Enterprise Q
Chapter 2: If You Were Gay
Summary: I think this constitutes as being a songfic now that I haven't altered this song any. Trip decides to play matchmaker but first has to get Malcolm to admit he's gay. Molded around the song "If You Were Gay" from Avenue Q.
Plug: Avenue Q is a really funny musical. You should definitely check it out if you have a chance.
Rated: PG – No bad language or suggestive material in this particular chapter.
Disclaimer: Avenue Q and Enterprise do not belong to me. I'm not making any money off of this, I'm just being weird.
If You Were Gay
Malcolm, having once again locked himself in the armory, was sitting modifying weapons. Most of the security crew was on an away mission to this planet that Malcolm had not gone on, because the MACOs would be going.
"Ah, another perfect afternoon alone with my phase pistols. No annoying MACOs or engineers to bother me." He said aloud to himself. "Could my day get any better than this?" Malcolm wondered, jinxing it.
For just at that moment the chief engineer, Trip, walked in, back from an away mission.
"Hey, Malcolm!" Trip called out cheerily.
"Hi, Trip." Malcolm muttered. "How'd you get in here?"
"Oh well someone locked up the armory so I went and bypassed the doors so people could get in." Trip responded. "I mean, people have to get into the armory you know."
"Oh really?" asked Malcolm, feigning innocence.
"Well, Malcolm," Trip said, "you'll never believe what happened on the away mission today. Some alien guy was smiling at me and talking just to me, and I think he was coming on to me! I think he thought that I was gay."
"Oh?" said Malcolm, pretending to sound bored. "So why are you telling me this? That's stupid. Did you use the phase pistols today?" He tried to change the subject.
"Hey, you don't have to get defensive!" Trip replied. "I was just-"
"I am NOT getting DEFENSIVE!" Malcolm interrupted. "Why should I care about that? I'm trying to calibrate these phase pistols!"
"I just thought it should be something we'd be able to talk about." Trip said, "but okay, well just so you know..." Trip began to launch into his song.
Trip: If you were gay
That'd be okay
I mean 'cause hey,
I'd like you anyway.
Because you see,
If it were me,
I would feel free
To say that I was gay
(But I'm not gay.)
Malcolm tried to ignore him to no avail. "Trip! I am trying to fix these phase pistols! Can you please leave me alone!" But when Trip didn't leave he snapped, "What?!?!" and Trip began to sing again.
Trip: If you were queer
"Trip! Cut it out!" Malcolm yelled.
Trip: I'd still be here,
"I can't believe this!"
Trip: Year after year
"It won't be year after year when I shoot you!" Malcolm threateningly pointed a gun at him.
Trip: Because you're dear
To me,
"Oh come on! Don't you have anything better to do!?" Malcolm threw up his hands.
Trip: And I know that you
"I'd what?"
Trip: Would accept me too,
"I would? I don't think so!"
Trip: If I told you today,
"Hey! Guess what,
I'm Gay!"
(But I'm not Gay.)
"I don't think anyone thinks you're gay, Trip." Muttered Malcolm.
Trip: I'm happy
Just being with you.
"Oh go make out with T'Pol if you're this bored!" Malcolm yelled.
Trip: So what should it
Matter to me
What you do in bed
With guys!
"Trip! That's wrong!" Malcolm yelled.
"No, it's not!" Trip yelled gleefully back.
Trip: If you were gay
I'd shout Hooray!
"I am not listening!" Malcolm stuffed his fingers in his ears.
Trip: And here I'd stay,
"God save our noble queen..." Malcolm sang at the top of his lungs.
Trip: But I wouldn't get
In your way.
"I will seriously shoot you!" Malcolm threatened with the phase pistol again.
Trip: You can count on me
To always be
Beside you every day,
To tell you it's okay,
You were just born
That way,
And, as they say,
It's in your DNA,
You're gay!
"I AM NOT GAY!" Malcolm wailed.
"If you were gay." Trip added before running out of the armory as quickly as he could. Malcolm might just shoot him.
"Argh!" Malcolm yelled and threw the phase pistol down on the table.
A group of MACOs walked in and Malcolm quickly left the armory in case they overheard some of Trip's singing. After all he had to prep for security for a visiting alien group.
Should this madness continue with the next chapter "The Enterprise is for Porn"? Please tell me!
Chapter 2: If You Were Gay
Summary: I think this constitutes as being a songfic now that I haven't altered this song any. Trip decides to play matchmaker but first has to get Malcolm to admit he's gay. Molded around the song "If You Were Gay" from Avenue Q.
Plug: Avenue Q is a really funny musical. You should definitely check it out if you have a chance.
Rated: PG – No bad language or suggestive material in this particular chapter.
Disclaimer: Avenue Q and Enterprise do not belong to me. I'm not making any money off of this, I'm just being weird.
If You Were Gay
Malcolm, having once again locked himself in the armory, was sitting modifying weapons. Most of the security crew was on an away mission to this planet that Malcolm had not gone on, because the MACOs would be going.
"Ah, another perfect afternoon alone with my phase pistols. No annoying MACOs or engineers to bother me." He said aloud to himself. "Could my day get any better than this?" Malcolm wondered, jinxing it.
For just at that moment the chief engineer, Trip, walked in, back from an away mission.
"Hey, Malcolm!" Trip called out cheerily.
"Hi, Trip." Malcolm muttered. "How'd you get in here?"
"Oh well someone locked up the armory so I went and bypassed the doors so people could get in." Trip responded. "I mean, people have to get into the armory you know."
"Oh really?" asked Malcolm, feigning innocence.
"Well, Malcolm," Trip said, "you'll never believe what happened on the away mission today. Some alien guy was smiling at me and talking just to me, and I think he was coming on to me! I think he thought that I was gay."
"Oh?" said Malcolm, pretending to sound bored. "So why are you telling me this? That's stupid. Did you use the phase pistols today?" He tried to change the subject.
"Hey, you don't have to get defensive!" Trip replied. "I was just-"
"I am NOT getting DEFENSIVE!" Malcolm interrupted. "Why should I care about that? I'm trying to calibrate these phase pistols!"
"I just thought it should be something we'd be able to talk about." Trip said, "but okay, well just so you know..." Trip began to launch into his song.
Trip: If you were gay
That'd be okay
I mean 'cause hey,
I'd like you anyway.
Because you see,
If it were me,
I would feel free
To say that I was gay
(But I'm not gay.)
Malcolm tried to ignore him to no avail. "Trip! I am trying to fix these phase pistols! Can you please leave me alone!" But when Trip didn't leave he snapped, "What?!?!" and Trip began to sing again.
Trip: If you were queer
"Trip! Cut it out!" Malcolm yelled.
Trip: I'd still be here,
"I can't believe this!"
Trip: Year after year
"It won't be year after year when I shoot you!" Malcolm threateningly pointed a gun at him.
Trip: Because you're dear
To me,
"Oh come on! Don't you have anything better to do!?" Malcolm threw up his hands.
Trip: And I know that you
"I'd what?"
Trip: Would accept me too,
"I would? I don't think so!"
Trip: If I told you today,
"Hey! Guess what,
I'm Gay!"
(But I'm not Gay.)
"I don't think anyone thinks you're gay, Trip." Muttered Malcolm.
Trip: I'm happy
Just being with you.
"Oh go make out with T'Pol if you're this bored!" Malcolm yelled.
Trip: So what should it
Matter to me
What you do in bed
With guys!
"Trip! That's wrong!" Malcolm yelled.
"No, it's not!" Trip yelled gleefully back.
Trip: If you were gay
I'd shout Hooray!
"I am not listening!" Malcolm stuffed his fingers in his ears.
Trip: And here I'd stay,
"God save our noble queen..." Malcolm sang at the top of his lungs.
Trip: But I wouldn't get
In your way.
"I will seriously shoot you!" Malcolm threatened with the phase pistol again.
Trip: You can count on me
To always be
Beside you every day,
To tell you it's okay,
You were just born
That way,
And, as they say,
It's in your DNA,
You're gay!
"I AM NOT GAY!" Malcolm wailed.
"If you were gay." Trip added before running out of the armory as quickly as he could. Malcolm might just shoot him.
"Argh!" Malcolm yelled and threw the phase pistol down on the table.
A group of MACOs walked in and Malcolm quickly left the armory in case they overheard some of Trip's singing. After all he had to prep for security for a visiting alien group.
Should this madness continue with the next chapter "The Enterprise is for Porn"? Please tell me!