Angel just stood there for a moment,
part of him rationalizing the situation, and the other part-wanting to rip
Spike's head off.
Buffy gently pushed Spike away, "Spike I can't do this, not again.." she looked down for a moment, off to the side.
"But Buffy...," Spike reached for her, but she turned away.
"I can't Spike. What we have, I mean - had.. What we had was..was..," she tried to think of a word for it.
Spike gulped, holding back the tears, "A mistake? Is that what you were going to say? A bloody mistake Buffy? I don't think it was a mistake one bit. I loved you, I still love you damnit. I came back from the dead and all I could think about was you. How can you say that doesn't mean anything to you? It has to mean something," Buffy felt his words piece through her like bullets to the heart.
"Spike, I didn't mean that .."
"Then what did you mean?," his voice grew frustrated and torn.
She fought back the tears this time, realizing how much she was hurting him, "Spike, I'm so sorry...." she touched his arm, but he backed away.
"No. I'm not going to let you do this again...," he paused, "I bled for you Buffy. I bled for you," his eyes pierced hers for a moment, "I hope you can live with that."
He then turned his back on her and left.
Buffy stood there, her eyes filled with tears, "I'm so sorry," she whispered to herself.
Angel walked up behind her, thinking of words to say to the honey blonde slayer.
"Um, Buffy...," he scratched his head for a moment, still trying to think, she turned around quickly- "Yeah?" she sucked it up, "what is it Angel?"
"Look, I know you have things to do. So, I'll let you get back to the girls, they probably need you," he looked off to the side, not wanting to look at her very long after seeing Spike's tongue down her throat.
She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, "It was good seeing you again Angel," she smiled warmly, "But you're probably right, I should be getting back," she handed him a piece of paper, "this is the hotel room the girls and I are staying at, it's a different one then last time. There were some problems with Andrew.." she rolled her eyes, "He was hogging the bathroom too long, and I think one of the girls saw him use her eyelash curler," she made a disturbed face, "I'm glad I didn't see that."
Angel didn't even smile, but he felt the humor of it all, "That's.. interesting," he took the piece of paper and put it in his pocket then gave Buffy a gentle hug, still trying not to look her in the eyes, "I'll talk to you some other time then," he sighed.
Buffy headed back to her hotel room, leaving Angel and the Italiano Wolfram and Hart behind.
Later at the local bar...
"It was the way she looked at me, I knew ... I knew she loved me. But now.. now (sarcastically) everything has changed! Probably because of that bloody Angel.. always getting tin the way of our relationship.. excuse me, used to be relationship!," Spike took another sip of vodka, "Bloody women."
The poor soul he was talking to just sat there, drinking another beer, "I hear ya, my wife left me not so long ago and since then I haven't.."
"I mean, she comes here, looking so damn beautiful.. And she's still single, so what else does she expect me to do? Let her just stand there and look at me with those eyes of hers, and that tight bodus ...." he takes another sip, "I can't do it. I just can't. I wish she would've drove a stake through my heart years ago, before I realized I was in love with her. It would hurt a lot less," he drank down the rest of his vodka.
The guy took one more sip of his beer and then passed out on the table from drinking too much.
Spike just looked over at him, "Lucky bastard."
Spike just sat at the bar. Thinking about the battles he and Buffy fought, together and against each other, sex with her, but most of all, holding her. Holding her was the greatest feeling he ever experienced, just feeling her against his chest. He knew that moment that she trusted him, that she might even love him, and she felt secure with him. What could make him feel any better then that moment?
'Being dead wasn't so bad,' he thought to himself, 'it's not like I had to think about much of anything.. There was no pain... no wonder Buffy wanted to stay dead for a while, it was a lot more peaceful then being on earth,' he asked the bartender for another drink.
"I think you've had enough," he responded.
"I'll tell you when I bloody well had enough! I'm not even drunk yet!," he hit his hand on the table, "give me another," he demanded.
The bartender sighed then poured him another drink, he'd never seen anyone drink as much as this blonde haired stranger.
Angel walked into the bar, automatically spotting Spike (since not a lot of people have such bright blonde hair and a duster) he walked over and sat next to him, staying silent for a while.
"You know, I don't think either of us really had her. I had her for a while, but I left her willingly. You had her, and you died saving the world. You'd think by now she'd realize who she wants to be with but I think we both know the answer," Angel's voice was low and sorrowful. Spike lifted his head up and looked at him for a moment as to say, 'go on'. "She can't decide. Buffy has never been in a really long relationship because she fears hurting those who she loves. So she must love the both of us a lot to stay this far away from us. When she really should still be in California, like us."
Spike looked down, "I don't want her to love both of us. All I wanted was for her to love me. As a man, not a monster. I did some horrible things to the girl, I realize that, but I just wish..I wish I could make it all right, y'now?," his dark blue eyes looked around the room, trying to think of anything but how he was feeling right now.
"We'll never have her Spike. At least I won't. You are right, I have a girlfriend. I shouldn't be chasing after another woman. But this woman isn't any ordinary woman Spike. It's Buffy. She's the slayer, the chosen one. We're supposed to be averted by that but we aren't. I still feel something for her, but I love another. You don't. You've always loved Buffy because she's one of a kind, maybe you did have something, I don't know, and if you did and you let that go.. you'll regret it for the rest of your life," Angel sighed, then stood up, leaving the bar with Spike still sitting in the chair.
Spike stood up and gulped down the rest of his drink quickly, he then threw the glass against the wall, shattering it to pieces.
He stood in the middle of the bar, alone, and battered, wondering what he should do next.
Buffy gently pushed Spike away, "Spike I can't do this, not again.." she looked down for a moment, off to the side.
"But Buffy...," Spike reached for her, but she turned away.
"I can't Spike. What we have, I mean - had.. What we had was..was..," she tried to think of a word for it.
Spike gulped, holding back the tears, "A mistake? Is that what you were going to say? A bloody mistake Buffy? I don't think it was a mistake one bit. I loved you, I still love you damnit. I came back from the dead and all I could think about was you. How can you say that doesn't mean anything to you? It has to mean something," Buffy felt his words piece through her like bullets to the heart.
"Spike, I didn't mean that .."
"Then what did you mean?," his voice grew frustrated and torn.
She fought back the tears this time, realizing how much she was hurting him, "Spike, I'm so sorry...." she touched his arm, but he backed away.
"No. I'm not going to let you do this again...," he paused, "I bled for you Buffy. I bled for you," his eyes pierced hers for a moment, "I hope you can live with that."
He then turned his back on her and left.
Buffy stood there, her eyes filled with tears, "I'm so sorry," she whispered to herself.
Angel walked up behind her, thinking of words to say to the honey blonde slayer.
"Um, Buffy...," he scratched his head for a moment, still trying to think, she turned around quickly- "Yeah?" she sucked it up, "what is it Angel?"
"Look, I know you have things to do. So, I'll let you get back to the girls, they probably need you," he looked off to the side, not wanting to look at her very long after seeing Spike's tongue down her throat.
She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, "It was good seeing you again Angel," she smiled warmly, "But you're probably right, I should be getting back," she handed him a piece of paper, "this is the hotel room the girls and I are staying at, it's a different one then last time. There were some problems with Andrew.." she rolled her eyes, "He was hogging the bathroom too long, and I think one of the girls saw him use her eyelash curler," she made a disturbed face, "I'm glad I didn't see that."
Angel didn't even smile, but he felt the humor of it all, "That's.. interesting," he took the piece of paper and put it in his pocket then gave Buffy a gentle hug, still trying not to look her in the eyes, "I'll talk to you some other time then," he sighed.
Buffy headed back to her hotel room, leaving Angel and the Italiano Wolfram and Hart behind.
Later at the local bar...
"It was the way she looked at me, I knew ... I knew she loved me. But now.. now (sarcastically) everything has changed! Probably because of that bloody Angel.. always getting tin the way of our relationship.. excuse me, used to be relationship!," Spike took another sip of vodka, "Bloody women."
The poor soul he was talking to just sat there, drinking another beer, "I hear ya, my wife left me not so long ago and since then I haven't.."
"I mean, she comes here, looking so damn beautiful.. And she's still single, so what else does she expect me to do? Let her just stand there and look at me with those eyes of hers, and that tight bodus ...." he takes another sip, "I can't do it. I just can't. I wish she would've drove a stake through my heart years ago, before I realized I was in love with her. It would hurt a lot less," he drank down the rest of his vodka.
The guy took one more sip of his beer and then passed out on the table from drinking too much.
Spike just looked over at him, "Lucky bastard."
Spike just sat at the bar. Thinking about the battles he and Buffy fought, together and against each other, sex with her, but most of all, holding her. Holding her was the greatest feeling he ever experienced, just feeling her against his chest. He knew that moment that she trusted him, that she might even love him, and she felt secure with him. What could make him feel any better then that moment?
'Being dead wasn't so bad,' he thought to himself, 'it's not like I had to think about much of anything.. There was no pain... no wonder Buffy wanted to stay dead for a while, it was a lot more peaceful then being on earth,' he asked the bartender for another drink.
"I think you've had enough," he responded.
"I'll tell you when I bloody well had enough! I'm not even drunk yet!," he hit his hand on the table, "give me another," he demanded.
The bartender sighed then poured him another drink, he'd never seen anyone drink as much as this blonde haired stranger.
Angel walked into the bar, automatically spotting Spike (since not a lot of people have such bright blonde hair and a duster) he walked over and sat next to him, staying silent for a while.
"You know, I don't think either of us really had her. I had her for a while, but I left her willingly. You had her, and you died saving the world. You'd think by now she'd realize who she wants to be with but I think we both know the answer," Angel's voice was low and sorrowful. Spike lifted his head up and looked at him for a moment as to say, 'go on'. "She can't decide. Buffy has never been in a really long relationship because she fears hurting those who she loves. So she must love the both of us a lot to stay this far away from us. When she really should still be in California, like us."
Spike looked down, "I don't want her to love both of us. All I wanted was for her to love me. As a man, not a monster. I did some horrible things to the girl, I realize that, but I just wish..I wish I could make it all right, y'now?," his dark blue eyes looked around the room, trying to think of anything but how he was feeling right now.
"We'll never have her Spike. At least I won't. You are right, I have a girlfriend. I shouldn't be chasing after another woman. But this woman isn't any ordinary woman Spike. It's Buffy. She's the slayer, the chosen one. We're supposed to be averted by that but we aren't. I still feel something for her, but I love another. You don't. You've always loved Buffy because she's one of a kind, maybe you did have something, I don't know, and if you did and you let that go.. you'll regret it for the rest of your life," Angel sighed, then stood up, leaving the bar with Spike still sitting in the chair.
Spike stood up and gulped down the rest of his drink quickly, he then threw the glass against the wall, shattering it to pieces.
He stood in the middle of the bar, alone, and battered, wondering what he should do next.