Disclaimer: You know the drill, but for all those newbies, let me summarize: Me own nothing. J.K. Rowling own everything. You no sue.
Chapter 4: Draco's Love Child

"Um, Harry, hi." Ginny said awkwardly, taking one large step away from Draco.

"Potter, sorry you had to see me snog your girlfriend like that," Draco said with mocking shame. "But, its better you find out now that you won't be invited to the wedding." Ginny gave him a horrorstruck look. "I just proposed, and little Weasley here accepted."

Harry just stared at him, looking just as shocked as Ginny. Then he opened his mouth—but instead of the profanities Draco expected, Harry yelled the worst word known to man.

"RON!"

Draco's heart stopped. Having Ron Weasley come downstairs to hear that he, Draco Malfoy, was snogging his sister and—supposedly—marrying her as well, was not a happy situation at all. Ron had grown quite a bit stronger over the years, and Draco no longer had Crabbe and Goyle to protect him. Those two were probably off at some Death Eaters meeting right then—lucky bastards.

Before Draco could think of an escape plan, Ron and his shag partner Hermione came down the stairs and stood next to Harry.

"What's up?" Ron asked, his eyes going from Draco to Ginny, and back again.

"I just caught your sister snogging Malfoy." Harry said. Ron's face went scarlet and he seemed so full of rage that his wee little brain couldn't string two words together. "And they're getting married."

This was it—Draco's last moments. He wondered wildly if he was going to hell, or if his past few hours of being relatively nice would get him to heaven. Taking a deep breath, Draco closed his eyes right as Ron started barreling toward him. He cringed, waiting for the pain of the punch. He hoped it was in the stomach—his face was far too pretty to be stained with blood.

Clenching his teeth, Draco felt a puff if air in his face... was that it? Was he dead? Draco opened his eyes tentatively; curious to see whether he was in hell or not.

Yep, he was in hell. Well, to be more specific, he was in Tonks' kitchen. Ron had blown right past him and was now glaring down at Ginny.

"Ginny!" he screamed right in her face. "How many times have I told you that Malfoys are dirty, filthy bastards?!"

"Too many." Ginny replied coolly.

"Um, Ron?" Hermione said quietly. Ron turned his head just enough to look at her. "Dirty and filthy mean the same thing..." he glared. "...just thought you should know..."

Ron turned back to Ginny, acting—as many did—that Hermione wasn't there.

"And now you're marrying one!" Ron continued; spit flying out of his mouth.

Ginny rolled her eyes, wiped her face, and took a step back.

"You don't honestly believe this rubbish, do you Ron?" she asked loudly. She seemed a lot more confident when being accused of something by her brother rather then Harry. Apparently the shock had worn off.

"Harry saw you two himself!" Ron yelled. "And it'd be just like Malfoy to ruin our family by adding himself to it."

"Fine, Ron," Ginny said, throwing up her arms in defeat. "You're right. You're right! Draco and I are getting married. And you know why? Because he got me pregnant!" she yelled, pointing at Draco.

If Draco had a chair, he'd sink down into it. Ron's glowering eyes were burning through him, and all he could manage was a weak smile.

"That's right, he knocked me up!" Ginny continued, putting on quite a show. "And all I ask, dear brother, is for your blessing. But you can't even give me that, can you! Well, fine! I'll just run off and live in the Malfoy Manor then, and have loads of blonde, snotty kids!"

The room went dead quiet. Ron was staring wide eyed and open mouthed at Ginny, as were Hermione and Harry. Ginny glared at Ron, trying to hide a grin produced from her magnificent performance. And Draco, for the hundredth time that day, was searching desperately for an exit.

"Hey, you lot!" came Tonks' voice from upstairs. All heads turned toward the sound. "Time to go upstairs so the grownups can use the kitchen for our meeting!"

"Ah, shit." Draco muttered. He hesitantly trudged up stairs with the rest, definitely regretting ever being born.

As the group passed all of the Order members who were filing down into to kitchen, Draco spotted Tonks who was—surprise surprise—talking to Bill Weasley.

"Tonks," Draco said quietly, pulling on her arms. She turned her blushing face away from Bill's and practically glared at Draco.

"What do you want?" Tonks asked with annoyance, nodding her head just slightly toward Bill with a look in her eyes that said, 'Go away, I'm getting me some booty.' "What do you want?" she asked, more harshly this time.

"Well, not Bill, if that's what you're thinking." Draco said with mocking surprise. "I know who he belongs to." He added in a knowing whisper, wagging his eyebrows at Tonks.

"Anyways," Draco continued. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to be in my bedroom, so come and get me when you're ready to set me on fire."

"But Harry and all them are—oh," she said, suddenly realizing what he was hinting at. "No, absolutely not."

"What?"

"You need to make friends, be accepted, you know—the whole charade." Tonks said carelessly. "I refuse to come and get you for the initiation if you're not in their room."

"Fine," Draco said stubbornly, crossing his arms. "I don't wanna be in your stupid club anyway."

"Fine. Then you'll just be kicked out of this house and have to go to a place where white masks and black cloaks are definitely in style, as is body paint on the lower left arm." She said pointedly, making sure that Bill couldn't hear her.

Draco opened his mouth, closed it, stomped his foot in rage, and then said loudly so that Bill could hear, "Fine! You just go and marry Bill then!" Tonks' mouth dropped open. "But I hope you know that this means that Ginny and I will have to break our engagement because we'd technically be related, and that's just sick!"

With a flip of his nonexistent hair, Draco stomped up the stairs dramatically, leaving everyone left in the room agape, and both Tonks and Bill blushing like mad.

His drama queen mood wearing off, Draco walked mournfully toward the room Harry and Friends were waiting. Maybe he should just go back to his Death Eating ways. He would look smashing with a tattoo...

But the sounds of yelling attracted his attention, and he simply just had to figure out who was angry this time.

Draco opened the door in the middle of Ron shouting at Ginny, "And he's not even good looking!"

"Oh, don't be too hard on Potter, now." Draco said, leaning against the doorframe and smirking. He figured that if Ron killed him, he'd just be doing Draco a favor, so why not mock him as much as possible before the sweet release of death?

"You snobby, spoiled, disgusting, insensitive, rich little rat," Ron growled, walking toward Draco.

"Now that it totally out of line," Draco said, holding up his hands. "I'm not rich."

Everyone in the room looked at him oddly.

"Okay, so I am rich." Draco sighed. "But it's not as if I walk around sipping martinis and saying things like, 'top notch!' and 'jolly good!'"

Everyone continued to stare before Ron sputtered, "What the hell are you going on about, Malfoy?"

"And I'm not insensitive either," Draco continued. "Just ask your little shagging buddy, Weasley. I comforted her when you'd been a bloody bastard."

Ron turned to Hermione, who muttered, "'Comforted' is a bit of a stretch."

"Is it my fault if you don't understand sarcasm?" Draco sighed, looking at Hermione.

"Merlin," Ron exclaimed, turning back to Draco. "Are you going to deny the rest of the things I called you too?"

"Well," Draco said thoughtfully. "Snobby? Yes. And I am quite spoiled—but, honestly, when father can buy the best... As for disgusting, I suppose that's your own twisted opinion. But, honestly Weasley, you calling me disgusting? Bit of the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think?"

Draco wasn't sure which thing it was he said that caused Ron to snap. But, whatever it was, it apparently was so insulting that Ron felt that Draco needed to be punished by being placed under his armpit.

"Real classy, Weasley," Draco choked out, his face turning slightly blue from the headlock Ron had him in.

"I'd think twice if I were you, Weasley." Came a cold voice from the doorway—voice that Draco had come to love, because it always brought detentions for the Gryffindors with it.

"Professor," Hermione said breathlessly, staring at Snape. 'Honestly,' Draco thought, trying not to black out. 'Just shag him already.'

"Five hundred points from Gryffindor, Mr. Weasley, for placing Mr. Malfoy so dangerously close to your private parts." Snape said silkily, glancing down at the position of Draco's head before fixing his beady eyes back on Ron.

"But... but we're not in school anymore, Professor." Ron said, slightly puzzled but not loosening his hold on Draco.

"Fine," Snape said, whipping out his wand. For one glorious second, Draco thought he was going to jinx Ron. But Snape simply said, "Accio wallet!"

Ron's wallet flew out of his back pocket and into the professor's open palm. "If I can't take five hundred points, then I shall take five hundred Galleons."

"But—but sir! I don't have five hundred Galleons!" Ron said, finally letting go of Draco in surprise. Draco stumbled back, coughing slightly as he rubbing his neck and shook his head slightly, trying to make all of the floating dots go away.

"Then I shall confiscate the wallet as well." Snape said, putting it in a pocket inside of his robe. Draco smirked, his smug confidence back again.

"Now, all of you, downstairs. Dumbledore wants you initiated—Merlin knows why. You've all proved countless times that you'll be of absolutely no help to anyone, especially the Order." Snape said coldly, ushering them out of the room. "But I suppose all great things must come crashing down at one time or another."

Snape led Ron, Hermione, Harry, and Draco down into the kitchen, leaving Ginny up in the room with Cathryn, who had recently appeared out of no where. As Draco walked down the stairs, he could still hear Ginny's screams.

"What the hell do you mean I'm not old enough to join the Order?!" she screeched at them as they descended the stairs. "I'm more mature mentally then any of those gits! You'll regret this, Professor Snape!"

Snape simply glared at nothing, shouting that she had a detention waiting for her when she got back to school.

The initiation was basically like any other; human sacrifices, drinking goat blood, donning war paint. And, to Draco's great surprise, no fire was used—unless you count the flames on the end of Dumbledore's baton.

Of course, this was just the version of the initiation that Draco told Ginny and any other idiots who would listen. In all reality, this is what took place.

"Do you solemnly swear to not be evil for the rest of your stay in the Order?" Dumbledore asked as each applicant raised their right hand. Everyone agreed—Draco more hesitantly then the rest. But with one look at his new 'friends', Draco knew that it was much easier to annoy them when he was on the same side as them then when he wasn't—and that was all the convincing he needed.

Fin
First of all, I'd like to say: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JELLY BEANS BEWARE....KINDA!!!!!

Foags: No need to hate me but really just love me in an insanely jealous way, I didn't see Tom Felton. ::sob:: But, when I was on the subway my first day, I could have sworn that it was Tom who sat across from me. I mean, blonde-ish brown hair, beautiful eyes, and the cutest smile I've ever seen. But, alas, it was just some British dude who looked like him. ::depressed sigh:: Oh, and have fun in Colorado!

Jelly beans beware: Sorry, no early update. I'm totally anal retentive when it comes to updating on a certain date, and old habits die hard. ::sigh:: But happy late birthday! As for all of those meaningless questions; as meaningless as they so obviously were, they made me think—which is very odd during the summer. Why is 'abbriviated' such a long word? Hm....

Straycat: heehee, I like your version of the Mother Goose rhyme! Much better then the real one. By the way, I am so unbelievably jealous that you can write drama. I recently tried to be deep and meaningful again, but then I read it over and was like, "Dude! No one wants to read this piece of poo!" Alas, angst is not my forte.

Herbie: lol, yea! I'm spreading Deidre Flint to the people!... I was actually considering having Hermione snog Draco instead of Ginny, but then I came to my senses and was like, "Dude, just—just, no. Just no." Cause, ya know, Fire and Ice so TOTALLY beats Leather and Libraries!!! ::dreamy sigh:: How I love HP ship names....

Swishy Willow Wand: Hooray!!! Swishy Willow Wand/Turkey!!! That review was long awaited. How did you know? I'm glad you like my story—too bad this is the last chapter, eh? All well, I'm sure we'll meet again, Turkey!

zeldagrl436: heehee, well, there ya go, that's what Harry's gonna do—call Ron. Typical Harry, eh? I mean, honestly, he's such a snitch. I also just had him call Ron cause I just like Ron better then Harry. Plus, Ron's way more fun to write, cause he gets mad sooooo easily. Heehee, it's funny. ::shrugs:: I'm easily amused.

kneh13: Yea! I totally support computer abuse. I mean, it's not illegal yet, so why not smack your computer around a bit? No harm done. Though, it showed me your review for this chapter—so, no beating today. ::sigh::

kateydidnt: I have to disagree with you again. First, the Tom comment he made minutes before doesn't count, because she was complaining about him before. Plus, he never actually did anything to Ginny in particular. He did insult Hermione, Ron, and Harry, but never Ginny (in the books, at least). You don't really like Draco, do you? Why are you reading a fic about him, then?

AandKerock: heehee, thanks! Glad I can make you laugh—seeing as that's what my job is...kinda. I'm not paid...maybe I should look into that...hmmm...

Paige: It is so weird that you said I should write a screenplay version of "Perks," cause my mom was just telling me and my sister that we should write a screenplay together since she wants to be an actress and I want to be an author. It'd be a bit like the Good Will Hunting thing for Matt Damon and Ben Affleck...hmm, I'll have to bring the idea up to my sister!

Blatant Discontent: You are so lucky—I wish I had a laptop so I could stay up late and read stories in my room!!!... I know that wasn't the point of your review, but I'm so jealous I just had to bring it up! ::ahem:: Anyways, glad you liked the kid, and I am soooo happy that I finally got someone IC! That's so not likely when I'm writing.

bigsmile737: Thanks! I did have fun in England, but, unfortunately, I didn't spot any of the Harry Potter people. ::tear:: That would've been so cool! Though, I suppose they're filming right now, so they wouldn't be wandering the streets in front of my hotel per usual. ::sigh::

shelly2: heehee, thank you! This is the last chapter ::tear:: I should just start writing really random chapters about Draco eating porridge or something just so I can add to this story and talk to you guys some more! Wouldn't you simply love chapters about porridge eating?

Actrez: I'm so proud of you for using a British word in conversation! I think that the British vocabulary has a much wider selection of insults then the American, so we should be allowed to mix and match! Have fun lighting and write some more!!!

Samilia: ::giggles back::

Merit Somnia: I do do things a bit faster then I should. It's such a bad habit! I just have certain things that I want to get to, and so I skip over parts I should write more on. ::dramatic sigh:: All well, I'm glad you liked it!

phredtheflyingmonkey: heehee, I just cant get over the wonderfulness of your name! I want to make a song about it. Hmm... too bad I'm sucky at rhyming. But that shant hold me back! I WILL write a song about phredtheflyingmonkey if it's the last thing I do!!! ::dramatic, empowering music::
This is the end

There is no more

Until I meet

That bear once more

...er...what?