AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry it's been so long, yall, but I've been trying to get
signed up for my classes for next year and writing a poem for poetry club.
. . *glances around at the impatient readers* Well, go ahead, then....
The Secret:
I took a hesitant step toward Aldeon. To be completely honest, the anger in his eyes frightened me a bit, but I tried my best to keep Legolas from feeling my fear.
"Aldeon, we-" He ignored me and pushed past me to Legolas.
"What have you done? The blood bond? You have, I can see it in your eyes! How could you do this?!" Aldeon cried angrily. I could feel Legolas's apprehension quickly transforming into waves of anger before the emotions of his that I was feeling simply stopped. I opened my mouth to question why they had out of instinct, but quickly snapped it shut when I realized that the immediate situation with Aldeon was more important at the moment.
"Aldeon, why do you act as if this bond is a bad thing?" I said calmly, not wanting to add my own concerns to the emotions that were already raging in the room. "You know that Legolas and I have always been close; as close as you and I. This bond only reaffirms that."
Aldeon turned quickly to face me, the anger in his eyes that suddenly focused on me caused me to jolt with surprise. "Do you know what this commitment entails? The stress it can cause, dealing with another's emotions as well as your own?" I lifted my chin stubbornly.
"I know exactly what it entails, Aldeon; do you truly think I would enter into such a thing blind? Legolas would not have let me do something like this without such knowledge!" I paused for emphasis as Aldeon's eyes began softening a bit. "I did this because I wished to, not because Legolas or anyone else talked me into it." He started to say something, then stopped, turned to the door, and stalked out. I started to follow, but Legolas grabbed my elbow.
"Wait, Mara. He needs time," he said simply. Suddenly I could feel his emotions again – guilt and regret.
"You regret the bond now?" I asked.
"No!" he assured me quickly, taking my hands in his. "I only regret that the bond, which should be a happy occasion, has caused Aldeon pain." I nodded my agreement.
"Yes, but what has upset him so? Why should our bond bother him so much?" I thought briefly that it might be jealousy.
"No, he is not jealous," Legolas said slowly. "Just. . ." He sighed and rubbed his face, and again the flow of his thoughts and emotions ceased.
"What is this? Are you doing it?" I said, assuming he would know what I meant. He smiled a little.
"Yes, I am. I really don't know exactly how I am doing it, but it is like a wall that closes the connection for a time. . ." He paused, as if unsure of how explain. "While I have opened my mind to you, and yours to me, and you know I trust you completely, there is something that you do not yet know, and I somehow close my mind, to a certain extent. But I will tell you soon," he added. "I cannot keep this inside me much longer," he said in a softer voice. Despite this 'wall' he spoke of, I could still feel a wave of his pain wash over me. I reached for his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.
"Do not dwell on that now," I said firmly. "You and Aldeon are both leaving to undertake a dangerous journey tomorrow, and neither of you can afford to be distracted by your anger at each other. You will need to focus on the task at hand, not on how you will resolve your differences. Therefore," I said as I gave him a little push toward the door, "You need to go speak with him. Now. Besides, I have a feeling that the reason he is angry has more to do with you than me," I said briskly. Legolas grinned cheekily and dropped a mock bow before hurrying out of the way of my swat.
~*~*~*~*~*~
The next morning at dawn, I was standing beside Thranduil as I watched the elves that were heading to Rivendell, Legolas and Aldeon included, putting the last of their gear onto their horses. Legolas said he had straightened things out with Aldeon, and while I could still sense a tension between them, I knew that it was nothing compared to what had been there yesterday. I took a deep breath as Aldeon came toward me, willing myself to not cry.
Aldeon grasped my hands and kissed me on the cheek. "Please forgive me for my terrible behavior yesterday," he said, looking me in the eyes. "It just took me by surprise."
I removed my hands from his, only to throw them around his neck in a fierce hug. "There is nothing to forgive, brother. I love you, just come home safe." He nodded, kissed me on the cheek, then moved on to speak to Thranduil. Before he even began speaking, I heard Legolas calling me through our link.
'Mara, could you meet me in the stables?'
Once I reached the stables, I did not see him. 'Legolas?'
'I am around back; there were too many people around,' he informed me. Finally I got around to the back of the stables, where I saw him waiting, his horse standing patiently beside him. He smiled slowly, but did not say anything.
"You had me come all the way back here, and now you are not going to speak?" I said, with my hands on my hips, feigning frustration. Now his smile spread over his entire face, and he moved toward me purposefully, and in two steps he had his arms around me and his mouth over mine.
To say that I was shocked would be an immense understatement.
At first I had stiffened out of pure shock, but I somehow found myself relaxing in his embrace, softening under his gentle kiss. My mind became clouded; it seemed that not a single rational thought could fully form in my head. Legolas deepened the kiss after a moment, and it was only my own sound of satisfaction, a sound that seemed to come out as an embarrassing purr, that brought my mind back from wherever Legolas had taken it, and I pulled back quickly, gasping for air.
Breathing took all my effort for a few moments, and Legolas seemed to have the same problem. He recovered first. "Mara, I would ask you to forgive me, but I cannot bring myself to do so since I do not regret what I have done." I continued to stare at him, wide-eyed. "This is the secret that I have held close to my heart for so long; now perhaps you understand why Aldeon has acted the way he has in certain situations. I have always thought of you as a friend, an almost-sister – or at least I have always tried to. The only problem is I never succeeded. For nearly as long as I can remember, it has been more for me, or a hope for more. I always looked to you for some sign that perhaps you were thinking the same thing, that maybe your heart was tugging you in my direction as mine is pulling me to you. Everything you done, I have dissected it; tried to find some bit of. . . something more than there is.
"I do not ask you to tell me you love me as I do you. I love you as more than a friend, more than a sister, but I do not want that from you, not yet. Think on it before you say anything, in the positive or negative. I want what you want; what would make you happy. I admit that I hope that you can love me, but if not, I will make myself be content to remain only your friend, for I will *always* be that." He paused, as if trying to gauge my reaction, which would have been difficult if not for our connection, through which I was sure he was receiving nothing but a flood of confusion. "You may not feel as if you could ever fall in love with me, whom you have never thought of that way," he said, "but if you should, my own heart is ready to catch you."
With that, he mounted his horse and rode away. I could do nothing but stare after him; I could not even bring myself to move a few moments later when I heard all the elves that were bound for Rivendell galloping off. At some point, I do not know how much time had passed, I sat down against the wall of the stable and squeezed my eyes shut in a valiant attempt to block out all thoughts of everything.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I do not know how long I stayed there behind the barn, but it was nearing noon before I had gathered my wits about me enough to move back inside. I found I had no appetite for luncheon, however, and made my way to my room. I was not halfway there, however, before I was stopped by a servant.
"Lady Mara!" she cried, rushing toward me. "Thranduil has had everyone looking for you since you disappeared this morning!" I smiled wanly.
"I am fine," I said quickly. "Could you tell him that I will not be at luncheon, please?" She nodded and bobbed a quick curtsy as I continued on my way.
When I arrived in my room, I finally allowed myself to think, though I made sure to put up that 'wall' that Legolas had used before; I knew that the distance would not dampen the connection at all.
He had kissed me. I forced myself to start with that simple fact. Legolas had kissed me. Not a kiss for show, as he had done many years ago, but a kiss accompanied with an avowal of love. It was just so totally and completely baffling to me as to how I could never have realized this before. I had been living with his elf, had even slept in his bed, and had never thought of him as anything more than a brotherly figure! Even with this new knowledge of Legolas's feelings, though, when I looked back on all these things, I could not remember anything that could have clued me in. Even when I had slept in the same bed as him – it was so odd to look back on such things now that I knew – he had never done anything inappropriate. That was Legolas, though, I thought with a sigh. Self-sacrificing to a fault.
What could I do? I had never even thought of thinking of Legolas like that, and could not seem to bring myself to do so now. How could I answer a question I had never even imagined being asked?
A/N: Ohhh! Mwahahaha, aren't I evil? Sorry the chapter was short, but as I told my (wonderful and extremely helpful) beta, I thought it packed a bit of a punch, hehe. What do you think? *looks beseechingly at the purpley- blue review button* Hmm... *glances over to oven where a batch of elf cookies are cooking. . . Legolas, Haldir, the twins, Erestor, Orophin, Rumil, Figwit, even Aldeon (he wanted to be a cookie, too!). . . all in one nice yummy batch....*
The Secret:
I took a hesitant step toward Aldeon. To be completely honest, the anger in his eyes frightened me a bit, but I tried my best to keep Legolas from feeling my fear.
"Aldeon, we-" He ignored me and pushed past me to Legolas.
"What have you done? The blood bond? You have, I can see it in your eyes! How could you do this?!" Aldeon cried angrily. I could feel Legolas's apprehension quickly transforming into waves of anger before the emotions of his that I was feeling simply stopped. I opened my mouth to question why they had out of instinct, but quickly snapped it shut when I realized that the immediate situation with Aldeon was more important at the moment.
"Aldeon, why do you act as if this bond is a bad thing?" I said calmly, not wanting to add my own concerns to the emotions that were already raging in the room. "You know that Legolas and I have always been close; as close as you and I. This bond only reaffirms that."
Aldeon turned quickly to face me, the anger in his eyes that suddenly focused on me caused me to jolt with surprise. "Do you know what this commitment entails? The stress it can cause, dealing with another's emotions as well as your own?" I lifted my chin stubbornly.
"I know exactly what it entails, Aldeon; do you truly think I would enter into such a thing blind? Legolas would not have let me do something like this without such knowledge!" I paused for emphasis as Aldeon's eyes began softening a bit. "I did this because I wished to, not because Legolas or anyone else talked me into it." He started to say something, then stopped, turned to the door, and stalked out. I started to follow, but Legolas grabbed my elbow.
"Wait, Mara. He needs time," he said simply. Suddenly I could feel his emotions again – guilt and regret.
"You regret the bond now?" I asked.
"No!" he assured me quickly, taking my hands in his. "I only regret that the bond, which should be a happy occasion, has caused Aldeon pain." I nodded my agreement.
"Yes, but what has upset him so? Why should our bond bother him so much?" I thought briefly that it might be jealousy.
"No, he is not jealous," Legolas said slowly. "Just. . ." He sighed and rubbed his face, and again the flow of his thoughts and emotions ceased.
"What is this? Are you doing it?" I said, assuming he would know what I meant. He smiled a little.
"Yes, I am. I really don't know exactly how I am doing it, but it is like a wall that closes the connection for a time. . ." He paused, as if unsure of how explain. "While I have opened my mind to you, and yours to me, and you know I trust you completely, there is something that you do not yet know, and I somehow close my mind, to a certain extent. But I will tell you soon," he added. "I cannot keep this inside me much longer," he said in a softer voice. Despite this 'wall' he spoke of, I could still feel a wave of his pain wash over me. I reached for his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.
"Do not dwell on that now," I said firmly. "You and Aldeon are both leaving to undertake a dangerous journey tomorrow, and neither of you can afford to be distracted by your anger at each other. You will need to focus on the task at hand, not on how you will resolve your differences. Therefore," I said as I gave him a little push toward the door, "You need to go speak with him. Now. Besides, I have a feeling that the reason he is angry has more to do with you than me," I said briskly. Legolas grinned cheekily and dropped a mock bow before hurrying out of the way of my swat.
~*~*~*~*~*~
The next morning at dawn, I was standing beside Thranduil as I watched the elves that were heading to Rivendell, Legolas and Aldeon included, putting the last of their gear onto their horses. Legolas said he had straightened things out with Aldeon, and while I could still sense a tension between them, I knew that it was nothing compared to what had been there yesterday. I took a deep breath as Aldeon came toward me, willing myself to not cry.
Aldeon grasped my hands and kissed me on the cheek. "Please forgive me for my terrible behavior yesterday," he said, looking me in the eyes. "It just took me by surprise."
I removed my hands from his, only to throw them around his neck in a fierce hug. "There is nothing to forgive, brother. I love you, just come home safe." He nodded, kissed me on the cheek, then moved on to speak to Thranduil. Before he even began speaking, I heard Legolas calling me through our link.
'Mara, could you meet me in the stables?'
Once I reached the stables, I did not see him. 'Legolas?'
'I am around back; there were too many people around,' he informed me. Finally I got around to the back of the stables, where I saw him waiting, his horse standing patiently beside him. He smiled slowly, but did not say anything.
"You had me come all the way back here, and now you are not going to speak?" I said, with my hands on my hips, feigning frustration. Now his smile spread over his entire face, and he moved toward me purposefully, and in two steps he had his arms around me and his mouth over mine.
To say that I was shocked would be an immense understatement.
At first I had stiffened out of pure shock, but I somehow found myself relaxing in his embrace, softening under his gentle kiss. My mind became clouded; it seemed that not a single rational thought could fully form in my head. Legolas deepened the kiss after a moment, and it was only my own sound of satisfaction, a sound that seemed to come out as an embarrassing purr, that brought my mind back from wherever Legolas had taken it, and I pulled back quickly, gasping for air.
Breathing took all my effort for a few moments, and Legolas seemed to have the same problem. He recovered first. "Mara, I would ask you to forgive me, but I cannot bring myself to do so since I do not regret what I have done." I continued to stare at him, wide-eyed. "This is the secret that I have held close to my heart for so long; now perhaps you understand why Aldeon has acted the way he has in certain situations. I have always thought of you as a friend, an almost-sister – or at least I have always tried to. The only problem is I never succeeded. For nearly as long as I can remember, it has been more for me, or a hope for more. I always looked to you for some sign that perhaps you were thinking the same thing, that maybe your heart was tugging you in my direction as mine is pulling me to you. Everything you done, I have dissected it; tried to find some bit of. . . something more than there is.
"I do not ask you to tell me you love me as I do you. I love you as more than a friend, more than a sister, but I do not want that from you, not yet. Think on it before you say anything, in the positive or negative. I want what you want; what would make you happy. I admit that I hope that you can love me, but if not, I will make myself be content to remain only your friend, for I will *always* be that." He paused, as if trying to gauge my reaction, which would have been difficult if not for our connection, through which I was sure he was receiving nothing but a flood of confusion. "You may not feel as if you could ever fall in love with me, whom you have never thought of that way," he said, "but if you should, my own heart is ready to catch you."
With that, he mounted his horse and rode away. I could do nothing but stare after him; I could not even bring myself to move a few moments later when I heard all the elves that were bound for Rivendell galloping off. At some point, I do not know how much time had passed, I sat down against the wall of the stable and squeezed my eyes shut in a valiant attempt to block out all thoughts of everything.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I do not know how long I stayed there behind the barn, but it was nearing noon before I had gathered my wits about me enough to move back inside. I found I had no appetite for luncheon, however, and made my way to my room. I was not halfway there, however, before I was stopped by a servant.
"Lady Mara!" she cried, rushing toward me. "Thranduil has had everyone looking for you since you disappeared this morning!" I smiled wanly.
"I am fine," I said quickly. "Could you tell him that I will not be at luncheon, please?" She nodded and bobbed a quick curtsy as I continued on my way.
When I arrived in my room, I finally allowed myself to think, though I made sure to put up that 'wall' that Legolas had used before; I knew that the distance would not dampen the connection at all.
He had kissed me. I forced myself to start with that simple fact. Legolas had kissed me. Not a kiss for show, as he had done many years ago, but a kiss accompanied with an avowal of love. It was just so totally and completely baffling to me as to how I could never have realized this before. I had been living with his elf, had even slept in his bed, and had never thought of him as anything more than a brotherly figure! Even with this new knowledge of Legolas's feelings, though, when I looked back on all these things, I could not remember anything that could have clued me in. Even when I had slept in the same bed as him – it was so odd to look back on such things now that I knew – he had never done anything inappropriate. That was Legolas, though, I thought with a sigh. Self-sacrificing to a fault.
What could I do? I had never even thought of thinking of Legolas like that, and could not seem to bring myself to do so now. How could I answer a question I had never even imagined being asked?
A/N: Ohhh! Mwahahaha, aren't I evil? Sorry the chapter was short, but as I told my (wonderful and extremely helpful) beta, I thought it packed a bit of a punch, hehe. What do you think? *looks beseechingly at the purpley- blue review button* Hmm... *glances over to oven where a batch of elf cookies are cooking. . . Legolas, Haldir, the twins, Erestor, Orophin, Rumil, Figwit, even Aldeon (he wanted to be a cookie, too!). . . all in one nice yummy batch....*