Disclaimer: They still belong to JK Rowling, most of the situations they find themselves in still belong to William Goldman.
A/N I love this next scene in the film! It's so very cool! It seems like I haven't updated for ages, but it's only been five days. I just like the writing, so when I don't do it I miss it! That doesn't make sense. Oh well, here's the next chapter!
The Man In Pink rounded the corner to be met with a bizarre sight. Snape was seated at a small table covered in a pristine white tablecloth, with a bottle of Firewhiskey and two glasses on it. Harry was seated next to Snape, a blindfold covering his eyes.
Snape saw the Man In Pink approaching, and pulled out his wand. He whispered a spell that the Man In Pink couldn't quite make out, and the wand turned into a feather, which Snape pointed at Harry's neck. Harry, it must be stated, couldn't bear having his neck tickled. He would almost have rather the wand had been turned into a knife. Snape knew this, having accidentally walked in on Harry and Draco while Draco had still been alive, to find them playing a rather odd sort of game, which involved Draco tickling Harry's neck until Harry promised to do anything Draco had wanted. It had lasted five seconds before Harry had caved. Snape knew that Harry was remembering that day, and permitted himself a little smirk. The Man In Pink saw Harry flinching away from the feather as he approached, and stopped walking.
'So,' said Snape, 'It is down to you, and it is down to me.'
The Man In Pink started to walk forward, an endearing smirk on his face. 'Let me explain.'
'What's to explain? You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen!' Snape started gently moving the feather up and down Harry's neck, causing Harry to laugh and grimace at the same time. The Man In Pink froze, then started moving slowly again.
'Maybe a compromise can be reached?'
'There will be no compromise, and you're torturing him'
'Then it appears we are at an impasse.'
'It appears so.'
'Very well, then, I have a suggestion as to how we can resolve this.' offered the Man In Pink.
'Oh?' replied Snape.
'I propose a battle of wits.'
'For Potter?' asked Snape.
The Man In Pink nodded.
'To the death?'
The Man In Pink nodded again.
'I accept!'
'Fantastic. Then pour the Firewhiskey.'
Snape did so. As he was busy pouring the drinks, the Man In Pink sat down opposite Snape, stealing a quick look at Harry and looking away as soon as Snape looked up.
'Are you ready?' asked Snape, suspiciously.
For answer, the Man In Pink produced his wand, which had been concealed somewhere among his clothing, very cleverly, as his clothes were quite tight, and he hadn't had a wand line. Snape looked at him, curiously, wondering what he was planning. The Man In Pink whispered 'Hubris Finitum', and a vial appeared on the table, with a liquid inside. The liquid was, unsurprisingly, pink. Snape glanced at the vial, and, being a potions master, identified it immediately.
'Hetairai destroyer. One of the most deadly poisons known to wizardkind.'
'Very good.' said the Man In Pink, in a patronising voice. 'I suppose you know what happens when it comes in contact with alcohol?'
'Of course,' sneered Snape. 'It loses its colour, becomes tasteless, but still retains its deadly effects. Oh.' As he clicked on to what the Man In Pink was suggesting. The Man In Pink smirked again, took the two glasses of Firewhiskey and the vial, turned so he had his back to Snape, and poured the contents of the vial.
He turned back to face Snape, swished the liquid around in the glasses, and set one down in front of each of them.
'Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide, and we both drink, and find out who is right, and who is dead.
'But it's so easy!' exclaimed Snape, 'All I have to do is divine from what I know of you; are you the type of man who puts the poison into his own glass or his enemies? You have beaten Blaise, so you must have studied, and in studying you will have learnt that man is mortal, and therefore out the poison as far from yourself as possible. But, you also beat Crabbe and Goyle, and if I know Goyle at all he challenged you to a game of Monopoly. You beat him at that, which means you're even more stubborn than he is, so you could rely on your stubbornness to hang on to life.'
'You're trying to make me give something away. It won't work.'
'It has worked; you've given everything away! I know where the poison is!'
'Then make your choice'
'I will! And I choose… Oh, Merlin, look! A badger!!' Snape pointed over the Man In Pink's shoulder. The Man in Pink spun around. As he did so, Snape switched their glasses.
'Oh, I could have sworn I saw a badger. They're becoming very rare, you know. Oh well, no harm, eh? Let's drink, me from my glass, and you from yours.' Snape started chortling.
'What's so funny?' asked the Man In Pink suspiciously.
'I'll tell you in a minute'.
They both raised their glasses to each other and drank. The Man In Pink laughed softly.
'You guessed wrong.'
@You only think I guessed wrong! That's what so funny! I switched glasses while your back was turned! Haha, you fool! You fell victim to one of the most classic blunders! The first is never get involved with Voldemort, no matter how much he tells you that you will get many lusty wenches, but the second, only slightly less well known is this: NEVER go in against a malevolent, greasy-haired potions master when DEATH is on the line! HAHAHAHAHAH…….'
Snape toppled sideways off his chair, the foam round his mouth from his maniacal laughter beginning to dry. The Man In Pink ran round to Harry, and gently undid his blindfold.
'Just think,' said Harry, 'all that time it was your glass that was poisoned.'
'Neither was poisoned' replied the Man In Pink. 'Snape laughed himself to death. I wouldn't poison a Slytherin. Now let's get out of here.'
A/N unless you're one of my mates, you won't understand the badger reference.
Hubris means arrogance, and a hetairai is Ancient Greek for a 'companion' (whore). See? We learn interesting stuff in our Classics lessons!