Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah. See previous chapters if you really care.
Note: Yay! Another Chapter! I hope you enjoy this one, but I have one comment to make, seeing as how someone mentioned it before. I described Faramir as having lighter, reddish hair, and do so again here. I'm sorry if that is a huge problem, but I have such a hard time picturing him dark haired, and I find I write better if I can actually see it in my mind. So, please accept my humble apologies and try to enjoy the story anyway!
Chapter Six- More Than Enough
The servant girl must have thought I had gone mad.
Faramir had gone out riding with some of his men earlier and would not be back until later. The household virtually empty of all males, the servant girls and I threw ourselves into the daunting task of cleaning the entire estate. The house in Emyn Arnen was quite large, a home fitting for the Prince of Ithilien, and though the servants worked fastidiously, there was always more to do, people to take care of. With the men out of the way, we saw our golden opportunity.
I had never been particularly concerned with cleanliness until I fell in love with Faramir. He was neat to the point of obsessiveness, and it did not take long for his habits to wear off on me. It was only with mop and bucket in hand, unruly hair tied up in a knot, wearing an old and fraying gown, did I realize that I was now as bad, if not worse, than my dear husband. With a delightfully resigned sigh, I set to work scrubbing out my bath chambers.
It was then that I noticed the blood. My dress was stained a little, and I knew that it could only be from one thing. My monthly courses had come. It was then that I started to scream.
One of the servant girls, Bella, had been cleaning the bedroom when I started and had hurriedly rushed to me. "My Lady? My Lady! It's only your courses!"
"The healer!!! The healer- NOW!" I screamed as loud as I could. I was distraught! I was in anguish! Above it all, I was not pregnant!
I had tried for a year now, one long and hopeful year, to conceive, but so far, little had come of my attempts. Faramir had not mentioned it, but as the months wore on, I could see he was getting anxious, as was I. Dark thoughts began to stir in my brain, and I began to think that I was ill or barren. Surely, there could be nothing worse than for a nobleman to wed an infertile woman!
It was not only for my husband's lineage that I tried so desperately to conceive. It was also for his well being. He had begun to tell me snippets of stories of his childhood, and few were filled with much joy. He treaded lightly upon the subject of his father, spoke kindly of his brother, and said nothing of his mother at all. Then, one deep night while a storm raged outside our window, he clung to me and confessed his deepest fears. It had seemed so surreal, the lightning flashing and thunder crackling as he sobbed and spoke to me. I had listened with the utmost compassion and curiosity. For hours, he went on, rambling sometimes about things I did not understand, other times actually conversing with me. Finally, as the storm began to calm, he pressed his lips to my ear and whispered, "Sometimes I wish for a son to raise as my own, so I can show the world that Denethor cannot harm me, cannot ruin my family. It would be wonderful to produce something beautiful and lovely, to be able to actually love something I create. I would not make any child of mine feel as I did for all those years, for to me, they will all be perfect."
And so it was that I discovered that Faramir yearned for a child. I knew in my heart that he would be a wonderful father, and I had told him that night how perfect his children would be. The next morning he did not speak of our conversation except to tell me, "Eowyn, do not be in a hurry to bear a child to a man who craves one for selfish reasons."
"It is not selfish, Faramir. You said it yourself, that you wish to have someone to love and to look upon as perfect. You want only to provide some of the love that you long kept hidden and secret. It is in you, my dear, to be a true and caring father, one whom all children wish for, the most perfect of all parents."
He kissed me softly then, and took me to bed, and the next month I was not visited by my courses. But now, here they were again, and I was in shock. I had felt sure, so very sure that I was carrying a child at last, but now I felt strangely empty and useless.
The servant Bella sent for the healer and then helped me into bed. She was very nervous and sat in a chair and held my hand for a while. Finally, with a sigh, I said, "Bella, dear, you can sit on the bed with me if you'd like."
She looked stunned for a moment, then shook her head forcefully. "No, milady, it's not proper for anyone to be on the bed except the lord and his wife. It's Gondorian tradition."
"To hell with tradition! Do you think I care for it? I try to be kind and you. you. Oh Bella, I don't even know!" With another sob I turned onto my side. After a moment, I felt Bella softly lower herself on the bed and stroke my hair.
"It's alright, Lady Eowyn. It will be okay, whatever your problem is. I hear old Rhean coming now."
The door slammed open and I could hear a furiously loud voice cry, "Bella, you fool, get off the bed this instant!"
I felt her start to slink off, but I turned towards her and grasped her hand. "No, Rhean, I asked her to sit with me. She is my comfort for the moment."
Rhean was a wise elderly woman, far older than I could have guessed, but still active and willing to argue. However, for the moment she relented, and sighed.
"What is it, Lady, that drove you into such hysterics as I heard you to be in?" she asked, settling into a chair beside me.
"My courses, Rhean. I did not have them last month and I was hoping not to have them again for quite a while." I looked up into the old woman's eyes and sighed. "I had hoped."
"I know what it is you hoped for, but apparently you did not get you wish," she answered, not unkindly. "Indeed, I have wondered why you have not come to me before with concerns about this."
"Am I barren, then? Can you tell?" I asked anxiously, gripping Bella's slight hand in my own.
"Nay, you do not have the look of a barren woman. Usually I can tell when that's the case. But in your situation, milady, I do not think that you are entirely at fault."
I sat up, startled at the implication. "You dare to say such things about the Prince while he is away? You have no proof, Rhean, and you should not jump to such hasty conclusions!"
Rhean chuckled and leaned back. "I didn't say it was his fault. In fact, if I'm right, the fault lies with neither of you. If you remember correctly, Lady Eowyn, you both were under the influence of the Black Breath, something that one does not easily survive. I believe that some of its effects are still upon you. Do you recall last winter how you and the Prince were the only ones in the entire household who were ill? You both are still weak, though you are childish enough to think yourselves fully recovered."
A new fear struck me. What if this were true? Then there would be no hope for either of us! "Rhean, you are saying that I shall never bear children?" My voice shook, much to my dismay.
Again she laughed. "No, my pet, I think that you will be able to, in time. Think of this as a lingering illness. You are still youthful enough to recover, both of you, and in time we shall see little Eowyns and Faramirs gracing the halls of the court."
"You are sure, then?" I said doubtfully. I felt silly, placing all my hopes on the perceptions of a rambling old woman. Still, there was something so. indescribable about her, a kind of nobility. I wondered for a moment if she was a far off relation of the elves, with her seemingly unending life and extended healing knowledge.
"Nothing is for certain, but we old ladies feel things in our bones," Rhean said with a smile.
"Like when you predict storms," Bella said, laughing. "And I expect any children of our Lord and Lady would be noisy as thunder!" She turned to me to smile. "We servants always love to see the two of you in one of your little scuffles, about one little thing or another!"
"Yes, it's true, Lady Eowyn, you make Lord Faramir happier than I've ever seen him. I wonder what would have become of him if you hadn't arrived, what, after his father." Rhean pursed her lips together. "Pay no heed to that. What I say outside of the healing arts is of little importance. You just lay in bed and rest a while, and Bella and I will make sure the rest of the women keep to their tasks."
I didn't protest. I was rather glad to turn over and take a little nap. Bella and Rhean stayed with me until they though I was asleep. In fact, I was until Bella asked, "What do you think would have happened if Lady Eowyn had never come to Gondor?"
I found myself anxious to hear Rhean's response, but it was long in coming. Finally, she said, "Then, Bella dear, I don't believe that there would be a house in Emyn Arnen, or even a steward, for that matter. Just be thankful Lord Faramir met the lady when he did."
Most of Rhean's predictions had come true in the few years I had lived here. As much as I wished her beliefs about my children were accurate, I found myself fervently wishing her thought on Faramir was not.
-----------------------------------------------
The sun was setting when I woke. I felt almost angry at myself for sleeping so long, but I felt much more relaxed. There was a small noise, a rustle of paper. I opened my eyes ever so slowly and looked around.
Faramir had come home and was sitting in a large chair across the room, immersed in a book. He sat perfectly still, as he always did while reading, his legs crossed, a pair of small spectacles resting on his nose. I took the time to admire him. The last rays of the sun were hitting him so that his hair glowed almost fiery red. His lips curved upward in a small smile of satisfaction. He seemed angelic, powerful, and strangely peaceful.
I watched him for quite a while, until his eyes closed and his breathing became deep and even. Only when the book fell unheeded to the floor did I stand and walk towards him. He did not stir as I set his reading glasses on the table beside him and brushed back his hair. The little candle next to him cast a soft glow on his face, and again I admired his handsome features. I sunk to the floor next to him and put my head in his lap. With a sigh I took his hand and stroked it softly. It felt so right to sit there with him, to just exist.
Presently, he stirred and was rather surprised by me sitting there with my head still in his lap. "Eowyn, what are you doing? Rhean told me you were ill and should not be out of bed until tomorrow."
"I am not so far from the bed that I exerted myself getting here." I not did raise my head to look at him, nor even open my eyes. I was still trying to hold on to the peaceful moments I had just shared with him, whether he was aware of it or not.
"Well, I would not have you go too far, or else Rhean would have my head," Faramir said with soft laughter in his voice. Somehow he managed to lean over and scoop me into his arms. He stood and held me tightly to him. I took a deep breath and buried myself in his chest.
"I missed you today, my love. I could not help but notice how lovely you looked sitting there reading. I'm surprised that you were a bachelor as long as you were," I said sleepily, trying to fill my head with the scent of him.
"I was waiting for the perfect woman. You are my dream come true, Eowyn, something impossible brought to life."
He laid me upon the bed and I crawled back under the comforter. I watched as he changed into his night clothes. As he took off his tunic I found myself giggling.
"What's so funny?" he said, raising and eyebrow at me.
"You fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the basket! I never noticed that before!"
He smiled and finished undressing. "Yes, love, I do silly things like that," he said with a smile. "Will you forgive me?"
"No, never," I said jokingly. "Come to bed, love, I'd like to curl up with you."
"And maybe a bit more?" he asked, a hopeful look coming to his face.
"I started my courses today, love, so that's up to you," I said, pulling the covers up to my chin.
A look of slight disgust came over his face. "Oh. well then, so much for that idea." He paused and tilted his head. "I thought you were pregnant."
I sat up straight in an instant. "Where did you get that idea?" I asked anxiously. What had the servants been telling him? Was there some rumor going around I wasn't aware of?
"You didn't have your courses last month. I assumed." He sighed and pulled on his bed shirt. "It isn't very safe to assume, I suppose."
"I'm sorry, Faramir. I thought that, too. I was hoping, really I was, but. Rhean says the effects of the Black Breath are still making us weak. That's why we got sick so much last winter, remember? She says that it will pass soon enough, and when it does, I shall give you all the children you could hope for!"
Faramir sat on the bed beside me and held my hand. "You do not have to rush into that, love. This isn't your obligation, and I would love you even if we have no children at all."
"Oh, but I'd love to have a baby of our own, Faramir. He would look just like you, and be the most beautiful child ever born," I said, squeezing his hand as tightly as I could.
"In due time, love," he said softly, blowing out the single candle left burning in the room. "For now, would it be enough to have me here for you to curl up against?"
As he sunk into the bed, I moved closer to him and kissed him deeply. "Always, love, you will always be more than enough for me!"
Note: Yay! Another Chapter! I hope you enjoy this one, but I have one comment to make, seeing as how someone mentioned it before. I described Faramir as having lighter, reddish hair, and do so again here. I'm sorry if that is a huge problem, but I have such a hard time picturing him dark haired, and I find I write better if I can actually see it in my mind. So, please accept my humble apologies and try to enjoy the story anyway!
Chapter Six- More Than Enough
The servant girl must have thought I had gone mad.
Faramir had gone out riding with some of his men earlier and would not be back until later. The household virtually empty of all males, the servant girls and I threw ourselves into the daunting task of cleaning the entire estate. The house in Emyn Arnen was quite large, a home fitting for the Prince of Ithilien, and though the servants worked fastidiously, there was always more to do, people to take care of. With the men out of the way, we saw our golden opportunity.
I had never been particularly concerned with cleanliness until I fell in love with Faramir. He was neat to the point of obsessiveness, and it did not take long for his habits to wear off on me. It was only with mop and bucket in hand, unruly hair tied up in a knot, wearing an old and fraying gown, did I realize that I was now as bad, if not worse, than my dear husband. With a delightfully resigned sigh, I set to work scrubbing out my bath chambers.
It was then that I noticed the blood. My dress was stained a little, and I knew that it could only be from one thing. My monthly courses had come. It was then that I started to scream.
One of the servant girls, Bella, had been cleaning the bedroom when I started and had hurriedly rushed to me. "My Lady? My Lady! It's only your courses!"
"The healer!!! The healer- NOW!" I screamed as loud as I could. I was distraught! I was in anguish! Above it all, I was not pregnant!
I had tried for a year now, one long and hopeful year, to conceive, but so far, little had come of my attempts. Faramir had not mentioned it, but as the months wore on, I could see he was getting anxious, as was I. Dark thoughts began to stir in my brain, and I began to think that I was ill or barren. Surely, there could be nothing worse than for a nobleman to wed an infertile woman!
It was not only for my husband's lineage that I tried so desperately to conceive. It was also for his well being. He had begun to tell me snippets of stories of his childhood, and few were filled with much joy. He treaded lightly upon the subject of his father, spoke kindly of his brother, and said nothing of his mother at all. Then, one deep night while a storm raged outside our window, he clung to me and confessed his deepest fears. It had seemed so surreal, the lightning flashing and thunder crackling as he sobbed and spoke to me. I had listened with the utmost compassion and curiosity. For hours, he went on, rambling sometimes about things I did not understand, other times actually conversing with me. Finally, as the storm began to calm, he pressed his lips to my ear and whispered, "Sometimes I wish for a son to raise as my own, so I can show the world that Denethor cannot harm me, cannot ruin my family. It would be wonderful to produce something beautiful and lovely, to be able to actually love something I create. I would not make any child of mine feel as I did for all those years, for to me, they will all be perfect."
And so it was that I discovered that Faramir yearned for a child. I knew in my heart that he would be a wonderful father, and I had told him that night how perfect his children would be. The next morning he did not speak of our conversation except to tell me, "Eowyn, do not be in a hurry to bear a child to a man who craves one for selfish reasons."
"It is not selfish, Faramir. You said it yourself, that you wish to have someone to love and to look upon as perfect. You want only to provide some of the love that you long kept hidden and secret. It is in you, my dear, to be a true and caring father, one whom all children wish for, the most perfect of all parents."
He kissed me softly then, and took me to bed, and the next month I was not visited by my courses. But now, here they were again, and I was in shock. I had felt sure, so very sure that I was carrying a child at last, but now I felt strangely empty and useless.
The servant Bella sent for the healer and then helped me into bed. She was very nervous and sat in a chair and held my hand for a while. Finally, with a sigh, I said, "Bella, dear, you can sit on the bed with me if you'd like."
She looked stunned for a moment, then shook her head forcefully. "No, milady, it's not proper for anyone to be on the bed except the lord and his wife. It's Gondorian tradition."
"To hell with tradition! Do you think I care for it? I try to be kind and you. you. Oh Bella, I don't even know!" With another sob I turned onto my side. After a moment, I felt Bella softly lower herself on the bed and stroke my hair.
"It's alright, Lady Eowyn. It will be okay, whatever your problem is. I hear old Rhean coming now."
The door slammed open and I could hear a furiously loud voice cry, "Bella, you fool, get off the bed this instant!"
I felt her start to slink off, but I turned towards her and grasped her hand. "No, Rhean, I asked her to sit with me. She is my comfort for the moment."
Rhean was a wise elderly woman, far older than I could have guessed, but still active and willing to argue. However, for the moment she relented, and sighed.
"What is it, Lady, that drove you into such hysterics as I heard you to be in?" she asked, settling into a chair beside me.
"My courses, Rhean. I did not have them last month and I was hoping not to have them again for quite a while." I looked up into the old woman's eyes and sighed. "I had hoped."
"I know what it is you hoped for, but apparently you did not get you wish," she answered, not unkindly. "Indeed, I have wondered why you have not come to me before with concerns about this."
"Am I barren, then? Can you tell?" I asked anxiously, gripping Bella's slight hand in my own.
"Nay, you do not have the look of a barren woman. Usually I can tell when that's the case. But in your situation, milady, I do not think that you are entirely at fault."
I sat up, startled at the implication. "You dare to say such things about the Prince while he is away? You have no proof, Rhean, and you should not jump to such hasty conclusions!"
Rhean chuckled and leaned back. "I didn't say it was his fault. In fact, if I'm right, the fault lies with neither of you. If you remember correctly, Lady Eowyn, you both were under the influence of the Black Breath, something that one does not easily survive. I believe that some of its effects are still upon you. Do you recall last winter how you and the Prince were the only ones in the entire household who were ill? You both are still weak, though you are childish enough to think yourselves fully recovered."
A new fear struck me. What if this were true? Then there would be no hope for either of us! "Rhean, you are saying that I shall never bear children?" My voice shook, much to my dismay.
Again she laughed. "No, my pet, I think that you will be able to, in time. Think of this as a lingering illness. You are still youthful enough to recover, both of you, and in time we shall see little Eowyns and Faramirs gracing the halls of the court."
"You are sure, then?" I said doubtfully. I felt silly, placing all my hopes on the perceptions of a rambling old woman. Still, there was something so. indescribable about her, a kind of nobility. I wondered for a moment if she was a far off relation of the elves, with her seemingly unending life and extended healing knowledge.
"Nothing is for certain, but we old ladies feel things in our bones," Rhean said with a smile.
"Like when you predict storms," Bella said, laughing. "And I expect any children of our Lord and Lady would be noisy as thunder!" She turned to me to smile. "We servants always love to see the two of you in one of your little scuffles, about one little thing or another!"
"Yes, it's true, Lady Eowyn, you make Lord Faramir happier than I've ever seen him. I wonder what would have become of him if you hadn't arrived, what, after his father." Rhean pursed her lips together. "Pay no heed to that. What I say outside of the healing arts is of little importance. You just lay in bed and rest a while, and Bella and I will make sure the rest of the women keep to their tasks."
I didn't protest. I was rather glad to turn over and take a little nap. Bella and Rhean stayed with me until they though I was asleep. In fact, I was until Bella asked, "What do you think would have happened if Lady Eowyn had never come to Gondor?"
I found myself anxious to hear Rhean's response, but it was long in coming. Finally, she said, "Then, Bella dear, I don't believe that there would be a house in Emyn Arnen, or even a steward, for that matter. Just be thankful Lord Faramir met the lady when he did."
Most of Rhean's predictions had come true in the few years I had lived here. As much as I wished her beliefs about my children were accurate, I found myself fervently wishing her thought on Faramir was not.
-----------------------------------------------
The sun was setting when I woke. I felt almost angry at myself for sleeping so long, but I felt much more relaxed. There was a small noise, a rustle of paper. I opened my eyes ever so slowly and looked around.
Faramir had come home and was sitting in a large chair across the room, immersed in a book. He sat perfectly still, as he always did while reading, his legs crossed, a pair of small spectacles resting on his nose. I took the time to admire him. The last rays of the sun were hitting him so that his hair glowed almost fiery red. His lips curved upward in a small smile of satisfaction. He seemed angelic, powerful, and strangely peaceful.
I watched him for quite a while, until his eyes closed and his breathing became deep and even. Only when the book fell unheeded to the floor did I stand and walk towards him. He did not stir as I set his reading glasses on the table beside him and brushed back his hair. The little candle next to him cast a soft glow on his face, and again I admired his handsome features. I sunk to the floor next to him and put my head in his lap. With a sigh I took his hand and stroked it softly. It felt so right to sit there with him, to just exist.
Presently, he stirred and was rather surprised by me sitting there with my head still in his lap. "Eowyn, what are you doing? Rhean told me you were ill and should not be out of bed until tomorrow."
"I am not so far from the bed that I exerted myself getting here." I not did raise my head to look at him, nor even open my eyes. I was still trying to hold on to the peaceful moments I had just shared with him, whether he was aware of it or not.
"Well, I would not have you go too far, or else Rhean would have my head," Faramir said with soft laughter in his voice. Somehow he managed to lean over and scoop me into his arms. He stood and held me tightly to him. I took a deep breath and buried myself in his chest.
"I missed you today, my love. I could not help but notice how lovely you looked sitting there reading. I'm surprised that you were a bachelor as long as you were," I said sleepily, trying to fill my head with the scent of him.
"I was waiting for the perfect woman. You are my dream come true, Eowyn, something impossible brought to life."
He laid me upon the bed and I crawled back under the comforter. I watched as he changed into his night clothes. As he took off his tunic I found myself giggling.
"What's so funny?" he said, raising and eyebrow at me.
"You fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the basket! I never noticed that before!"
He smiled and finished undressing. "Yes, love, I do silly things like that," he said with a smile. "Will you forgive me?"
"No, never," I said jokingly. "Come to bed, love, I'd like to curl up with you."
"And maybe a bit more?" he asked, a hopeful look coming to his face.
"I started my courses today, love, so that's up to you," I said, pulling the covers up to my chin.
A look of slight disgust came over his face. "Oh. well then, so much for that idea." He paused and tilted his head. "I thought you were pregnant."
I sat up straight in an instant. "Where did you get that idea?" I asked anxiously. What had the servants been telling him? Was there some rumor going around I wasn't aware of?
"You didn't have your courses last month. I assumed." He sighed and pulled on his bed shirt. "It isn't very safe to assume, I suppose."
"I'm sorry, Faramir. I thought that, too. I was hoping, really I was, but. Rhean says the effects of the Black Breath are still making us weak. That's why we got sick so much last winter, remember? She says that it will pass soon enough, and when it does, I shall give you all the children you could hope for!"
Faramir sat on the bed beside me and held my hand. "You do not have to rush into that, love. This isn't your obligation, and I would love you even if we have no children at all."
"Oh, but I'd love to have a baby of our own, Faramir. He would look just like you, and be the most beautiful child ever born," I said, squeezing his hand as tightly as I could.
"In due time, love," he said softly, blowing out the single candle left burning in the room. "For now, would it be enough to have me here for you to curl up against?"
As he sunk into the bed, I moved closer to him and kissed him deeply. "Always, love, you will always be more than enough for me!"