Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, or any of its characters. They belong to GAINAX. I don't even own a decent pair of shoes, are you sick people happy now?! (Just kidding. My shoes are ok. And nobody on Fanfiction are sick...unless you've got a cold. Then I hope you get better soon. Colds suck.)
Enjoy the chapter!
italics are thoughts
those are passing of time. (the big lines, duh)
"And this is obviously talking"
Hikari's P.O.V.
Friday. Thank god. One more day and the weekend would be upon us. Not like I hate school or anything, but keeping up with my class representative duties is a pain. And besides, going shopping with Asuka on the weekends beats yelling at the three stooges.
A woke up that morning feeling quite refreshed. The sun streamed into my bedroom through the open window. The morning air was a little cold, but just enough to wake me up. I yawned, stretched and stood up. It was another school morning, and it was time to get ready...
I sped to the bathroom, nearly colliding with my older sister Kodama. "Watch it kid," She said jokingly. "Sorry," I apologized. "Gotta take a shower. Is dad awake?" "He left for work already. Do you want me to make breakfast?" She asked, putting her hair in a ponytail. "Yea, that'd be great," I grinned. I quickly took a shower and wrapped up in a bathrobe. After combing through my wet hair I left the bathroom and headed for the kitchen.
"Hurry up you two, breakfast is ready!" Kodama exclaimed. I sat down at the table. "Where is that little monster?" She said, setting three plates of eggs on the table. "BOO!" Nozomi, my little sister called, popping out from under the table. Her blue-gray eyes shown brightly. "Oh. Right there. Now sit down and eat." She commanded, pointing to the chair. She sat down obediently and starting to eat her scrambled eggs. I went to the cupboard and reached for the soy sauce. "Ugh, how can you it that, Hikari?" Kodama asked.
I shrugged. "It's good." She stuck out her tongue. "Well it looks disgusting." She frowned at my food. "Well it's no better than your ketchup!" Nozomi said, pointing to Kodama's eggs. "Well that' something that actually tastes good," Kodama scoffed slightly. I rolled my eyes. "Let's agree that we all like different stuff and leave it at that." Kodama smiled, flicking her dark brown ponytail behind her shoulder. "No wonder your class representative." What was that supposed to mean? Was it a compliment or a criticism? Instead of replying, I simply finished my eggs and put my plate in the sink. I reached into the fridge and grabbed our lunches, plus the one I had made for Touji.
"Don't forget 'em," I said, leaving the kitchen. Kodama followed me into the bathroom. "So, what do you want me to do with your hair today?" She asked, playing with it slightly. "Just the same." I said brightly. "Pigtails? Come on Hikari, try something more grown up. It'll get that guy at your school to notice you," She said, nudging me. "What guy?" I asked, trying to sound inconspicuous. "That guy you always make lunch for. What's his name....Touji, is it?" "Oh him. Why would I want him to notice me?" I didn't know how much longer I could keep my act up.
"Hikari, don't act so smart. I'm 16, and have lots more experience with guys. Either you admit that you like him, or I run around knowing you do." I rolled my eyes. "Think whatever you want but it isn't the truth." I said firmly. She finished putting my hair up, and patted the top of my head. "Whatever." "Do my hair next!" Nozomi had barged in the bathroom. "Sure are bossy for an eight year old. Alright, I'll do yours next." She smiled at Nozomi and set her up on the counter.
I've always been jealous of Kodama. Nozomi and I got my mother's freckles, but Kodama's face was flawless and beautiful. All of the guys at her high school longed for her, and we all knew it. There were even guys in the 8th grade that like her. I've always wondered why she was the lucky one... I suddenly snapped back to reality. "I gotta go, or I'll be late for school," I said. I gathered my things and ran out the door. "Don't forget to buy the groceries after school!" Kodama called before I left.
I quickly hurried to school. I was more than 3 blocks away, and as always, I needed to be there early. All part of being the Class Representative. But I loved it, despite the many hours I spend at school. Something about it makes me feel responsible and sophisticated. I burst into the classroom gasping for breath. As always, I was the first there. I smiled, an empty classroom. I put my lunch in my desk, and placed Touji's on his, and quickly got to work.
The day passed quickly, despite another daily lecture about the second impact. I swear, we need a new topic soon or I'm going to burst! At lunch, I could hear Touji, Kensuke and Shinji making snide comments about my cooking. I gave him a harsh look and sat down next to Asuka. "Ugh, don't even pay attention to that moron, Hikari," She said, playing with her food. "What do you mean?" Hikari asked. Asuka answered simply, "He thinks he's funny: He isn't. You're cooking is better than baka Shinji's, anyway." I didn't answer, just nodded my head in reply.
I glanced back at the group, who continued to poke fun. Inside I felt a little hurt, not wanting to believe that after what I'd do for him, he'd still find ways to make fun. I scowled slightly, angry with myself. How could I like him when he was so cruel? But I had seen him at the hospital, visiting with his little sister, who had gotten hurt. I had taken Nozomi in to get an annual vaccination and had seen him with his sister as I passed. He had spoken so softly and gently, as if the brash, obnoxious Touji everyone knew at school didn't exist.
"Hikari, why are you staring that that idiot?" Asuka asked, voice dripping with disgust. "Huh?" I said, zoning back in. "You're staring at Touji," She said bluntly, narrowing her eyes. "Do you LIKE him or something?" I rolled my eyes. "Asuka PUL-EAZE. I could never ever have feelings for him." I said, putting on quite a believable act. "I was just wondering why he would make fun of my cooking. He should be grateful." Asuka nodded. "He should." She looked over at them and shook her head. "And there's nothing wrong with you cooking," She added hastily.
That's why I love Asuka. Even though she's moody, temperamental (Well, that doesn't even cover it) and egotistical at times, she could always make me feel better. Before that year, I had been amongst a smaller group of friends. But since Asuka had graced our school with her presence, my group of friends had become surprisingly larger. "So, what are you doing after school? Wanna come over?" Asuka said. "I'm sure Misato wouldn't mind." I shook my head. "Nope. I have duties after school, then I have to pick up groceries." "Kodama put you up to it?" She asked. I nodded. "You'd think she'd get time. Her excuse is that being a sophomore in High School is too time consuming." "I'd say it's all the boyfriends she's had." Asuka commented.
The difference between Asuka and my sister is this: Even though all the guys want Asuka, she doesn't go out with any of them. Why, I don't have a clue. Kodama on the other hand, will go out with any and all of them, 'just for the hell of it', as she says. I nodded. "Yea, I wouldn't doubt it." "Is she still going out with Hiroshi-sama?" Asuka asked. I shook my head. "No, she's got a new boyfriend. I don't remember his name. I don't really care." We chatted more, until at last lunch was over and class had to begin once again.
The rest of the day passed quickly, seeing that we mainly worked on writing styles the rest of he afternoon. In other words, it was quiet, peaceful and easy to work. I finished early and spent the rest of my time typing messages to Asuka over my laptop. Suddenly, a new message popped up.
Hikari,
What are you going to do about Touji?
Asuka
I blinked. About Touji? Did she know? I panicked slightly, but didn't loose my cool. I typed back:
I have no Idea what your talking about.
A new message immediately popped up on my screen.
Hikari! You know exactly what I'm talking about! You should talk to him after school.
I could feel my heart beat faster. Talk to him after school? I wouldn't dare. If she was talking about what I thought she was, me having a crush on Touji, then she must be crazy. I took a deep breath (which was a little on the difficult side at the moment) and typed two words:
No Way.
Before Asuka could reply, the bell rang. School was over. I could feel a humongous amount of weight lift off my shoulders as I realized that it was at last the weekend. A grin appeared on my face as I closed the top of the laptop with a snap. Asuka only ran off yelling at Shinji and paid me no mind. Touji was about to head out the door. Should I talk to him, as Asuka said? I could always try. "Touji!" I called, following him out the door. He looked back at me, irritated. "Sorry Class Rep, I don't have time," was his terse answer. "Fine," I said, my emotions coming out in my voice. When he was gone, I immediately blushed. I hadn't meant to sound so disappointed. Shrugging it off, I got to work.
You know what they say, work goes faster if you try to have fun doing it. After I had finished, I bid goodbye to my sensei, and headed out of school quickly. I was about halfway home when I stopped dead in my tracks. "Damn, I forgot groceries," I cursed aloud. I knew I had forgotten something. Just my luck that I was almost halfway home. I turned around and headed back the other direction, towards the school. I needed to hurry, or Kodama would start to worry. Unless she wasn't home and was out with her new boyfriend. But that wasn't likely. She had probably already dumped him. I carelessly stepped out onto the curb, and what happened next was something I'd regret heavily.
It all happened so fast: A speeding figure, heading right towards me. There was no way of stopping it. I was sent flying backwards, against the pavement. I felt a searing hot pain in my left leg. I felt dizzy, and sick to my stomach. I opened my eyes and saw blood, all over the pavement. My leg was bleeding badly, and the gash that had been made went all the way up to my hipbone. "Ohh, my leg," I moaned, in extreme pain. "Hikari...I'm SO Sorry." I recognized the voice. It was Touji.
It was then for the first time I had actually looked around to see what had hurt me. Touji had fallen, his bike twisted and scratched. He had landed only a few feet away from me, but now crawled closer to see the damage. My cheeks grew hot, partially from pain, partially from anger. I gritted my teeth, trying to bear the throbbing of my injuries. "I'm fine," I said. He shook his head. "Hikari, you're not fine. Look at your leg." I stared at it in disgust, and then at my hands. They were scraped, and bleeding as well. The skin had been ripped from various places, and gravel stuck to the soft tissue. I hardly noticed when Touji took off his shirt and wrapped it around my leg (and I assure you, if it had been any other day, I would have died in ecstasy)
"Thanks," I mumbled softly. "No problem," He answered tersely. Suddenly, I heard others approaching quickly. "Touji, what'd you do?" I heard Shinji's voice sound. Touji defended with, "It was just a little accident." A little accident? Is that what he called gashing my leg open?! "A little accident, Touji, you ran over the class rep!" Kensuke yelled enthusiastically. "I did not," He retorted. I looked up at them and tried to smile, "It was an accident, really." Shinji looked at me, concerned. "Can you walk?" He asked. I nodded and slowly stood up. But an instant pain, almost unbearable, shot up my leg, sending me back to the ground.
"Okay, I guess that's a no. We'll have to carry you," Touji said. Was he insane? "Carry me?" I repeated. Kensuke looked at me and flatly said, "Any other ideas?" I sighed. "Okay," I said, distrustfully. Touji grabbed my arms while Shinji and Kensuke supported my legs. I was surprised at the lightness of Touji's touch, expecting him to be rough. Instead he was astoundingly gentile with me. I began to feel dizzy as they carried me. My face felt hot and I found it hard to breathe. My eyes started to droop as a feeling of drowsiness washed over me. I let my head fall against my shoulder, my body limp.
When I awoke, I could feel a cool sensation against my face. I opened my eyes to a blurry scene of people standing around me. "Wah...where am I?" I asked, confused. My tongue lolled in my mouth, making the words slurred and thick. "Shh, it's okay Hikari, It's me, Misato. You're here in my apartment with Shinji and Asuka. You're going to be fine." Her voice was soothing and soft as she spoke. My vision cleared and I saw her smiling down at me, while dabbing my forehead with a cold washcloth. Asuka walked in from the kitchen and said, "They'll be here in a few minutes to pick Hikari up."
A sudden thought hit me as I remembered. "What about my leg, is it okay?" I asked, slightly panicking. "Yes, it'll be fine. Although it'll leave quite a scab," Misato said knowingly. These words made me feel slightly better, knowing I wasn't in any fatal danger, and that I would regain the feeling in my leg. At the moment, it felt numb and cold. I looked around at the various things in the room when my eyes fell on Touji. He looked nervous or ashamed, I couldn't tell which. In any case, I felt uncomfortable, and broke his gaze.
Within minutes, my father had arrived. He looked tired, but relieved to see I was alright. Everyone came downstairs to make sure I was okay, and to see me off. Well, that is accept for Touji. 'What a Jerk,' I thought. 'He causes this mess and can't even be a man enough to try to fix it, even in the least'. Nozomi was waiting in the car. "What happened to ya? Did you get hit by a car? Did you fight one of them big scary monsters? Did ya, did ya?" She asked eagerly. I found it slightly uplifting that my little sister thought so much of me, but I didn't let her keep that daydream. "No. Just an accident, that's all." I said, looking out the window.
"Hikari...if you want to talk about it-" I interrupted before my father could continue. "No Dad, that's ok. I'm fine. I don't need to talk about it...really." It was more along the lines of I didn't want to talk about it. I refused. Even when Kodama rushed to the door, hugging me tightly, vowing that she'd never let me get hurt again. "We're going to go to the hospital, just to make sure nothings infected. We just wanted to drop Nozomi off first," My father informed Kodama.
Nozomi tugged on his sleeve. "Aww, but I wanna go! I want to be there for Onee-san!" She wined at him. I smiled. "We're going with," Kodama said firmly. "I don't want to sit here while my sister's in the hospital. Mom would have wanted-" Kodama was stopped when our father said, "Fine. Come. I know you want to be there for Hikari, so I won't stop you." I smiled at my family, and was grateful to have them at that moment.
Unfortunately, that didn't last long. Kodama poked and prodded at me the whole way there, fussing over if I were comfortable or not. "I'm fine," I said, assuring her. She had given me the majority of the space in the back of the car, along with pillows, courtesy of her bed. "Are you sure? Because if you're not-" I tried to smile sweetly. "I'm fine."
I thought it was unfair when my dad said he didn't want me to anything over the weekend. But when he wanted me to miss a whole week of school- that was too much.
"DAD, you can't!" I whined at him. We had been arguing for at least ten minutes. Finally he put his hand up to stop me. "Enough, Hikari. I don't want anything happening to you. How do you expect to get around school? How do you expect to fulfill your job as Class Representative when you're hurt? You know I don't want you to suffer...and your mother would have wanted it too." The mom line. Classic.
"But dad, this is making me suffer! You can't make me stay home! Who else is going to do the jobs for me?" "It doesn't matter," he said softly. "I want you to stay home."
And so, I stayed home. All week long. It was boring, sitting on the couch watching pathetic TV shows: Unrealistic Soap Operas and Post Second Impact Specials. How boring.
"Hikari, I'm home from school!" Kodama came through the door with her sing songy voice. "Hi," I replied casually. "Where's Nozomi? Weren't you going to pick her up?" I asked. She shook her head. "Nope. Dad's going to later, when he gets done from work. She's got some sort of orchestra practice going on after school." I nodded nonchalantly. "Hey, Hikari, do you want a soda?" She asked. I nodded, but didn't look up from the television. She tossed me a soda and sat down on the couch beside me.
"So, are you gonna go on another one of those walks tonight?" She asked suddenly. I looked at her, surprised. How did she know about my night walks? "Cuz if you want...I'll cover for you," She continued, sounding sly.
"Thank you," I smiled. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. I jumped up to answer it before Kodama could even turn her head. My crutches were leaned against the door casually, so I pushed them over to the side, out of view of whoever was at the door. And who I saw was who I'd least expect.
"Suzuhara, what are you doing here?" I asked, unable to control my mouth before my brain could react. I tried to cover my embarrassment with a smile, but he didn't look fooled.
"The teacher gave me your homework and told me to give it to you," he shrugged, handing me the papers. "Thanks..." I said, slightly uneasily. I could see he was uncomfortable as well. "So, uh, how's your leg doing?" He asked, trying to strike up a conversation. I opened the door wider to show him exactly the damage he had done. He looked slightly pale and I frowned at him. How could he feel bad by looking at it if he knew nothing of it's pain? "I didn't mean to upset you," he said suddenly, aware of his mistake. 'Bout time.
"Good day Suzuhara," I said, slamming the door in his face. I closed my eyes in hopes that the horrible feeling in my stomach would leave. It didn't. "Way to be cold Hikari, jeez. He was trying to apologize." I shook my head. "No. He wasn't going to apologize. Did you see him. He looked sick just looking at me. How can I be so stupid?!" "What to like him?" Kodama asked lightly. I ignored her and limped over to the phone.
"Who are you calling?" Kodama asked.
"Asuka." I said simply. I dialed the number and she promptly answered. We talked for quite a long time, until a disturbance came about. Apparently Shinji had arrived, in the company of Kensuke and Touji. Then, she had told Touji that I had called him a baka.
I lost it.
"ASUKA LANGLY SHORYU! YOU TELL HIM I DIDN'T SAY THAT OR ELSE I'LL HANG UP! I MEAN IT! ASUKA!!!" I shouted into the receiver. I'm pretty well sure that he heard me. I could hear them argue until Asuka got the phone back and said triumphantly, "So as I was saying, if it's ok with Misato, I bet you can sleepover."
Sleepover. With Shinji there? And Kensuke? And god forbid...Touji? There was no way Misato could allow it. "Is she home?" I asked simply. "No, not at the moment, but I'll call you back if you can, ok? If not then I'll talk to you tomorrow." "Alright," I replied, "Bye." I hung up the phone and went back to the couch.
"So, are you going to walk tonight or what?" She asked me again, grinning this time. "Sure," I said shrugging. It had been a week, and I desperately wanted fresh air. There would be no other way, I would have to resort to sneaking out.
The air that night was chilly, so I resorted to wearing a simple pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. I was too lazy to put my pig tails in. I wasn't going to see anyone, right? I checked the clock before I left. 12:30. I would have to be back by 1:00 at the latest. Usually I took walks for fifteen minutes at a time, so getting back in half an hour wouldn't be a big deal.
"Be careful," Kodama whispered, giving me a tight hug. I nodded and headed out the door.
Instead of my usual route, I decided to go someplace different. It wasn't all that long of a trip to the school, so I decided that I should go down to a nearby playground and back, which would take about ten to fifteen minutes. The park seemed to glow under the moonlight and a magical sense hung about. That alone should have been clue that I wasn't alone.
"Hey, what's someone like you doing out here at a time like this?"
Without turning, I could recognize that voice from anywhere. It was the voice I had cherished for many months. Not anymore.
"I could ask you the same question, Suzuhara," I said almost lazily as I turned to look at him. He was still wearing his track suit. Typical male. He gave me a small smile, but I did not return it. I wanted to give him no impression that I was on friendly terms with him.
He shrugged at me. "Couldn't sleep. You?" I ignored his question for a moment, but then said, "I like to take walks. On moonlit nights like these. But since I can't really walk now..." I stopped, staring down at my leg, which was already throbbing with pain.
Suddenly, I said, "You know I didn't call you that today on the phone, right?" He gave a small nod and replied, "I know. I figured it was a lie. You're not the kind of person to say something like that, and Asuka's the kind of person to make it up." I felt my temper rise as he spoke harshly of my friend. "Well at least she knows how to comfort a person in pain!" I spat. Apparently, I wasn't the only one angry.
"You know, you really frustrate me. I can read between the lines, but I'm a little confused by the text. By my observation, you like me. Like me enough to make me food everyday. But then, I make a mistake. An accident and you give me the cold shoulder. Just when I recognize your feelings, they aren't there anymore."
I clenched my fists in anger and retorted, "Well, I've been doing a little reading of my own. I thought that beneath that bull headed, annoying, egocentric, tough exterior, there was something else. Something kinder. I've seen that Touji. He's the one at the hospital comforting his poor little sister. But now I see that's it's no more then an act. The real you had to go and make a huge mess of things and leave me with nothing but scars and a poor excuse for an apology!"
"So that's it then? A poor excuse for an apology? What do you want me to do?"
"Well at least something that didn't leave me wondering! Something that would let me know you cared enough to notice me!" I yelled. "I do notice you, I notice you everyday!" He yelled. I fell silent and watched him squirm uncomfortably. What was that supposed to mean? Notice me? He hardly spoke a word to me before this accident. And before that, it was always a complaint or dry remark.
"That came out wrong," he mumbled, shuffling his feet. I was about ready to give up. It was already a lost cause. As I turned to walk away, he asked, "Will you answer one question of mine?" Slowly, I nodded. "Why didn't you cry when...when you got hurt?" He asked cautiously. It took me a while to answer, but eventually I said, "Because I don't cry." "Why not?" He asked in a tone softer than before, taking a step towards me. "Because I refuse to. Especially in front of you." I looked up at him, then suddenly looked away.
"But you're crying now."
I shook my head. "Wrong, Suzuhara." I started to walk away, leg aching in pain. "You can't run away from me, Horaki." I turned my head to look at him and said simply, "You're right. I can't." I continued to walk away, my stride longer this time. Only a few seconds passed before he yelled, "Hikari, wait!" And ran after me. Why couldn't he let me go in peace? Couldn't he see how badly this hurt just to be near him? "Please don't leave..."
I suddenly stopped dead in my tracks, all my concentration focused on the liquid now gathering in my eyes. I tried my hardest not to cry, I really did. I took deep breaths, bit my lip and kept them at the backs of my eyes. But nothing worked. If I was going down, he was coming with me. I walked slowly towards him until we were about arms length apart.
"This is all your fault!" I cried, cursing him with every ounce of my being. Every part of me just wanted him to suffer as I did. I turned to leave, but he caught my arm. No matter how hard I struggled, his grip was too tight. "I tried Touji. I really did. I'm still trying."
"Trying what?" He asked, confused. "Not to...love you anymore," I said between sobs. I felt like a total idiot, screaming at him so harshly, then standing here crying, while all the while professing my love to him? I looked up at him and caught his gaze. He simply froze as I stared at him.
We seemed to stay this way for minutes, until he turned and walked away. I could literally feel my heart shoot through my feet into the ground. "Where are you going?" I asked him, unable to resist my curiosity. "I'm going to sit on the swings. If you wanna come, then come." I couldn't help but follow him as he sat down. I sat as well and looked down at my feet. I couldn't bear to look at him.
I don't remember all else that happened just then. Only his smile...and his kind words. Funny that I don't remember what they were. We were on good terms when I said, "You know Touji, I think I was right all along. There is another person beneath all that. I'm talking to him now." I gave a small smile. "Yeah?" He replied, a boyish grin on his face.
"Yea."
I can't even begin to describe what it felt like when I kissed him. It all happened so fast, yet it seemed to be in slow motion. My cheeks were flushing bright pink, though I doubt it could be seen in the dark. The only thought that ran through my mind was the disbelief. I was actually kissing Touji Suzuhara. Funny little thing, life is. When I pulled away from him, I covered my cheeks with my hands, then suddenly stared laughing. "What?" He asked, sounding slightly nervous.
"Nothing. My sister Kodama. She probably knew all along." She probably had. Knowing her, this was all part of her little plan. She was sneaky, no doubt. And tricky. Yet I was lucky to have her. Where would I be without her.
Touji and I seemed to talk for hours after that, about things on end. I think I surprised him with the many things we had in common. It was like getting to know so many different things I'd never seen in him. I yawned slowly and asked, "what time is it?" He looked briefly at his watch and replied, "1:45." I froze inside, but said, "I should probably get going." I was reluctant to go, but knew that Kodama couldn't keep up the 'Hikari's sleeping' act forever.
"Hey, will you be at school on Monday?" He asked. I nodded. "My doctor said I'll be fine." He smiled. "Good. Cuz, uh, well...I was wondering if you'd go visit Maiko with me on Tuesday?" I nodded and gave him a small smile. "I'd love to. See ya on Monday then." With that, I waved goodbye and headed back home.
I hoped I wouldn't get in trouble when I got back, and that Dad was still peacefully sleeping. Kodama would be sure to ask what happened, and would want all the details, right? My thoughts kept going back to Touji. I smiled. It was strange, to have liked him for so long, thinking that it was only a stupid crush and that he could care less about my feelings. It had been far from that...all along. A jolt of excitement shot up my spine as I thought of visiting his little sister. What would she think? One could only wonder...
FINISHED...CHAPTER. MWAHAHAHA! I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry it took me so long, I'm horrible, I know it! Everyone feel free to beat me down to a bloody pulp. Surprisingly, Hikari's took MUCH longer to write. Maybe it's because I'm a girl, and can get into more detail with Hikari then I could Touji.
I will probably continue with the back and forth POV chapter thing. It seems to suit this fic. And yes, there is repetition in what they say and blah blah blah. The next two chapters will be about visiting Maiko (Touji's lil' sis.) 3rd chapter from Touji's POV, 4th from Hikari's. It'll continue like this. I'll probably stop right before 'THE END' since you don't really find out what happens to Touji after being hospitalized. Oops, I hope I didn't just give anything away to anyone who didn't' know...you'll find out. But don't expect new chapters anytime soon. I'm busy with Shi Jin no Miko (Gomen nasaii, I know I'm a slow poke on updates)
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please Review!
Lola-Gurl