Gater101
She watched as he sat in his chair and how he rose when she entered – she being Angela. Outside the room was where Sam stood watching the exchange between two people, two *married* people. It seemed to happen in slow motion, Angela running down the corridor when she spotted his room, then running to him, him slowly raising from his chair his actions both sluggish and painful. The hug. The hug seemed to last forever and Sam looked away slowly trying to hide the look of utter pain that crossed her face from Teal'c.
When she looked up again, he had glanced over at her and smiled slightly, then his gaze suddenly became contemplative. She just stared and then turned to walk away. Her steps were long and steady but they seemed to be slow, not letting her escape from the prison she was in. But she knew that nothing could break her free from the hell she had signed herself to: no amount of high speed running, no wormhole or hyperspeed was going to allow her to leave behind the baggage of the past few months.
As she finally made it outside into the bright day she looked up towards the pale blue sky and watched the few wispy clouds float overhead and then disappear behind some building that seemed to touch the outer edges of the atmosphere. She looked down again and saw her father sitting on the bonnet of her car. He stepped down from it and came towards her with his arms open wide.
She rushed to him and flung herself into his embrace and let the tears fall down her face once again.
"You okay?" Her dad asked out of courtesy not curiosity.
She sniffed a few times then pulled back to wipe her face and nodded her head.
"I'll be fine," she said optimistically, knowing that – for the moment at lest – her words were not true.
"I didn't ask about the future, I asked about now," her dad told her as he pushed a strand of hair from her face.
She smiled and her lip trembled again but she managed to retain the tears in her eyes.
"Okay," she lied and hoped that he would not press any further.
She moved around him towards her car and put her key in the lock, forgetting she had the remote to open it and stopped. She looked back towards the hospital and saw Jonas and Teal'c leave and make their way towards Teal'c's SVU. Her eyes moved along the ground floor to where she thought Jack's room was and she stopped and let her mind think about everything that had happened between them.
The wedding. Actually, everything that happened before then. The first day she met him and threatened him with an arm wrestle. The wedding. The night before he went to retrieve the man that was standing in front of. The absolute torture she had put herself through – again – in an attempt to rescue him. The sad exchange in the infirmary before he was transferred to the public hospital.
She opened her door and slid in, sliding her key into the ignition as she did so. It had been two weeks since she had kissed Jack and she could still feel his hand around her neck, his lips on hers. And she had a feeling that she was going to be feeling it for quite some time. They hadn't really spoken about it, most probably because Sam had avoided the infirmary as though it were infested with Goa'uld symbiotes.
"What you thinking about?" Jacob asked from the seat next to her a few minutes later as they turned onto the highway to make their way towards base.
"The future." She glanced towards him and saw him smile.
"What about it?"
She shook her head and let out a breath of warm air that blew a strand of hair from her nose.
"Whether or not I'm going to be there to see it."
Jacob looked at her but said nothing. Instead he put a hand on her arm and squeezed gently.
"I love you."
~+~
Something caught her eye as she sat in the briefing room being briefed on their first mission since O'Neill's return. She looked up and saw the plain gold band glinting slightly in the overhead light on O'Neill's hand. She watched it as it moved animatedly through the air and then as it came to rest in the yellow blotter on top of the dark oak table.
"You leave in two hours," Hammond said and Sam nodded but didn't move.
She watched as O'Neill stood and dropped his pen onto the blotter, her eyes never leaving his hand. Her chest seemed to have gotten heavier every day since she left the hospital and she could think of nothing to alleviate the pain. Well that's not strictly true is it Sam…? Her brain added. She shuffled her papers about and made no attempt to move.
"Carter, you coming?" O'Neill asked as he looked down over her a small curious smile on his face.
She stared at him for a few minutes longer and watched as his lips grew in length. He attempted to hide his smile but failed. She finally nodded and stood up. She crossed the briefing room floor and attempted not to look at his hand as he walked beside her and attempted to make conversation.
"So…" he said, as they walked down the corridor past numerous open doors.
They were getting closer and closer to a place where Sam did not want to go. She didn't want to have to constantly fight with her human instincts when they entered…
The elevator doors opened and she sighed, knowing that she wasn't about to be paged back to General Hammond's office in the small two seconds it was going to take her to step inside the small, enclosed space that would take them to a higher floor where they would finally go their separate ways.
When the doors closed, he moved instantly.
He pushed her back into the wall and kissed her hungrily. She returned it for a few seconds then remembered her promise she had made with herself only thirty seconds before.
He realised she wasn't returning his kiss and then pulled back.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"I'm not going to be the other woman," she stated simply, her heart hammering against her chest in attempt to escape from its confines, similar to Sam's body's feelings.
He sighed and dropped his head onto the back of the wall beside her head and she mustered all her will power to stop herself from leaning her head against his.
"I know…" he said slowly and at length. "And I would never ask you to be."
She scoffed slightly.
"You're not asking me to be, your 'telling' me that I am. And I'm not going to do that for any longer. I'm not giving you an ultimatum: I'm simply telling you that you can't have us both."
He pulled back.
This was the longest elevator ride she had ever experienced. She looked up and realised it had stopped and that the "EMERGENCY" sign was alight with its dangerous red colour.
"I know I can't have you both. And I know what it is that I have to do but it's just so hard. I have to tell her."
Sam's eyes subconsciously opened wider at the prospect of Angela finding out that they had been having… whatever the hell his was. It wasn't exactly an affair because they had never done anything other than kiss and profess their love for one another… almost.
"I can think of several reasons why that would not be a good idea. My life is one of them!" Sam exclaimed rather loudly and he flinched.
"She doesn't have to know why I'm leaving her, just that I am," he said after a not-so-long contemplative silence.
"She would absolutely kill me if she foun… what?" Sam stood shocked and let O'Neill's animated smile confirm what it was that her ears had heard.
"I think we've stalled this for long enough… the elevator I mean." He hit the button again and the elevator car started moving again. He looked down at her and smiled with his quirky smile that reminded her of a five year old boy who had just been caught with his hand the cookie jar. "We'll talk about this later."
The elevator doors opened and he executed a rapid escape. Sam stayed where she was and stared at the figure that was disappearing around the corner.
"Major?" Siler asked as he leaned against the massive spanner that he often carried with him.
"I'm going down," Sam said and started laughing as she hit the button back down to the level the infirmary was on, only her understand the double meaning of her last phrase.
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memories seep from my veins
let me be empty
oh and weightless then maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you feel
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe
in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you feel
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
TBC!!! Nyahaha! I think that maybe this story will go on for a few more chapters… is that up to everyone's satisfaction?