up and got up to compose himself before he got mad again, this time at God.
"God, I noticed my penis was in danger and you did nothing to stop it, as if you wanted my main man to be thrown in the fire."
"But, but it didn't, you outwitted them and stopped them from emasculating you!" At that point God stopped in realization- His dreams had died just then. He could have gotten the edge over Saddam and successfully locked him up forever if he lost his manhood, and He stood by because he trusted Wendy to do that for Him. But she couldn't even do that. She had failed and in turn, she had doomed God to be nothing better than Saddam's bitch again. Cause now he was so mad that he could very well order the destruction of Heaven as a result, and He wouldn't be strong enough to stop him and his fury. Before that happened, God concluded the obvious- Wendy had to pay for failing Him. "Troops, seize the captives again!" And the troops did just after Wendy and Butters recovered from the fight and just before they were ready to attack Saddam again.
"Wendy, Butters, you committed a serious crime last night, and attacked me and Saddam today. This calls for a serious punishment." Now that Wendy was slightly calmed down, she remembered that she could still cast the spell out loud and escape. Unfortunatly, God knew that too.
"I hearby decree that I shall cast a spell in which you both forget the two Purgatory spells you memorized today. This way, you will not be able to transport yourself to Purgatory, and with Saddam holding the spells book, and the fact that you have a lifetime ban from the soul takers group, there will be no possible way for you to go away to see Stan Marsh now. Because you committed a crime against me, you must pay the penalty, and the ultimate penalty for you is to lose your own chance to see your boyfriend ever again." God quickly added that last bit for Saddam's sake because since this was indeed the ultimate punishment for Wendy, it would please Saddam enough to back off.
"You've got to be shitting me!", yelled Wendy as eloquently as she could. "You're only doing this because I didn't cut off his ding-dong and get him outta your hair, or whatever's on the top of your stupid head!" God was in no mood to fight with her now, especially after she had failed to cripple Saddam, so He started casting the forgetful spell. "Du ma cheney forget me spell to purga!"
God had another line left, and by then Butters was looking frantically for a way to stop this. Since this canceled out his fear of going against the Master and Creator of the Universe, he focused clearly on his task. Finally in the middle of God's spell, he got his task set- he kicked the soldier behind him in the crotch and ran towards God to tackle Him as he finished the spell. "Forget purga to permanent Wendy Butters!!"
By the time Butters actually tackled God down, it was a split second too late. Both of the kids heads hurt like Hell for a second, and then when they recovered, both of them tried their best to remember the two Purgatory spells, but they couldn't. Taking advantage of their current state, God got Butters off of Him, and then used his mental powers to transport Butters and Wendy out of the palace. They would be put back into their house in their Heaven town and deal with their failure there. Now with that out of the way, the hard part of the day began- trying to appease Saddam for letting him face castration alone. But Saddam wasn't even gonna let God get a word in edgewise.
"Look God, you tried to fuck me over just now, but I won't take it out on you. I have my own ways of making you regret shit like this. So I'll tell you what, I'm gonna stay right here today and tomorrow, and I'm gonna tour all of Heaven, then use my new Purgatory spells to take anyone I want back to Purgatory with me to be my slaves!" Saddam took his new book and held it up to prove his point, which was that he was gonna take any number of souls from Heaven over the next two days and make them slaves in his kingdom. And God knew that if He refused Saddam's plan, he would use the anger from a while ago to destroy the lives of Him and all his dead children here. So it would be better for Saddam to take a few hundred souls with him, instead of destroying the spirit of every single person here.
With that, God agreed to take Saddam on tours of the Heaven towns, where he could use his new spells to send anyone he wanted to Purgatory. Truely, no one but Saddam had come out ahead in the last 15 minutes, not God or the people in Heaven, and certainly not Wendy or Butters. But now that they had failed God, He didn't really care about their suffering right now, and was actually quite proud that He did what He did to them. At least it was one thing He would be proud of in the next two days.