Y'all know the dilly yo that I don't own marvel, or these characters, blah blah blah…
Author's Note: This chapter was completely re-written. I didn't keep many of the original chapter's elements, as some of you might be able to tell. For example, I wrote Joseph into the story because I felt it was necessary, thus, deleting the awkward Bobby conversation from the original chapter. This whole story is going to be practically a new story. The original was too simple in emotions and feelings and was completely unrealistic. I personally, despise the original story or at least how I wrote it. So, this is hoping that I will not lose my sanity re-writing this story and everyone will enjoy this version a bit more :)
A Different Way to a Perfect Ending
Her hand rested on her abdominal while her eyes remained closed. Seemingly, she looked serene and at peace. In actuality, she was far from that. The thoughts in her head were running a mile a minute. They circulated around the news she had found out earlier from her ever so faithful furry doctor. Herself, she had a little less faith. Raising a child with someone was hard enough as it was, but raising a child by herself, now, that would take an inner strength that she wasn't quite sure she had.
Despite Hank's reassuring words that she would be fine as a mother, she didn't believe it one bit. Sure, she had nodded her head in agreement when he was holding her, and he did bring her comfort. But she realized that she could never be possibly fine again. She had dropped the love of her life to a harsh cold freezing death. Now, she was pregnant with his child, and she had absolutely no idea how to tell her baby that she was responsible for him or her not having a father.
Rogue turned over in bed on her side, as she pressed her hand firmer onto the area of where the baby was lying inside of her. Her eyes squeezed tighter as she suppressed the tears that desperately wanted out. She had enough of crying. That was all she had done for the last two months. When she was younger, she had always hated crying. Crying was a form of weakness, and with her mutation, she couldn't afford to be weak. With child now, that seemed to be the ultimate incentive not to cry. Even if she felt weak within, she wouldn't express it on the exterior. If she did, she wasn't sure how she could ever function normally in life ever again, well, whatever was considered 'normal' for her at least.
She tossed over onto her other side restlessly as she glanced at her alarm clock. It flashed a bright red seven thirty. It was seven thirty in the morning, and she had a danger room session in approximately an hour and a half ago. Scott had checked up on her, being the domineering but also caring leader that he was. She, however, feigned sickness due to the 'stomach flu' everyone thought she had, and was rightfully excused from the training session. She was slightly surprised that Scott had excused her from the session, but she could tell that the fight him and Jean had the other day may have had a part in his kind decision.
Maybe she should have gone through with the training session after all. It would have been better than moping around in her room all day. It wasn't as if she couldn't handle the session physically. Her body hadn't change that much. Then, she remembered that she skipped out on the session because she couldn't face her teammates. She could feel that they were judging her somehow, whether good or bad. Bobby and Warren seemed somewhat proud of her for getting rid of Remy, both with their own personal reasons. Their looks of appreciation only made her sick to her stomach. Then, there was Betsy, Ororo and Jean. The three ladies were her friends, yet, she couldn't help but feel that they had their own convictions of Rogue and even though, they continued their façade of being her caring friends, Rogue knew that they must have resented her somewhat for leaving a teammate behind. The only ones that didn't seem to judge her were Hank, Kurt and Logan. The three men seemed to understand the situation better than she understood it herself. And all three men had faith that Remy was indeed alive, something that she didn't have much of.
Remy.
The thought of him freed her persistent tears that finally were able to slide down her cheeks as all the regret and guilt resurfaced. She was convinced that she loved him. She told him it was unconditional. She had meant it with every breath in her. So, what possessed her to do the one thing she never intended to do to him, she wondered as the tears fell uncontrollably. All she ever wanted in life was to be happy, and that was what he made her.
Happy.
Happiness was not something she had much of in her pitiful life. Thus, she couldn't comprehend why she would throw it all away so easily. If she hadn't done that, he would be here with her now. He would be holding her right now. He would be telling her that he loved her. He would be telling her that he already loved their child that was growing inside of her. He would simply be here.
But he wasn't here, and there was nobody to blame but herself. It won't be long before another person would be blaming me completely for his absence, she thought and turned onto her back. A hollow senseless chuckle escaped her lips as the tears continued to fall.
The blame was fitting, since it was well deserved.
-xoxo-
The time was one o'clock in the afternoon and Rogue had managed to drag her pregnant self out of bed. She ambled into the kitchen and headed straight for the refrigerator. Her hand gripped the handle and yanked it open with an immense strength that it almost broke the door off. She immediately pulled her hand back as she looked at the now, slightly bent door.
A chuckle came from behind her followed by, "underestimating your own strength again?"
Rogue turned around to face her teammate and once love interest, Joseph. "Even a girl can forget that she has the strength to lift a few tons, sometimes." She replied and shrugged indifferently. Her attention adverted back to the still opened refrigerator as she looked for something to eat.
Feeling the coolness she was directing at him, Joseph walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. He grabbed a newspaper and thumbed through it, though he was paying more attention to Rogue.
Rogue. The woman he was completely head over heels in love with; the same woman who didn't return the sentiment. He had hoped that she would be over the Cajun by now. It had been two months since anyone last seen him. Even though a part of him felt terrible for the circumstances that they were under which was supposedly of his doing back when he was seemingly the Master of Magnetism, he couldn't help but feel somewhat elated that Gambit was out of the picture. When they had arrived home, he had expected Rogue to turn to him for comfort and he was ready to take on the role as the man of her life. But his expectations fell shorter than he could have ever imagined.
She didn't want to have anything to do with him because she didn't want to have anything to do with anyone else in this gigantic mansion. For the last two months, Rogue had been reclusive and a complete introvert. She rarely spoke much to anyone except for perhaps her demon-like brother and the animal they insisted on calling Wolverine.
He shook his head in disappointment as he turned the page. She noticed this while she walked over to the table and took a seat across from him.
"Something bad in the papers today?" She asked inquisitively and took a sip of her apple juice.
"No. Nothing in particular." He answered indifferently.
"Ah see." She muttered and an awkward silence followed shortly. After a while of sitting across from each other, neither looking at each other, Joseph finally broke as he asked, "How are you, Rogue?"
"Well, ah'm fine, ah supposed. How are ya?" Rogue asked, a bit taken aback from the unexpected question from Joseph.
"I'm doing quite well… actually, I'm not. I don't understand anymore, Rogue." He said and expressed his true feelings.
"Understand what?" She asked confusingly.
"Us."
"What about us?" She asked, still confused.
"We used to be close, Rogue. I thought we had something… I thought you felt it. Despite what I used to or not used to be in the past, I am a different man now. You know this. You forgave me for this. I thought our relationship was heading forward now… remember Christmas…"
"Joseph. Stop. Please just stop." Rogue requested softly as she stared down into her cup of apple juice.
"I can't stop though. Tell me what's wrong. Tell me what has changed. I understand that you're still getting over this Gambit thing, but it's over now. It's time for you to move on and obviously he wasn't man enough of to own up to his past mistakes and that's why he isn't here now. But, at least I take responsibility for whatever you all thought I did in the past. At least, I'm here now. Let me be here for you, Rogue." He offered as he reached over to touch her hand.
She flinched at his touch and lightly pulled away from him. "Joseph, ah appreciate what you're saying, but ah'm sorry if ah ever led ya on. Ah just don't feel that way about ya. We won't work. Ah'm sorry." She said softly and still refused to meet his eyes.
"Oh…" Joseph simply muttered as he sat back down on his chair. He was so sure they had something special, something deeper than what she had with Gambit. He was in her heart before Gambit was, at least his former self was. No, he was not going to give up just yet.
"I don't understand. We have a connection, Rogue. I know you are still in pain with this whole Gambit affair, but I can help you through this. We can get past this." He persisted.
"Joseph, don't ya understand? Ah won't ever be past this. He was… he is the one ah will ever love, the only one ah wanna be with. Ah'm so sorry, sugah, that ah led ya on, but ah know now that we could never work. For me to pretend that ah can even move on wit' ya and love ya one day, is unfair to ya. And ah have new responsibilities now. Ah can't keep playing these selfish foolish games that ah always wind up playing. Ah can't do it anymore." Rogue explained and looked him in the eyes finally. The determination in her eyes convinced Joseph that their once blossoming relationship was indeed over.
"Well, I'm sorry too, Rogue. I'm sorry that I ever thought we could be anything more than friends. Good luck in life." He said his final last words to her before he got up and walked out indignantly.
-xoxo-
Rogue was lying on the couch in the recreation room while she savored the silence. Everyone else was outside enjoying the great weather and having a grand picnic. She opted to skip the festivities to enjoy the tranquility of a silent mansion. Her thoughts wandered from Remy to the baby to Joseph. It was no surprise to her that when she had tried to look for him after their confrontational meeting in the kitchen, he was nowhere in sight. Along with him not being in sight were his clothes and the minimal possessions he had.
He had left the Institute without a word to anyone. He simply got up and left, all because of her.
As much as she hated to admit it, his leaving was a burden off her shoulders. Ever since she admitted her feelings were only for Remy while practically dying under the Phalanax control, she knew her feelings for Joseph was nothing but of friendship. Given that she should have told him sooner, the last two months had really been a complete blur to her. She barely had any sense in herself to get through those miserable days, let alone having to break the heart of one of greater friends. If she weren't pregnant with Remy's baby, she probably wouldn't have even addressed the issue of her feelings for Joseph that day. The baby was her incentive to finally take responsibility for her actions and her inactions. Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the footsteps of two people right outside the doorway.
"He wasn't happy to see us, Storm." The unmistakable voice of Kitty's said faintly.
"I wouldn't expect him to be. After all, the team did abandon him." Ororo stated.
The two women were actually standing right outside the open door that led into the recreation room. Since Rogue was lying down on the couch where the back of it faced the doorway, the two women did not see her. Thus, Rogue was yet in another advantageous position as she listened intently on her teammate's conversation.
"Well, what do we do then?" Kitty asked, fairly perplexed.
"I honestly do not know. He was bitter and hostile towards us. I can only imagine what he would be like towards Rogue." Ororo responded with no actual answers.
"Maybe it's better if we don't tell her. She thinks he's dead anyway, and if he's going to be that awful to her, then it's better off if he was dead in her eyes." Kitty reasoned, although her answer didn't hold much reasoning at all.
Suddenly, Rogue sprung up from her position and flew over to the two women in a hurry. "What are ya two keeping from me?" She asked angrily.
"Rogue, calm down." Ororo requested.
"Ah will not calm down. Tell me where he is, 'Ro. Ah wanna know where he is." Rogue said in a threatening tone.
"He's in New Orleans, Rogue. But he's changed now. I don't think it'll be a good idea to see him." Kitty answered.
"No, Kitty. Rogue should see him despite his change in character. But, Rogue, be prepared for what you will meet. He's definitely not the same man he was before." Ororo cautioned warily.
The overwhelming information only added to Rogue's stress. She covered her face with her hands as she thought about what to do. He probably didn't want to see her. He probably hated her. He probably never want to have anything to do with her ever again.
It only took her a second before she turned around and walked towards the exit.
Regardless of how he would act towards her, she needed to see him and he needed to know about the baby, if nothing but for the baby's sake.
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