"Kari, please talk to me. Please?" Yamato begged.
"I don't want to talk." I replied crossly.
"Fine. I'm going go out and get something to eat. You want anything?" he asked me.
"Tacos..." Gatomon said, as though she were in heaven.
"That's sounds fine." I chuckled.
"Ok." Matt said. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked out of the apartment.
"Kari, what's wrong? You seem really distant." Gatomon asked me.
"I'm just not feeling well." I answered.
"Why not?" she asked me as she jumped onto the couch and laid down next to my lap.
"It's a long story. I really don't want to talk about it." I replied. Gatomon shrugged and turned the television on.
I watched TV for a while. It was more like staring at the machine then what was on the machine. I was too preoccupied. I felt so disturbed. Tai was partially behind my close-to murder. How do you go on with life knowing things like that?
"Gatomon..."
"Yeah?" she replied.
"How would you feel if we moved to America?" I asked, quite subtle.
"Why?" she asked me, now focused on the conversation rather than the television.
"I was thinking of moving to New York, near where Michael lives."
"But why? What's wrong with Okayama or Odaiba? At least with Okayama we weren't that far away from home."
"I can't stay here in Japan. I have to leave. You have to understand Gatomon, it isn't easy for me to be here."
"Why not." I heard some ask from the hallway. I looked up, and saw Takeru standing there.
"What do you want, TK?" I asked harshly.
"Can't I talk to you without getting the third degree?" he asked me. I really didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to see his face. But that's not me. I should at least listen to him once.
"Fine."
He sat down on the chair that matches the couch, and seemed to struggle with anything he had, or wanted, to say.
"I want to explain myself, Hikari." he spoke after a couple of minutes.
"It doesn't matter any more, Takeru. It doesn't matter if you meant to at first. What matters is that it happened, and you can't take it back." I sighed wearily.
Takeru looked down at floor. I could feel the guilt he felt, but there was nothing I could do. I was still hurting. Badly. The scars from the knife he stabbed me in the back with are still there.
"I'm sorry, Kari." he whispered. I could see his tears form in the corner of his eyes.
"I can't forgive you now, Takeru," I started as I walked over to him and took his hands in mine, "but I will be able to some day. I promise you."
He looked up at me and mouthed 'thank you,' and I knelt down and hugged him. I felt really good to be able to hug him, after all this time. Some wounds may never heal, but some just might.
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"You don't mind if I see Tai first, do you?" I asked Matt as I signed in at the visit sheet.
"No, of course not." he answered. The officer on duty led me to the visiting room where I waited to see Taichi.
It was an ugly, gray color, with metal bars on the windows and doors the only opened from the outside. It had one table in the middle of the room, and two chairs on either side of the table. I sat down on one while I pondered on what I was going to say to my brother.
What can you say to a brother who caused you to get shot? In practically seems unforgivable. I could feel my anger rising with every second I was sitting there.
One of the two doors opened, and I saw Taichi walk in. He looked horrible. Like he hadn't slept in days. My anger slipped away with the glance of his eyes. He sat down across from me, and I could tell he was struggling with the words he had to say to me too.
"How, um, how are you feeling?" he finally asked me.
"I'm ok. The bullet missed my kidney by an inch, so it wasn't that complicated."
"That's good." he said slowly. He continued to avoid looking at me. And it hurt. This was my brother. My only brother. And he didn't want to look at me.
"I'm sorry I left, Tai. I really am." I croaked. I missed him. I missed his hugs, his jokes, who he was. I missed it all.
He looked up at me, and when he saw I was crying, started to let his own tears fall. I stood up and walked over to him, and he did as well. I hugged him. And he hugged me back. I could feel his tears on my face, and I'm pretty sure he could feel mine on his chest.
I loved him so much. He was everything to me. He taught me so much. He was like a third parent to me.
I cried a little longer, but when I stopped I didn't let go of him. I couldn't. He was my brother.
"So, did they, um, find who shot you?" he asked me after we had calmed down. I nodded sadly. I pulled away from him so I could see his face.
"It was your room mate, Dave."
"Oh my god." Tai whispered, wide-eyed. He sat down on the chair and stared at the wall. To me, it seemed he was trying to figure out how or why Dave could shoot me. I walked up to him, slowly, and knelt on the floor next to him. He placed a hand on my head and stroked my hair softly.
"I'm so sorry, Hikari." he cried. I stood up and brought my chair next to his and sat down next to him. I opened my arms up, and Tai leaned against my chest and cried. I kissed his forehead and told him everything was going to be ok. I said it over and over again, but the more I said it, the more I felt like I was saying it for my benefit, not Tai's. I held him close to me, and I couldn't bring myself to let go.
He did stop crying, eventually, and we started talking about better things.
"So you and Matt are a couple?" Taichi asked me. I nodded, and tried to hide my sheepish grin.
"He HAS been good to you, right?" Tai asked me cautiously.
"Of course he has." I said with a smile. Tai smiled back.
"I'm glad."
There was a knock on the door, which meant I had to go. I stood up and gave Tai one more embrace, and promised I would visit him again soon. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, then walked out of the room, and Yamato walked in.
I waited for about half an hour for Matt. After he talked to Tai and came out, we went out for lunch and discussed what we talked to Tai about.
It was nice to see him again. Tai, that is. I really don't know what I'd do without him. I really don't.
"So, have you thought about what you're going to do? Um, location wise, that is." Yamato asked me.
"I thought I did, but after I saw Tai, I just...I don't think I could leave him. I feel like I'm all he has. And to leave him like this...Would be so horrendous. I couldn't do it." I sighed.
"So, you're staying?" Yamato asked me anxiously.
"Probably. But I'm not entirely sure."
"That's great, Hikari." Matt said joyfully. I smiled, but it was only on the outside. On the inside I really didn't want to stay. I wanted to leave. I needed to leave. There was nothing for me in Odaiba except for Matt and Tai. And they could come with me, that I know.
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That night I had one of those dreams again. This one was really different, though. I was walking around in a forest. I saw an opening, and I walked out of the forest and into this field. In the far corner was a hill. A huge hill. I climbed up it, and when I looked around, it was the same exact field that I had in all of my other dreams. Full of flowers. I never remembered a forest in my other dreams, and for some reason, this dream felt real.
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"Takeru, tell Yamato that I'm going down to help Taichi make bail, ok?" I said as I put my jacket on. Takeru nodded and gave me a thumbs up, and I rolled my eyes. Both him and Gatomon were glued to the television. I chuckled lightly, remembering how everything used to be. Before.
I stepped out, and just as I turned around, I ran into a familiar chest.
"Sorry dear," Yamato chuckled. I gave him a smile and giggled lightly.
"It's alright. I was just leaving."
"Where to?" he asked me.
"See if I can get Taichi out. Make bail." I explained.
"Why don't I drive you there?" Yamato offered. I looked at him curiously, and nodded with a grin.
"Sure. That'd be nice." I said. Yamato smiled. He always seemed to like to do me favors, as if they made me feel good. Don't get me wrong, I like favors, but I sometimes wished that I could do him a favor without getting one back.
He poked his head in and reported to Takeru, then led me down to his car. He opened the passenger side door for me, then after I sat down, walked over to the driver side and started the car.
"So," he started as he pulled out of the parking lot, "do you know if Tai CAN make bail?"
"No, not yet, but I'm going to the court house to see if I can. I have the money and all, so that part won't be a problem." I explained. Yamato pulled up to a red light and exhaled.
"What if Tai can't make bail. Then what?" he asked me worriedly. He cared as much about Taichi as I did, and I knew he didn't want to see anything bad happen to him.
"I'll hire a lawyer to see if he can get a lower sentence." I said.
"Can they really do that?" he asked me.
"Yeah, they can." I chuckled. He rolled his eyes at me, and I laughed harder.
The light turned green, and we pulled out into the intersection, I heard to my left a loud, blaring noise. I looked over, and the next thing I knew, I wasn't.
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"Well, Hikari, you have a knack for getting hurt, don't you?" I heard from a slightly familiar voice. I opened my eyes slowly, and saw Dr. Renado, the doctor that saw me when I got shot.
"What happened..." I asked through a groan. My head was pounding, and my chest felt like it was split open. I didn't know why, but it wasn't my first priority.
"You were in a car accident. You suffered a mild concussion, and broke a rib. But other than that, you're fine." Renado told me. I felt relieved. I was ok. I had cheated death once more. I sighed, and remembered something vital.
"What happened to Yamato?" I asked groggily. The doctor looked at me with sad eyes, and I could feel my heart race faster. He had to be ok. He had to.
"His ribs were crushed, and punctured his liver. We did everything medically possible to try to save him, but nothing worked."
He looked at me with faded eyes.
"He died, Hikari. I'm very sorry."
I closed my eyes solemnly, and sunk into my bed. I didn't feel like crying. When you cry, you admit your weak. I couldn't be weak anymore. I couldn't let it sink in. If I were to cry, I would've become to emotional to survive.
But I really didn't feel like I survived.
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It was a windy day when we held Yamato's funeral. I had been able to get Taichi out of jail with community service hours only, so he was there. Black slacks, black jacket. His hair flowing back and forth through the wind, only to cover his dull eyes.
Takeru stood next to him, wearing a black suit with a blue tie.
Yamato gave him that tie when he went to his first dance.
TK's eyes were cold, and I knew he blamed me for his brother's death. He wasn't the only one. Maybe, if I had declined his offer, he'd still be here. Holding my hand, telling me that everything was going to be ok.
Just like he always did.
My parents were there to support Nancy Takaishi and Dan Ishida. My mom rubbed Nancy's back to comfort her, my dad standing next to Dan, telling him how good a guy Matt was.
Miyako stood next to Sora and Mimi, each of them wearing some type of black dress, all three of them either crying, or holding tissues while they waited for their tears. Ken stood next to Iori and Daisuke, them in suits, staring at the tombstone, waiting for him to come up behind them and tell them it was just a practical joke.
But he never did.
And then there was me. I stood on the outskirts of the group, listening to the wind talk. I felt pretty numb. If I were stabbed, I probably wouldn't notice. I couldn't cry, even if I tried. It wasn't about the weak thing, either. I just couldn't bring myself to tears. I felt guilty for it. I was in love with him, and I couldn't bring myself to cry over him.
Slowly, the crowd started to ebb, but I didn't follow. I walked over to the ledge and looked out at the ocean. The waves crashing about. It didn't seem real. He was gone, and there was nothing I could do. I gripped my jacket tighter to keep from shivering. Not from the cold, though. From the fear.
I heard footsteps behind me, then they stopped.
"It's beautiful, isn't it. The ocean." Taichi said from behind me.
"Yeah." I said softly. I didn't want to look at him, so I didn't turn around.
"Hika...You can't beat yourself up over this." Taichi said to me quietly.
"Why not?! If I hadn't said yes, he'd still be here! He'd still..." I started in a rage, but I couldn't yell at Tai. It wasn't his fault. Hell, it wasn't my fault either, but I didn't believe that at the time.
I let myself slowly become calm enough to speak thoroughly.
"I'm moving to America." I told him steadily after I had taken a deep breath. "There's a job waiting for me there. I was hoping that after your done with your community service hours, I could buy you a plane ticket and you could move in with me."
He walked up to me and hugged me tightly.
"Are you sure...That you want to leave." he said cautiously. I nodded, and turned around.
"Will you come with me?" I asked him softly. Taichi smiled at me, and nodded lightly.
"It's not like I have anything here." he chuckled. I giggled, and then chuckled, and then laughed hysterically. I couldn't stop. Tai had stopped already, and held me close to him. And my laughter faded as I had my chance to cry.
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I stood there, on that hill, the hill I had seen in all my dreams, and breathed in the freshest air ever known. I looked down that hill, at the field of flowers I dreamed about. I closed my eyes and smiled. I imagined myself down there, running and laughing, Yamato trying to catch up with me. He grabbed my waist and pulled me down, both of us laughing.
I opened my eyes, and somehow, I could feel him holding my hand, smiling down at me, like he always did.
"Kari, you ready to go?" Taichi asked me from behind. I smiled and turned around.
"Yeah. Let's go home." I said. Tai turned around and started to walk back to the car, and I followed him. I stopped, turned around, and saw him standing there, smiling.
I mouthed 'I love you' to him, and he said it back to me.
He may have not been there, physically, but I know that he knows I love him. Whether I got to tell his face or not. He knows.
"I don't want to talk." I replied crossly.
"Fine. I'm going go out and get something to eat. You want anything?" he asked me.
"Tacos..." Gatomon said, as though she were in heaven.
"That's sounds fine." I chuckled.
"Ok." Matt said. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked out of the apartment.
"Kari, what's wrong? You seem really distant." Gatomon asked me.
"I'm just not feeling well." I answered.
"Why not?" she asked me as she jumped onto the couch and laid down next to my lap.
"It's a long story. I really don't want to talk about it." I replied. Gatomon shrugged and turned the television on.
I watched TV for a while. It was more like staring at the machine then what was on the machine. I was too preoccupied. I felt so disturbed. Tai was partially behind my close-to murder. How do you go on with life knowing things like that?
"Gatomon..."
"Yeah?" she replied.
"How would you feel if we moved to America?" I asked, quite subtle.
"Why?" she asked me, now focused on the conversation rather than the television.
"I was thinking of moving to New York, near where Michael lives."
"But why? What's wrong with Okayama or Odaiba? At least with Okayama we weren't that far away from home."
"I can't stay here in Japan. I have to leave. You have to understand Gatomon, it isn't easy for me to be here."
"Why not." I heard some ask from the hallway. I looked up, and saw Takeru standing there.
"What do you want, TK?" I asked harshly.
"Can't I talk to you without getting the third degree?" he asked me. I really didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to see his face. But that's not me. I should at least listen to him once.
"Fine."
He sat down on the chair that matches the couch, and seemed to struggle with anything he had, or wanted, to say.
"I want to explain myself, Hikari." he spoke after a couple of minutes.
"It doesn't matter any more, Takeru. It doesn't matter if you meant to at first. What matters is that it happened, and you can't take it back." I sighed wearily.
Takeru looked down at floor. I could feel the guilt he felt, but there was nothing I could do. I was still hurting. Badly. The scars from the knife he stabbed me in the back with are still there.
"I'm sorry, Kari." he whispered. I could see his tears form in the corner of his eyes.
"I can't forgive you now, Takeru," I started as I walked over to him and took his hands in mine, "but I will be able to some day. I promise you."
He looked up at me and mouthed 'thank you,' and I knelt down and hugged him. I felt really good to be able to hug him, after all this time. Some wounds may never heal, but some just might.
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"You don't mind if I see Tai first, do you?" I asked Matt as I signed in at the visit sheet.
"No, of course not." he answered. The officer on duty led me to the visiting room where I waited to see Taichi.
It was an ugly, gray color, with metal bars on the windows and doors the only opened from the outside. It had one table in the middle of the room, and two chairs on either side of the table. I sat down on one while I pondered on what I was going to say to my brother.
What can you say to a brother who caused you to get shot? In practically seems unforgivable. I could feel my anger rising with every second I was sitting there.
One of the two doors opened, and I saw Taichi walk in. He looked horrible. Like he hadn't slept in days. My anger slipped away with the glance of his eyes. He sat down across from me, and I could tell he was struggling with the words he had to say to me too.
"How, um, how are you feeling?" he finally asked me.
"I'm ok. The bullet missed my kidney by an inch, so it wasn't that complicated."
"That's good." he said slowly. He continued to avoid looking at me. And it hurt. This was my brother. My only brother. And he didn't want to look at me.
"I'm sorry I left, Tai. I really am." I croaked. I missed him. I missed his hugs, his jokes, who he was. I missed it all.
He looked up at me, and when he saw I was crying, started to let his own tears fall. I stood up and walked over to him, and he did as well. I hugged him. And he hugged me back. I could feel his tears on my face, and I'm pretty sure he could feel mine on his chest.
I loved him so much. He was everything to me. He taught me so much. He was like a third parent to me.
I cried a little longer, but when I stopped I didn't let go of him. I couldn't. He was my brother.
"So, did they, um, find who shot you?" he asked me after we had calmed down. I nodded sadly. I pulled away from him so I could see his face.
"It was your room mate, Dave."
"Oh my god." Tai whispered, wide-eyed. He sat down on the chair and stared at the wall. To me, it seemed he was trying to figure out how or why Dave could shoot me. I walked up to him, slowly, and knelt on the floor next to him. He placed a hand on my head and stroked my hair softly.
"I'm so sorry, Hikari." he cried. I stood up and brought my chair next to his and sat down next to him. I opened my arms up, and Tai leaned against my chest and cried. I kissed his forehead and told him everything was going to be ok. I said it over and over again, but the more I said it, the more I felt like I was saying it for my benefit, not Tai's. I held him close to me, and I couldn't bring myself to let go.
He did stop crying, eventually, and we started talking about better things.
"So you and Matt are a couple?" Taichi asked me. I nodded, and tried to hide my sheepish grin.
"He HAS been good to you, right?" Tai asked me cautiously.
"Of course he has." I said with a smile. Tai smiled back.
"I'm glad."
There was a knock on the door, which meant I had to go. I stood up and gave Tai one more embrace, and promised I would visit him again soon. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, then walked out of the room, and Yamato walked in.
I waited for about half an hour for Matt. After he talked to Tai and came out, we went out for lunch and discussed what we talked to Tai about.
It was nice to see him again. Tai, that is. I really don't know what I'd do without him. I really don't.
"So, have you thought about what you're going to do? Um, location wise, that is." Yamato asked me.
"I thought I did, but after I saw Tai, I just...I don't think I could leave him. I feel like I'm all he has. And to leave him like this...Would be so horrendous. I couldn't do it." I sighed.
"So, you're staying?" Yamato asked me anxiously.
"Probably. But I'm not entirely sure."
"That's great, Hikari." Matt said joyfully. I smiled, but it was only on the outside. On the inside I really didn't want to stay. I wanted to leave. I needed to leave. There was nothing for me in Odaiba except for Matt and Tai. And they could come with me, that I know.
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That night I had one of those dreams again. This one was really different, though. I was walking around in a forest. I saw an opening, and I walked out of the forest and into this field. In the far corner was a hill. A huge hill. I climbed up it, and when I looked around, it was the same exact field that I had in all of my other dreams. Full of flowers. I never remembered a forest in my other dreams, and for some reason, this dream felt real.
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"Takeru, tell Yamato that I'm going down to help Taichi make bail, ok?" I said as I put my jacket on. Takeru nodded and gave me a thumbs up, and I rolled my eyes. Both him and Gatomon were glued to the television. I chuckled lightly, remembering how everything used to be. Before.
I stepped out, and just as I turned around, I ran into a familiar chest.
"Sorry dear," Yamato chuckled. I gave him a smile and giggled lightly.
"It's alright. I was just leaving."
"Where to?" he asked me.
"See if I can get Taichi out. Make bail." I explained.
"Why don't I drive you there?" Yamato offered. I looked at him curiously, and nodded with a grin.
"Sure. That'd be nice." I said. Yamato smiled. He always seemed to like to do me favors, as if they made me feel good. Don't get me wrong, I like favors, but I sometimes wished that I could do him a favor without getting one back.
He poked his head in and reported to Takeru, then led me down to his car. He opened the passenger side door for me, then after I sat down, walked over to the driver side and started the car.
"So," he started as he pulled out of the parking lot, "do you know if Tai CAN make bail?"
"No, not yet, but I'm going to the court house to see if I can. I have the money and all, so that part won't be a problem." I explained. Yamato pulled up to a red light and exhaled.
"What if Tai can't make bail. Then what?" he asked me worriedly. He cared as much about Taichi as I did, and I knew he didn't want to see anything bad happen to him.
"I'll hire a lawyer to see if he can get a lower sentence." I said.
"Can they really do that?" he asked me.
"Yeah, they can." I chuckled. He rolled his eyes at me, and I laughed harder.
The light turned green, and we pulled out into the intersection, I heard to my left a loud, blaring noise. I looked over, and the next thing I knew, I wasn't.
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"Well, Hikari, you have a knack for getting hurt, don't you?" I heard from a slightly familiar voice. I opened my eyes slowly, and saw Dr. Renado, the doctor that saw me when I got shot.
"What happened..." I asked through a groan. My head was pounding, and my chest felt like it was split open. I didn't know why, but it wasn't my first priority.
"You were in a car accident. You suffered a mild concussion, and broke a rib. But other than that, you're fine." Renado told me. I felt relieved. I was ok. I had cheated death once more. I sighed, and remembered something vital.
"What happened to Yamato?" I asked groggily. The doctor looked at me with sad eyes, and I could feel my heart race faster. He had to be ok. He had to.
"His ribs were crushed, and punctured his liver. We did everything medically possible to try to save him, but nothing worked."
He looked at me with faded eyes.
"He died, Hikari. I'm very sorry."
I closed my eyes solemnly, and sunk into my bed. I didn't feel like crying. When you cry, you admit your weak. I couldn't be weak anymore. I couldn't let it sink in. If I were to cry, I would've become to emotional to survive.
But I really didn't feel like I survived.
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It was a windy day when we held Yamato's funeral. I had been able to get Taichi out of jail with community service hours only, so he was there. Black slacks, black jacket. His hair flowing back and forth through the wind, only to cover his dull eyes.
Takeru stood next to him, wearing a black suit with a blue tie.
Yamato gave him that tie when he went to his first dance.
TK's eyes were cold, and I knew he blamed me for his brother's death. He wasn't the only one. Maybe, if I had declined his offer, he'd still be here. Holding my hand, telling me that everything was going to be ok.
Just like he always did.
My parents were there to support Nancy Takaishi and Dan Ishida. My mom rubbed Nancy's back to comfort her, my dad standing next to Dan, telling him how good a guy Matt was.
Miyako stood next to Sora and Mimi, each of them wearing some type of black dress, all three of them either crying, or holding tissues while they waited for their tears. Ken stood next to Iori and Daisuke, them in suits, staring at the tombstone, waiting for him to come up behind them and tell them it was just a practical joke.
But he never did.
And then there was me. I stood on the outskirts of the group, listening to the wind talk. I felt pretty numb. If I were stabbed, I probably wouldn't notice. I couldn't cry, even if I tried. It wasn't about the weak thing, either. I just couldn't bring myself to tears. I felt guilty for it. I was in love with him, and I couldn't bring myself to cry over him.
Slowly, the crowd started to ebb, but I didn't follow. I walked over to the ledge and looked out at the ocean. The waves crashing about. It didn't seem real. He was gone, and there was nothing I could do. I gripped my jacket tighter to keep from shivering. Not from the cold, though. From the fear.
I heard footsteps behind me, then they stopped.
"It's beautiful, isn't it. The ocean." Taichi said from behind me.
"Yeah." I said softly. I didn't want to look at him, so I didn't turn around.
"Hika...You can't beat yourself up over this." Taichi said to me quietly.
"Why not?! If I hadn't said yes, he'd still be here! He'd still..." I started in a rage, but I couldn't yell at Tai. It wasn't his fault. Hell, it wasn't my fault either, but I didn't believe that at the time.
I let myself slowly become calm enough to speak thoroughly.
"I'm moving to America." I told him steadily after I had taken a deep breath. "There's a job waiting for me there. I was hoping that after your done with your community service hours, I could buy you a plane ticket and you could move in with me."
He walked up to me and hugged me tightly.
"Are you sure...That you want to leave." he said cautiously. I nodded, and turned around.
"Will you come with me?" I asked him softly. Taichi smiled at me, and nodded lightly.
"It's not like I have anything here." he chuckled. I giggled, and then chuckled, and then laughed hysterically. I couldn't stop. Tai had stopped already, and held me close to him. And my laughter faded as I had my chance to cry.
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I stood there, on that hill, the hill I had seen in all my dreams, and breathed in the freshest air ever known. I looked down that hill, at the field of flowers I dreamed about. I closed my eyes and smiled. I imagined myself down there, running and laughing, Yamato trying to catch up with me. He grabbed my waist and pulled me down, both of us laughing.
I opened my eyes, and somehow, I could feel him holding my hand, smiling down at me, like he always did.
"Kari, you ready to go?" Taichi asked me from behind. I smiled and turned around.
"Yeah. Let's go home." I said. Tai turned around and started to walk back to the car, and I followed him. I stopped, turned around, and saw him standing there, smiling.
I mouthed 'I love you' to him, and he said it back to me.
He may have not been there, physically, but I know that he knows I love him. Whether I got to tell his face or not. He knows.