AUTHOR'S NOTE: Things are getting down and dirty, and it isn't going to be pretty. Never mess with human emotions when it comes to situations like these - - yet, times like these are when you really find out who your true friends are...
This will be the last update for a while. I have finals and to tell you the truth, I don't have any other chapters written. I will be back by next week I promise!!! Thanks for understanding.
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the doctors slowly ease greg off the medical equipment and pain medication. i am excited, because this means that greg can go home soon.
he still hasn't spoken yet, and the doctors are beginning to get worried. they try and coax him just to say his name, but after his confession after he first woke up, greg has been silent.
i tell him stories of what has been happening outside of the hospital. like what is going on at work, what happened in my life. i tell him jokes and read him the next chapter in animal farm, one of his favorite books. personally, i don't think a book about animals representing communist russia is entertaining. but greg seems to love it.
grissom called me one day, and said that we - - him, director covallo and myself - - needed to have a meeting at the crime lab, about what was to happen in this criminal investigation.
greg begins to worry when i tell him that i have to leave, but i told him i would sneak in some of his favorite coffee, and he smiles.
he is smiling more often. him being more happy makes me more happy.
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i meet the two other men in director covallo's office. on my way through the lab, a few people stop me and say hi, sending their best wishes to greg.
it takes a lot longer then i thought it would take, so by time i make it to the director's office, i am close to five minutes late. i apologize, but both men don't seem to take heed to it.
grissom has some sheets of paper and pictures in his hand and is leaning up against a wall beside covallo's desk. the director is sitting behind his desk, flipping through a file.
'well miss sidle,' he says curtly. 'i have to be honest with you - - neither myself or grissom knows what to do about - - ' he waves his hand around in the air, not really knowing what to call it. 'so, grissom asked your fellow CSIs what they would do in his shoes.'
i am shocked and appalled and turn to glare at grissom, only to find him glaring at me first. he asked the team what they thought? they shouldn't even have a say in what happens. how dare he! if he wasn't my boss, i might just punch him.
but i can't, because there is still the chance that i have a job, and i don't want to ruin it on a spark of anger. so i sit down and listen to what my boss has to say.
grissom cleared his throat and slid his glasses all the way onto his nose. 'i talked to nick first.'
he looked up at me expectantly, like he wanted some kind of response. i just sat quietly in my chair, lips pursed, knuckles white.
he looked back down at his papers. 'he said that you shouldn't have disobeyed direct orders from your boss about greg being out in the field. that your need to be with your boyfriend clouded your judgment and nearly cost greg his life.'
nick's sounds pretty accurate. very by-the-book, the way nick is. i wait for the next confession.
'cath said your intentions were good, but your reasoning, timing and your lack of thinking it through is really what got you in trouble. then you did not ask for an officer to be on location, like required.'
okay, i can deal with that. next?
'warrick didn't wish to say much, but he did say that something must be wrong because this isn't something the sara sidle he knows would do. he believes that it has to do with dating someone from the work place, but didn't want to point fingers at anyone and getting people in trouble for things he wasn't knowledgeable about.'
i begin to think he is done when he flips to another page. 'by the way, nick also thinks that your coping mechanisms are unacceptable. they are careless and not fair to others. he said you would know what this meant.'
and yes i did. he was referring to my one drinking binge, and 'not fair to others' was talking about me killing the baby.
i knew i screwed up big time. i called my doctor in a sobbing fit, insisting that i had killed my baby. he said that i would have already lost the baby if something had gone wrong.
and at this stage in the pregnancy, it isn't possible to check for deformities - - i would forever have to live with the consequences of my careless actions.
but i haven't told greg yet, and i don't know if i can.
i realize i have drifted off when grissom looks at me expectantly. guess he wasn't done talking.
'nick doesn't think that you and greg should be able to work with each other unless necessary.'
my mouth drops wide open. nick said that? how could nick say that? he was one of greg and i's best friends, and he has the nerve and go an say that?
out of the corner of my eye, i thought i saw grissom smiling. but when i look, all that is on his face is a look of sadness and regret.
i bet he is sad because of everything that has happened. i bet he didn't intend on having things get this out of hand either, which is probably the regret i see.
yet, if you look closer...deep, behind the glasses, if you know him well enough, you can see it...where there is no sympathy for those who bring unfortunate situations onto themselves, like myself.
and i see it now, raging like a wild fire.
covallo dismisses me, and i walk out.
i can feel grissom's pitiless stare boring into my back as i head back to the hospital.