AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have to thank Dimenticato-Poco-Angelo for her review - - it has inspired the next few chapters. Which is good, because I had kind of hit a writer's block.
I just want to thank everyone who reviewed this story - - these past two chapters have had the biggest turnout of reviews yet. Thanks again! Thank you to all of those wished me good luck on my final exams.
The idea in which I have pitched this chapter, about what is up with Greg may be confusing, so don't be afraid to ask me questions in your reviews.
I did research for this chapter about memory and amnesia, since it is important to my readers - - myself included - - to keep the medical information factual and realistic.
Sorry it took me so long to update - - I had a friend come over and spend the night, to celebrate school getting out for the summer. We had fun and slept in until 12:45 the next day. That, and the fact that I had to finish the chapter, is what kept me from updating.
I don't much care for how I ended this chapter. There was just a lot of stuff running through my mind (so it was forced through Sara's head) and I wanted to get it all out there. And it was late and I just wanted to get it up, because I felt like I owed it to you guys.
Depending on which direction I am taking this story will determine how long until the next chapter is up. Sorry, but life for the next three weeks are the busiest of my summer. I apologize greatly and won't keep you hanging for long. Promise!
Krazy: well, if you are insisting staring the BRING BACK THE CAPITALS campaign, I guess you figured out what the writing meant? Yeah, I haven't really decided how to make everyone happy again. I actually thought I might end the story and have everyone not fully happy again...but that's just one idea ;)
Kathryn Mason-Sykes: it's kind of hard to distinguish between who is right and who is wrong. Because if Sara hadn't taken Greg, she could be dead right now. The only thing that saved Greg was having someone there with him. But if Nick had gone with Sara, he might the one in Greg's position right now. In this case it just happened to be Greg. Greg, who isn't supposed to be out in the field and Greg who is Sara's boyfriend.
Sillie: excellent assessment. You should realize, by now I would hope, that all of this goes beyond an accident at a crime scene.
Em: there is a reason why he is your second boyfriend. But you have to give Warrick credit for keeping his mouth shut and opinion to himself even when Grissom asked for it.
Orangebronco: God, sounds like fun! I am going to Disney World this summer for ten days, so I'll be thinking of you. And you are welcome about me using the correct terminology in Chapter 21 - - you aren't the only one who thanked me about that. I like to make things angsty, yet realistic at the same time. Give you the best of both worlds. And Nick sort of made himself look like an asshole. It depends on how you look at it [and now I sound like a hypocrite after writing that really long message to Kathryn Mason-Sykes above. Oh well, what can you do?].
A Bloom: Sara didn't lose the child. Sorry if I gave you that impression! Anyway, I am glad that you caught onto the fact about the Greg remembering Sara bit. I never said that Greg remembered Sara. And based off your review, about what would be really sad to happen, I got my inspiration!
Erin Kincade: I cried when I read your wonderful review. People like you brighten up my day immediately. And when I read your review...words can't even explain how happy you make me feel. You are welcome for the realistic description of Greg and I know what you mean - - it does bug the hell out of me sometimes too. Thank you for taking your time and writing such kick ass reviews for me. And as always, after reading your reviews, I am having a great day. Hope you are too.
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so i tell greg today, after three weeks, that i am pregnant with our kid.
he seemed so excited that i almost regretted telling him that i could have done serious damage with my two alcohol binge experiences after conception of our child.
greg leaned over the side of the bed and threw up what little was in his stomach.
for the rest of the afternoon, he won't look at me. he just pretends to sleep.
his doctor calls me into his office today so we can talk about what is going on with greg.
i guess that greg had PTSD from the attack. greg's doctor says this is to be expected in situations like these, and not to worry about anything. his silence is most likely connected to the PTSD.
his type of amnesia also has a name, though it falls under a variety of different types. he has emtional/hysterical amnesia, where memory loss occurs after a psychological trauma. he also has retrograde amnesia, which is the inability to remember events that occurred before the incident of trauma.
they said that greg may never fully remember the events during and after the "accident" at the crime scene. his doctors said that as we speak, his intermediate long-term memory - - memories that last a few days to weeks, but are forgotten unless moved to long-term memory - - may be clearing out. starting fresh with a clean slate.
everything he had begun to learn and perhaps remember could all be for nothing, because greg might wake up in the morning and everything may start over. just like when he first woke up - - the confession, unfamiliarity, uneasiness, all of it. the weeks of silence and awkward moments.
it would be equivalent to lucy from 50 first dates.
i guess nick and catherine showed up when i was in the doctor's office. they showed greg a picture of a potential suspect, and they wanted to know if greg recognized him.
his answer was throwing up on their shoes and literally freaking out. greg pulled out his IV by accident as he tried running from his bed. he screamed - - the first noise he has made since the confession - - and it wasn't very loud. his screams were hoarse and hurt his throat, so he didn't scream for long.
by the time i made it back to his room, he was sedated and his IV was attached again.
the orderlies were lecturing the two CSIs on their careless behavior around such a critical patient. they saw me and apologized.
i was still so fazed at this point about what was going on with greg and how he freaked when i told him about the news of our child, i didn't really care.
nick and catherine leave when i ask them too. although both of them really seem upset, they don't complain or ask any questions.
greg wakes up later and watches me as i sit by his bed, giving me the same look as when he first woke up. his eyes are clouded over with doubt and uneasiness and unfamiliarity.
i get it finally, and that night when i am at home lying by myself on our bed, i thinks about it - - he may know who i am, but he doesn't know me.
he knows me because i am there everyday. because he knows we share an anniversary. because i am pregnant with his child, work with him...love him.
there is still a question i need answered and i am sick of talking to doctors and asking them questions, so i go and talk to grissom at the crime lab.
as much as i hate to admit it, grissom knows a lot of useful information - - and his fair share of stupid facts as well. there are many cases that we couldn't have solved without his extensive knowledge. like the one where the "candy man" died from eating too many choco-bees - - that case was solved thanks to grissom's extensive knowledge of stupid stuff.
grissom is startled to hear me knocking on his door, asking if i can come in. i am still on paid leave.
'sara,' he says, lowering the case file in his hands. 'can i help you with something?'
i sit down and wonder what the hell i am suppose to say. 'is it possible for someone with amnesia to know you, but not know you?'
for a second, i begin to wonder if he understands what i just said. but then he gets that look in his eye and i know he is thinking it over.
'i suppose,' he answers truthfully. 'amnesia can be a fickle thing, sara, and no two cases are the same. the things forgotten and remembered vary from person to person.'
i'm not satisfied with that answer. 'can greg know me, but not know me like before? can he remember how much he used to love me and how much he means to me? is it possible - - "
my voice cracks and i stop. i can't bring myself to say it and by the look on his face he knows i am having a hard time talking about it. and part of me thinks that he knows what i want to ask.
'sara, you don't have to talk about it with me. maybe with greg's doctor or nick or cath - - even warrick might be easier to talk to.'
i bat away the idea with my hand. 'i am sick of the doctors and their pile of medical lingo crap. nick and catherine haven't left me alone since they started the investigation and i haven't seen warrick since i crashed at his house. you know the facts and can tell me straight up what i want to know.'
i look at him and realize that i may have spoken harsher then i meant to. 'sorry,' i mumbled.
i try and talk again and he leans forward. i stop and close my mouth, before opening it again. nothing comes out, but i need it to. there are questions i need to ask and answers i need to hear.
grissom slides a post-it note and pen across the desk at me. i hesitate before grabbing the pen and scribbling "is it possible for greg to have to fall in love with me again?"
it would be sad if greg had to fall in love with me again, because it wouldn't be the same as the first time he fell in love with me. he won't hold me the same way, won't know the right things to say to make me smile. won't know my favorite type of shampoo, won't know how long i like to cook my eggs.
he wouldn't know all of his annoying little habits that i have learned to love. greg wouldn't know our wednesday night tradition of watching an old hitchcock or horror film while eating TV dinners. greg wouldn't know where i was most ticklish or that i hate people touching my feet.
grissom looks at the post-it after i slide it back towards him. 'it's plausible sara,' he says quietly, like he is speaking the wisest words. 'there is no way to tell in greg's case. with amnesia...most cases only last a few seconds to a few hours. but greg's trauma was so severe that this could last for months, perhaps years.'
i wanted to yell at grissom and tell him everything the doctor had explained to me. that greg could be forgetting everything as he sleeps and that is why there isn't any progress in his emotional and mental health. that greg has PTSD and that the silence is par for the course. i want to tell him that the doctors implied that greg wasn't okay.
but silence speaks louder than words and grissom just nods, knowing everything that is going on without really knowing.
sometimes, i think everyone knows what is going on and i don't. like it's a big secret and i'm out of the loop.
as i excuse myself from grissom's office and tell myself that i can just go back to the hospital and be with greg, it hits me.
greg doesn't know who i am. he doesn't know he loves me and doesn't know how excited he should be about being a father. greg always wanted to settle down and have a family and kids.
except the man at the hospital isn't really greg. he is...i don't know who he is. but that isn't the man i fell in love with months ago.
i clutch my stomach. catherine told me the other day i am going to start showing soon and if i ever needed help getting ready for the baby that she is there for me.
if greg were here, he wouldn't be able to stop bouncing off the walls in excitement. he was going to be a father and would finally settle down.
i sigh when i think about the fact that he would propose to me, because he would want to be there for his child and thinks that only couples who are wed should bear children, so he would insist.
it would be an elegant, traditional wedding with white wedding dresses and giant white roses. the wedding would be in california where we were both born and raised. our family and friends would be invited and then our honeymoon would be in hawaii or europe, because neither one of us have been there before.
but greg doesn't even know who i am and i don't think he fully understands that i am bearing his child and that we were only a couple three months prior to him being injured at the crime scene. hell, i don't even think i know him anymore.
i go home and decide to be with the only people i have left - - myself and my unborn child.