AUTHOR'S NOTE: I want to apologize deeply for not updating. My computer has been having quite a few problems as of late and my dad had to bring my laptop into work for a couple of days. So I owe you with a long chapter with some answers to some stuff.
It is surprising how many people are concerned about what is going to happen to Sara. Although only a few mentioned the lack Greg, most of you were concerned about how Sara is dealing with everything. Which is surprising, since just a few chapters ago everyone hated Sara.
A FEW THINGS:
1. This chapter has been written differently than the others, just because there are so many emotions going on at once. So watched the text to figure out how the mood is. Also, the format of this chapter can be confusing; so don't be afraid to ask what the hell is going on in your reviews.
2. I am leaving tomorrow (Thursday) at six in the morning for a weeklong volleyball tournament in Reno, Nevada. I start play Sunday and go until next Friday, yet I have to be checked in the hotel by Friday night. Because of this, I will not be able to update until next Saturday at the earliest. I will be writing on the trip, because it is a ten and a half hour car ride.
3. This is not the last chapter, no matter what you think after reading the entire thing! I don't know for sure yet, but we are nearing the end of the story. There will be a few chapters left after this one.
Krazy: you are sick and twisted. You know that, right? Sick and twisted...shivers
Sillie: at this point, Sara really doesn't know what to do. I think she wants to be strong for Greg, but doesn't think she can, because she has to be strong for herself as well. It's complicated, even for me to explain.
Dimenticato-Poco-Angelo: I thought people would much appreciate me going into specifics about the coma.
Kathryn Mason-Sykes: see, you are coming around! You do care about what is happening to Sara.
A Bloom: that's what you get! But don't worry - - I am going to end this story with an ending that hopefully will satisfy everyone.
Orangebronco: it's not as much that Greg knows the person that attacked him, as it is that fact that Greg recognizes him. And no, I don't plan on having the attacker be someone we (or Greg) know.
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It is a traditional wedding with white roses and satin pink ribbons.
I, Greg, take you, Sara, to be my wife; to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.
The vows are traditional and the little flower girls - - including my little Alicia Marie - - sit quietly in the front row next to our parents.
I, Sara, take you, Greg, to be none other than yourself. I promise to stand by your side; to encourage you, and be open and honest with you; to laugh with you and cry with you; to always love and honor you; both freed and bound by our love 'til death do us part.
His smile lights up the entire room as the priest speaks his last words.
By the power invested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.
The world seems to go silent and hinder on it's axis while we stand at the alter, lips locked together. And then he pulls me down the isle with him and we wave goodbye and we race out to our limo. Our honeymoon is a month-long trip around Europe, like I have always wanted.
Have fun on your trip mommy! Bring me back some dollies!
I kiss little Alicia Marie goodbye and give her back to Greg and Greg pulls me into the limo. We wave one last time and the chafer closes the door.
Let me help you with that.
Greg smiles as he helps me peel out of my dress. The driver is bringing Greg's tuxedo and my dress back to my house after he drops us off at the airport.
"I love you Greg."
He looks at me like I just stated the obvious. But when I think about it, it really isn't obvious to me.
I love you too.
maybe I only married him because his name was Greg. maybe, for me, that just made sense. since I couldn't have Greg, I would just get another one. maybe, when I sit awake in our bed, wrapped in the safety of his arms, his name being Greg will make all the sense in the world as to why I married him. his name will keep me from walking back to the one and only Greg I have ever loved. because in the end I have a Greg, and that must count for something.
are you okay?
we're on our way to Europe and last time the pilot checked in, we were flying over the Mississippi river. Greg and I have a layover in Newark airport in jersey then we are jet setting across the Atlantic and landing in the United Kingdom at the ass-crack of dawn their time.
I'm fine.
this isn't supposed to be our honeymoon. I was supposed to fly to Europe with my greg, not the greg sitting next to me. I should be at home with alicia marie and her dad, watching old, corny horror flicks because today is wednesday and that is what we do on wednesdays.
you want to sleep for a little bit? we've had a long day today and I don't want my wife tired for this trip.
I close my eyes and lay against him, pretending to sleep. I can't sleep even if I tried and part of me wants to use the phone in the seat in front of me and call my real greg and tell him that I really tried, and I really wanted things to work out. and that this isn't what I wanted or expected or asked for or dreamed of.
peanuts?
and I laugh to myself, because I know greg hates peanuts. but greg takes a few bags, saving some for when I wake up, and eats them greedily while watching some crime scandal movie on the television mounted on the ceiling.
"I miss you greg."
except greg can't hear me and greg has his headphones on so he doesn't respond. I open my eyes and for a second I think I see Greg across the row from me, bobbing his head to the music running through his headphones on his ears.
peanuts?
the boy looks up at the flight attendant and slides the headphones from his ears. and I notice that it isn't greg sitting just an aisle over, but someone much younger with lighter brown hair that is indeed spiked, and a funky looking button down shirt.
peanuts?
no, but thanks anyway.
he sees me looking at him and he smiles, before replacing the headphones back onto his ears and going back to reading his book. that is how I last remember greg - - in the lab, dancing around to the music running through his head phones, wearing wacky shirts and his hair spiked in every direction. that was the last time I really saw greg. because every since he hit his head at the crime scene and was shot, he hasn't been the same.
"sara?"
i don't even refer to it as the accident anymore. three years later, it is nothing but a bump in the road compared to what happened when greg got out of the hospital. three years after our child is born, i am walking away from the life i once dreamed of living. one that included little alicia marie sanders and greg blake sanders and sara elizabeth sanders.
i am going to the bathroom.
as i walk down the narrow aisle towards the back of the plane, i remind myself why i am keeping alicia marie's last name sanders instead of heltkin. because i owe it to greg to keep her name the same as her father's. it was one of the last things we ever agreed on.
ma'am, are you okay?
the flight attendant knocks on the bathroom door when she hears my heaves and gags. i tell her i never liked flying and that i'll be fine in a moment. really, i am throwing up because my mind is spinning and tumbling in confusion and chaos, trying to remember how everything went so terribly wrong.
here, have a ginger ale. it will help soothe your stomach.
the doctors told me that greg would never be quite the same as before, but i never expected what happened to happen. greg threw out all of his old shirts and bought all new, black, tan and white button downs with no designs. he cut his hair short like nick's and secluded himself like grissom. grissom seemed personable compared to greg.
i missed you when you were in the bathroom.
at home, he would get confused as to why everything was happening the way it was. he still didn't fully remember what happened at the accident and never could remember some stuff prior to being shot and hitting his head. his work never suffered, but one day i came home to find that his CD player and CDs from the lab were back on a shelf in the living room.
"what happened greg? why did everything change?"
little alicia marie was born five months after he returned home from the hospital, and that was when things got worse. his work began to suffer because he spent every waking and breathing moment with her - - by choice. grissom told him that he knew a newborn could be rough, that he was allowed a few days off. vincent could fill in for a few days.
sara, do you really want to talk about this? you always start crying when you talk about greg and what happened. this is our honeymoon - - let's just leave that behind. okay sweetie?
greg was right. when i was happy and wasn't thinking about every word that came out of my mouth, i would bring up a story about something greg had said or done before everything changed. midway through the story i would stop and remember that things would never be like that again. and i would start crying and people would get scared, because i would start having something that just felt short of a panic attack.
"i want everything to go back to the way they were. i don't want anything to change."
i broke up and moved out when alicia marie was just over a year old and looking back, i brought greg's world crashing down on him. all he had was alicia marie and i and now he didn't even have that. he went so far into himself that even nick - - who had stuck by greg's side longer than anyone else, myself included - - was afraid that greg would do something drastic and we would never see him again.
sara, are you okay? you look pale.
greg tried resigning of both his CSI level 1/DNA lab tech responsibilities, but grissom wouldn't let him. his excuse was that i had tried so hard to keep from losing my job the first time that it wouldn't be fair to just up and quit now. so greg stuck around and soon became a full time CSI and started dating the new lab tech. and i have never felt so crushed
"i want to go home with my greg."
i guess part of me starting dating greg so i could brag about my new boyfriend just as much as greg talked about olivia, his girlfriend. but they broke up the day after greg proposed to me, and i don't think it was a coincidence either.
this isn't suppose to be our honeymoon - - this was for me and greg.
before the wedding, i privately talked with greg for about four or five hours. we talked about where we stood and where to go from here. even though he had been my ex-boyfriend for close to one and a half years, i still respected his wishes since we shared a child. we agreed that we would treat our relationship like a divorce and alicia marie would split her time between our two homes - - if he cleaned up his act. alicia marie would keep her last name of sanders.
honey, what are you talking about?
before i left his house, he cried like there was no tomorrow. the last time he cried like that was when nick and catherine had him confront his attacker face-to-face at the PD. when greg spoke to him, it was the first time he had talked since his memory check right after he woke up from his coma.
"i don't know anymore."
and as soon as i heard greg speak to his attacker, my heart broke and i wanted to grab him up in a hug and never leave him. his voice was fragile and quiet, hoarse and broken. he had to lick his lips and swallow every few words, but he made it through the confrontation. after he left the interrogation room, he threw up on the tile floor, the garbage can just a few strides away.
you should sleep for a little bit sara. i think you are still in shock about the wedding.
i look up and stare at greg. we have been dating for close to two years and he still didn't understand what the situation with greg had done to me. how i had to earn back my respect after barely managing to keep my job. how tough it was to raise a child on my own and work nightshift at the lab. what me breaking up with greg did to both of us. i could explain it a million times and even though greg claims he knows how i feel - - and felt - - he really doesn't. no one could. sometimes, i don't think greg and i fully understand how our lives have changed because of everything that happened.
"sara?"
I look over at Greg and realize that the airplane seat is no longer there, but replaced with a cold, white hospital bed. And instead of my husband Greg being there, it's my Greg and I don't think I've ever been so happy in my entire life to see Greg.
"Sara, will you come lay with me?"
I am in shock after a moment after hearing his voice. It is the first time I have heard it in close to three months and it's the greatest sound I have ever heard. I jump up from my chair and kiss him hard, bracing myself by clutching the sides of his face. My eyes are closed, but I can sense the shocked expression on his face.
"I love you Greg. Not anyone else named Greg, but only you."
He looks at me like I am crazy. I just grin and crawl into the hospital bed with him, holding him close. I made the mistake of leaving him once - - even though it was only my dreams - - and I won't do it again. I will stay faithful and we will raise Alicia Marie in one house, under one last name. We will go on our honeymoon together to Europe and will bring back our baby girl some dolls from wherever we go.
"I heard you talking in your dream."
I freeze. he heard what I said? what all did he hear? because if I remember correctly, I said a lot of stuff. I turn to look at him and he is smiling faintly as his morphine begins kicking in again.
"Don't worry," he whispers. "I heard all the good stuff."
And suddenly, it doesn't matter anymore what he heard me say. Because he knows that I love him and would go to the end of the world for him. He knows that I want us to live happily ever after with our child. As I watch him close his eyes, I smile and pull him closer, gripping his hand in my own.
"I love you," I whisper in his ear.
And that is all that matters right now.
"I know," he says in reply. So quietly that I almost miss it.
I kiss the hairline on the back of his neck and close my eyes, feeling sleep take over my body. And this time I fall asleep happy and content.
Because there are such things as happy endings.