I do not own Xenogears nor Xenosaga. The interactions are made up and made for fun.

The What?

The set changes to a X-mas in July theme as the camera pans to a cheery host. X-mas tunes play softly in the background.

Eris: Welcome everyone and here I am to give you all a special. Not only do I get to interview one, I interview many villians you all know and love...or hate.

Eris looks around the set and shakes her head.

Eris: Tsk, tsk, not even Halloween can suit the Villains' personalities. But that will do!

Cameraman: It's the only theme we have.

Eris: It is?

Cameraman: Yes, we only have enough money for that!

Eris: Well I'll be damned...

Cameraman: About the villains...

Eris: What about them?

Cameraman: Are you sure we can do this? We've only been here for two shows and it got screwed up. What makes it possible for having a Villains' Special if we only did 2 damn shows?

Eris: ...I see you have a point there.

Cameraman: So, we'll do someone else?

Eris: I suppose we could. Who can we talk about?

Cameraman: I have a better suggestion.

Eris: And that is?

Cameraman: We'll do a 4 part series of hijinks; 2 parts for Xenogears and 2 parts for Xenosaga. This will sure get the viewers attention!

Eris: Really? Sounds a good idea, we may have to put a lot of work to it.

Cameraman: So you'll do that?

Eris: I'll ask the producer. Hey, Mr. Producer!

The producer walks into the set and faces Eris.

Producer: What's wrong with the set?

Eris: Nothing is wrong! It's just that we suggested if we do a 4 part series of hijinks.

Producer: Hijinks?

Eris: Yes sir.

Producer: ...Hijinks?

Cameraman: Hijinks. Also known as 'high jinks'. It means fun and games: good-humored boisterousness, frequently including mischievousness and pranks.

Eris: ...This is not Hooked on Phonics.

Cameraman: Just helping out.

Producer: I know what hijinks mean.

Eris: Anyways, what do you think?

Producer: I'm not sure, it will be a risk taker and there will be a chance we will lose ratings.

Cameraman: Exactly how many have watched this show?

Producer: More than you can count, Jack.

Cameraman: My name is not Jack!

Producer: Are you new? Eris, is he new?

Eris: He's been with me since the dawn of time.

Producer: I take that as a no. What's your name buddy?

Cameraman: I have no name sir. I am just a cameraman.

Producer: I see, can you count up to ten?

Cameraman: Yes sir.

Producer: Do you know this?

Producer pulls out his hand and extends his index, middle and ring finger in front of the cameraman.

Cameraman: I don't see the point of this but I see three fingers.

Producer: Good, you get 3 chances fellow. Don't screw this up. I am counting on both you and Eris to get it right.

Cameraman and Eris: Yes, sir.

Producer: All right.

The producer walks out and yells at the crew.

Producer: All right you slackers, get your asses moving and change that damn set! We're off to a new start! Stacy get me some coffee. Where's the food? Why are there no food on the set!? Come on people, this is a working set; someone has to eat here!

The producer leaves the area.

Eris: Producers these days...

Cameraman: Watch it Eris, they can see and hear you.

Eris: I thought it was directors.

Cameraman: Well them too but the directors are much fearful.

Eris: Enough about that, let's get some rest and tomorrow morning we'll start!

Cameraman: What about the script?

Eris: ...We had scripts?

Camerman pulls out a script and hands it to her.

Eris: This is?

She reads the cover. It reads: "Game Scripts 101".

Eris: This is just a book on how to write scripts...

Cameraman: Must have picked up the wrong one.

Eris: I don't think we had a script to begin with!

Cameraman stays silent.

Eris: Let's rest for now. We have a long day ahead of us.

Producer enters.

Producer: Eris, you have a week. This won't take you a whole day. Better yet, you have two weeks! You start tomorrow first thing in the morning.

Eris: 2 weeks?

Producer: Yep. Oh! I must go now; I have a meeting with the network execs. Something about the FCC being assholes again. See you in two weeks!

Producer leaves the set.

Eris: 2 weeks? Do you think we'll have enough for 2 weeks?

Cameraman: Seems like it.

Eris: Hm, ok I'll go to my trailer and think about this whole crap you put me in.

Cameraman: It's not my fault the producer liked the idea. Heck, you asked the producer himself.

Eris: Fine but I'm going to think very hard about this. I don't think I can do this.

Cameraman: It will be fine Eris. Don't worry about it.

Meanwhile in the depths of the Wave Existence...

Har: Uh oh...

Krelian: What is it?

Har: Something bad will happen that will cause the time and space continuum to rupture.

Krelian: Meaning?

Har: Hijinks.

Krelian: Hijinks?

Har: Yes, hijinks.

Krelian: ...Riiiiight.

The camera pans to Shion and co. watching the TV.

Shion: I thought they were doing the villains!

Jr.: At least we don't get to see Albedo singing songs.

KOS-MOS: That would be quite amusing.

Jr.: You know, that would be very funny...

Gaignun: Don't push your luck.

Jr.: You stay out of this! I want to see Albedo in the uttermost humiliation as possible!

Gaignun: ...

Shion: Jr. stop. This is no time for humiliation! If we are going to see villains, go watch some Wild West movies or something you like.

Jr.: FINE! I WILL!

Jr. leaves the room.

Gaignun: Finally he left.

Jr.'s thoughts: I heard that.

A sweatdrop runs from Gaignun's head.

Shion: What's wrong?

Gaignun: Nothing really, just thought of something. Anyways why don't we rest for today?

Shion: I guess so. Come on KOS-MOS, time for you to sleep.

KOS-MOS: Yes Shion.

Shion and KOS-MOS leaves the room. Gaignun is alone.

Gaignun: Quiet...too quiet...

????: Want to mind wrestle?

Gaignun: All right but first tell me where you are.

????: I'm very well hidden...

Gaignun: Okay then how about this...HA!

Gaignun opens the closet door and Jr. is inside.

Jr.: Damnit how did you know?

Gaignun: I noticed you entered the wrong door, not to mention you were looking at magazines...

Jr.: What? It's not like everyone else would like them.

Gaignun: ...Go to bed.

Jr. grumbles as he leaves the room.

Gaignun: Finally.

Allen steps in.

Allen: Hey buddy! Have you seen Shion?

Gaignun: She's sleeping.

Allen: Oh...ok.

Allen leaves.

Gaignun: Anymore people?

Nothing happens.

Gaignun: Then I guess I should go too.

Gaignun smokes a pipe and leaves the room turning it off.

????: Why are the lights out? Hammer turn on the damn lights.

Hammer: Hold on, jeez. What are we doing here anyway?

????: I told you, to spy on SHION! SHION!

A door opens and the lights turn back on.

Gaignun: I swore I heard you. Hammer, Tony, get out now!

Hammer and Tony leave the room grumbling. Gaignun locks the door and follows.

Meanwhile at Eris' room.

Eris: Wait...no that's not it...I don't think Gaignun would be annoyed by Hammer and Tony...ah well.

Eris continues writing ideas for the upcoming hijinks.