AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ok, it's late, I'm tired, and I really don't feel like
writing a long drawn out AN, so here's the chapter....
The Choice:
I sat up and looked around, not knowing exactly where I was. It took me a moment to realize that I was outside, sitting on grass. I looked around and was surprised to see that I was not alone, and even more surprised to see Legolas and the elves he was traveling to Rivendell with.
'Legolas!' I called out mentally, and watched his face melt into a smile.
'I thought you would remain silent for a bit,' he said. 'I am glad you didn't though.' I stifled a giggle when I saw Aldeon looking at Legolas as if he were crazy, smiling at nothing.
'Aldeon thinks that you are mad,' I informed him laughingly. Legolas's eyes snapped to Aldeon.
'How do you know that?'
'I do not know how, but I can see you.' For some reason, it had not occurred to me how strange this was. It had occurred to me, however, how strange it was that I was comfortably talking to Legolas again, despite his earlier confession. I assumed that it was an effect of the blood bond.
'I suppose it is,' Legolas said, following my line of thought easily. 'But where are you now?' My first instinct was to answer 'here' before I realized what he meant.
'I was in my room. . . asleep, perhaps?' Legolas's eyes lit up.
'Perhaps this means your dreams will stop!' I felt a smile working its way to my face at the thought, but before it got there, a wave of lethargy hit me – my dream-self.
'Legolas. . .' I managed before I fell to, then through, the ground.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I gasped and sat straight up in bed before I realize what must have happened. The falling sensation, the sudden sleepiness in the dream, was me waking up. I shuddered, wondering if I would ever get used to it. Just then I noticed a slight movement beside the bed and nearly screamed before I saw who it was.
"Dear Eru, Thranduil, you nearly sent me to Mandos!" I cried, pressing my hand against my chest and waiting for my galloping heart to resume its normal rate. Thranduil smiled a bit.
"I am sorry, I did not mean to frighten you. You were sleeping when I came by and I had nothing else to do, so I thought I would wait." As he spoke I saw the question in his eyes, alongside of a knowing gleam, and realization dawned on me.
"You know," I said quietly. He stopped for a moment, surprised, but nodded. "Legolas told you?" I asked, wondering how many people had known before me.
'I did not tell him,' I heard and realized Legolas could hear me thinking. This would take some getting used to. 'Aldeon was the only one who knew, and I only told him because he asked me. I suppose I was too transparent to him.'
'That explains a lot,' I thought, thinking about how Aldeon had overreacted to certain things in the past.
"No," Thranduil was saying. "I was looking for Legolas this morning and. . . I saw. . . and well, to be completely honest, I was not taken completely by surprise." I could do nothing but stare while he continued. "I had always suspected that he felt something. . . deeper. I can assume by your reaction that you never suspected anything, though, did you?" I could tell by his halting words that Thranduil was a bit embarrassed, probably for both me and Legolas.
"No, I never suspected a thing," I admitted. I started to block my mind to Legolas while I finished speaking to his father, but realized that doing that as often as I had been doing was just making our bond worthless. When I accepted the responsibilities of the bond, I knew that my thoughts and feelings would be laid bare to him, and, I thought, both of us need this connection right now when we are at this crucial point.
"Never," I repeated, speaking to Thranduil again. "I have never even pondered what would happen if one of our feelings changed toward the other. It never even seemed to be a possibility. And now. . ." I trailed off helplessly and fought the tears that were forming, to no avail. "I just do not know what to do." Suddenly what had started out as confused tears turned to anger. "How could he do this to me? Keep a secret like this for so long, then spill out his heart to me, just before traipsing off on a life-threatening journey!" My breaths were coming shallow and ragged now, my throat hurting from yelling in my anger. Thranduil stood from his chair and moved swiftly to sit on the bed, gathering me into his arms. I collapsed, sobbing into his tunic, while he rocked me back and forth like a child. He said nothing, but it was not words I needed at the time.
Even through my own raging emotions, I could feel Legolas's initial shock at my outburst, then his guilt for causing me this pain and confusion. My own guilt at yelling about Legolas when he had been so brave to tell me his feelings, was soon added to that, and I could do nothing but sob "I am sorry, I am so sorry," over and over again into the king's shirt.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I woke the next morning, surprised to find that I had slept through the night. I had had a dreamless sleep; or at least there were no dreams that I could recall, for which I was grateful beyond belief. I guiltily remembered my outburst of the night before and tentatively reached out to Legoas's mind. I was surprised to find nothing, not even the slight trace of emotions that I had been able to feel since the bond, even when he had erected his 'wall'.
I was suddenly filled with an overwhelming fear. What if the reason that I could not reach him was because something had happened to him? What if he was hurt, and was blocking his thoughts to protect me from knowing he was hurt? Or worse. . . what if he was not even alive?
I immediately shook these thoughts from my head. If something had happened, I would know. Exactly how, I did not know, but there was no way that something that terrible could happen to Legolas without me knowing. If it could, then the blood bond would not be as important as he had made it out to be. I would know, I assured myself.
Still, my heart was filled with doubt as I blindly stumbled through my normal routines. Most of my time was spent alone, however, because Legolas and Aldeon were usually with me. During these times alone, I had nothing to do but think.
My mind kept going back to the kiss, even more than what had been said afterward. He had been so gentle, yet there was something else. . . a restraint, an undercurrent of something greater, stronger. Even as I thought about it, I was taken back to the moment. . . the look in his eyes, the slow smile, him surrounding me as he took me into his arms. It was burned into my mind, and I kept replaying it over and over again, no matter how hard I tried to push it out of my mind.
However, my mind also kept coming back to Legolas himself, in the here and now, and where he was. I would try time and again to reach out to him, but hit the wall every time, sometimes so hard I would physically jerk.
That night I found that I could not get to sleep at all. It was not the fear of 'the dream,' as it had so often been before, but a restlessness caused by not knowing what had happened to Legolas. I found myself in his room, touching his things, lying in his bed to comfort myself. I fell asleep there, with his soothing smell surrounding me.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I was back there again, kissing Legolas as I had seen myself do innumerable times throughout the day. When I pulled back from the kiss, though, we were not behind the stables, or in Mirkwood at all. We were on the battlefield again, amidst the orcs and elves and men. I gasped and clutched at Legolas's arm as an orc ran straight for us, then sighed in relief when it was cleaved neatly in two by an elf – one who I recognized as Thranduil when he turned his face toward us.
"Father!"
"Thranduil!" Legolas and I called to him simultaneously, but he did not seem to hear and continued fighting. He was soon absorbed into the fray and the dream continued as it always did; my father was across the field, fighting desperately, but to no avail.
As I once again helplessly watched his death, Legolas grasped my hand tightly. I felt him there, felt our connection, and saw Thranduil again. Suddenly it hit me, how lucky I was to have been drawn into this new family, to have the love of these two elves who had no obligation to me whatsoever. While I would never forget my father, I still lived on. I lived despite of the grief I had felt, despite of the troubles I had faced. With Legolas's hand firmly holding mine, I felt a strength I had never possessed before; the strength to move on, remembering my father for his life, not his death. There was nothing I could do to help him, there never had been. All I had ever had to do was to realize that and choose to move on. The choice had been mine all along, nothing had ever forced me to stay on this field.
I turned away from where my father's body laid and looked up at Legolas. "The choice is mine," I said simply, but through our connection he understood my meaning. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze as we turned and walked off of the field.
~*~*~*~*~*~
The next few weeks passed so slowly it seemed as if years and no time at all passed, all at the same time. I often found myself sleeping in Legolas's room again, but never had the dream again during that time. And I never thought about 'It'. 'It' being Legolas's confession of love. What I did think about, however, was Legolas himself, as I never once felt him through the link.
What if he was dead? Or hurt? What if our link had somehow been severed? Was that even possible? If it were, I would prefer that to the other two options. Seeing as how these were the only explanations I could think of, I chose to believe that there was some way that the bond could be broken that neither Legolas or I knew about.
The worry was slowly killing me.
Thranduil kept trying to find things for me to do, things to keep my mind off of Legolas and Aldeon's absence, but made myself sparse to avoid these distractions. He expressed concern about my eating habits – or lack thereof – but I waved it off and continued as I was.
I continued in this manner for nearly a month after Legolas and Aldeon left. One day I was sitting in my room, wondering once again what had happened to Legolas, when I was suddenly overwhelmed with a surge of innumerable emotions, emotions that hit me so hard, I fell out of the chair; it felt like I had ran into a stone wall. I laid on the floor, gasping for breath, trying to stay conscious as a rush of emotions and thoughts ran over me.
A/N: Same as before; still tired... some reviews may perk me up, though... Thanks to all my reviewers yall are the best! *hands out elf cookies to all readers, 3 to each reviewer!*
The Choice:
I sat up and looked around, not knowing exactly where I was. It took me a moment to realize that I was outside, sitting on grass. I looked around and was surprised to see that I was not alone, and even more surprised to see Legolas and the elves he was traveling to Rivendell with.
'Legolas!' I called out mentally, and watched his face melt into a smile.
'I thought you would remain silent for a bit,' he said. 'I am glad you didn't though.' I stifled a giggle when I saw Aldeon looking at Legolas as if he were crazy, smiling at nothing.
'Aldeon thinks that you are mad,' I informed him laughingly. Legolas's eyes snapped to Aldeon.
'How do you know that?'
'I do not know how, but I can see you.' For some reason, it had not occurred to me how strange this was. It had occurred to me, however, how strange it was that I was comfortably talking to Legolas again, despite his earlier confession. I assumed that it was an effect of the blood bond.
'I suppose it is,' Legolas said, following my line of thought easily. 'But where are you now?' My first instinct was to answer 'here' before I realized what he meant.
'I was in my room. . . asleep, perhaps?' Legolas's eyes lit up.
'Perhaps this means your dreams will stop!' I felt a smile working its way to my face at the thought, but before it got there, a wave of lethargy hit me – my dream-self.
'Legolas. . .' I managed before I fell to, then through, the ground.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I gasped and sat straight up in bed before I realize what must have happened. The falling sensation, the sudden sleepiness in the dream, was me waking up. I shuddered, wondering if I would ever get used to it. Just then I noticed a slight movement beside the bed and nearly screamed before I saw who it was.
"Dear Eru, Thranduil, you nearly sent me to Mandos!" I cried, pressing my hand against my chest and waiting for my galloping heart to resume its normal rate. Thranduil smiled a bit.
"I am sorry, I did not mean to frighten you. You were sleeping when I came by and I had nothing else to do, so I thought I would wait." As he spoke I saw the question in his eyes, alongside of a knowing gleam, and realization dawned on me.
"You know," I said quietly. He stopped for a moment, surprised, but nodded. "Legolas told you?" I asked, wondering how many people had known before me.
'I did not tell him,' I heard and realized Legolas could hear me thinking. This would take some getting used to. 'Aldeon was the only one who knew, and I only told him because he asked me. I suppose I was too transparent to him.'
'That explains a lot,' I thought, thinking about how Aldeon had overreacted to certain things in the past.
"No," Thranduil was saying. "I was looking for Legolas this morning and. . . I saw. . . and well, to be completely honest, I was not taken completely by surprise." I could do nothing but stare while he continued. "I had always suspected that he felt something. . . deeper. I can assume by your reaction that you never suspected anything, though, did you?" I could tell by his halting words that Thranduil was a bit embarrassed, probably for both me and Legolas.
"No, I never suspected a thing," I admitted. I started to block my mind to Legolas while I finished speaking to his father, but realized that doing that as often as I had been doing was just making our bond worthless. When I accepted the responsibilities of the bond, I knew that my thoughts and feelings would be laid bare to him, and, I thought, both of us need this connection right now when we are at this crucial point.
"Never," I repeated, speaking to Thranduil again. "I have never even pondered what would happen if one of our feelings changed toward the other. It never even seemed to be a possibility. And now. . ." I trailed off helplessly and fought the tears that were forming, to no avail. "I just do not know what to do." Suddenly what had started out as confused tears turned to anger. "How could he do this to me? Keep a secret like this for so long, then spill out his heart to me, just before traipsing off on a life-threatening journey!" My breaths were coming shallow and ragged now, my throat hurting from yelling in my anger. Thranduil stood from his chair and moved swiftly to sit on the bed, gathering me into his arms. I collapsed, sobbing into his tunic, while he rocked me back and forth like a child. He said nothing, but it was not words I needed at the time.
Even through my own raging emotions, I could feel Legolas's initial shock at my outburst, then his guilt for causing me this pain and confusion. My own guilt at yelling about Legolas when he had been so brave to tell me his feelings, was soon added to that, and I could do nothing but sob "I am sorry, I am so sorry," over and over again into the king's shirt.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I woke the next morning, surprised to find that I had slept through the night. I had had a dreamless sleep; or at least there were no dreams that I could recall, for which I was grateful beyond belief. I guiltily remembered my outburst of the night before and tentatively reached out to Legoas's mind. I was surprised to find nothing, not even the slight trace of emotions that I had been able to feel since the bond, even when he had erected his 'wall'.
I was suddenly filled with an overwhelming fear. What if the reason that I could not reach him was because something had happened to him? What if he was hurt, and was blocking his thoughts to protect me from knowing he was hurt? Or worse. . . what if he was not even alive?
I immediately shook these thoughts from my head. If something had happened, I would know. Exactly how, I did not know, but there was no way that something that terrible could happen to Legolas without me knowing. If it could, then the blood bond would not be as important as he had made it out to be. I would know, I assured myself.
Still, my heart was filled with doubt as I blindly stumbled through my normal routines. Most of my time was spent alone, however, because Legolas and Aldeon were usually with me. During these times alone, I had nothing to do but think.
My mind kept going back to the kiss, even more than what had been said afterward. He had been so gentle, yet there was something else. . . a restraint, an undercurrent of something greater, stronger. Even as I thought about it, I was taken back to the moment. . . the look in his eyes, the slow smile, him surrounding me as he took me into his arms. It was burned into my mind, and I kept replaying it over and over again, no matter how hard I tried to push it out of my mind.
However, my mind also kept coming back to Legolas himself, in the here and now, and where he was. I would try time and again to reach out to him, but hit the wall every time, sometimes so hard I would physically jerk.
That night I found that I could not get to sleep at all. It was not the fear of 'the dream,' as it had so often been before, but a restlessness caused by not knowing what had happened to Legolas. I found myself in his room, touching his things, lying in his bed to comfort myself. I fell asleep there, with his soothing smell surrounding me.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I was back there again, kissing Legolas as I had seen myself do innumerable times throughout the day. When I pulled back from the kiss, though, we were not behind the stables, or in Mirkwood at all. We were on the battlefield again, amidst the orcs and elves and men. I gasped and clutched at Legolas's arm as an orc ran straight for us, then sighed in relief when it was cleaved neatly in two by an elf – one who I recognized as Thranduil when he turned his face toward us.
"Father!"
"Thranduil!" Legolas and I called to him simultaneously, but he did not seem to hear and continued fighting. He was soon absorbed into the fray and the dream continued as it always did; my father was across the field, fighting desperately, but to no avail.
As I once again helplessly watched his death, Legolas grasped my hand tightly. I felt him there, felt our connection, and saw Thranduil again. Suddenly it hit me, how lucky I was to have been drawn into this new family, to have the love of these two elves who had no obligation to me whatsoever. While I would never forget my father, I still lived on. I lived despite of the grief I had felt, despite of the troubles I had faced. With Legolas's hand firmly holding mine, I felt a strength I had never possessed before; the strength to move on, remembering my father for his life, not his death. There was nothing I could do to help him, there never had been. All I had ever had to do was to realize that and choose to move on. The choice had been mine all along, nothing had ever forced me to stay on this field.
I turned away from where my father's body laid and looked up at Legolas. "The choice is mine," I said simply, but through our connection he understood my meaning. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze as we turned and walked off of the field.
~*~*~*~*~*~
The next few weeks passed so slowly it seemed as if years and no time at all passed, all at the same time. I often found myself sleeping in Legolas's room again, but never had the dream again during that time. And I never thought about 'It'. 'It' being Legolas's confession of love. What I did think about, however, was Legolas himself, as I never once felt him through the link.
What if he was dead? Or hurt? What if our link had somehow been severed? Was that even possible? If it were, I would prefer that to the other two options. Seeing as how these were the only explanations I could think of, I chose to believe that there was some way that the bond could be broken that neither Legolas or I knew about.
The worry was slowly killing me.
Thranduil kept trying to find things for me to do, things to keep my mind off of Legolas and Aldeon's absence, but made myself sparse to avoid these distractions. He expressed concern about my eating habits – or lack thereof – but I waved it off and continued as I was.
I continued in this manner for nearly a month after Legolas and Aldeon left. One day I was sitting in my room, wondering once again what had happened to Legolas, when I was suddenly overwhelmed with a surge of innumerable emotions, emotions that hit me so hard, I fell out of the chair; it felt like I had ran into a stone wall. I laid on the floor, gasping for breath, trying to stay conscious as a rush of emotions and thoughts ran over me.
A/N: Same as before; still tired... some reviews may perk me up, though... Thanks to all my reviewers yall are the best! *hands out elf cookies to all readers, 3 to each reviewer!*