I would die for you
S+J+S+J+S+J+S+J+S
Gater101
S+J+S+J+S+J+S+J+S
I stare at my father through a haze of tears that gather unbidden into my eyes after I heard that Jack… I wipe at the few stray tears that escaped my eyes. I look across at Teal'c who has his eyes downcast but I can tell he wants to add something.
I place my head on my folded arms that rest on the desk and breathe deeply causing the dark wood to steam up under my mouth.
"MajorCarter," I look up as Teal'c speaks my name. His face is betraying so much emotion much like he had when Daniel died. "O'Neill wished me to tell you only one thing." I close my eyes and want to tell him to stop, not here - in front of Hammond. But I don't because I know he needs to say this as much as I need to hear it. He takes a deep breath before continuing. "He wished me to tell you that he would die for you."
I let out a choked sob and bite my bottom lip to stop it trembling but no force on Earth could stop the tears form forming in my eyes.
My dad stands and moves behind me and puts a hand on my shoulder in an effort to comfort me but I shrug him off not wanting his comfort. Jack loved me so much that he would give his life for me? For my father? Thinking about what he told me I should have guessed he would risk his life to get him back, he practically told me that he would die to get him back. He would 'do whatever it takes'.
I have never seen this kind of love
The kind that won't wash away
And then leave you in the dark
I would die for you
I would die for you
I would die...
For you
I thump the desk and push my chair back causing my father to stumble backwards. I need to get out of here, need to get away from the prying eyes of Hammond, of the pity in Jonas' eyes…from the despair on Teal'c's face.
I watch Hammond watch me as the tears flow from my eyes burning my cheeks and my neck as they seep down the front of my black T-shirt I had so recently put on. Surely he must know? If he didn't know before surely he knows now?
I grab the rail on the stair so as not to fall as I hastily descend two steps at a time narrowly missing Sergeant Siler. The corridor seems empty and behind me I hear the thud-thud of boots as someone follows me. Turning left at the end of the corridor I jump into the elevator when the doors open and turn just in time to see my father squeeze past the few people who exited the elevator. I jab the button for the quarter's floor several times and the doors finally close just as Dad reaches them but he's too late. I send him a half smile and hope he understands.
After a few seconds I hit the emergency stop button and slump down against the back of the car letting the sobs of emotions take over me. If Angela loves him even half as much as I do then what will she go through…Angela! Oh God I completely forgot about her…I'm sure General Hammond will take care of her.
After several minutes I stand and wipe my eyes on the sleeve of my T-shirt and pull the button back out and there is a slight jolt as the car starts again. I watch the numbers as they take an eternity to pass and indicate I am on my floor. When they do I step out the elevator and into Major Paul Davis. He sends me a half smile, which I return with no enthusiasm. Is this how it's going to be? No familiar banter? No happy jokes about the latest discovery?
I walk towards my quarters but make a by-way for my lab. I can't stand to smell him on my bed covers, on me…on my life. The lab is cool and I fall into the seat and watch the screensaver dance happily across my monitor. I sit and wait for him to come bounding through the door and ask me what my latest discovery is, what I did on my downtime…but he doesn't and I can't help but feel the air being sucked from my lungs.
I never kissed a sweeter mouth
I've never been swept away
It's what dreams are made for love
Don't you know I could not survive?
Without you in my life
I would die for you
I would die for you
I would die...
For you
I sit up when there is a soft knock on the doorframe and I see Jonas standing with two cups of coffee in his hand. I smile at him and accept the proffered cup after I wipe my tear stained face. He looks at me with a smile and scratches his eyebrow.
"What happened?" I ask out of the blue, surprising both Jonas and myself. I hadn't expected to ask the question so soon and from the looks of it neither had Jonas.
He pauses and takes a sip of coffee then puts it on the table.
"Ba'al…he said he would trade for your father. We readily agreed of course but at the time we thought he meant technology." I close my eyes and shake my head. Of course he didn't mean technology. "He gave us Jacob the made his deal…one of us. Of course we weren't about to give ourselves up to the enemy." When had Jonas started sounding so military? "But when it came apparent that there was no way we were getting out of there any other way Colonel O'Neill said he would go."
I stare at him with wide disbelieving eyes.
"And you let him go!?" I shout and pound the table causing the coffee cups to jump.
"No! No of course we put up a fight! But he ordered us to leave. He pulled Teal'c aside and told him something - obviously what Teal'c told you in the briefing room. Sam I'm really sorry."
A glimmer of hope rises in my chest and I smile ever so slightly.
"But you don't know if he's dead or not. That has to be something. He could still be out there Jonas, we have to help him." I demand and don't even listen to him as he tries to tell me otherwise.
"Sam listen to me. There was no way he would have survived. The only reason your father is as healthy as he is, is because he was placed in a sarcophagus when we retrieved him. There is no way Colonel O'Neill made it out…I'm sorry."
Jonas has tears in his eyes and I can tell that I am edging on hysterical but I need this hope, because without it I am nothing! I'd have nothing to live for; I have to get out of here.
I make a dash for the door and run out of the lab in a blurry of colour and imaginary dust. Making my way back to the elevator I wonder idly how many times I have ridden this car, and how many times I have ridden it with Jack.
I ride up to top level and get out and pass the guard without signing out, I'm not going far and I hope he has the sense not to follow. The crisp night air chills me to the bone, so very different from the lovely autumn weather that had graced the city a few days before. The sky is clear as I make my way to my car - I'd left it there the day before the wedding and Hammond had ridden me home so I could drink at the wedding - and to the sanctuary of peace and quiet.
My cheeks are frozen by the time I am halfway through the parking lot and matters are made worse when I hear a familiar - down right patronising - voice.
"It's your entire fault you realise that!?" Angela said from somewhere in the parking lot, probably beside Jack's car, which is parked next to mine.
Ignoring her and hoping she'll get fed up with speaking to me, I put the key in the lock and open the door. A light but forceful hand lands on my shoulder and pulls me around before pressing me back up against the car.
"Are you listening to me!?" Angela screamed in my face and I was struck by a strong stench of alcohol.
"Miss Trungsten-" I begin.
"Mrs *O'Neill*" She cuts in.
"Please release me or I will have to call security." I say forcefully but she laughs at me. Did she find this situation funny? How can she laugh at a time like this? Is she crazy?
"I'd like to see you try," she hisses in my ear and when she pulls back I see the evil grin on her face.
I begin to wonder if she is sane. I always knew she was a bitch but this is taking it to extremes. For the first time in months I see true evil and I shiver involuntarily - much to Angela's pleasure.
"You know it's true. You can't lie to me, hell you can't even lie to yourself!" She smiles as I narrow my eyes at her. "I used to think it was cute, you know you and Jack? The way you both tried to pretend that there was nothing going on between you? And now? Now it's just pathetic, a sad little world where you can escape to. If he loved you as much as you both think he does then why did he marry me? Why is it me that he chose and not you? Because he can have me, *me*! And *you* are just his little puppy dog."
I close my eyes after realising she is no longer looking at me. Is this true? Is it possible that I have been so wrapped up in my own emotions that I didn't see him draw back? Is Angela right?
She steps up to me again the smell of alcohol freshened on her breath - she obviously has a bottle here with her. I open my eyes and find myself looking straight into her green eyes.
"Now, I want you to do just one thing for me," she traces a finger over my shirt and I shiver. "I want you to bring him home for me. Bring him home to *me*." She turned abruptly and left leaving me gaping at her.
Taking a deep breath I decide against staying out here any longer. I have to bring him home, whether it's for me or for him I have to. Alive or dead loving me or not.
I have never seen this kind of love
The kind that won't wash away
And then leave you in the dark
I would die for you
I would die for you
I would die...
For you
I never kissed a sweeter mouth
I've never been swept away
It's what dreams are made for love
Don't you know I could not survive?
Without you in my life
I would die for you
I would die for you
I would die...
For you
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah Yeah Yeah
I have never seen this kind of love
The kind that won't slip away
Yes I'm searing through your heart
Don't you know I could not survive
Without you in my life
I would die for you
I would die for you
I would die...
For you
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah Yeah Yeah
I would die for you
I would die for you
I would die for you
I would die for you
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah Yeah
Die for you
I would die for you