Chapter 5

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A/N: Thanks again for all your reviews, guys. I also find it hard to be mad at any of the characters. I love Roger because in my head, he always looks like Adam Pascal (swoon), but I can't be mad at Maureen because she's so cool. And I sure can't be mad at Mark, because he's Matt Caplan, and Matt Caplan is so cute! Anywhore, enjoy this chapter!

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April put the stopper in the bathtub and sat on the toilet seat waiting for it to fill. She wiped her eyes for what seemed like the millionth time.

'How could I be so stupid? How'd this happen? Was this my fault? Probably was. Yeah, it was.'

She dropped her head into her hand and prayed that the water would hurry up. She tapped her foot impatiently and stood up quickly. She double-checked that she had what she needed. She looked to the ledge beside the sink, where a new pink razor was carefully placed. She picked it up and put it back down shakily, making sure this was all real.

April shut her eyes tightly as more tears rolled down her still wet cheeks. She clamped down on them, hoping to stop the tears all together. Looking back at the bathtub, April realized it wasn't even half full. She leaned against the counter and crossed arms over her chest taking shallow breaths.

'This is all that's left. What else can I do? I'm going to die anyway. So's Roger."

Roger. She completely forgot about Roger. She had to warn him, had to tell him about her big mistake.

April stepped out of the bathroom and into the living room. She looked around for a pen and piece of paper. Still shaking violently, she found a pen sitting on a side table. Her heart was beating fast and she felt like her lungs were going to shut down. She stepped up onto the ledge to the small kitchen and pulled something off the fridge. She didn't care what it was, it didn't matter anymore. She put the blue pen to the paper and quickly wrote 'We've got AIDS.' She couldn't write anymore, she felt like she would throw up. She stepped back down from the kitchen, using the counter for support. She shut her eyes and felt her way to the bathroom. When she felt the tile under her bare feet, she dropped the note, which fluttered into the sink. She didn't have the strength to move it from there, so let it be.

Her eyes shifted to the bathtub. It was just over half full of water. She didn't know how long to let it fill, so she shut it off figuring it would be fine. She picked up the razor, grasping it tightly in her shaking hands. She rolled up her sleeves, and traced with her finger where she would make the cuts.

'From wrist to elbow,' she mentally reminded herself.

April realized that she was still fully dressed. 'Is that okay?' She was nervous. She'd never done anything like this before. She was bought up as a white bread, soccer practice, Disney movie kind of kid. She was going to be a teacher. She had a Bachelor of Arts in English. She was going to marry Roger and they were going to settle down and move into a little house in the suburbs with two kids and a dog and a picket fence and a mini van.

April tried to take a deep breath, but found she couldn't lift her legs to step into the tub. She swallowed hard, dropping the razor into the water and fell to the ground, shaking and crying.

'Stop it, April. Stop it. Just do it. Do it, and it'll be over. A bit of pain, and that's that.'

She shook her head and stood up. The door. She had to lock the door.

'Stop stalling. Just do it.'

April quickly walked to the door, and gripping the door knob tightly, she locked it. She never locked her doors unless she was out. People wouldn't be able to get in and see her stupidity. God, she was so stupid. She hated herself for screwing up her and Roger's lives like this. She needed to do it.

She turned on her heel with a sudden sense of empowerment and took long strides to the bathroom.

'Here goes everything. . .'

Halfway across the room, she heard a knock on the door and a muffled voice call from out in the hall.

"April?"

The muffled voice was Roger. He tried to open the door, but couldn't. She stopped dead in her tracks. She couldn't answer it. She would have to tell him and he would hate her.

"April? Baby? Are you there? Why's the door locked?"

April stood still hoping he would go away if she didn't make any noise. She was silent for a few seconds when she heard a key in the lock. She shut her eyes tightly.

'How did he get in? I didn't know he had a key. How did he know I was here? This isn't real. None of this is real. I'm going to wake up at the loft with Roger, and we'll be happy, and there won't be anymore drugs, and –'

The door creaked open.

"April. . .What the hell is going on?" Roger asked, not angry or harsh, just curious.

April slowly turned around and suddenly collapsed to the ground. Roger ran to her and took her in his arms.

"April. April?"

She could feel the heavy tears rolling down her cheeks uncontrollably.

"April what's happening? What's wrong?"

She sniffed and reached up to touch his face.

"Roger. . ."

"Baby, what is it? What?" he pushed the now wet hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. "Tell me. Please."

"I c-can't," her voice quivered. She stood up carefully, shaking Roger off. She raised a finger to him, motioning for him to stay there and she went into the bathroom. She crumpled the note, dropping it in the garbage, and shut the bathroom door. No use for any of that now. She looked at Roger, then the couch where she took a seat. Roger followed her and sat beside her, putting a reassuring hand on her knee.

"No, Roger!" she screamed. "No! Just, no! Okay? Fuck!" April brought her knees up to her chest and leaned against Roger, who didn't know how to react. Every time he tried to touch her she would pull away or yell. He slowly put his arms around her and April cried into his shoulder. He combed his fingers through her hair.

April whimpered and Roger pulled her closer, holding her like a baby. He rocked her back and forth as she cried, not saying anything, until they both fell asleep.

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The next afternoon, the loft was filled with Mark, Benny and Collins. Mark lay on the couch, holding his camera in the air, watching the footage of his day of filming yesterday. Benny and Collins sat at the island, eating left over Chinese food from weeks ago.

"This is disgusting," Collins complained, poking at what was either chicken or a pile of rice stuck together by God knows what.

"Suck it up. It'll make you stronger. Besides, it's all the same in here." Benny patted his stomach. He didn't care what he ate as long as he ate.

Collins made a face and dumped his plate of food onto Benny's. "You're gross." Benny shrugged, delighted that he now had more food. Collins tossed the plate in the sink and turned his attention to Mark.

"Where's Roger?"

Mark shrugged. "Don't care."

"Oh." Collins near Mark on the chair, picking up the cartoons from the Sunday morning paper. "What he do?"

"He's just a jerk."

"Wanna talk about it?" Collins opened the section of paper and began to read, not thinking Mark would respond.

Mark sat up, dropping his camera at his side, but making sure he didn't hurt it before he started to talk.

"Yeah, I do. See? That's something he would never do. Tell me anything. Like how he's still into drugs. Or like how he got April into it, too. Or like how he wanted Maureen so bad that he had to go behind my back and come onto her, thinking I wouldn't find out."

Collins looked up over his cartoons and Benny was staring at him from the kitchen.

"Oh."

"What? That's all you can say? My best friend won't tell me anything then tries to hurt my girlfriend, and all you can say is 'oh'?!"

"Mark, you know how Roger is. . ." Benny shook his head, turning back to his food.

"Why is that all people can say to me? You! Maureen! Yeah I know how he is! He's a jackass!" Mark stood up and threw his entire body into his rant, storming around the loft. "He's supposed to be my friend! Friends help friends stay out of drugs. He won't let me do that, because he's too busy fucking his junkie girlfriend and wanting to fuck mine, too! He's making everything about him and forgets that other people are around!" Mark stopped pacing and his arms flopped at his sides. He gave a big shrug and scratched the back of his head. "Never mind." He sat down on the couch and crossed his arms over his chest.

After an awkward silence, Collins spoke up. "How did you find all of this out?"

"Well yesterday, last night, I was asleep, and I heard Maureen screaming. So I get in here, and Roger's pressing her up against the wall and she's crying and crying. So I yelled at him and he freaked out and left. And later, Maureen, she told me what he was doing. He was pushing her around and trying to touch her and kiss her. What the hell kind of friend does that? And then this morning when I woke up, I found that near the door where Roger was standing." Mark jerked his thumb to a bag of white powder that was lying on the coffee table. Nobody had asked where it came from earlier for fear of sparking a fight.

"Don't worry, Mark. We'll sort this all out later when he's back, okay?" Collins gave Mark a reassuring look.

Mark shrugged and leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms. Sort what out? The fact the his so-called 'best friend' was a lying bastard?

Within a couple minutes, the door burst open and Maureen came in. Mark's face immediately lit up and he greeted her with a hug and a kiss.

"Hey," he smiled.

She giggled. "Hey," and she kissed him again.

Mark helped her out of her coat, and they sat on the couch. Mark immediately placed his arms around her waist and started kissing her.

"Get a room!" Benny called, dropping his empty plate into the sink and running water over it.

Maureen rolled her eyes. "Shut up, Benny." She rested her head on Mark's shoulder and ran her fingers over the thigh of his jeans. Mark made a face at Benny who sat down on the arm of Collins' chair, who was now intent on a crossword puzzle.

"How was your date with Mimi or Gigi or whatever her name was?" Mark asked, gently dropping his head against Maureen's.

"Mimi. Yeah, it was good. It's funny, I thought she was gonna wanna go out or something, you know? But she was just like 'yeah, let's just stay in and watch a movie or something.' So that's what we did. Among other things. . ."

"Oh, gross Benny! Some of us just ate! Even though we're not sure what the hell it was. . ." Collins replied, hiccuping and covering his mouth. Even though he was 27, Collins could definitely be the kid of the group.

"Anyway," Benny said a bit louder, ignoring Collins' comment. "I've got another date with her later this week. So that'll be good. . ." He trailed off, noticing that Collins was trying to figure out an eleven letter word for 'fanciful,' and Mark and Maureen were all over each other on the couch.

He sighed and stood up, turning around back to his bedroom. If no one cared about his date with Mimi, he could at least get some work done.

"Where're you going?" he heard Collins' voice ask. Collins always cared. He wondered how he did it.

"I figured I'd go do some work. You know, some of us have JOBS!" Benny directed the last part to Mark and Maureen. Mark broke away from Maureen, who continued kissing his neck.

"Hey, me and Mo live off the land."

"Living off the land in new York is eating garbage, Mark." Collins pointed out, raising an eyebrow.

"Fine, we live off YOUR land." He gave up on everybody and sat back. He took Maureen's hand in his own. "Where'd you go ?"

"Um, I wanted to give you some time to get me a birthday present!" She smiled and tucked her feet under her.

"Hmm. Speaking of which. . .you guys'll be at the Life tomorrow night for supper, right?" Mark asked the other two.

"For my birthday!" Maureen added with a grin.

"Yup."

"Yeah. Hey, mind if I bring Noah?"

"As in 'and his Arc'?" Maureen asked, giggling. Everybody looked over at her with weird glances and Mark answered Collins.

"Yeah, sure."

"The guy from the library?" Benny asked.

"Yeah," Collins dropped his crossword puzzle on the table, figuring he wasn't going to get any of it done anyway. "He's really great. You guys'll like him." He put his feet up on the coffee table.

"Ooh, is he hot?" Maureen asked, getting more interested in the conversation.

Collins laughed, "Oh yeah."

"That's my boy!" she smiled, reaching over Mark to pat Collins on the leg. Mark nuzzled her shoulder.

"I'm hot, too, right?" he asked quietly.

"Of course, baby." Collins teased him, answering in an equally quiet, but much deeper voice.

Benny jumped off the arm of the chair where he was still perched and shook his head, laughing. "This is getting weird. I'm going for a walk. Ciao." He took his green coat out of the closet and left.

Maureen stood up. "Ah, ciao bella!" She put on an Italian accent and blew a kiss to Benny, clobbering Mark and Collins.