AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have to give total credit to Erin - - she pretty much wrote this last chapter and all I had to do was put it into story format. So thank Erin for the ending, not me.
Because of the ideas she came up with, this chapter is different than all the others in both format and POV. It will be third person POV and not Sara's.
There will be a few notes at the end.
Krazy: Nice Krazy, real nice. And don't remind me about what Wintertime did - - I am still reeling from that.
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"Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long.
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone."
- Yellowcard, "Only One"
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Sara never remembered a piece of furniture being so uncomfortable before. She kept shifting her body, trying to be comfortable for just a second, so she could look at Greg. But he was staring at the far wall and wasn't speaking and it seemed like she may never be able to sit still for a few seconds
Alicia looks at Greg and squeals. She's three months old and is the dream child. Everyday, Sara looks at Alicia and sees Greg. Her chocolate brown eyes compliment her golden brown hair that naturally jets out from her scalp in a spiked mess like how Greg wears his own. Once, Sara heard Greg talking to her and say, "don't tell anyone, but you got your good looks from me."
But now they are both silent and Alicia is beginning to fall asleep in Sara's arms.
Greg is staring at the two suitcases by the front door, filled with Sara's clothes and pictures and memories. Alicia's diaper bag and small box for her belongings are lost amongst the three large boxes full of Sara's books and journals and prized possessions. Someone is coming later this afternoon to ship everything to Sara and Alicia's new home.
They have been sitting in silence ever since Greg came home from work a few hours ago. He came home and saw Sara packing the last of her own things. Greg and Sara didn't speak as they packed Alicia's things into a small box and prepared her diaper bag. They were silent as they stacked Sara's things by the door and with one look to the other, they agreed to sit next to each other on the couch and wait.
Sara hesitantly dropped her free hand onto Greg's knee and he looks at her. Greg's eyes are glistening with tears and Sara can see that his hands are shaking.
"This whole situation is unfair to everyone involved," Sara says quietly. Her own voice surprises her because she didn't know that she even planned on explaining to Greg why she was leaving without any explanation. Because the note crumpled in the garbage can was going to be her goodbye and not what was happening now. She didn't want to have to say goodbye to Greg's face because Sara knew Greg would blame himself when really, everything that happened in the past year was Sara's own selfish desire to be with her boyfriend. Sara never planned on sitting next to Greg on the cold couch but more of Greg coming home to all traces of Sara Elizabeth Sidle and Alicia Marie Sidle gone from his apartment, because now it really was just his apartment. There was no one to share it with.
And it really was unfair. Because Sara ruined Greg's life and Greg was making life hard for Sara. At first, Sara just considered taking a "break" from Greg, but she realized that just moving back into her apartment instead of Greg's wouldn't do the trick. She actually needed to get away from Greg - - and Vegas.
"I can't expect you to say 'Forever and Always' to a woman you don't remember falling in love with. It has been eight months since you came to stay with me after your release and you don't really know me." She feels the hot tears streaking down her face, some dripping onto Alicia's blanket, and through her blurry vision she catches some rolling down Greg's cheeks. He doesn't speak, and Sara thinks that he couldn't if her tried. Greg looks down at his hands and watches as his tears pool in his palms.
"It's my fault," he squeaks out is a hoarse whisper.
Sara remembers the dream and how happy she was to hear Greg's voice, no matter how he sounded. And now, this was what she was hearing and all of a sudden she didn't want to hear it. She didn't like it and convinced herself that she hated it. Because his weak, small voice could single handedly stop her from leaving. And after all this time, she realized that too much had happened to stick around any longer. And this wasn't the voice she wanted to wake up to. She wanted Greg's voice back.
Sara wipes her face and clears her throat. "This isn't your fault Greg. I don't blame you at all." She is getting more choked up every second. "I'm not angry about you not loving me anymore. In fact, I don't blame you for not loving me anymore, because I don't love you anymore either."
He looks at her and his face is wet with tears, eyes blood shot and red-rimmed. Greg's nose is turning red and Sara can see the pulse in his neck racing. "I'm sorry," he whispers, not breaking eye contact with her. She moves her hand from his knee to grip one of his hands.
"The man I loved, the man who is Alicia's father, died a year ago at a crime scene he wasn't supposed to be at. He was shot and hit his head as he fell down a flight of cement stairs." Sara sees that Greg's whole body is beginning to tremble. "My Greg died a year ago."
Sara waits for Greg to just explode but the emotional breakdown never happens. His crying doesn't change to heart-wrenching sobs; head doesn't drop into his hands. Instead, Greg inched away from Sara just the slightest bit. Sara's hand slid from his knee to a warm spot on the couch and all of a sudden, her leaving just got harder.
She prepares herself for the cab that should be arriving soon and stands up slowly as not to wake Alicia. Alicia Marie Sidle, and Sara is suddenly glad she put down Sidle as the last name on the birth certificate instead of Sanders because that would just cause unnerving questions to be asked and then Alicia would want to know whose last name she had.
Sure, in time Alicia would ask who her real daddy was - - unless Sara got married when Alicia was young enough not to remember having a father - - and then Sara would have to explain how she used to work at the Las Vegas Crime Lab in Nevada. How Greg was her boyfriend and how she nearly got him killed. How Greg stuck around to be the father but they never got married. And how Greg never loved Sara again and how Sara fell out of love with Greg.
Greg looks at her as Sara walks into the kitchen and scribbles down a phone number. "My father offered up to let Alicia and I live with them, which will be good because my mom can take of Alicia while I work. Here's the number."
He takes the number from her hand and tucks it in his pocket. Sara tries not to look at Greg's crushed expression. "San Francisco isn't that far from Vegas, Greg - - you should come and visit sometimes. Meet my folks, see your baby girl. I would like to see you. . .that is, if you get the chance to visit."
Greg nods. "If I am ever in the neighborhood, I'll make sure to drop in." Sara can sense the sarcasm and bitterness in his voice, but isn't surprised - - she would act the same way if she were in his position.
He says something, but Sara didn't hear him. Greg repeated the question: "When did you hand in your resignation?"
"Oh. When I handed in my maternity leave."
I try to look at Greg but he is staring out the front window.
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Sara does one last round of Greg's apartment before coming back into the family room to find Greg standing there with a small wrapped box in his hand.
Oh God, please don't let that be an engagement ring Sara begs. Please, I can't take that. Not now, not after everything that has happened.
He scuffs his feet against the edge of the carpet and hands Sara the box. "Happy Anniversary," he whispers.
Happy Anniversary? Is today really...oh God. Sara hands Greg the sleeping Alicia and takes the gift with caution. She hears the contents shifting inside.
For a moment, Sara feels a twinge of guilt for forgetting about their anniversary since it is one of the few things Greg does remember about their relationship. But the feeling passes quickly and she looks at Greg's empty eyes.
Maybe I won't open it now Sara thinks. Then she sees how disappointed Greg looks that she isn't more excited and now she has to. Sara carefully pulls at the seams, not wanting to rip the paper. She drops the sheet of paper on the ground as she stops to stare at the black velvet box, feeling it with the tips of her fingers.
Sara takes a deep breath and flips open the lid, revealing a beautiful necklace inside. It's a thin, silver chain with two small pendants attached - - a heart and a star, each baring one diamond. Sara is speechless and Greg offers to put it on. Sara considers just leaving it in the box because the silver star and heart look beautiful against the black velvet but decides it will look nicer on.
Greg hands Sara back Alicia and wraps the necklace around her neck, lifting up her hair to connect the chain. "It looks beautiful on you," he whispers into her ear, making her jump. Greg kisses her lightly on the cheek and its awkward and Sara wonders if he kisses the same now, because she hasn't really kissed him since he came home but decides that even the way he kisses her has changed. "Happy One-Year Anniversary," Greg whispers into her ear, stepping away from her.
And that was the last straw for Sara.
"This isn't fair," Sara choked out between her tears. "You can't do this to me before I leave. My bags are by the door, damnit! I am leaving in ten minutes and you have to give me the freaking' present now!?" Her voice has risen to a low roar and Alicia slowly begins to wake up in her arms.
Greg looks hurt and winces when Alicia begins to cry. Sara huffs and walks to the diaper bag, grabbing Alicia's binkie and sticking the rubber into her mouth, immediately silencing the wailing baby. "Why did you have to do this?" Sara asks silently and turns to Greg.
She really doesn't care what he has to say but asks anyway and she's sure he'll give her an answer because there is some quirky explanation behind all of Greg's mannerisms even if he isn't the same man she fell in love with.
"It's the only thing from our original relationship that survived my memory loss, so it was important to me." He paused to contemplate something for a second. "A bit ironic that our one-year anniversary is the day you choose to leave."
Sara and Greg fall silent. Greg retreats to his original position on the couch and Sara sat down in a chair across the chair, rocking Alicia slowly and whispering lullaby songs in her tiny pink ear.
The taxi beeps its horn at three to seven.
Sara grabs the diaper bag and slings it over her shoulder. Greg looks up at Sara with watery eyes, sniffling his nose. Alicia wakes up with her mother's motions and stares at her father with confusion painted across her face.
Her hand is on the doorknob when she stops, slowly turning to look at Greg. "If I could go back in time, I would never let you go to that crime scene. I am sorry for this mess Greg, I really am."
Greg stares at her, his body trembling and a small tear escapes the corner of his eye. "I forgive you Sara."
Sara yanks open the apartment door when the taxi honks again. Securing the diaper bag on one shoulder, she stuffs her own purse inside the bag. With one last sweep with her eyes, Sara walks out the door. She turns back one last time. "Bye Greg."
She doesn't give Greg a chance to reply before she slams the door behind her and walks out to her cab, leaving Greg on the couch with a solitary tear on his cheek.
Greg reaches into his pocket and pulls out the small piece of paper beside the phone number Sara gave him. He stared at Alicia's ultrasound picture, the only picture of her he had left.
He didn't have any of Sara.
"Bye Sara," Greg whispered.
The single tear rolled down his cheek and dripped onto the picture.
It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
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A FEW LAST NOTES:
1. Per request of a few readers, I am going to explain what the text meant.
The quality of the grammar [capitals, quotations marks, etc.] was based on Sara's mood. So if the grammar was poor, that meant Sara was upset. The better the grammar, the better of a mood Sara was. I think the best example of the text is Chapter 23, where he mood literally changed from one paragraph to the next.
2. All medical information explained in this story is factual. Researched was conducted for factual information.