Twentieth of November part 2: Angel of Mine
* * * * *
"For someone who's just got married today you sure don't seem happy." General Hammond states and I look up shocked. Well wouldn't you be unhappy? The woman you love isn't the woman you married?
"I just wish Daniel could have been here." I say instead and I can tell he doesn't buy it.
"I'm sure he is, in his own way." I nod.
"I just...I miss him, you know?" Now it's Hammond's turn to nod. I glance up and see my wife dancing with one of her colleagues. Further examination reveals that it is one of her ex-boyfriends.
I look around and see Sam talking to Janet...or more accurately Janet talking to Sam. I close my eyes briefly, remembering the feel of her body pressed so closely against mine, the smell of her hair...the way she whispered my name at the end of the song.
Cause I care about her... a lot more than I'm supposed to.
Where the hell had that come from? I look at her again but she's gone. I crease my brow.
I don't think we should...
I jump as the memory seems to come crashing into my mind. Suddenly I feel as though I'm back on the dance floor with everyone watching and examining us like a piece of meat. Goddamit people! Can't you see that I love her? Can't she see that I lover her?
I know I shouldn't have let Angela pick this day. I knew she wouldn't be happy. Angela's friends aren't making this any easier on her - us - by talking about her non-stop all the time! I just feel like ringing their necks!
I hear a smash come from outside and glance around to see if anyone else noticed it; no one did so I take a few steps towards the door. Angela steps in front of me and swings her arm around my shoulder.
"Smile for the camera, Jack!" She laughs and I push a false smile onto my face. "That's a good boy! Now where were you rushing off to in such a hurry?" For the first time I truly understand why no one liked her. I know that's harsh I married her for God's sake! But her self centred, self- credibility is driving me insane!
"I was just going to check on everything." I mutter and pull out of the embrace.
Her smile falls from her face and she glares at me. "Off to see how your major is doing more like!" She hissed. So this is what it's gonna be like from now on?
"As a matter of fact yes. Now if you'll excuse me." I walk away but not before I hear her mutter.
"Why didn't you marry her?" I choose to ignore her comments and walk out.
For a fleeting moment I had this feeling of loss, of hurt. I glance at the glass diamonds scattered across the floor and instantly know it was Sam. I look frantically around and see her yank her shoes off and toss them as far as she can.
I yell her name but she doesn't stop, doesn't blink an eyelid. I bound down the stairs and run to catch up with her.
I'm not so sure she's in her right mind. She's stopped on the jetty and seems to be talking to herself. I slow my pace; there's nowhere she can go now.
I freeze on the spot as I watch her take one more look at the beautiful November sky and take one long stride off the jetty and into the water.
I begin running again. My feet move so fast I'm reminded of the armbands incident...okay let's not go there. I shed my jacket and carelessly toss it onto the ground, dive off the jetty and attempt to rescue Sam.
The water is like a thousand tiny knives stabbing into my lungs and body. I guess that normally it would be dark down here but the reflection of the moon shining on the lake lightens it up a bit.
Why is this happening? This shouldn't be happening! Doesn't she realize I've lost too much in my life to loose her? Daniel, Charlie, Kawalsky, Sara.
I look around in the dimness trying to spot something, anything that will tell me of Sam's whereabouts. Just as my lungs begin burn I spot her.
I grab onto her wrist and wrap my arm around her waist. Kicking frantically I break the surface and pull her to the shore. I run my hands over her body looking for any injuries when it dawns on me that she's not breathing.
"Sam don't do this to me!" I yell as I begin CPR. "One-two-three-four! Come on Sam breath!" I shout as I feel the unfamiliar burn of tears at the back of my eyes.
She coughs and a trickle of water trails from her mouth. I grin triumphantly and pull her onto her side.
Only then does realisation hit me. This wasn't an accident. She wanted this to happen. I stare wide-eyed at her and she scowls as she sits up.
"Sam...?" Her head snaps up and he notices me for the first time. I try not to think about how absolutely amazing she looks when she's soaking wet.
"You idiot!" She screams and stands up attempting to run but her legs don't hold and she falls to the ground. I crawl slowly over to her and try to wrap my arms around her but she refuses. "You bastard!" She screams loudly.
"Sam what..." I look at her puzzled.
"You couldn't just let me die could you Jack!? No! You had to be the hero and try and save me! But you got it wrong this time Jack! This damsel doesn't want you to be her hero! You should have let me drown Jack! You bastard! The only time I don't want your help and you give me it! I hate you!" I try to touch her but she pulls away violently, tears threatening to fall. "Don't touch me!" She hisses and finally tears fall.
"Sam, what's wrong?" I ask gently.
"What's wrong!? I'll tell you what's wrong! I am alone! I'm alone here with no one to help me! Daniel's gone, Janet has Cassie! God even Jonas has that nurse from the infirmary! And what do I have? Nothing! No one! I don't belong here Jack. Everyone leaves me! I have no one." The last part came out in a whisper and more tears fall. I know better than to touch her so I settle for sitting beside her leaning against the jetty.
"Sam, you have me. You've always had me." I whisper. I start hen she jumps up and turns to face me.
"No! No I don't! You have Angela! You married Angela today Jack! Today of all days! How do you think that made me feel!? Do you think I was happy that I had to sit and watch as you married that...that witch!? I should have been with Dad today! Goddamit! She wouldn't even let you invite my dad! If I had been with him then none of this will have happened! He would still be here!" Suddenly her words ring clear in my head.
"Sam, what happened to dad?" I stand up and try to comfort her but she starts hitting me on the chest.
"He's *dead* Jack! The SGC received word from the Tok'ra...they think he's dead." She finally lets me hold her and she collapses into my arms.
We're silent for a few minutes the music floating down from the dance hall.
What you mean to me
You'll never know
Deep inside I need to show
You came into my life
Sent from above
Better than a dream
Such a perfect love
And I'll adore you till the end of time Angel of mine
"Sam you said they think he's dead, right?" She nodded, her head sliding up and down my chest sending my mind into over drive.
"Yes...why?" her voice is muffled and I can feel it echo in my chest. She begins shivering.
"Are you cold?" I feel her nod and I move away from her. She looks at me confused.
Nothing means more means more to me
Than what we share
Nothing in this whole world
Could ever compare
"Two seconds." I look around for my discarded jacket the words of the sing ringing through my head. Why is it that every time I'm with Sam a song comes on that I can totally relate to?
I find my jacket beside the jetty and take it back to Sam wrapping it around her.
I bend my knees and look right into her eyes swiping at a few stray hairs.
"Sam, you said they think that dad is dead. Do we know where he was?" She shook her head. "Okay...I'm sure the Tok'ra know. We'll ask them and go see if he's alive. How does that sound?"
She nods her head and I put my arms around he again.
"I'm sorry." I whisper in her ear and place a soft kiss on her neck.
"What for?" She asks.
"For all the pain I put you through today. You know how I feel don't you?" She nodded and I mimicked her gesture. "We should go in and get permission from Hammond. Do you want to go in or around?"
"I'll go in." She goes to move away from me but I place my arm around her waist effectively stopping her.
"You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but how did your mom die?" I ask her as we walk. She is silent for a moment then begins speaking.
"It was when I was fourteen. Dad was supposed to pick her up but he didn't. She was waiting at the bus stop when a car swerved and hit her. She died instantly. Dad never forgave himself." I take this in and store it away somewhere. "What about Charlie?" I stop at her words and she turns to look at me. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that I'm..."
"It's okay." I step back to her and we continue walking. "I was just back from a mission. I had two weeks leave and I was planning on spending it at the cabin with Sara and Charlie. I just arrived when I heard the shot. It was horrible. There was blood everywhere. We called an ambulance but it was too late. He was gone." The images came crashing back to be as though it only happened yesterday.
"We're here." I wrap the jacket tighter around her and walk in my arm on her waist.
The room stills and everyone turns to us. I feel Sam stiffen and I pull her closer. I look around he room. I see Angela and her friends watching us with a disgusted look on their faces. Damn people. I spot my team, Hammond and Janet standing in a corner talking quietly amongst themselves, oblivious to the fact that everyone else is silent and still.
"T, Jonas, Janet!" I call to them and they turn. I see Janet's shock as she attempts to get through the crowd. I put my hand up to stop her.
I guide Sam through the crowd towards the door.
"O'Neill what is the problem?" Teal'c asks me as I near the door.
"It's dad." I say to him. I turn back to the crowd. "General! Can I have a word please? Janet you look after Sam. Teal'c, Jonas come with me." I look at Sam. "You gonna be okay?" She nods and pushes me towards Hammond. "Okay! I'm going."
I walk towards Hammond and he looks at me questioningly.
"Did Major Carter tell you about her father?"
"Yes, sir. That's what this is about. Permission to go on a search and rescue mission to find Dad." I look across at Sam and Janet and find Janet checking Sam over. I wonder if I should tell her about what Sam tried to do.
"Jack...they think he's dead Jack." He says sadly trying desperately not to let the tears fall.
I sigh. "I know but if we find a body at least then we know and it can out her mind to rest."
"Very well. I'll come back with you." Hammond said as he picked up his jacket. "She'd been through enough in her life. She doesn't deserve this."
I think back to what she said out on the jetty.
How do you think that made me feel!? Do you think I was happy that I had to sit and watch as you married that...that witch!?
"Yes, sir." I walk towards Sam again Teal'c, Jonas and Hammond following. I slip my arm around Sam's waist and nod to Janet who heads down to her car and unlocks the door.
"It'll be okay, Sam. I promise." I lean closer to her and whisper in her ear. "You'll always have me."
I turn and see Angela and her friend - Julie I think her name is - watching us and I sigh. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
"Jack...this is your wedding day. I'm really sorry."
I look at her and smile sadly. "Nothing means more to me than you, you should know that by now."
When I first saw you
I already knew
There was something
Inside of you
Something I thought I'd never find
Angel of mine
I look at you
Looking at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
Gonna love you till the end of time
Angle of mine
What you mean to me
You'll never know
Deep inside I need to show
You came into my life
Sent from above
Better than a dream
Such a perfect love
And I'll adore you till the end of time Angel of mine
Nothing means more to me
Than what we share
No one in this whole world
Could ever compare
I lie awake
You're still on my mind
Angel of mine
TBC.
A/N: YOU DIDN'T REALLY THINK I'D LEAVE IT LIKE THAT DID YOU? COME OOOON THIS IS ME! More soon!
* * * * *
"For someone who's just got married today you sure don't seem happy." General Hammond states and I look up shocked. Well wouldn't you be unhappy? The woman you love isn't the woman you married?
"I just wish Daniel could have been here." I say instead and I can tell he doesn't buy it.
"I'm sure he is, in his own way." I nod.
"I just...I miss him, you know?" Now it's Hammond's turn to nod. I glance up and see my wife dancing with one of her colleagues. Further examination reveals that it is one of her ex-boyfriends.
I look around and see Sam talking to Janet...or more accurately Janet talking to Sam. I close my eyes briefly, remembering the feel of her body pressed so closely against mine, the smell of her hair...the way she whispered my name at the end of the song.
Cause I care about her... a lot more than I'm supposed to.
Where the hell had that come from? I look at her again but she's gone. I crease my brow.
I don't think we should...
I jump as the memory seems to come crashing into my mind. Suddenly I feel as though I'm back on the dance floor with everyone watching and examining us like a piece of meat. Goddamit people! Can't you see that I love her? Can't she see that I lover her?
I know I shouldn't have let Angela pick this day. I knew she wouldn't be happy. Angela's friends aren't making this any easier on her - us - by talking about her non-stop all the time! I just feel like ringing their necks!
I hear a smash come from outside and glance around to see if anyone else noticed it; no one did so I take a few steps towards the door. Angela steps in front of me and swings her arm around my shoulder.
"Smile for the camera, Jack!" She laughs and I push a false smile onto my face. "That's a good boy! Now where were you rushing off to in such a hurry?" For the first time I truly understand why no one liked her. I know that's harsh I married her for God's sake! But her self centred, self- credibility is driving me insane!
"I was just going to check on everything." I mutter and pull out of the embrace.
Her smile falls from her face and she glares at me. "Off to see how your major is doing more like!" She hissed. So this is what it's gonna be like from now on?
"As a matter of fact yes. Now if you'll excuse me." I walk away but not before I hear her mutter.
"Why didn't you marry her?" I choose to ignore her comments and walk out.
For a fleeting moment I had this feeling of loss, of hurt. I glance at the glass diamonds scattered across the floor and instantly know it was Sam. I look frantically around and see her yank her shoes off and toss them as far as she can.
I yell her name but she doesn't stop, doesn't blink an eyelid. I bound down the stairs and run to catch up with her.
I'm not so sure she's in her right mind. She's stopped on the jetty and seems to be talking to herself. I slow my pace; there's nowhere she can go now.
I freeze on the spot as I watch her take one more look at the beautiful November sky and take one long stride off the jetty and into the water.
I begin running again. My feet move so fast I'm reminded of the armbands incident...okay let's not go there. I shed my jacket and carelessly toss it onto the ground, dive off the jetty and attempt to rescue Sam.
The water is like a thousand tiny knives stabbing into my lungs and body. I guess that normally it would be dark down here but the reflection of the moon shining on the lake lightens it up a bit.
Why is this happening? This shouldn't be happening! Doesn't she realize I've lost too much in my life to loose her? Daniel, Charlie, Kawalsky, Sara.
I look around in the dimness trying to spot something, anything that will tell me of Sam's whereabouts. Just as my lungs begin burn I spot her.
I grab onto her wrist and wrap my arm around her waist. Kicking frantically I break the surface and pull her to the shore. I run my hands over her body looking for any injuries when it dawns on me that she's not breathing.
"Sam don't do this to me!" I yell as I begin CPR. "One-two-three-four! Come on Sam breath!" I shout as I feel the unfamiliar burn of tears at the back of my eyes.
She coughs and a trickle of water trails from her mouth. I grin triumphantly and pull her onto her side.
Only then does realisation hit me. This wasn't an accident. She wanted this to happen. I stare wide-eyed at her and she scowls as she sits up.
"Sam...?" Her head snaps up and he notices me for the first time. I try not to think about how absolutely amazing she looks when she's soaking wet.
"You idiot!" She screams and stands up attempting to run but her legs don't hold and she falls to the ground. I crawl slowly over to her and try to wrap my arms around her but she refuses. "You bastard!" She screams loudly.
"Sam what..." I look at her puzzled.
"You couldn't just let me die could you Jack!? No! You had to be the hero and try and save me! But you got it wrong this time Jack! This damsel doesn't want you to be her hero! You should have let me drown Jack! You bastard! The only time I don't want your help and you give me it! I hate you!" I try to touch her but she pulls away violently, tears threatening to fall. "Don't touch me!" She hisses and finally tears fall.
"Sam, what's wrong?" I ask gently.
"What's wrong!? I'll tell you what's wrong! I am alone! I'm alone here with no one to help me! Daniel's gone, Janet has Cassie! God even Jonas has that nurse from the infirmary! And what do I have? Nothing! No one! I don't belong here Jack. Everyone leaves me! I have no one." The last part came out in a whisper and more tears fall. I know better than to touch her so I settle for sitting beside her leaning against the jetty.
"Sam, you have me. You've always had me." I whisper. I start hen she jumps up and turns to face me.
"No! No I don't! You have Angela! You married Angela today Jack! Today of all days! How do you think that made me feel!? Do you think I was happy that I had to sit and watch as you married that...that witch!? I should have been with Dad today! Goddamit! She wouldn't even let you invite my dad! If I had been with him then none of this will have happened! He would still be here!" Suddenly her words ring clear in my head.
"Sam, what happened to dad?" I stand up and try to comfort her but she starts hitting me on the chest.
"He's *dead* Jack! The SGC received word from the Tok'ra...they think he's dead." She finally lets me hold her and she collapses into my arms.
We're silent for a few minutes the music floating down from the dance hall.
What you mean to me
You'll never know
Deep inside I need to show
You came into my life
Sent from above
Better than a dream
Such a perfect love
And I'll adore you till the end of time Angel of mine
"Sam you said they think he's dead, right?" She nodded, her head sliding up and down my chest sending my mind into over drive.
"Yes...why?" her voice is muffled and I can feel it echo in my chest. She begins shivering.
"Are you cold?" I feel her nod and I move away from her. She looks at me confused.
Nothing means more means more to me
Than what we share
Nothing in this whole world
Could ever compare
"Two seconds." I look around for my discarded jacket the words of the sing ringing through my head. Why is it that every time I'm with Sam a song comes on that I can totally relate to?
I find my jacket beside the jetty and take it back to Sam wrapping it around her.
I bend my knees and look right into her eyes swiping at a few stray hairs.
"Sam, you said they think that dad is dead. Do we know where he was?" She shook her head. "Okay...I'm sure the Tok'ra know. We'll ask them and go see if he's alive. How does that sound?"
She nods her head and I put my arms around he again.
"I'm sorry." I whisper in her ear and place a soft kiss on her neck.
"What for?" She asks.
"For all the pain I put you through today. You know how I feel don't you?" She nodded and I mimicked her gesture. "We should go in and get permission from Hammond. Do you want to go in or around?"
"I'll go in." She goes to move away from me but I place my arm around her waist effectively stopping her.
"You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but how did your mom die?" I ask her as we walk. She is silent for a moment then begins speaking.
"It was when I was fourteen. Dad was supposed to pick her up but he didn't. She was waiting at the bus stop when a car swerved and hit her. She died instantly. Dad never forgave himself." I take this in and store it away somewhere. "What about Charlie?" I stop at her words and she turns to look at me. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that I'm..."
"It's okay." I step back to her and we continue walking. "I was just back from a mission. I had two weeks leave and I was planning on spending it at the cabin with Sara and Charlie. I just arrived when I heard the shot. It was horrible. There was blood everywhere. We called an ambulance but it was too late. He was gone." The images came crashing back to be as though it only happened yesterday.
"We're here." I wrap the jacket tighter around her and walk in my arm on her waist.
The room stills and everyone turns to us. I feel Sam stiffen and I pull her closer. I look around he room. I see Angela and her friends watching us with a disgusted look on their faces. Damn people. I spot my team, Hammond and Janet standing in a corner talking quietly amongst themselves, oblivious to the fact that everyone else is silent and still.
"T, Jonas, Janet!" I call to them and they turn. I see Janet's shock as she attempts to get through the crowd. I put my hand up to stop her.
I guide Sam through the crowd towards the door.
"O'Neill what is the problem?" Teal'c asks me as I near the door.
"It's dad." I say to him. I turn back to the crowd. "General! Can I have a word please? Janet you look after Sam. Teal'c, Jonas come with me." I look at Sam. "You gonna be okay?" She nods and pushes me towards Hammond. "Okay! I'm going."
I walk towards Hammond and he looks at me questioningly.
"Did Major Carter tell you about her father?"
"Yes, sir. That's what this is about. Permission to go on a search and rescue mission to find Dad." I look across at Sam and Janet and find Janet checking Sam over. I wonder if I should tell her about what Sam tried to do.
"Jack...they think he's dead Jack." He says sadly trying desperately not to let the tears fall.
I sigh. "I know but if we find a body at least then we know and it can out her mind to rest."
"Very well. I'll come back with you." Hammond said as he picked up his jacket. "She'd been through enough in her life. She doesn't deserve this."
I think back to what she said out on the jetty.
How do you think that made me feel!? Do you think I was happy that I had to sit and watch as you married that...that witch!?
"Yes, sir." I walk towards Sam again Teal'c, Jonas and Hammond following. I slip my arm around Sam's waist and nod to Janet who heads down to her car and unlocks the door.
"It'll be okay, Sam. I promise." I lean closer to her and whisper in her ear. "You'll always have me."
I turn and see Angela and her friend - Julie I think her name is - watching us and I sigh. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
"Jack...this is your wedding day. I'm really sorry."
I look at her and smile sadly. "Nothing means more to me than you, you should know that by now."
When I first saw you
I already knew
There was something
Inside of you
Something I thought I'd never find
Angel of mine
I look at you
Looking at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
Gonna love you till the end of time
Angle of mine
What you mean to me
You'll never know
Deep inside I need to show
You came into my life
Sent from above
Better than a dream
Such a perfect love
And I'll adore you till the end of time Angel of mine
Nothing means more to me
Than what we share
No one in this whole world
Could ever compare
I lie awake
You're still on my mind
Angel of mine
TBC.
A/N: YOU DIDN'T REALLY THINK I'D LEAVE IT LIKE THAT DID YOU? COME OOOON THIS IS ME! More soon!