Disclaimer: You know the drill, but for all those newbies, let me summarize: Me own nothing. J.K. Rowling own everything. You no sue.
Chapter 3: Watching the Oopma Loompa
Draco sat with Tonks in the kitchen for a while, taunting her about her crush on Bill. Once he'd run out of all the good material, Draco just sang, "Tonks and Bill, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G." She endured his teasing for much longer then expected, before putting a muting charm on him and only removing it once Order members started arriving.
As soon as the doorbell rang, and Mrs. Black's screams echoed throughout the house, Tonks dashed upstairs. Draco just stood up from his chair, pacing slightly and wondering what he should do with himself. He couldn't go upstairs, because there'd be people, and that might just lead to forced small talk—which was a big no-no in the Malfoy family.
Before he could decide what to do, Draco heard footsteps and turned to find Tonks descending the kitchen stairs.
"Decided I'm more fun then those Order blokes, eh?" he smirked. "Bill must not be here yet."
Tonks rolled her eyes at him and said something very quickly. He could have sworn that one of the words sounded like 'babysit.'
"Come again?" Draco asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I told Janice—she's part of the Order—that you'd watch her daughter Cathryn while we were having the meeting." Tonks said, smiling innocently. "You don't mind, do you?"
"Do I look maternal to you?" Draco asked acidly.
Tonks opened her mouth, ready to respond, when she was distracted by a slight tug on her jeans.
A small six-year-old girl with short black hair and round, doe-like brown eyes stared up at her.
"You must be Cathryn!" Tonks said with far more excitement then was necessary, in Draco's opinion.
Cathryn just stood there, her eyes not blinking, as she stared at Tonks, who had kneeled down to her height. Finally, she spoke, voicing the age-old question that every six-year-old secretly ponders. And, no, it wasn't, 'Where's Waldo?'
"Where do babies come from?" Cathryn asked in a high pitched, Oompa Loompa voice. Draco looked to Tonks, wondering just how she was going to talk her way out of this one.
"Well," Tonks began calmly, screwing up her face in thought. "Technically they come out of the mommy. But what I think you're trying to ask is how they're made. It all starts with a man and a woman who both have functioning genitalia. And by that I mean—"
"Are you trying to corrupt the poor little midget?" Draco asked with disgust, motioning toward Cathryn. With a sigh, he pushed Tonks out of the way and kneeled in front of the girl.
"As far as children your age are concerned, babies come from the stork." He said seriously, looking at the small child whose eyes, if it was possible, had gotten considerably rounder since Tonks started talking. "Now go play tag or something productive like that." He said, sending Cathryn away.
Turning to Tonks, he said, "Please promise me you'll never have children."
"What?" Tonks said, honestly puzzled. "She asked a question and I answered it."
"In gruesome detail." Draco added. "Do you know what the word 'subtle' means?"
Tonks rolled her eyes. "She'd find out sooner or later, and I don't want her getting the wrong information. Now, thanks to me, she won't go around thinking for half of her prepubescent life that she can get pregnant from kissing."
"But that's what they're supposed to think!" Draco said incredibly.
"You're so old-fashioned, Drake." She said, rolling her eyes once more before exiting the kitchen.
Trying to take out the rage produced by that damned nickname, Draco kicked a nearby chair only to have it ricochet off of the wall back at him. Amidst the stream of curses he let out, Draco heard a quiet giggling. Looking up, he saw that damned midget standing in the doorway, laughing at his pain with her tiny hand over her mouth. And, with further investigation, it seemed the Weasley girl was standing behind the midget, doing the same thing.
Draco began to fix them with his all famous glare, but suddenly, noticing the ink stains on Ginny's fingers, he smirked.
"Been writing to Riddle again, have you?" he asked innocently.
"Fuck you, Malfoy." Ginny said through gritted teeth.
"Language, Weasley," Draco said smugly, nodding toward the seemingly oblivious child in front of her.
Ginny advanced on him, saying angrily, "I don't understand why Tonks let you stay."
Draco rolled his eyes, focusing on the painting just to the right of Ginny's head so as to not let his mind stray from the fight at hand. For, you see, foreign and very unwelcome thoughts continued to invade his brain, such as; 'Why haven't I noticed how she looks nearly decent up close?' quickly followed by, 'Ah, right, because she's a Weasley.'
"Tonks listened to all of us complain about you," Ginny continued. "We told her how horrible you are, and she still let you stay here."
"What'd I ever do to you?" Draco asked curiously. Ginny began to open her mouth soundlessly, looking slightly stumped. "I mean, what'd I do to you that you complained about?"
"Well," she said suddenly. "You were horrible to Harry, and—"
"Oh, Potter." Draco spat. "Of course—you hate me because he hates me. And heaven forbid you should disagree with him."
"You act as if I'm obsessed with him or something." She said with disgust.
"...yea, pretty much," Draco smirked. Ginny mouthed wordlessly, but Draco refused to look at her lips, afraid of the thoughts that might enter his head.
"I'm not, like, some little dog that follows Harry around, nodding my head along with everything he says!" she said, outraged.
"I bet you've never done something that The-Boy-Who-Lived wouldn't approve of." Draco said, finally looking at Ginny and surprised to find a kind of fire burning in her eyes.
Before he could say something else, Ginny grabbed his face with both of her hands and kissed him.
Draco was just recovering from the shock of having this girl attached to his mouth, and was about to show the little Weasley just how talented he really was, when she pulled back with a satisfied look on her face.
"Harry wouldn't approve of that," she said triumphantly, seeming oblivious to the shocked look on Draco's face.
"You're right, I wouldn't." came a voice from the doorway. Both Ginny and Draco turned around to find Harry standing there, red in the face. Ginny let out a small squeak, and Draco just smiled.
This whole being-good thing was going to be more fun then he thought.
Wow, I just noticed how I was totally italic-obsessed during this chapter. I need to go to Obsessive Italic-Users Anonymous meetings with Hermione. Anyways, I literally just got back from my trip to jolly old England, so you lot better appreciate me updating on time! Anyways, on with the thank yous :)
shelly2: Wonderful guessing job! Of course, this probably the most amount of lines she's getting—except for maybe the beginning of the next chapter. Oh, and I love you. Just thought I'd throw that in. The reason? Because, of course, Ginny is indeed Draco's lobster, and Friend quotes are indeed the way to my heart.
Phredtheflyingmonkey: ::blushes:: thank you! By the way, I simply lover your name. Fred is my favorite twin—no reason why, really, I suppose it's just easier for my to spell—and monkeys are cool. But flying monkeys? Genius!... er—forgive me. I've been up for over 24 hours...damn jetlag!
Samilia: Aw, it makes me happy that I can write Draco's bastard-ness realistically. Heehee, I try. And, ya know, being the wonderfully pleasant girl that I am, it's awful hard to be bastard-ish. Gee wiz Beaver, you're keen!... ::ahem:: , sorry.
Paige: Glad you liked the nursery rhymes! The sad thing is, I actually spent an hour searching the internet for odd nursery rhymes by Mother Goose. I have no life. Sorry Draco's a bit OOC—it's a sickness, honest. I'm trying though, so at least he's in character some times. I actually have such a twisted view of Draco (brought on by reading and writing too many OOC fics, and having a slight obsession with Tom Felton) that I don't know when he's in or out of character. So thanks for pointing out, cause then I can figure out when I made it OOC. BTW: that'd be so funny if "Perks" was a movie! It probably wouldn't work without the HP characters though. ::sigh::
Blatant Discontent: heehee, funny name. ::ahem:: anyways, yea, sorry it's not everyday. I'm ashamed. I shall hang my head in shame. ::does so:: .... ::stops, cause it's hard to write when you can't see the screen:: ... erm, anyways, I'm glad you highly enjoyed yourself! That's what I'm here for.
Christine: Thanks! I'm glad you like it, and I promise on my mother's grave (which doesn't exist, seeing as she's still alive) that I'll update every Wednesday. 'Course, there's only one chapter left—but all well!
Herbie: IT'S GINNY!!!!.... ::cough:: er—sorry. But, yea, it's not Harry. Los ciento. Though, that would be a cool twist. Hm.... "New shoes, new shoes/Oh life seems so much better/In some brand new patent leather/Guaranteed to shine away your blues/Even on credit, I never regret it/I just adore new shoes."....um, yea, sorry. I'm listening to Deirdre Flint, and I just bought new shoes. Not a good mix. Please ignore me.
Helen88UK: Glad you like this story, AND that you liked the Perks of Getting Knocked Up! BTW: I like your song fic Behind Blue Eyes. The first time I heard that song I was like, "DRACO!!!!!" ::sob::
Actrez: "What's the difference between a scar and a mole?" "Are you seriously asking me this question?" –heehee, my Jessica moment!... I totally remember when dad made us green eggs!!!...it was kinda gross...i didn't eat them.... Dr. Suess was probably on crack when he wrote it... and ubiquitous is totally your word! EVERYONE! UBIQUITOUS IS ACTREZ'S WORD!!!!... heeehee, there, I gave you credit. :-)
ChickFlick004: heehee, yea, the comforting Hermione scene was actually the first one I wrote, and then the story came off of it—so I'm glad you liked it! And, just like I told Paige, I have no life, so I spent an hour searching the depths of the internet for strange Mother Goose rhymes. There were actually a lot of weird ones, but the Pretty Little Dutch Girl one was mi favorite :-)
zeldagrl436: Thanks! Glad you like it! And, without further ado, another Deidre Flint song (because I have a weird obsession): Oh, ho, I'm single and I'm not hearing voices!!/You say that cause you're jealous of all the fun I've had/Wait, I'm not single. I've got some special friends now/We live in here together and I don't feel so bad/I have a female soul mate, her name is Emily/Don't tell me you don't see her, she's standing next to me/And she doesn't call me sick or weird or deranged mentally/Just cause I'm single.
Foags: Did you guess that it'd be Ginny? If not, then shame on you! If so, then hooray! If I had a cookie, you'd totally get it... if you have noticed, I have been giving random people Deidre Flint lyrics instead of random rambling like usual. Do you know who Deidre Flint is? She reminds me of Phoebe with her songs! ::cries:: Damn you people who decided to cancel Friends—DAMN you!!!
kneh13: Sorry! My computer sometimes decides to be the biggest butt in the world (I'm so mature) and not e-mail me all the reviews. I just hit the monitor really hard, just for you, and it almost fell off the desk. Heehee.
kateydidnt: I actually disagree. I think that Harry would be more likely to react to Draco—especially after his screaming spree in the fifth book. But I suppose to each his/her own. But I agree that Draco thinks he's more important to Harry then he really is. That's just his attitude—thinking he's all important. But, hey, that's why I love him!
Straycat: Heehee, sarcasm and humor—the only things I can write! Honest, I tried with all my heart to write some angsty stuff—I listened to depressing music (Evanescence, obviously), I thought about horrible things, and my writing turned out cliché and actually kind of laughable. So, alas, I realized I am not here to make people cry. ::depressed sigh:: ps- sorry that your name's all messed up (with the 'a' and everything), but this new edit thing for documents on fanfic is f-ed up.
A/N: If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just give me you e-mail address in the review and I'd be happy to do it :)