I'm not a perfect person
There are many things I wish I didn't do
I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
"The Reason" by Hoobastank
Evening meal came quickly. Master and Padawan walked into the cafeteria somewhat exhausted from their kata exercises.
"I'm going to have to get used to your height, Master. I'm sorry for making you trip." Menaria said quietly as the two got their plates and chose different foods from the serving line. Menaria compiled a large salad. She hardly ate much after a hard work out and salads didn't have much to them. She watched as her Master did quite the opposite. He chose a large slab of meat and some veggies mixed with some sauté sauce over pasta.
She chose muja juice while he poured himself a glass of Corellian Ale.
"It wasn't your fault, Menaria. I should have looked before I leaped. I thought you were leaning toward the right." He chuckled as he tried to lighten the girl's mood.
She felt some relief. 'Well if he isn't all that upset over it then I shouldn't be either.' She grinned back up at him.
"That's my girl. At least it wasn't you that ended up sprawled on the floor. I am just glad that there wasn't any one around to see it!" His eyes were twinkling with mirth his smile widening. 'I haven't felt this relaxed in years! This *was* definitely the will of the Force in bringing us together.' He sent a small burst of his emotion through their bond.
Menaria felt his warmth as it was sent her way. They had been experimenting with the bond whenever they could. She blushed slightly as she walked toward the table that they had sat at earlier. Her three friends were already there. At their approach, the 3 initiates stood and bowed slightly to Lindoro then retook their seats.
"Knight D'Lockens, Menaria, good evening." Seriu said. Kork and Nania mumbled a greeting as well.
Menaria immediately noticed her friends' uneasiness and their glances at each other then at Lindoro. 'Something is up? Wonder what?' She thought.
Lindoro sensed more than saw the edginess of the initiates. He sighed inside as he took a long drink from his glass. 'I was wondering how long it would take for them to find out. I had hoped...Yeah right dream on Lindoro! I can never have a normal life. Never again especially after the Rim.' He snorted slightly before he could catch himself.
The 3 initiates looked up from their plates and glanced his way. Menaria was trying to stifle a smirk as she misinterpreted his snort. 'She probably thinks it was a response from my drink.' He smiled weakly for her benefit. 'Must do this for her...'
"Strong drink indeed." He chuckled half-heartedly. It sounded weak compared to the one he did just moments ago.
He shrugged and dug into his meal not really tasting any of it.
"Master, can I spend some time with my friends after our meal?" Menaria asked begging with her eyes. 'I've got to find out what is going on. Kork's ears have been drooped throughout the entire meal.'
Lindoro opened his mouth to deny her wish, but stopped himself short. 'I don't want her to know!' But his common sense kicked in. 'She'll find out sooner or later. Better get it over with. I'll just have to prepare myself to explain to her what had happen.' He closed his eyes for a split second and smiled.
"Sure, go ahead. Just don't be late for our meditation." Lindoro reminded as he attempted to keep his serene expression plastered upon his face.
"Thank you, Master! I won't be late, I promise." She quickly finished up her meal as she noticed that her friends were already done.
The three bid Lindoro good night as Menaria waved at her Master. They took their trays to the tray table next to the serving line and headed off through the doorway.
Lindoro pushed his plate away. It still had well over half the meat and pasta left. 'So much for my appetite.' He sighed and took his plate and glass to the tray table. 'I need to find my center...especially if I am going to have to go into detail about my experiences to her.'
Lindoro had 2 favorite spots to meditate at; under the largest tree in the Room of the Ten Thousand Fountains and the Map Room. He realized that it had been a long, long time since he visited the Map Room. He smiled slightly as he remembered many a times that his Master had to drag him out of there due to loosing track of time in there as a Padawan. 'Those were the good old days...how I wish days were like that again...' He sighed as the turbolift doors finally opened and let him out. Walking to the room he noticed that it was already occupied. He turned to leave and head back for the turbolift when he heard the Map Room's door opened. Glancing over his shoulder he saw Master Qui-Gon Jinn leaving the Map Room. He turned and faced the Master bowing slightly. "Master Jinn."
The equally tall man nodded in return and smiled. "Knight D'Lockens isn't it?" His calm voice was soothing to Lindoro's ears.
"Yes Master." Lindoro replied.
"I hear you have taken on a Padawan Learner?" At Lindoro's nod Jinn offered his hand. "Congratulations then! I do hope yours won't be as rambunctious as mine has been!" Jinn's lighter blue eyes sparkled with delight.
Lindoro couldn't help but laugh while taking the man's hand.
"Thank you, Master Jinn. It is definitely proving to be different. I have to remember that I *have* one first!" Lindoro stated.
Jinn nodded, as his grin grew wider. "Best wishes for you then. May the Force be with you." The Master nodded in return to Lindoro's bow.
"You too, Master Jinn." Lindoro watched the man walk down the hallway. 'Guess he likes the Map Room too.' His mood had been lighten slightly at the Master's good humor.
He entered the room and marked it as occupied. He then programmed the console to show the worlds in the Outer Rim.
'These have been my home these pass years.' He sighed heavily as he knelt in the middle of the room. Stars were everywhere as numerous suns glowed brighter than their brothers and sisters. He eyed the three planets that he had worked on. Muunilinst home of the InterGalactic Banking Clan; an immense center of commerce. Sullust home of the SoroSuub Corporation who are known for their landspeeders, space transports and capital starships, and a variety of industrial and civilian sector droids. And last but not least, Nar Shaddaa tagged as the 'Smuggler's Moon'. The later, being where he spent the last 6 years of his life. He shuddered as a wave of pain and fear passed through him. He sighed as he realized that there was a planet missing. Though not part of the Outer Rim but at the edge of the Mid Rim/Outer Rim border; Ord Mantell - a smuggler's haven. That was where it all started.
Shaking his head, he closed his eyes and tried to focus and find his center of calm. Though hard at first, he slowly was able to draw upon the Force and release his frustration and depression into the Force. 'It never goes away fully it is continually building up. I try so hard...really I do. Maybe Master can help me with this when he returns. How I hate to run to him like a Padawan again. But it hurts...the pain won't go away.' Sighing in anguish, he bowed his head until his chin rested upon his chest. A tear from each eye began to make their way down his haggard face. The two tears slowly trailed his cheeks until they became lost in the drooping mustaches above his lips. His shoulders began to tremble slightly as the sobs threaten to engulf him. Growling loudly he forced the grief and pain away. Burying the turmoil of emotions once more in the darken corner of his soul. He wiped the wetness from his face angrily. 'I will not go through this again! *I. Will. Not.*'
He forced the emotions away so quickly that it hurt. The pain shot through his mind causing him to forget the grief he had just felt. Grasping his head with both hands, he groaned slightly.
'Now focus for her sake! Loose yourself...' He commanded himself as he thought of his younger days as a Padawan. Happy memories flittered through his mind causing his tensed muscles to slowly relax. Within minutes a small smile replaced the weary scowl. Peace began to flow once more through the Knight's body.
Menaria followed her friends in to the Room of the Ten Thousand Fountains.
Seriu led the way to their favorite spot by one of the larger pools of water. He stopped under one of the several overhanging trees that had branches drooping over the pool.
Menaria was busting to know what was wrong but the shake of Seriu's head held her questions in check as she followed them to the tree.
Finally, Seriu spoke up. "Menaria, has your Master had time to tell you about any of his missions?" Seriu asked. It was evident that he was upset and worried. He sat down on the short green grass next to Kork and Nania.
Menaria stared at her 3 friends warily before following suite by sitting down in front of them.
"What's wrong guys? Please tell me." She pleaded as her green eyes widen in alarm.
Kork laid his ears back as he lowered his head. The initiate's voice was rough and full of sadness. "Remember how Master Linia and Master Cear responded to your Master's name? Well...I went and asked several Senior Padawans if they knew anything on Master D'Lockens. You know what their reactions were?" He paused as he looked up into Menaria's green startled eyes. "The exact same way...except mixed with fear. *Fear* Menaria. The man is a murderer!" At his last comment the long ears cocked forward quickly as his eyes enlarged.
Menaria gasped with shock.
"Kork! Damnit! You don't just blurt that out! Not like that!" Seriu scolded the Squib, shaking his head.
"Menaria, Kork was only told that Knight D'Lockens had allowed innocents to die and had killed people." Looking sternly at Kork he shook his head once more. "All Jedi have to kill sooner or later whether in defense of others or in defense of themselves. As for the innocents...accidents can happen."
Kork looked at Seriu with disbelief. "That isn't how..." But Seriu tilted his head to the side and narrowed his coal black eyes at the blue furred initiate. Kork closed his mouth and sighed. Not wanting to rile up the other boy's anger. Seriu was known for his flare-ups.
Menaria kept looking back from one to the other. Remembering that Nania had not said anything since arriving here, she looked over at the girl.
Nania's complexion was pale and drawn out.
"Nania, what's wrong? I mean it can't be all that bad. Seriu is right in what he said." Menaria said trying to reassure her.
Nania shook her head vigorously. "No...he's...killed without remorse. Killed...no slaughtered people and not in defense!" Her voice was bordering on the edge of hysteria.
Seriu placed a comforting hand upon her shoulder. Nania's eyes had widen in fright and locked onto Menaria's.
"I'm scared. I'm worried that something might happen to you. That he...he might snap or something and hurt you!" Sobs choked her speech and tears started to fall down her cheeks.
Putting her face into her hands Nania cried hard. Menaria scooted over to the girl's side and embraced her in her arms. The frighten girl grabbed Menaria hard nearly squeezing the breath out of her.
"It's going to be all right. My Master would never hurt me. Do you not remember what I told you about the ceremony?" Menaria asked as she gently rubbed the girl's back. Nania's sobs quieted some as she nodded slowly.
"Yeah, and remember how he was at lunch?" Seriu added as he leaned over to look down at Nania then back up at Menaria. "We were worried about how you would react, Menaria. We just found out right before heading to the cafeteria. Knight D'Lockens is not well liked among most of the Knights and Masters. They believe that he's...tainted. Even a few thinks he will fall to the Darkside for being away and undercover for so long. One Senior Padawan went as far as to say that was the main reason why they recalled him from the Rim. To be judged to *see* if he had fallen." Seriu paused for a second to look around ensuring that no one else was listening in on their conversation.
"He hasn't been back all that long. They believe he's still being judged."
Menaria shook her head with disbelief. 'How could anyone even think that?!' "But then why did they let him choose me? If he's still being judged would that have been wise to allow him to choose a Padawan?" Menaria asked as confusion reflected upon her face.
Nania sat back up feeling slightly better. She sniffled a little as she wiped the tears from her face.
Menaria looked down at the green grass and gently caressed a few of the blades near her knees.
"Dunno. That doesn't make much sense to me either..." Seriu commented as he sighed heavily.
Kork nodded as well in agreement. "Maybe he has been judged OK then. That would explain them allowing him to choose you."
Menaria sighed. 'My Master a killer? Slaughterer of innocents? Undercover agent...but for how long though?' "Do you know how long he was gone?" She asked as she eyed Kork, but it was Seriu who answered.
"He's supposedly been working undercover for the last 10 years. He has come back only a few times within those years. One guy told Kork that he had not been back here in over 6 years. And wasn't even allowed to talk with anyone other than the Council for those 6 years as well." Seriu watched Menaria carefully; he was obviously concern for her. 'This has to be hard for her...I don't know how I'd react if I found out my Master was all this...if I even get to have a Master.' He pushed away the thoughts as he focused upon Menaria.
Menaria was shocked once more. '6 years?! Wasn't even allowed to return or talk to anyone? How horrible!' "What was he doing exactly while working undercover?" She asked hesitantly.
Seriu shook his head slightly as he shrugged. "Dunno and they didn't seem to know either. They said they didn't know the statistics because it was confidential, you know all hush-hush."
Before Menaria could reply, a pain shot through her head like a raging fire. Crying out, she grasped he head and nearly fell forward at the intensity of the pain.
Seriu grabbed her gently by the arms, he had came to his knees and knelt beside her when she cried out. "What's wrong?" He asked as he searched her for any obvious hurts.
"I'm fine...it isn't...wasn't me." She gasped out as she starting focusing upon the Force to push the pain away. She closed her eyes and concentrated. The bond with her Master was tingling again but with a burning sensation. 'Master is hurt!' She shot up from the ground and stumbled. Seriu stood up and steadied her.
"Easy Menaria, easy. What is it then?" He asked as he still held on to her gently.
"I think it was my Master. It is almost time for our meditation any ways. I'm going to go check and make sure he's OK." She eyed her friends warmly; a slight smile crept on her face. "Thank you for your concerns. I'll let you know what I find out. And please...be careful how you act around Knight D'Lockens. I don't want him getting upset...he is allowing us to still eat together." She pleaded.
The 3 nodded and bid her goodnight as she nearly raced from the room. Grabbing her comlink she tried to get a hold of her Master.
Flashback
"Lindoro! Where in the worlds..." Master Talias came barreling around the largest tree in the room and nearly fell over the Padawan. The boy was on the ground trying to stifle his sobs while holding onto his right arm tightly. The Bothan knelt by the teen. "Easy lad, fell from the tree didn't you? There *is* a reason why the Masters tell Padawans and Initiates *not* to climb this particular tree without proper gear." The brusque voice *tsked* as he gently took the boy in his arms.
"M'sorry, Master. I thought I was able to." Lindoro sniffed as he snuggled up against the furred Master. The Bothan had been doing some exercising not to far away and had only his pants on. The fur felt so soft and warm to Lindoro, which nearly caused the boy to forget the pain from his arm. "I think I broke something..."
Master Talias eased Lindoro a little bit a way from him so he could check the arm out. Using the Force he searched for a crack and found only a fracture near the wrist. "Nope, not quite young one. But it looks like a fracture nonetheless. We'll need to go to the Healers so they can fix it up for you. Think you can walk?" The dark brown eyes stared into the boy's red rimmed deep blue ones. Talias' ears were flicked forward with concern.
"Yes, Master. My pride is hurt more than anything. I can't believe I fell!" Lindoro grumbled as he got to his feet a little unsteadily. The Bothan helped steady the Padawan as they began to walk toward the healers.
Talias ruffled the hair of the boy with his furred hands, making sure his claws were in so as to not accidentally nick the apprentice. "If you want to know a secret...you made out better than I did." At Lindoro's jerking of his head and shocked expression upon his face, Talias nodded. "Yes, I too, tried to climb the tree when I was younger. You made out with a fracture while I made out with a broken collarbone. Be happy my very young apprentice. Your mark of defiance will not last as long as mine did!" He chuckled.
Lindoro's laughter joined his Master's rough barking as the two walked into the Healer's ward.
A beeping sound caused Lindoro to spring out of his reverie. Grappling for his comlink, he activated it.
"Knight D'Lockens here." His voice came out harsher than he meant to. He visibly flinched as he hoped it wasn't one of the Councilors attempting to get a hold of him.
"Master? Are you all right? I sensed something a few minutes ago..." Menaria's concerned voice came across the comlink.
Lindoro's brows shot upward. 'I have to remember my shields better...I swore I had them up. It must be the bond...I'll have to remember that for now on. I don't need her sensing my anguish...' He sighed tiredly. "I'm fine Padawan; I'm in the Map Room if you want to join me. We can meditate here."
"Be there in a few minutes then, Master." She cut the signal and changed the destination of the turbolift. 'Map Room? What's he doing there? We have an assignment already?' Menaria puzzled over the thought as the lift open and she headed for the room.
Lindoro sighed once more as he tried to compose himself. He got up from the floor and opened the Map Room's door and waited for his apprentice. Within a minute she came to the door.
Menaria eyed him carefully and upon seeing that he was OK she smiled. He stepped aside so she could enter. She walked in and the door closed behind her. Her mouth opened in awe at what she saw. Stars upon stars littered the room. Numerous different colored planets aligned themselves with brighter stars that were suns. "Master! This is beautiful! No wonder you're in here!" She eyed the constellations carefully. "This is the Outer Rim right?" She asked as a hard knot began to form in her stomach at the reminder of her friends' accusations. Her smile wavered slightly and she turned away from her Master so he wouldn't see. He didn't have to; he felt her change of emotions.
'They obviously told her something...here we go then...' He swallowed the rising fear that threaten to crush him.
"Master...may I ask you some questions about your previous mission? I...I don't want to assume anything without knowing the facts." She whispered as she took a seat in the center of the room, the beauty of the stars momentarily forgotten.
Lindoro joined her on the floor, eyeing her carefully; his eyes were full of understanding. "Yes, I will answer to the best of my ability. Just take note that the contents are confidential and I may not be able to answer them completely." The girl nodded slowly.
"Did you...kill innocents?" She couldn't look into his face without struggling. 'Imbecile look up at him! He doesn't need you to falter! He needs to know that you are concerned!' She rebuked herself as she looked into his eyes. The empathy upon his face nearly broke her heart.
"Accidents can happen...and they did. I...I can't go into detail due to the subject of the mission, but believe me Menaria. For what happened I will never be able to forgive myself. It was not supposed to happen the way it did. Things just fell out of control. The point of contact fell through and things just went down hill from there..." Lindoro stopped as his voice croaked slightly. The emotional outbreak earlier had not been fully pushed back. He felt the feelings surge forward once more. Eyes widening with the realization, he let out a curse and moved away quickly. His back was facing the girl so she would not see the emotional twisting that was evolving. He tried to slam his shields tight, but it was too much. He bowed his head in shame at the failure.
The curse took Menaria by surprise let alone the feelings that were beginning to roll off the tall Knight. Her mouth opened in shock as the man turned away from her scooting a good few feet. Menaria got up and stood next to the man who was still kneeling. She gently laid her hand on his shoulder, only hesitating for a split second as uncertainty crossed her mind. Sympathy over rode her caution.
"Master..?" She called out quietly. He turned his head to look up at her. The black hair falling away from his face revealing a remorseful and pain filled expression. Menaria nearly gasped at the look in his eyes. Another sense of feeling was coming off him. 'Loneliness?' She was confused by that until she remembered what Seriu said earlier about most Jedi not liking him. Her eyes misted up slightly at that. She then knelt beside him and engulfed him with a hug. "You are *not* alone, Master. Not any more." She tried hard not to cry. The pain that was bursting from him was cutting through her shielding like scissors to paper.
Lindoro was caught off guard by the girl's embrace. He had felt her presence as she came to stand next to him and then the touch from her hand upon his shoulder, but had not expected the hug or even the love that he felt through their bond. A sob caught in his throat as he tried to stop his tears. 'Not alone...not alone. I'm no longer alone!' There is no emotion; there is peace. How often had he recited that? There is no passion; there is serenity. 'To hells with that!' The tears streamed down his weathered face as the girl continued to hold him. He gently returned the gesture as he laid his chin on top of her head and closed his eyes.
"Menaria.." His voice was hoarse as he tried to speak. "Menaria...my Padawan! So young and caring! You are right, young one. With you I am no longer alone. The Force works miracles indeed." His voice was deeper as compassion filled him. He took her face in his large hands and looked her deeply in the eyes. "Thank you...for everything now and for everything that has yet to come." He gently wiped the tears from her face. His chest cringed at the sight. 'Tears for me...? Only my Master has ever cried for me. How special she is! Are these feelings that I'm feeling what my Master felt for me?' Admiration for his Padawan and Master warmed his heart.
Menaria could not stop the tears that swarmed down her face. The man's pain was just too unbearable. Remembering what was said about him not being able to return to the Temple or talk with anyone he knew for 6 years had done this. 'How could the Council be so cruel? I thought Jedi were not like this? They nearly, if not, broke this man...this warrior...my Master!' She felt angry towards what the Council had done, but pushed it away into the Force. 'I do not know what the situation was...and cannot pass judgment until then.' She sighed as she let the emotion go.
When he took her face into his hands and thanked her, a new sensation filled her. One she was not familiar with. 'What am I feeling? He is thanking *me*? I should be thanking *him* for choosing me! I don't have to leave the Jedi.' She tried to talk, but the lump that formed in her throat would not let her. All she could do is nod her head as tears threaten to fall once more. His wiping away the older ones caused her undoing as they began to slip from her eyes once more.
Lindoro saw the new tears and a strangling noise started in his chest and made its way out through his mouth as he took her in his arms and hugged her once more, though mindful not to squeeze too tightly. 'So young and trusting. How did I ever deserve someone like this? Oh Master you were right in telling me to trust the Force. I let it guide me in taking this child as my Padawan and look what it has rewarded me with!'
The two held each other for several more minutes. The planets and stars continued to shine and rotate at a slow rate around them as time stood still. For the second time within the same day nothing else mattered to the two except each other. Fate had woven these two beings to become one and the Force had made it possible.
There are many things I wish I didn't do
I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
"The Reason" by Hoobastank
Evening meal came quickly. Master and Padawan walked into the cafeteria somewhat exhausted from their kata exercises.
"I'm going to have to get used to your height, Master. I'm sorry for making you trip." Menaria said quietly as the two got their plates and chose different foods from the serving line. Menaria compiled a large salad. She hardly ate much after a hard work out and salads didn't have much to them. She watched as her Master did quite the opposite. He chose a large slab of meat and some veggies mixed with some sauté sauce over pasta.
She chose muja juice while he poured himself a glass of Corellian Ale.
"It wasn't your fault, Menaria. I should have looked before I leaped. I thought you were leaning toward the right." He chuckled as he tried to lighten the girl's mood.
She felt some relief. 'Well if he isn't all that upset over it then I shouldn't be either.' She grinned back up at him.
"That's my girl. At least it wasn't you that ended up sprawled on the floor. I am just glad that there wasn't any one around to see it!" His eyes were twinkling with mirth his smile widening. 'I haven't felt this relaxed in years! This *was* definitely the will of the Force in bringing us together.' He sent a small burst of his emotion through their bond.
Menaria felt his warmth as it was sent her way. They had been experimenting with the bond whenever they could. She blushed slightly as she walked toward the table that they had sat at earlier. Her three friends were already there. At their approach, the 3 initiates stood and bowed slightly to Lindoro then retook their seats.
"Knight D'Lockens, Menaria, good evening." Seriu said. Kork and Nania mumbled a greeting as well.
Menaria immediately noticed her friends' uneasiness and their glances at each other then at Lindoro. 'Something is up? Wonder what?' She thought.
Lindoro sensed more than saw the edginess of the initiates. He sighed inside as he took a long drink from his glass. 'I was wondering how long it would take for them to find out. I had hoped...Yeah right dream on Lindoro! I can never have a normal life. Never again especially after the Rim.' He snorted slightly before he could catch himself.
The 3 initiates looked up from their plates and glanced his way. Menaria was trying to stifle a smirk as she misinterpreted his snort. 'She probably thinks it was a response from my drink.' He smiled weakly for her benefit. 'Must do this for her...'
"Strong drink indeed." He chuckled half-heartedly. It sounded weak compared to the one he did just moments ago.
He shrugged and dug into his meal not really tasting any of it.
"Master, can I spend some time with my friends after our meal?" Menaria asked begging with her eyes. 'I've got to find out what is going on. Kork's ears have been drooped throughout the entire meal.'
Lindoro opened his mouth to deny her wish, but stopped himself short. 'I don't want her to know!' But his common sense kicked in. 'She'll find out sooner or later. Better get it over with. I'll just have to prepare myself to explain to her what had happen.' He closed his eyes for a split second and smiled.
"Sure, go ahead. Just don't be late for our meditation." Lindoro reminded as he attempted to keep his serene expression plastered upon his face.
"Thank you, Master! I won't be late, I promise." She quickly finished up her meal as she noticed that her friends were already done.
The three bid Lindoro good night as Menaria waved at her Master. They took their trays to the tray table next to the serving line and headed off through the doorway.
Lindoro pushed his plate away. It still had well over half the meat and pasta left. 'So much for my appetite.' He sighed and took his plate and glass to the tray table. 'I need to find my center...especially if I am going to have to go into detail about my experiences to her.'
Lindoro had 2 favorite spots to meditate at; under the largest tree in the Room of the Ten Thousand Fountains and the Map Room. He realized that it had been a long, long time since he visited the Map Room. He smiled slightly as he remembered many a times that his Master had to drag him out of there due to loosing track of time in there as a Padawan. 'Those were the good old days...how I wish days were like that again...' He sighed as the turbolift doors finally opened and let him out. Walking to the room he noticed that it was already occupied. He turned to leave and head back for the turbolift when he heard the Map Room's door opened. Glancing over his shoulder he saw Master Qui-Gon Jinn leaving the Map Room. He turned and faced the Master bowing slightly. "Master Jinn."
The equally tall man nodded in return and smiled. "Knight D'Lockens isn't it?" His calm voice was soothing to Lindoro's ears.
"Yes Master." Lindoro replied.
"I hear you have taken on a Padawan Learner?" At Lindoro's nod Jinn offered his hand. "Congratulations then! I do hope yours won't be as rambunctious as mine has been!" Jinn's lighter blue eyes sparkled with delight.
Lindoro couldn't help but laugh while taking the man's hand.
"Thank you, Master Jinn. It is definitely proving to be different. I have to remember that I *have* one first!" Lindoro stated.
Jinn nodded, as his grin grew wider. "Best wishes for you then. May the Force be with you." The Master nodded in return to Lindoro's bow.
"You too, Master Jinn." Lindoro watched the man walk down the hallway. 'Guess he likes the Map Room too.' His mood had been lighten slightly at the Master's good humor.
He entered the room and marked it as occupied. He then programmed the console to show the worlds in the Outer Rim.
'These have been my home these pass years.' He sighed heavily as he knelt in the middle of the room. Stars were everywhere as numerous suns glowed brighter than their brothers and sisters. He eyed the three planets that he had worked on. Muunilinst home of the InterGalactic Banking Clan; an immense center of commerce. Sullust home of the SoroSuub Corporation who are known for their landspeeders, space transports and capital starships, and a variety of industrial and civilian sector droids. And last but not least, Nar Shaddaa tagged as the 'Smuggler's Moon'. The later, being where he spent the last 6 years of his life. He shuddered as a wave of pain and fear passed through him. He sighed as he realized that there was a planet missing. Though not part of the Outer Rim but at the edge of the Mid Rim/Outer Rim border; Ord Mantell - a smuggler's haven. That was where it all started.
Shaking his head, he closed his eyes and tried to focus and find his center of calm. Though hard at first, he slowly was able to draw upon the Force and release his frustration and depression into the Force. 'It never goes away fully it is continually building up. I try so hard...really I do. Maybe Master can help me with this when he returns. How I hate to run to him like a Padawan again. But it hurts...the pain won't go away.' Sighing in anguish, he bowed his head until his chin rested upon his chest. A tear from each eye began to make their way down his haggard face. The two tears slowly trailed his cheeks until they became lost in the drooping mustaches above his lips. His shoulders began to tremble slightly as the sobs threaten to engulf him. Growling loudly he forced the grief and pain away. Burying the turmoil of emotions once more in the darken corner of his soul. He wiped the wetness from his face angrily. 'I will not go through this again! *I. Will. Not.*'
He forced the emotions away so quickly that it hurt. The pain shot through his mind causing him to forget the grief he had just felt. Grasping his head with both hands, he groaned slightly.
'Now focus for her sake! Loose yourself...' He commanded himself as he thought of his younger days as a Padawan. Happy memories flittered through his mind causing his tensed muscles to slowly relax. Within minutes a small smile replaced the weary scowl. Peace began to flow once more through the Knight's body.
Menaria followed her friends in to the Room of the Ten Thousand Fountains.
Seriu led the way to their favorite spot by one of the larger pools of water. He stopped under one of the several overhanging trees that had branches drooping over the pool.
Menaria was busting to know what was wrong but the shake of Seriu's head held her questions in check as she followed them to the tree.
Finally, Seriu spoke up. "Menaria, has your Master had time to tell you about any of his missions?" Seriu asked. It was evident that he was upset and worried. He sat down on the short green grass next to Kork and Nania.
Menaria stared at her 3 friends warily before following suite by sitting down in front of them.
"What's wrong guys? Please tell me." She pleaded as her green eyes widen in alarm.
Kork laid his ears back as he lowered his head. The initiate's voice was rough and full of sadness. "Remember how Master Linia and Master Cear responded to your Master's name? Well...I went and asked several Senior Padawans if they knew anything on Master D'Lockens. You know what their reactions were?" He paused as he looked up into Menaria's green startled eyes. "The exact same way...except mixed with fear. *Fear* Menaria. The man is a murderer!" At his last comment the long ears cocked forward quickly as his eyes enlarged.
Menaria gasped with shock.
"Kork! Damnit! You don't just blurt that out! Not like that!" Seriu scolded the Squib, shaking his head.
"Menaria, Kork was only told that Knight D'Lockens had allowed innocents to die and had killed people." Looking sternly at Kork he shook his head once more. "All Jedi have to kill sooner or later whether in defense of others or in defense of themselves. As for the innocents...accidents can happen."
Kork looked at Seriu with disbelief. "That isn't how..." But Seriu tilted his head to the side and narrowed his coal black eyes at the blue furred initiate. Kork closed his mouth and sighed. Not wanting to rile up the other boy's anger. Seriu was known for his flare-ups.
Menaria kept looking back from one to the other. Remembering that Nania had not said anything since arriving here, she looked over at the girl.
Nania's complexion was pale and drawn out.
"Nania, what's wrong? I mean it can't be all that bad. Seriu is right in what he said." Menaria said trying to reassure her.
Nania shook her head vigorously. "No...he's...killed without remorse. Killed...no slaughtered people and not in defense!" Her voice was bordering on the edge of hysteria.
Seriu placed a comforting hand upon her shoulder. Nania's eyes had widen in fright and locked onto Menaria's.
"I'm scared. I'm worried that something might happen to you. That he...he might snap or something and hurt you!" Sobs choked her speech and tears started to fall down her cheeks.
Putting her face into her hands Nania cried hard. Menaria scooted over to the girl's side and embraced her in her arms. The frighten girl grabbed Menaria hard nearly squeezing the breath out of her.
"It's going to be all right. My Master would never hurt me. Do you not remember what I told you about the ceremony?" Menaria asked as she gently rubbed the girl's back. Nania's sobs quieted some as she nodded slowly.
"Yeah, and remember how he was at lunch?" Seriu added as he leaned over to look down at Nania then back up at Menaria. "We were worried about how you would react, Menaria. We just found out right before heading to the cafeteria. Knight D'Lockens is not well liked among most of the Knights and Masters. They believe that he's...tainted. Even a few thinks he will fall to the Darkside for being away and undercover for so long. One Senior Padawan went as far as to say that was the main reason why they recalled him from the Rim. To be judged to *see* if he had fallen." Seriu paused for a second to look around ensuring that no one else was listening in on their conversation.
"He hasn't been back all that long. They believe he's still being judged."
Menaria shook her head with disbelief. 'How could anyone even think that?!' "But then why did they let him choose me? If he's still being judged would that have been wise to allow him to choose a Padawan?" Menaria asked as confusion reflected upon her face.
Nania sat back up feeling slightly better. She sniffled a little as she wiped the tears from her face.
Menaria looked down at the green grass and gently caressed a few of the blades near her knees.
"Dunno. That doesn't make much sense to me either..." Seriu commented as he sighed heavily.
Kork nodded as well in agreement. "Maybe he has been judged OK then. That would explain them allowing him to choose you."
Menaria sighed. 'My Master a killer? Slaughterer of innocents? Undercover agent...but for how long though?' "Do you know how long he was gone?" She asked as she eyed Kork, but it was Seriu who answered.
"He's supposedly been working undercover for the last 10 years. He has come back only a few times within those years. One guy told Kork that he had not been back here in over 6 years. And wasn't even allowed to talk with anyone other than the Council for those 6 years as well." Seriu watched Menaria carefully; he was obviously concern for her. 'This has to be hard for her...I don't know how I'd react if I found out my Master was all this...if I even get to have a Master.' He pushed away the thoughts as he focused upon Menaria.
Menaria was shocked once more. '6 years?! Wasn't even allowed to return or talk to anyone? How horrible!' "What was he doing exactly while working undercover?" She asked hesitantly.
Seriu shook his head slightly as he shrugged. "Dunno and they didn't seem to know either. They said they didn't know the statistics because it was confidential, you know all hush-hush."
Before Menaria could reply, a pain shot through her head like a raging fire. Crying out, she grasped he head and nearly fell forward at the intensity of the pain.
Seriu grabbed her gently by the arms, he had came to his knees and knelt beside her when she cried out. "What's wrong?" He asked as he searched her for any obvious hurts.
"I'm fine...it isn't...wasn't me." She gasped out as she starting focusing upon the Force to push the pain away. She closed her eyes and concentrated. The bond with her Master was tingling again but with a burning sensation. 'Master is hurt!' She shot up from the ground and stumbled. Seriu stood up and steadied her.
"Easy Menaria, easy. What is it then?" He asked as he still held on to her gently.
"I think it was my Master. It is almost time for our meditation any ways. I'm going to go check and make sure he's OK." She eyed her friends warmly; a slight smile crept on her face. "Thank you for your concerns. I'll let you know what I find out. And please...be careful how you act around Knight D'Lockens. I don't want him getting upset...he is allowing us to still eat together." She pleaded.
The 3 nodded and bid her goodnight as she nearly raced from the room. Grabbing her comlink she tried to get a hold of her Master.
Flashback
"Lindoro! Where in the worlds..." Master Talias came barreling around the largest tree in the room and nearly fell over the Padawan. The boy was on the ground trying to stifle his sobs while holding onto his right arm tightly. The Bothan knelt by the teen. "Easy lad, fell from the tree didn't you? There *is* a reason why the Masters tell Padawans and Initiates *not* to climb this particular tree without proper gear." The brusque voice *tsked* as he gently took the boy in his arms.
"M'sorry, Master. I thought I was able to." Lindoro sniffed as he snuggled up against the furred Master. The Bothan had been doing some exercising not to far away and had only his pants on. The fur felt so soft and warm to Lindoro, which nearly caused the boy to forget the pain from his arm. "I think I broke something..."
Master Talias eased Lindoro a little bit a way from him so he could check the arm out. Using the Force he searched for a crack and found only a fracture near the wrist. "Nope, not quite young one. But it looks like a fracture nonetheless. We'll need to go to the Healers so they can fix it up for you. Think you can walk?" The dark brown eyes stared into the boy's red rimmed deep blue ones. Talias' ears were flicked forward with concern.
"Yes, Master. My pride is hurt more than anything. I can't believe I fell!" Lindoro grumbled as he got to his feet a little unsteadily. The Bothan helped steady the Padawan as they began to walk toward the healers.
Talias ruffled the hair of the boy with his furred hands, making sure his claws were in so as to not accidentally nick the apprentice. "If you want to know a secret...you made out better than I did." At Lindoro's jerking of his head and shocked expression upon his face, Talias nodded. "Yes, I too, tried to climb the tree when I was younger. You made out with a fracture while I made out with a broken collarbone. Be happy my very young apprentice. Your mark of defiance will not last as long as mine did!" He chuckled.
Lindoro's laughter joined his Master's rough barking as the two walked into the Healer's ward.
A beeping sound caused Lindoro to spring out of his reverie. Grappling for his comlink, he activated it.
"Knight D'Lockens here." His voice came out harsher than he meant to. He visibly flinched as he hoped it wasn't one of the Councilors attempting to get a hold of him.
"Master? Are you all right? I sensed something a few minutes ago..." Menaria's concerned voice came across the comlink.
Lindoro's brows shot upward. 'I have to remember my shields better...I swore I had them up. It must be the bond...I'll have to remember that for now on. I don't need her sensing my anguish...' He sighed tiredly. "I'm fine Padawan; I'm in the Map Room if you want to join me. We can meditate here."
"Be there in a few minutes then, Master." She cut the signal and changed the destination of the turbolift. 'Map Room? What's he doing there? We have an assignment already?' Menaria puzzled over the thought as the lift open and she headed for the room.
Lindoro sighed once more as he tried to compose himself. He got up from the floor and opened the Map Room's door and waited for his apprentice. Within a minute she came to the door.
Menaria eyed him carefully and upon seeing that he was OK she smiled. He stepped aside so she could enter. She walked in and the door closed behind her. Her mouth opened in awe at what she saw. Stars upon stars littered the room. Numerous different colored planets aligned themselves with brighter stars that were suns. "Master! This is beautiful! No wonder you're in here!" She eyed the constellations carefully. "This is the Outer Rim right?" She asked as a hard knot began to form in her stomach at the reminder of her friends' accusations. Her smile wavered slightly and she turned away from her Master so he wouldn't see. He didn't have to; he felt her change of emotions.
'They obviously told her something...here we go then...' He swallowed the rising fear that threaten to crush him.
"Master...may I ask you some questions about your previous mission? I...I don't want to assume anything without knowing the facts." She whispered as she took a seat in the center of the room, the beauty of the stars momentarily forgotten.
Lindoro joined her on the floor, eyeing her carefully; his eyes were full of understanding. "Yes, I will answer to the best of my ability. Just take note that the contents are confidential and I may not be able to answer them completely." The girl nodded slowly.
"Did you...kill innocents?" She couldn't look into his face without struggling. 'Imbecile look up at him! He doesn't need you to falter! He needs to know that you are concerned!' She rebuked herself as she looked into his eyes. The empathy upon his face nearly broke her heart.
"Accidents can happen...and they did. I...I can't go into detail due to the subject of the mission, but believe me Menaria. For what happened I will never be able to forgive myself. It was not supposed to happen the way it did. Things just fell out of control. The point of contact fell through and things just went down hill from there..." Lindoro stopped as his voice croaked slightly. The emotional outbreak earlier had not been fully pushed back. He felt the feelings surge forward once more. Eyes widening with the realization, he let out a curse and moved away quickly. His back was facing the girl so she would not see the emotional twisting that was evolving. He tried to slam his shields tight, but it was too much. He bowed his head in shame at the failure.
The curse took Menaria by surprise let alone the feelings that were beginning to roll off the tall Knight. Her mouth opened in shock as the man turned away from her scooting a good few feet. Menaria got up and stood next to the man who was still kneeling. She gently laid her hand on his shoulder, only hesitating for a split second as uncertainty crossed her mind. Sympathy over rode her caution.
"Master..?" She called out quietly. He turned his head to look up at her. The black hair falling away from his face revealing a remorseful and pain filled expression. Menaria nearly gasped at the look in his eyes. Another sense of feeling was coming off him. 'Loneliness?' She was confused by that until she remembered what Seriu said earlier about most Jedi not liking him. Her eyes misted up slightly at that. She then knelt beside him and engulfed him with a hug. "You are *not* alone, Master. Not any more." She tried hard not to cry. The pain that was bursting from him was cutting through her shielding like scissors to paper.
Lindoro was caught off guard by the girl's embrace. He had felt her presence as she came to stand next to him and then the touch from her hand upon his shoulder, but had not expected the hug or even the love that he felt through their bond. A sob caught in his throat as he tried to stop his tears. 'Not alone...not alone. I'm no longer alone!' There is no emotion; there is peace. How often had he recited that? There is no passion; there is serenity. 'To hells with that!' The tears streamed down his weathered face as the girl continued to hold him. He gently returned the gesture as he laid his chin on top of her head and closed his eyes.
"Menaria.." His voice was hoarse as he tried to speak. "Menaria...my Padawan! So young and caring! You are right, young one. With you I am no longer alone. The Force works miracles indeed." His voice was deeper as compassion filled him. He took her face in his large hands and looked her deeply in the eyes. "Thank you...for everything now and for everything that has yet to come." He gently wiped the tears from her face. His chest cringed at the sight. 'Tears for me...? Only my Master has ever cried for me. How special she is! Are these feelings that I'm feeling what my Master felt for me?' Admiration for his Padawan and Master warmed his heart.
Menaria could not stop the tears that swarmed down her face. The man's pain was just too unbearable. Remembering what was said about him not being able to return to the Temple or talk with anyone he knew for 6 years had done this. 'How could the Council be so cruel? I thought Jedi were not like this? They nearly, if not, broke this man...this warrior...my Master!' She felt angry towards what the Council had done, but pushed it away into the Force. 'I do not know what the situation was...and cannot pass judgment until then.' She sighed as she let the emotion go.
When he took her face into his hands and thanked her, a new sensation filled her. One she was not familiar with. 'What am I feeling? He is thanking *me*? I should be thanking *him* for choosing me! I don't have to leave the Jedi.' She tried to talk, but the lump that formed in her throat would not let her. All she could do is nod her head as tears threaten to fall once more. His wiping away the older ones caused her undoing as they began to slip from her eyes once more.
Lindoro saw the new tears and a strangling noise started in his chest and made its way out through his mouth as he took her in his arms and hugged her once more, though mindful not to squeeze too tightly. 'So young and trusting. How did I ever deserve someone like this? Oh Master you were right in telling me to trust the Force. I let it guide me in taking this child as my Padawan and look what it has rewarded me with!'
The two held each other for several more minutes. The planets and stars continued to shine and rotate at a slow rate around them as time stood still. For the second time within the same day nothing else mattered to the two except each other. Fate had woven these two beings to become one and the Force had made it possible.