This is my life
It's not what it was before
All these feelings I've shared
And these are my dreams
That I'd never lived before
Somebody shake me
Cuz I must be dreaming
These are my words
That I've never said before
I think I'm doing okay
And this is the smile
That I've never shown before
Somebody shake me
Cuz I must be sleeping
Now that we're here,
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All in the mistakes
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here it's so far away
And I feel like I can face the day I can forgive
And I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today
I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
"So Far Away" by Staind
Parking his speeder on the landing strip, Lindoro smiled and waved at Knight Stani to get his attention. The shorter Knight was washing one of the speeders.
"Hey Knight D'Lockens!" Stani called out as he climbed down the portable washer. "You're looking rather chipper." He said as he dried his hands and grabbed the datapad off his desk.
Knight Ris landed and hopped out of his speeder. Joining the two other Knights, Stani immediately tensed up as he expected trouble. He was totally unprepared for Lindoro's cheerfulness toward the trailing Knight.
"Knight D'Lockens, Knight Stani." Ris greeted the two as he approached.
"Good afternoon Knight Ris." Lindoro said as he checked and signed in the speeder he had used. He then handed the pad over to Ris.
Lindoro bid the two good day and headed to the turbolift. Grabbing his comlink, he contacted Menaria.
"Padawan Darce here." Her voice came over the link
"Menaria I'm back. I'll meet you in the gym." Lindoro informed her as the lift headed to the training room level.
"I'll meet you there shortly then, Master." Menaria smiled.
"Very well Padawan." He then ended the connection.
"Well sounds like the meeting must have gone fairly well." Seriu said as he sipped on some muja juice.
The four sat at a table in the Temple's Archives. They had found numerous Mon Calamarian sayings and historical events that could be used on the banners that they had finished making.
"Yeah it did sound like it. I'll let you guys know if anything happened. Well, I better go and do my katas. I'll see you all at evening meal." Menaria waved good bye to her friends and left to go to the gym.
Menaria could tell the difference as soon as she spotted Lindoro. He had a slight lift to his step and he kept the smile that was currently residing on his face.
"You seem more cheerful than usual. I take it the lunch went well?" Menaria could help herself as she smiled at Lindoro's grin.
"I do feel better than I have in quite a while. I was able to talk about some of the issues that I could not with anyone else. The Senator is a very compassionate man. And it was almost unsettling the way he was so concern about me. I…I feel like I could get to like the man. It feels right." Lindoro's voice drifted off slightly at the last few words as he focused on his reactions towards the Senator.
"Then maybe you two are meant to be friends. I'm sure that not all Senators are corrupt and one-sided. You did say that Master Banz has several Senators as friends." Menaria reminded him what he had told her as she finished taking off her boots, socks, and over tunic.
Lindoro sat down on the bench, deep in thought as he took his own boots, socks, and over tunic off. Grasping his saber, he faced off with his Padawan.
"You are right, perhaps it is the will of the Force to be friends. The Force does work in mysterious ways sometimes, doesn't it? And he helped me immensely. Though he really didn't do much but listened. Then again sometimes that is all that is needed." Lindoro said as his smile widened.
Lindoro was able to fully focus on the Force and elegantly display his Mastery of the blade like he used to in his earlier days before his undercover assignments.
Menaria was taken back by the change. One would not have noticed all that much unless the person stopped and watched closely. The Knight's turns, twirls, flips, and somersaults were more fluid and well balanced. The Padawan was hard pressed to keep up with his speed and grace.
Lindoro felt one with the Force and was delighted by the feeling. He felt like he was soaring in the air on each flip and somersaults. The smile never left his face as he enjoyed the sparing.
Several hours later the two showered and headed toward the cafeteria to eat.
The evening meal went by quickly. Menaria spent a couple more hours with her friends to help decide which scenarios from the Mon Calamari histories to put on the banners. During those hours, Lindoro was able to contact his Master and get his return arrival date and time, which was going to be the early morning on the day after the celebration. Lindoro could not wait.
Menaria met back up with her Master and the two went to their normal meditation room. For the first time in years, Lindoro was able to achieve his center of calm within minutes. He fully emerged himself in the Force and embraced the soothing tendrils that wrapped themselves around him. He could not withhold the sigh of contentment, which escaped his lips with a long exhale of breath.
Menaria opened her eyes slightly, still entranced with the Force herself. She saw her Master in a new light, literally. Her eyes open all the way as the Force enhanced vision allowed her to see the swirling mass of energies that surrounded the Knight. White and grey entwined each other as they wavered around his kneeling body. As she reached out to 'feel' the light with the Force, she got a backlash of pure energy and gasped at the onslaught of power that she felt. 'The Living Force!' She thought as she smiled widely.
She was glad to see him able to relax enough to fully embrace the Force. She had felt him struggle over the last few days. He looked much younger and calmer than she had ever seen him. Smiling still, Menaria went back into her own meditation trance.
When the hour was up, Lindoro almost did not come out of the blissful state that he was currently in. 'If only I could stay like this! It has been so long…' But he had to let go and did so reluctantly.
He opened his eyes to spy a pair of green, relieved, and caring ones staring back at him. Smirking, Lindoro reached over and tugged her braid gently. "Hey you. Don't you know it's rude to stare?" He smiled crookedly and lifted an eyebrow.
Menaria chuckled. "It is good to see you so relaxed." She commented.
'I've been that noticeably tense?' His smile wavered slightly. "I had not realized…but then again I should have guessed."
Menaria could have kicked herself for mentioning that. 'But it is true! He's so vibrant now!'
"Well let's go and get ready for the night. You have classes tomorrow. Are you and your friends still needing time to finish up the banners? With the celebration being day after tomorrow and all." Lindoro asked as he got up from the floor and keyed the room for availability.
"Yes, Master. We're just about done." She got up and followed him out the door and back to their quarters.
"No problem then. Take all the time you need to do them." Lindoro said as they entered through their doorway.
"Thank you, Master." Menaria said right before he went into the refresher.
"Well good night then, Padawan. See you in the morning." Lindoro called out to her as he left the refresher and headed for his room.
"Good night, Master." She called back before he closed his door. She then took her turn in the refresher. Once done she headed back to her room and changed into her sleep clothes. Climbing into bed, she used the Force to turn off the lighting. Closing her eyes, she smiled and drifted off to sleep.
A couple hours later found Lindoro as restless as he was before he had lain down on his bed. He sighed heavily. 'This isn't going to work. Too much energy flowing through me. Guess I could go to the gym and work it off… yeah that will work.' He got up from his bed and dressed back in his tunic, pants, and boots. He then headed out of his room, stopping by Menaria's open doorway to look in. A smile lit his features as he spied her sleeping. He then turned on his heel and walked out of their quarters heading for the gym.
It was late, a little after the midnight hour. There were not too many people around or about. 'A pity she has classes…if she didn't I'd do our katas around this time. To not be around the others.' His good mood faltered as the memories of the rumors came crashing down on him. 'I should only care about Menaria and myself.' He lowered his head as he sat down on a bench in the vast training room to take off his boots and overtunic. 'Why do I strive to get their acceptance? Why do I want them to even care…?' His throat constricted as a salty taste filled his mouth. 'I…will…not…belittle myself for their satisfaction!' The vehemence behind this thought startled Lindoro as he began doing katas. The penned up energies began to flow as he started working off his building agitation, anxiety, anger, and fear.
'Fear?' He paused in mid flip which nearly caused him to stumble, but he recovered in time to nimbly land on his feet. 'What do I fear?' Confusion knitted his sweat coated brow. Checking his chrono, he realized that he had been practicing for nearly two hours. Sighing he turned off his saber and went to shower.
"Fear…fear leads to anger. Anger…anger leads to hate. Hate…hate leads to suffering." He mumbled the famous mantra. 'I've feared. I've experienced anger and even hate. And yes…I've suffered and still do…What does that leave me?' Sighing heavily once more, he stepped into the stall after taking of his clothes. Turning the water onto nearly the hottest setting, he allowed the stream of water to massage his shoulders and back.
'It leaves me no where…no where to turn to except to a Padawan and a Senator.' He lowered his head until his chin touched his chest, the tears joined the water as it flowed over his face. 'If what Palpatine said about the corruption within the Senate is true…that it goes deeper than just a few senators. Then the Council has been supporting the corruption. I have mentioned it to them multiple times with my undercover work. That there have been numerous senators who secretly backed the illegalities that the Chancellor had me flush out. If what he says is true, then what have I sacrificed my life for? If we are supporting corruption…' His breath caught in his throat. 'Gods! Master, will you ever forgive me? I have failed you…I have failed!' The sob escaped his lips before he could clamp his mouth closed. But he did tighten his jaw and prevented further sounds from erupting.
He stayed in there for another fifteen minutes to compose his emotions enough to leave the stall. He quickly dried himself off and dressed before leaving the gym to head back to his and Menaria's quarters. Once there he quietly slipped back into his room and closed the door. Stripping down, he paused as he remembered something before getting into his bed. 'Sleep pants…' He chuckled wearily as he put them on. Using the Force to turn the lighting off he then pulled the sheets over him. Within minutes he was fast asleep.
The alarm found its way through the fuzziness of his mind. Grunting, he rolled over onto his back. Opening his eyes widely, he quickly got out from under the sheets and off the bed. He looked back at the bed as if it had bitten him. 'I haven't slept on my stomach since the incident with my back…'
The incident dealt with him spying for his boss on Nar Shaddaa a good two years ago. He had been caught and severely whipped. They had left him for dead as a sign to his boss to not mess with them. 'Them' being one of the notorious mobster gangs on the moon. He had been there almost three days before his companions discovered him still chained on the ground. His boss had thought him dead. His injuries had gotten infected and the loss of blood and lack of nutrients had nearly done him in. He had known fear for the first time and did not enjoy the taste of it. Sure he had been afraid on numerous occasions…but this fear could be discernable - it was the fear of never being able to return to the Temple. Never to see his Master or Delak ever again. That had been what scared him nearly to death. Bile rose at the back of his mouth at the memory. He could almost smell the scents of his own blood, urine, and waste. A cold chill passed through him as he pushed the reminiscence away. 'I will not be drug back into that!'
He shook his head and grabbed a fresh tunic, underwear, and socks. Eyeing the shirt and pants, he chuckled. 'I haven't worn this set before.' He then entered the refresher for a much needed 'wake me up' shower.
The two did their meditations and ate breakfast. Menaria bid her Master good bye as she and her friends headed off for class. Lindoro nodded at the three bowing children. "We'll cut our kata training in half so you can finish up the banners." Lindoro said as he smiled warmly at Menaria.
She smiled back, green eyes sparkling. "Thank you, Master. We are just about done. See you at lunch." She called back to him as she and Kork headed to their first class.
Lindoro spent the morning in the Room of the Thousand Fountains, but this time he decided to mediate by the large waterfall. He took comfort in the mist that settled on him every now and then. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, he embraced the Living Force wholeheartedly.
Right before lunchtime, his comlink signaled a call. "Knight D'Lockens here." He said after opening his eyes and taking the comlink out from inside his robe.
"Knight D'Lockens, this is Senator Palpatine. I finally was able to spare a few moments to get back with you. I do hope your evening went well last night?" Palpatine's voice was sincere.
His gut did a flip-flop while he spoke…he hated lying. "Yes, Senator, it went well. The Senate keeping you busy then I take it?" He said attempting to redirect the conversation other than on himself.
"Unfortunately it is, especially that certain topic that I told you about. It's a shame really; it appears the numbers are increasing." The sigh was genuine coming from the Senator. "But I'm calling about scheduling another lunch with you if it is still possible. Are you going to be at the celebration tomorrow? I am going to attend, perhaps we can get together? Maybe I can meet your Padawan?"
"That is sad to hear sir, but not unexpected. You did believe that the issue was genuine. I, too, am disheartened that the quantity is increasing." He paused for a moment to push his rising frustration away. 'Corrupted from the inside out…' He shook his head. "Yes sir, I will be there as well as my Padawan. She and her friends are making the banners that are going to be displayed. So I am sure I'll be able to introduce you to her. As for lunch… tomorrow or the day after won't be good for me. My Master, Master Talias Banz is due back from his mission. I was going to spend some time with him. It…it has been six years since I've last seen him." He stopped as his throat threatened to constrict and was force to swallow heavily.
"Well, I definitely won't interfere with that. I am happy for you that he is returning. That should help you with the issues you told me about." A slight pause. "Always remember my door is open and what time I can spare I will if you ever need to talk." Palpatine's voice softened with the latter part. It was obvious that the man was concern and sincere.
Lindoro felt touched. "I truly appreciate that Senator, really I do. Perhaps later in the week we can have lunch again." Lindoro felt a slight disappointment flutter through him as he realized he wouldn't be able to talk openly with the man for several days. He knitted his brows in confusion. 'Why would it disappoint me?' Before he could ponder further on the thought, Senator Palpatine began to talk once more.
"Well, I guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow then?"
"Of course. What time are you going to attend sir? It is scheduled to start at 1000." Lindoro asked as he got up from his kneeling position. Checking his chrono he saw that it was time to head for the cafeteria to meet up with Menaria for lunch. He walked out of the room and took a lift down to the eatery level.
"I'll be there around 1000. I'm scheduled to be there for around two hours. I'll see you there."
"Until tomorrow then, Senator. Good day." Lindoro stated as he exited the lift and walked toward the cafeteria.
"Good day, Knight D'Lockens." The signal was then disconnected. Lindoro smiled slightly as he joined a few other Jedi in the serving line. Getting a couple of sandwiches and a glass of ale, he walked over to the table that his Padawan and her friends had already occupied.
The three initiates got up from their seats and bowed in greeting. Upon Lindoro's answering nod, they sat back down and finished up their meals.
The meal went quickly as the initiates bowed their good byes to Lindoro and waved to Menaria. "See you in a couple hours! We'll be able to finish the banners in no time!" Nania called out as she hurried with the other two initiates to their last class for the day.
"We'll just work on the defensive part of the katas since we're only working for two hours." Lindoro stated as he finished taking his boots off then his over tunic.
Menaria nodded as she took her boots and over tunic off. "Sounds good, Master. I appreciate you allowing us more time to work the banners." She smiled up at him as she paired off in front of him.
"This means a lot to you, this I can see. And it isn't done but once a year. So I thought it shouldn't be a problem." His dark blue eyes softened with affection. "And I wouldn't want any of the Councilors to be upset if their banners weren't ready." He smirked slightly as he activated his lightsaber and started with the Master level of the defensive kata.
Menaria turned her saber on and began the apprentice moves. The two circled each other, backs inward while facing out. Their movements were slow and elegant, almost like dancing. Knees slightly bent while twirling, they would come within centimeters of each other but not connecting. Lindoro's hair whipped around his neck and cheeks as he twirled on Menaria's left.
"Remember Padawan, keep your focus and feel the Force flowing through you. Just like you did at your testing with Master Lenart. But you must be able to control the flow and keep it smooth. It will take time, but with practice it will come to you at any time you reach for it. You won't have to concentrate to seize it, it will seize you."
Menaria listened closely as she whirled around and somersaulted over Lindoro, landing lightly on the balls of her feet. "I understand Master. It was a sensation that I've never felt before, that day with Master Lenart. I truly hope to master that. It energized me when I was tired."
Lindoro nodded as he slid by her right and the two circled facing out, back to back. "It can energize you for a long time if necessary. But if done too long it can be almost devastating to one's body. It can make one weak for days as their body attempts to recover." He paused as her next moves were done without the Master moving. He was to be stationary while she circled him moving gracefully.
"I see…so technically it is something that shouldn't be done for long periods of time unless it's a real emergency." Menaria stated, as she then became stationary while her Master did the next phase of the ceremonial kata - the Master's turn.
"Yep, only in emergencies." Lindoro replied as he did the graceful turning and moving of his feet and saber. His dark blue blade blurring with each movement.
Menaria then started moving along side of him, the two moving as one side by side. Her dark green blade was shadowing each of his blue strokes. The two were only slightly off on their movements. If one didn't know what too look for they would have never noticed the millisecond difference between the two.
When the final steps were completed, the two stopped as one and faced each other. Menaria did the traditional bow and Lindoro answered the bow with an approving nod. "Good work, Padawan. We'll have these steps mastered eventually. It is new for me to take up the steps of the Master…I'm so used to the Padawan position." He chuckled as he eyed the girl.
Menaria nodded. "It's new for both of us. First of many firsts, eh?" Her green eyes sparkled with mirth.
Lindoro chuckled once more and nodded. "That it is Menaria…that it is. Let's shower so you can go do your banners. I look forward to seeing the final results." He patted her as they headed for the showers.
The rest of the day was busy for the Padawan and her friends. They finalized the banners and placed them in the room that the ceremony was to be held in. They would be put up in the morning.
Evening meal found the four worn out. "Dunno about you three but I'm beat. Never knew making banners could be so tiring." Seriu commented as he ran his hand through his dark hair. Indeed the boy looked tired as he slumped at the table.
Kork chuckled from across the way. "True, don't know if my brain is more tired or my hands." He eyed his blue furred hands and lowered his ears slightly. "Yep, I think it's my hands."
Menaria, Nania, and Seriu chuckled as Lindoro shook his head. "Well you four should get a good night's rest then." The Knight advised as he finished off his pasta and vegetables. Sipping his drink he turned to Menaria. "Speaking of which, let's go meditate so you can call it an early evening." He smiled down at her.
Menaria finished off her fruit and turned to him. "Sounds like a good idea Master. We do have to report to the celebration room bright and early to put up the banners." Nodding she got up from the table. The initiates bid her good night as well as Lindoro with their bows.
"Good night Knight D'Lockens! See you in the morning Menaria!" Nania called out as the three went the opposite way down the hall talking about the banners.
Menaria and Lindoro walked into the meditation room that they normally use. Kneeling, the two entered in a trance and allowed their minds to drift.
The two called it an early night once they returned to their quarters. Lindoro read for a while and Menaria finished her lessons that were going to be due the day after the celebration. Once completed, she crawled into bed and drifted off to sleep. It took a little longer than usual due to the excitement of anticipating tomorrow's festivities, but once she relaxed her mind sleep came quickly.
It's not what it was before
All these feelings I've shared
And these are my dreams
That I'd never lived before
Somebody shake me
Cuz I must be dreaming
These are my words
That I've never said before
I think I'm doing okay
And this is the smile
That I've never shown before
Somebody shake me
Cuz I must be sleeping
Now that we're here,
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All in the mistakes
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here it's so far away
And I feel like I can face the day I can forgive
And I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today
I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
"So Far Away" by Staind
Parking his speeder on the landing strip, Lindoro smiled and waved at Knight Stani to get his attention. The shorter Knight was washing one of the speeders.
"Hey Knight D'Lockens!" Stani called out as he climbed down the portable washer. "You're looking rather chipper." He said as he dried his hands and grabbed the datapad off his desk.
Knight Ris landed and hopped out of his speeder. Joining the two other Knights, Stani immediately tensed up as he expected trouble. He was totally unprepared for Lindoro's cheerfulness toward the trailing Knight.
"Knight D'Lockens, Knight Stani." Ris greeted the two as he approached.
"Good afternoon Knight Ris." Lindoro said as he checked and signed in the speeder he had used. He then handed the pad over to Ris.
Lindoro bid the two good day and headed to the turbolift. Grabbing his comlink, he contacted Menaria.
"Padawan Darce here." Her voice came over the link
"Menaria I'm back. I'll meet you in the gym." Lindoro informed her as the lift headed to the training room level.
"I'll meet you there shortly then, Master." Menaria smiled.
"Very well Padawan." He then ended the connection.
"Well sounds like the meeting must have gone fairly well." Seriu said as he sipped on some muja juice.
The four sat at a table in the Temple's Archives. They had found numerous Mon Calamarian sayings and historical events that could be used on the banners that they had finished making.
"Yeah it did sound like it. I'll let you guys know if anything happened. Well, I better go and do my katas. I'll see you all at evening meal." Menaria waved good bye to her friends and left to go to the gym.
Menaria could tell the difference as soon as she spotted Lindoro. He had a slight lift to his step and he kept the smile that was currently residing on his face.
"You seem more cheerful than usual. I take it the lunch went well?" Menaria could help herself as she smiled at Lindoro's grin.
"I do feel better than I have in quite a while. I was able to talk about some of the issues that I could not with anyone else. The Senator is a very compassionate man. And it was almost unsettling the way he was so concern about me. I…I feel like I could get to like the man. It feels right." Lindoro's voice drifted off slightly at the last few words as he focused on his reactions towards the Senator.
"Then maybe you two are meant to be friends. I'm sure that not all Senators are corrupt and one-sided. You did say that Master Banz has several Senators as friends." Menaria reminded him what he had told her as she finished taking off her boots, socks, and over tunic.
Lindoro sat down on the bench, deep in thought as he took his own boots, socks, and over tunic off. Grasping his saber, he faced off with his Padawan.
"You are right, perhaps it is the will of the Force to be friends. The Force does work in mysterious ways sometimes, doesn't it? And he helped me immensely. Though he really didn't do much but listened. Then again sometimes that is all that is needed." Lindoro said as his smile widened.
Lindoro was able to fully focus on the Force and elegantly display his Mastery of the blade like he used to in his earlier days before his undercover assignments.
Menaria was taken back by the change. One would not have noticed all that much unless the person stopped and watched closely. The Knight's turns, twirls, flips, and somersaults were more fluid and well balanced. The Padawan was hard pressed to keep up with his speed and grace.
Lindoro felt one with the Force and was delighted by the feeling. He felt like he was soaring in the air on each flip and somersaults. The smile never left his face as he enjoyed the sparing.
Several hours later the two showered and headed toward the cafeteria to eat.
The evening meal went by quickly. Menaria spent a couple more hours with her friends to help decide which scenarios from the Mon Calamari histories to put on the banners. During those hours, Lindoro was able to contact his Master and get his return arrival date and time, which was going to be the early morning on the day after the celebration. Lindoro could not wait.
Menaria met back up with her Master and the two went to their normal meditation room. For the first time in years, Lindoro was able to achieve his center of calm within minutes. He fully emerged himself in the Force and embraced the soothing tendrils that wrapped themselves around him. He could not withhold the sigh of contentment, which escaped his lips with a long exhale of breath.
Menaria opened her eyes slightly, still entranced with the Force herself. She saw her Master in a new light, literally. Her eyes open all the way as the Force enhanced vision allowed her to see the swirling mass of energies that surrounded the Knight. White and grey entwined each other as they wavered around his kneeling body. As she reached out to 'feel' the light with the Force, she got a backlash of pure energy and gasped at the onslaught of power that she felt. 'The Living Force!' She thought as she smiled widely.
She was glad to see him able to relax enough to fully embrace the Force. She had felt him struggle over the last few days. He looked much younger and calmer than she had ever seen him. Smiling still, Menaria went back into her own meditation trance.
When the hour was up, Lindoro almost did not come out of the blissful state that he was currently in. 'If only I could stay like this! It has been so long…' But he had to let go and did so reluctantly.
He opened his eyes to spy a pair of green, relieved, and caring ones staring back at him. Smirking, Lindoro reached over and tugged her braid gently. "Hey you. Don't you know it's rude to stare?" He smiled crookedly and lifted an eyebrow.
Menaria chuckled. "It is good to see you so relaxed." She commented.
'I've been that noticeably tense?' His smile wavered slightly. "I had not realized…but then again I should have guessed."
Menaria could have kicked herself for mentioning that. 'But it is true! He's so vibrant now!'
"Well let's go and get ready for the night. You have classes tomorrow. Are you and your friends still needing time to finish up the banners? With the celebration being day after tomorrow and all." Lindoro asked as he got up from the floor and keyed the room for availability.
"Yes, Master. We're just about done." She got up and followed him out the door and back to their quarters.
"No problem then. Take all the time you need to do them." Lindoro said as they entered through their doorway.
"Thank you, Master." Menaria said right before he went into the refresher.
"Well good night then, Padawan. See you in the morning." Lindoro called out to her as he left the refresher and headed for his room.
"Good night, Master." She called back before he closed his door. She then took her turn in the refresher. Once done she headed back to her room and changed into her sleep clothes. Climbing into bed, she used the Force to turn off the lighting. Closing her eyes, she smiled and drifted off to sleep.
A couple hours later found Lindoro as restless as he was before he had lain down on his bed. He sighed heavily. 'This isn't going to work. Too much energy flowing through me. Guess I could go to the gym and work it off… yeah that will work.' He got up from his bed and dressed back in his tunic, pants, and boots. He then headed out of his room, stopping by Menaria's open doorway to look in. A smile lit his features as he spied her sleeping. He then turned on his heel and walked out of their quarters heading for the gym.
It was late, a little after the midnight hour. There were not too many people around or about. 'A pity she has classes…if she didn't I'd do our katas around this time. To not be around the others.' His good mood faltered as the memories of the rumors came crashing down on him. 'I should only care about Menaria and myself.' He lowered his head as he sat down on a bench in the vast training room to take off his boots and overtunic. 'Why do I strive to get their acceptance? Why do I want them to even care…?' His throat constricted as a salty taste filled his mouth. 'I…will…not…belittle myself for their satisfaction!' The vehemence behind this thought startled Lindoro as he began doing katas. The penned up energies began to flow as he started working off his building agitation, anxiety, anger, and fear.
'Fear?' He paused in mid flip which nearly caused him to stumble, but he recovered in time to nimbly land on his feet. 'What do I fear?' Confusion knitted his sweat coated brow. Checking his chrono, he realized that he had been practicing for nearly two hours. Sighing he turned off his saber and went to shower.
"Fear…fear leads to anger. Anger…anger leads to hate. Hate…hate leads to suffering." He mumbled the famous mantra. 'I've feared. I've experienced anger and even hate. And yes…I've suffered and still do…What does that leave me?' Sighing heavily once more, he stepped into the stall after taking of his clothes. Turning the water onto nearly the hottest setting, he allowed the stream of water to massage his shoulders and back.
'It leaves me no where…no where to turn to except to a Padawan and a Senator.' He lowered his head until his chin touched his chest, the tears joined the water as it flowed over his face. 'If what Palpatine said about the corruption within the Senate is true…that it goes deeper than just a few senators. Then the Council has been supporting the corruption. I have mentioned it to them multiple times with my undercover work. That there have been numerous senators who secretly backed the illegalities that the Chancellor had me flush out. If what he says is true, then what have I sacrificed my life for? If we are supporting corruption…' His breath caught in his throat. 'Gods! Master, will you ever forgive me? I have failed you…I have failed!' The sob escaped his lips before he could clamp his mouth closed. But he did tighten his jaw and prevented further sounds from erupting.
He stayed in there for another fifteen minutes to compose his emotions enough to leave the stall. He quickly dried himself off and dressed before leaving the gym to head back to his and Menaria's quarters. Once there he quietly slipped back into his room and closed the door. Stripping down, he paused as he remembered something before getting into his bed. 'Sleep pants…' He chuckled wearily as he put them on. Using the Force to turn the lighting off he then pulled the sheets over him. Within minutes he was fast asleep.
The alarm found its way through the fuzziness of his mind. Grunting, he rolled over onto his back. Opening his eyes widely, he quickly got out from under the sheets and off the bed. He looked back at the bed as if it had bitten him. 'I haven't slept on my stomach since the incident with my back…'
The incident dealt with him spying for his boss on Nar Shaddaa a good two years ago. He had been caught and severely whipped. They had left him for dead as a sign to his boss to not mess with them. 'Them' being one of the notorious mobster gangs on the moon. He had been there almost three days before his companions discovered him still chained on the ground. His boss had thought him dead. His injuries had gotten infected and the loss of blood and lack of nutrients had nearly done him in. He had known fear for the first time and did not enjoy the taste of it. Sure he had been afraid on numerous occasions…but this fear could be discernable - it was the fear of never being able to return to the Temple. Never to see his Master or Delak ever again. That had been what scared him nearly to death. Bile rose at the back of his mouth at the memory. He could almost smell the scents of his own blood, urine, and waste. A cold chill passed through him as he pushed the reminiscence away. 'I will not be drug back into that!'
He shook his head and grabbed a fresh tunic, underwear, and socks. Eyeing the shirt and pants, he chuckled. 'I haven't worn this set before.' He then entered the refresher for a much needed 'wake me up' shower.
The two did their meditations and ate breakfast. Menaria bid her Master good bye as she and her friends headed off for class. Lindoro nodded at the three bowing children. "We'll cut our kata training in half so you can finish up the banners." Lindoro said as he smiled warmly at Menaria.
She smiled back, green eyes sparkling. "Thank you, Master. We are just about done. See you at lunch." She called back to him as she and Kork headed to their first class.
Lindoro spent the morning in the Room of the Thousand Fountains, but this time he decided to mediate by the large waterfall. He took comfort in the mist that settled on him every now and then. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, he embraced the Living Force wholeheartedly.
Right before lunchtime, his comlink signaled a call. "Knight D'Lockens here." He said after opening his eyes and taking the comlink out from inside his robe.
"Knight D'Lockens, this is Senator Palpatine. I finally was able to spare a few moments to get back with you. I do hope your evening went well last night?" Palpatine's voice was sincere.
His gut did a flip-flop while he spoke…he hated lying. "Yes, Senator, it went well. The Senate keeping you busy then I take it?" He said attempting to redirect the conversation other than on himself.
"Unfortunately it is, especially that certain topic that I told you about. It's a shame really; it appears the numbers are increasing." The sigh was genuine coming from the Senator. "But I'm calling about scheduling another lunch with you if it is still possible. Are you going to be at the celebration tomorrow? I am going to attend, perhaps we can get together? Maybe I can meet your Padawan?"
"That is sad to hear sir, but not unexpected. You did believe that the issue was genuine. I, too, am disheartened that the quantity is increasing." He paused for a moment to push his rising frustration away. 'Corrupted from the inside out…' He shook his head. "Yes sir, I will be there as well as my Padawan. She and her friends are making the banners that are going to be displayed. So I am sure I'll be able to introduce you to her. As for lunch… tomorrow or the day after won't be good for me. My Master, Master Talias Banz is due back from his mission. I was going to spend some time with him. It…it has been six years since I've last seen him." He stopped as his throat threatened to constrict and was force to swallow heavily.
"Well, I definitely won't interfere with that. I am happy for you that he is returning. That should help you with the issues you told me about." A slight pause. "Always remember my door is open and what time I can spare I will if you ever need to talk." Palpatine's voice softened with the latter part. It was obvious that the man was concern and sincere.
Lindoro felt touched. "I truly appreciate that Senator, really I do. Perhaps later in the week we can have lunch again." Lindoro felt a slight disappointment flutter through him as he realized he wouldn't be able to talk openly with the man for several days. He knitted his brows in confusion. 'Why would it disappoint me?' Before he could ponder further on the thought, Senator Palpatine began to talk once more.
"Well, I guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow then?"
"Of course. What time are you going to attend sir? It is scheduled to start at 1000." Lindoro asked as he got up from his kneeling position. Checking his chrono he saw that it was time to head for the cafeteria to meet up with Menaria for lunch. He walked out of the room and took a lift down to the eatery level.
"I'll be there around 1000. I'm scheduled to be there for around two hours. I'll see you there."
"Until tomorrow then, Senator. Good day." Lindoro stated as he exited the lift and walked toward the cafeteria.
"Good day, Knight D'Lockens." The signal was then disconnected. Lindoro smiled slightly as he joined a few other Jedi in the serving line. Getting a couple of sandwiches and a glass of ale, he walked over to the table that his Padawan and her friends had already occupied.
The three initiates got up from their seats and bowed in greeting. Upon Lindoro's answering nod, they sat back down and finished up their meals.
The meal went quickly as the initiates bowed their good byes to Lindoro and waved to Menaria. "See you in a couple hours! We'll be able to finish the banners in no time!" Nania called out as she hurried with the other two initiates to their last class for the day.
"We'll just work on the defensive part of the katas since we're only working for two hours." Lindoro stated as he finished taking his boots off then his over tunic.
Menaria nodded as she took her boots and over tunic off. "Sounds good, Master. I appreciate you allowing us more time to work the banners." She smiled up at him as she paired off in front of him.
"This means a lot to you, this I can see. And it isn't done but once a year. So I thought it shouldn't be a problem." His dark blue eyes softened with affection. "And I wouldn't want any of the Councilors to be upset if their banners weren't ready." He smirked slightly as he activated his lightsaber and started with the Master level of the defensive kata.
Menaria turned her saber on and began the apprentice moves. The two circled each other, backs inward while facing out. Their movements were slow and elegant, almost like dancing. Knees slightly bent while twirling, they would come within centimeters of each other but not connecting. Lindoro's hair whipped around his neck and cheeks as he twirled on Menaria's left.
"Remember Padawan, keep your focus and feel the Force flowing through you. Just like you did at your testing with Master Lenart. But you must be able to control the flow and keep it smooth. It will take time, but with practice it will come to you at any time you reach for it. You won't have to concentrate to seize it, it will seize you."
Menaria listened closely as she whirled around and somersaulted over Lindoro, landing lightly on the balls of her feet. "I understand Master. It was a sensation that I've never felt before, that day with Master Lenart. I truly hope to master that. It energized me when I was tired."
Lindoro nodded as he slid by her right and the two circled facing out, back to back. "It can energize you for a long time if necessary. But if done too long it can be almost devastating to one's body. It can make one weak for days as their body attempts to recover." He paused as her next moves were done without the Master moving. He was to be stationary while she circled him moving gracefully.
"I see…so technically it is something that shouldn't be done for long periods of time unless it's a real emergency." Menaria stated, as she then became stationary while her Master did the next phase of the ceremonial kata - the Master's turn.
"Yep, only in emergencies." Lindoro replied as he did the graceful turning and moving of his feet and saber. His dark blue blade blurring with each movement.
Menaria then started moving along side of him, the two moving as one side by side. Her dark green blade was shadowing each of his blue strokes. The two were only slightly off on their movements. If one didn't know what too look for they would have never noticed the millisecond difference between the two.
When the final steps were completed, the two stopped as one and faced each other. Menaria did the traditional bow and Lindoro answered the bow with an approving nod. "Good work, Padawan. We'll have these steps mastered eventually. It is new for me to take up the steps of the Master…I'm so used to the Padawan position." He chuckled as he eyed the girl.
Menaria nodded. "It's new for both of us. First of many firsts, eh?" Her green eyes sparkled with mirth.
Lindoro chuckled once more and nodded. "That it is Menaria…that it is. Let's shower so you can go do your banners. I look forward to seeing the final results." He patted her as they headed for the showers.
The rest of the day was busy for the Padawan and her friends. They finalized the banners and placed them in the room that the ceremony was to be held in. They would be put up in the morning.
Evening meal found the four worn out. "Dunno about you three but I'm beat. Never knew making banners could be so tiring." Seriu commented as he ran his hand through his dark hair. Indeed the boy looked tired as he slumped at the table.
Kork chuckled from across the way. "True, don't know if my brain is more tired or my hands." He eyed his blue furred hands and lowered his ears slightly. "Yep, I think it's my hands."
Menaria, Nania, and Seriu chuckled as Lindoro shook his head. "Well you four should get a good night's rest then." The Knight advised as he finished off his pasta and vegetables. Sipping his drink he turned to Menaria. "Speaking of which, let's go meditate so you can call it an early evening." He smiled down at her.
Menaria finished off her fruit and turned to him. "Sounds like a good idea Master. We do have to report to the celebration room bright and early to put up the banners." Nodding she got up from the table. The initiates bid her good night as well as Lindoro with their bows.
"Good night Knight D'Lockens! See you in the morning Menaria!" Nania called out as the three went the opposite way down the hall talking about the banners.
Menaria and Lindoro walked into the meditation room that they normally use. Kneeling, the two entered in a trance and allowed their minds to drift.
The two called it an early night once they returned to their quarters. Lindoro read for a while and Menaria finished her lessons that were going to be due the day after the celebration. Once completed, she crawled into bed and drifted off to sleep. It took a little longer than usual due to the excitement of anticipating tomorrow's festivities, but once she relaxed her mind sleep came quickly.