Chapter 5 – The Need To Forget

Hermione's world was silent, except for the soft splash of tears on the tiled floor. Confusion. That was all that she could comprehend. Questions, questions flew at her from every angle, questions about every aspect of her life. It would have helped if she had someone to talk to. But she was, after all, too ####### different. She sniffed, and the sound echoed around the walls of the empty bathroom, making her jump. Cursing herself for being so jumpy, and feeling stupid for surprising herself, she looked up into the mirror. Those initial thoughts she had had on the train all disintegrated. She no longer felt special, individual, more mature or prettier. She felt like a freak. A loser. Just what Harry had voiced.

She gritted her teeth, as her eyes traced every contour of her body, picking out every imperfection. Upon reaching waist height she transfigured the mirror to full length. She had fallen arches, making her knees point inwards oddly, appearing knobbly and awkward. Her thighs. Too fat. Her hips. Too wide. Her stomach. God damnit she'd gained weight. Her breasts. Almost non- existent. Her arms. Scarred. Her face. Unclear skin. Her eyes. Angry. Sad. Hurt. Every imperfection joined together to make one big mistake. That was her alright. No wonder Harry and Ron didn't like her. No wonder Ginny . . . well, she didn't want to think about Ginny.

She lashed out, smashing the mirror into tiny fragments, falling to the ground like the pieces of her mind. She was breaking too easily. She spat. So ####### weak. Pathetic. Pulling slithers of glass out of her fist, she watched the blood again trickle to the floor. Calmness came in waves. Anger would boil up, she would clench her fist, and the pain came again. Bringing an odd sort of calm.

She walked to the paper towels in the corner and wrapped up her hand, and gazed out of the window. She caught sight of the Forbidden Forest. One thought came into her head: Fag Hollow. Maybe Draco was out there, maybe there was that state of mind they had called "stoned" out there, waiting for her. Maybe she could forget. She smiled, and walked out of the bathroom, and off into the grounds.

Sure enough, the group was there. She guessed this must be some sort of "weekend nights" thing. Where people with troubled minds came to forget them. Maybe forget themselves too. And that was just what Hermione Granger planned on doing!

Draco, palms facing the sky, extended his arms in greeting.

"Hermioneee! So lovely to see you here agaaiin!" He boomed, clearly enjoying himself already. He beckoned her over, so she walked towards him and took the smoking joint. Muggle magic, she thought to herself, as she took the first drag. Soon enough she felt the Hermione-of-old drift away, and within an hour the other Hermione bounced around her head.

"So, you see, Harry is a complete ########," she paused and winked, "literally! And Ron is just a tart. 'Cos if they don't appreciate me for being who I am, for being different," she raised a fist in anger and defiance "then #### 'EM!"

Draco grinned. "Exactly, see, that's why Goyle isn't round me anymore, because he was a dick to me about my individuality, so I showed him the ####### door! And, you do know that I would be mates with you, if it weren't for the house difference. 'Cos, ya know, I like you like this! Which is kinda funny, seeing as I used to, like, hate you!"

He giggled, then said "I was a bit of a #### back then, eh!"

"You can say that again, ferret boy!" and she stuck her tongue out at him, which was replied to with a swift rising of the middle finger.

Throwing the remains of the latest joint (God knows how many they had had) on the floor and stamping it out, Draco continued "But now, I am at one with others! Hehehe. But seriously, I have my Slytherin image to uphold! I must abide by the laws of life there, and if I don't, it would be hell."

"Yeah, I get ya." Hermione agreed, and found her head nodding a few more times than she meant it to. He was alright. Really alright! And damned sexy in that shirt! Or at least that's what she told herself, as she licked the sticky side of the paper, pressed it down and twisted the end. Draco used spells, but Hermione preferred the old muggle method.

She collapsed on to the grass for no apparent reason, and watched the tree- tops swirl oddly. "These clouds," she thought to herself, "really cannot make their mind up which way they are going to fly. And whether or not they are really there . . . how odd!"

She felt a body next to her, and Draco asked what she was looking at.

"Turnips." She said, simply.

He frowned. It took Draco around 10 seconds to remember what he said the first time Hermione had been there. Upon realizing, he laughed for a further 20 seconds. Then stopped. Then laughed some more, and kissed her on the cheek.

She blinked, surprised by the kiss, then grinned.

"Drackey just kissed a Gryffindor!" she taunted

"Oh pants!" he cried, then "Meh, I'll get over it I'm sure. In fact, I will do it again!" and he planted another kiss on her cheeks.

She gasped in mock horror, "Now this is unfair! I think I should get to kiss you too!" so she lent over and kissed him on the cheek. He blushed cutely.

They lay in silence for a moment, then he said "I did kiss you twice . . ."

"Oh yeah! Well, here you go then!" and she leant towards his cheek again. But he moved, and their lips closed together. Hermione was taken a-back, but didn't break contact. The kiss deepened.

Her mind began to scream at her "What do you think you are doing?! That's a Slytherin you are kissing there! Not just any old Slytherin, but Draco Malfoy! Stop!! Now!!" But she didn't. There was something inside her that wanted to prove something. God knows what either thing was, but they were there, and Hermione was going to listen to them God damnit!

Tongues entered mouths, arms snaked around bodies, and pulses quickened as the darkness fell around them.

Birdsong. That was the first thing that hit Hermione as she woke up. Why the hell was she waking up outside? Did she faint again? She tried to roll over, to ease the pain in her aching back where she had lain on a stone. But there was something on top of her. She gingerly opened her eyes, squinting against the sunlight. She could see . . . yellow. Yellow? What? No wait, not yellow . . . blonde. That was when she felt the heart beat on her chest, the breath on her neck and Draco Malfoys erection still inside her.

"####!"

Review please! And do tell me if you think this story is moving too fast. But whatever you do, don't try to tell me Hermione is overreacting. Maybe if you were her, this wouldn't happen, but remember you're not her. Everyone's minds work differently, and everyone reacts differently, so don't slag me down. Please? : )

And by the way, yeah, you do over-emphasize a lot of words when you're stoned lol

I apologise if the swearing comes out as #s, its because this program my dad has installed turns swearing into hashes, and i can't tell whether or not it effects what i type!

Peace out