AUTHOR'S NOTE: Second to last chapter folks! Sorry if this chapter isn't as good as the rest, but I am still upset after reading the latest chapters of All Fall Down by Wintertime. Like, crying upset. You should read the story if you already haven't.
i waited an extra week to take my maternity leave. my doctor said not to take the leave until i was just too exhausted to even walk, but it was totally up to me. and you know me - - i don't stop until i drop.
greg was beginning to help a lot more now that the due date was looming. he was reading a few books in his spare time about being a great father and every time i saw him, i felt this pang in my heart - - and a bad pang at that.
we were both really excited, and the lab constantly provided a steady stream of gifts and cards. catherine stopped by everyday to see how i was doing. i listened to her more than i would a dr. phil or oprah book - - neither one of them had given birth, so how could they be experts?
when i was finally too exhausted to think, catherine drove me into work. i walked into grissom's office and handed him the two envelopes.
his features went from a bright smile to a look of confusion in a matter of seconds. 'what is this?' he asked, holding up the envelopes.
i gave him a faint smile and went to find catherine so she could bring me home.
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'he hasn't proposed yet?' catherine asked, worried. i shook my head. 'maybe he is too afraid to ask for your hand in marriage after all that has happened.'
the suggestion made total sense, and for a second i was almost convinced. 'i'm sure the baby being born will put things in more perspective for him. right now, i am not too worried about having a rock on my finger.'
i was worried about other things.
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"I CAN'T PUSH ANYMORE!" I screamed, then yelled in pain.
Greg was on my right side, holding my hand. I was squeezing his hand and pelvic muscles with all of my might and it felt like I was going to die.
"You can do it Sara. The baby is crowning. Just push a little more honey." I glared at the nurse and pushed once more, screaming.
I looked at Greg, who was looking between my legs. His face was a mixture of horror and sheer happiness and I laughed. That quickly turned into a scream and I pushed once more and heard the baby cry.
"Oh my God Sara," Greg said. He turned to look at me with that grin I had missed so much. "One more push baby, you can do it."
I heard the baby crying, saw the ear-to-ear grin on Greg's face and screamed as I pushed one final time.
The nurses were all over the baby, wiping it clean. "Congratulations, it's a girl!"
I loosened my grip on Greg's hand and dropped my head against the pillow. My hair was sticking to my face from sweat, tiny drops rolling down my neck. Greg grabbed the sides of my face and kissed me.
"Would the proud dad like to cut the umbilical cord?" one of the nurses inquired. Greg nodded and grabbed the scissors handed to him, cutting where another nurse instructed.
The baby was handed to me wrapped in blankets. I cried when I saw her. I held her close, looking down at her beautiful brown eyes. She definitely had her father's eyes.
Greg sat down next to me and smiled at the baby. "She's beautiful," he said. I handed Greg the baby and he smiled like no other. "Look what we did Sara." He rocked the baby back and forth slowly and she fell asleep in his arms. "This is amazing."
Someone asked me what her name was so they could fill out the birth certificate. Greg and I exchanged hesitant glances. We had never seriously talked about names, but I have had one in mind since the beginning.
Alicia Marie Sidle is what I said and Greg didn't bother to correct me.
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Greg is always the one attending to Alicia when she is crying, and he tells me that I need to rest up. I give him the same excuse for wanting to help take care of Alicia - - Greg is going back into work for a temporary assessment by Grissom and he will need to be on top of his game. Everyone wants him back and Greg has faith that he can do his job just as well as he did before, even though he doesn't remember that very well.
Greg leaves Alicia and I alone when she has to be fed. I think he is still trying to adjust to this whole fatherhood thing.
But I see moments of greatness. Occasionally I'll join him in calming down Alicia and when I get to the baby's room, Greg will be sitting in the rocking chair with Alicia wrapped in the pastel blue sheets from her bed. Greg will be singing songs to her quietly, not bothering to get up and turn on the CD player.
When I left the hospital the day after Alicia is born, my stomach is back to its normal size bonus stretch marks. As soon as Alicia can manage to be put down for an hour without crying, I will be doing those tapes Catherine gave me.
I don't worry about work anymore. I wish Greg the best of luck when he goes in for his assessment and cook him his favorite meal when Grissom clears him. People stop by to see the baby and the beautiful brown eyes she has become famous for.
People tell Greg and me all the time how much she looks like her dad. I agree with them but Greg is in denial. He thinks that maybe Alicia has his eyes - - he can't deny that - - but thinks that Alicia has my mouth and nose.
It doesn't matter. She is beautiful and I love her.
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greg is at work and alicia is sleeping. i take this opportune to call my parents in san francisco to tell them about how the baby is doing and how life with greg is panning out.
i talk to my dad for only five or ten minutes before my mother, amanda sidle, gets home from grocery shopping. we start talking and don't stop until alicia starts crying from the next room.
'we miss you here,' amanda says tiredly. 'you don't come home for christmas and your brother jack is telling people that you ran off with the circus.' i hear my mother let out a relaxed sigh on the other end.
sounds like jack i tell myself. my head whips around to look at the baby monitor when i think that i hear alicia crying. but she isn't making a noise.
'how's the baby?' amanda inquires. in the background, i hear let's make a deal! playing. that's my dad's favorite show and has been since the beginning of time.
'alicia is beautiful and amazing. did you get the pictures i sent you?'
its a moment or two before my mother answers. 'yeah i did. she looks exactly like greg, don't you think?' i laugh and she doesn't get it. 'speaking of greg, when are you two getting married?'
i flinch. i want to say we aren't getting married because greg hasn't propose or maybe even greg won't propose to me because he felt down a flight of stairs and was shot at a crime scene and now he doesn't even remember loving me. 'we haven't set a definitive date yet. but when we do, we'll let you know.'
that seemed to be a satisfying answer for my mother and she changed subjects. 'so when are you going to introduce alicia to the family? she has to meet her grandparents some time!'
i sense the enthusiasm in her voice. when i told her greg and i were in a serious relationship back when things were normal, she was excited about the fact that she might have grandchildren.
my parents don't know the whole truth though. they don't know about me almost losing my job, or greg getting hurt at the crime scene. she doesn't know that greg doesn't love me anymore.
'soon mom, soon. i promise.'
i hear her giggles on the other end. 'i am so excited!'
i bet you are. 'listen mom, i think i hear alicia waking up. talk to you later.'
the apartment is silent when i hang up the phone.