Disclaimer: They still don't. My birthday is still some time away though. Keep saving! Buy me the rights to Draco!
A/N I didn't expect people to pick up on the Sleeping Beauty bit in the last chapter, glad you did though, I love that film! It's one of my fave Disney films (Can't beat Beauty and the Beast or The Emperor's New Groove though.) Thank you all for being nice about the wand fight, as I've mentioned, the sword fight in the Princess Bride is bloody amazing, so was really worried about doing a parody of it, as I can't do it justice. Onwards!!
'Inconceivable!' yelled Snape, at the sight of the Man In Pink running purposefully up the mountainside, his legs cased in the pink leather that had made Blaise drool so much (Blaise, by the way, is fine; he is now having R rated dreams about the Man In Pink and a rather long wand.).
'I wonder if Blaise is ok.' said Greg. Vince nodded in agreement.
'Give me Potter.' snapped Snape. 'You two stay here and finish the Man In Pink YOUR way.'
'Oh, our way. Thanks, Professor Snape. Which is our way?' asked Greg.
'In a minute the Man In Pink will come running round the corner. You two hide behind those rocks either side of the path. The moment he comes into view, jump into each other and squish him in the middle!'
Greg and Vince reflected for a moment on what Blaise's reaction would have been if he had been asked to participate in a Man In Pink sandwich. They both pictured him in the same way; lying on the floor in a puddle of his own drool.
Greg pulled himself together first; Vince was still staring at the imaginary Blaise on the ground, and giggling at how pissed off he would be that he had missed this opportunity for molesting.
'Our way isn't very fun' complained Greg.
Snape rolled his eyes towards heaven, and walked off with Harry over his shoulder, looking very bored with the whole matter.
After he was sure that Snape couldn't see them anymore, Greg went and shook Vince out of his Blaise-induced giggling, and whispered something in his ear. Vince nodded his head, and the two of them went and hid behind the conveniently placed rocks as they had been instructed.
A few minutes later, the Man In Pink came round the corner. He slowed his run to a cautious slink, and slinked a bit further, before being met by two large blokes jumping into each other just in front of him. He stepped back quickly and drew his wand, carefully assessing the situation. One of the large blokes had no glimmer of intelligence in his eyes whatsoever; the Man In Pink shuddered that anyone could be that transparently stupid. Then he reasoned silently with himself that anyone that stupid wouldn't be intelligent enough to disguise the fact that he was stupid. Then the Man In Pink's brain began to hurt, so he stopped that line of thought immediately. Then the member of the duo who seemed more intelligent picked up a fuck-off big rock, and spoke.
'We did that on purpose. We didn't have to miss.'
'I believe you.' replied the Man In Pink. 'Now what?'
'We put down our weapons and face each other as Salazar Slytherin wouldn't have wanted; man to man with no cheating.'
'So, you put down your rock, and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilised wizards? What about him?' the Man In Pink pointed at Vince.
'He has no part in this, he's too innocent. Vince, think how irritated Blaise would be that he missed this.' Vince started chortling. 'See, he's fine now. That will keep him amused for hours.'
'Ok, so it's just you and me. How do you want to do this?' Vince overheard this, and giggled even more.
'Well,' replied Greg, 'I have the power here, so I'll choose. And I pick…Monopoly!'
Three hours later, the Man In Pink owned the Dark Blues, the Greens, the Yellows, (with hotels on each), and had one of each of the other colours except the Browns. Greg owned the Browns, and was laboriously putting three houses on each of them.
Another twenty minutes later, Greg was on Free Parking, and had just rolled an 11. He landed on Regent Street, and let out a howl of despair. He collapsed to the ground in a dead faint; it was the first time that he had ever lost a game of Monopoly. The Man In Pink smiled at Vince, who grinned back, and then he started up the hill after Snape.