A/N: ok thanks for the reviews, I'm updating fast for 2 reasons, 1 cause someone asked, 2 because of this
To TaiSora4life: Ok here's the thing I know you were probably trying to be helpful, and I appreciate constructive criticism. But I don't need it shoved in my face, all you had to say was you messed up some on the duel, try revising, giving small hints. I'm not stupid I will piece it together. The thing is though that in 2 paragraphs you listed about 50 things that I did wrong. Again I wouldn't mind this if you sent me an E-mail, or went on Neopets, sent me a neomail, or and sent me a PM. but to post it someplace where all can see and make the person writing look like an idiot, makes you look like an ass. Ok now here's the next thing. While this may sound egotistical, the Author(ess) has the power to control the story, if in this story I want Kaiba to turn into a fuzzy pick Bunny he will, if I want Joey to kiss a goat, he will. see I'm the only person who can control this story, if I say the duel works this way, then it does. next this was simply to transition time. I mean doesn't it annoy you when someone sets you up for a big battle or duel, then says Yugi, or Joey, or Kaiba won? Isn't it more exciting for it to be written there? even if you aren't going to read it? And my Final Point, 4cash( I mean 4kids) does stuff like that all the time, turning trap card into monster or magi cards, turning magic cards into Trap or Monster cards, turning monster card into Trap or Magic card, make the effects last the wrong amount of time, completely changing the affect to something TOTALLY different. if they can do it then why I can't I, besides, the duel really isn't that important to the story accept to show the battle between Sakura's hate for Joey and her lust for Power, and her Love of Joey and the fact that she really does want to be back with him. now that I've written all this I'm going to apologize if I came off like an ass, but I'm not taking this down.
Disclaimer: you know!
DIVIDER WORDS
Joey's attack hit, leaving them both with 500 life points each. Sakura looked surprised that she hadn't used the card that surely would have let her win... but then again. she wasn't that surprised.
on the other side of the field Joey was shocked, he thought for sure Kaiba would have used some trap card to win... but he did nothing.
"DAMMIT WHEELER! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO ME?" Sakura shouted. Joey looked even more surprised. it was Sakura, not Kaiba, or even Seto (( A/N: Kaiba's the dominant male personality that Sakura uses most. Seto is Mokuba's kind older brother she uses almost never, and Sakura is the real her, who is never shown to any one accept Mokuba (and now Joey)))
" you're move." was the only thing of intelligence Sakura could make out from him. she drew and glanced at the card, this could win it for her... but...
" I give Joey."
"You what?" Joey asked flabbergasted(big word)
" I give, I can't win." Sakura Said as the platforms lowered. it wasn't a complete lie, if she won, she'd loose him.
" al-alright" Joey walked over to her. "Look I really wanted to apologize. I know I did something really stupid, but we're both miserable, and Sakura, I Love you. everything just gets worse when you're not around, and everyday that you're not with me it just... "he sighed " it's unbearable. so I'm sorry."
Sakura smiled "alright. I forgive you. sorta."
"sorta?"
"you told the rest of the geek Patrol didn't you?" Sakura asked.
"yeah"
"I forgive you, but think of this as a probation period. You're going to have to make me REALLY happy to get of it."
Joey smiled. then leaned in and Kissed Sakura. Things were finally looking up.
DIVIDER WORDS
END! should I write a sequels? also if you check the 11th chapter. I changed Brain Control to Change of Heart, to make this simpler.
To TaiSora4life: Ok here's the thing I know you were probably trying to be helpful, and I appreciate constructive criticism. But I don't need it shoved in my face, all you had to say was you messed up some on the duel, try revising, giving small hints. I'm not stupid I will piece it together. The thing is though that in 2 paragraphs you listed about 50 things that I did wrong. Again I wouldn't mind this if you sent me an E-mail, or went on Neopets, sent me a neomail, or and sent me a PM. but to post it someplace where all can see and make the person writing look like an idiot, makes you look like an ass. Ok now here's the next thing. While this may sound egotistical, the Author(ess) has the power to control the story, if in this story I want Kaiba to turn into a fuzzy pick Bunny he will, if I want Joey to kiss a goat, he will. see I'm the only person who can control this story, if I say the duel works this way, then it does. next this was simply to transition time. I mean doesn't it annoy you when someone sets you up for a big battle or duel, then says Yugi, or Joey, or Kaiba won? Isn't it more exciting for it to be written there? even if you aren't going to read it? And my Final Point, 4cash( I mean 4kids) does stuff like that all the time, turning trap card into monster or magi cards, turning magic cards into Trap or Monster cards, turning monster card into Trap or Magic card, make the effects last the wrong amount of time, completely changing the affect to something TOTALLY different. if they can do it then why I can't I, besides, the duel really isn't that important to the story accept to show the battle between Sakura's hate for Joey and her lust for Power, and her Love of Joey and the fact that she really does want to be back with him. now that I've written all this I'm going to apologize if I came off like an ass, but I'm not taking this down.
Disclaimer: you know!
DIVIDER WORDS
Joey's attack hit, leaving them both with 500 life points each. Sakura looked surprised that she hadn't used the card that surely would have let her win... but then again. she wasn't that surprised.
on the other side of the field Joey was shocked, he thought for sure Kaiba would have used some trap card to win... but he did nothing.
"DAMMIT WHEELER! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO ME?" Sakura shouted. Joey looked even more surprised. it was Sakura, not Kaiba, or even Seto (( A/N: Kaiba's the dominant male personality that Sakura uses most. Seto is Mokuba's kind older brother she uses almost never, and Sakura is the real her, who is never shown to any one accept Mokuba (and now Joey)))
" you're move." was the only thing of intelligence Sakura could make out from him. she drew and glanced at the card, this could win it for her... but...
" I give Joey."
"You what?" Joey asked flabbergasted(big word)
" I give, I can't win." Sakura Said as the platforms lowered. it wasn't a complete lie, if she won, she'd loose him.
" al-alright" Joey walked over to her. "Look I really wanted to apologize. I know I did something really stupid, but we're both miserable, and Sakura, I Love you. everything just gets worse when you're not around, and everyday that you're not with me it just... "he sighed " it's unbearable. so I'm sorry."
Sakura smiled "alright. I forgive you. sorta."
"sorta?"
"you told the rest of the geek Patrol didn't you?" Sakura asked.
"yeah"
"I forgive you, but think of this as a probation period. You're going to have to make me REALLY happy to get of it."
Joey smiled. then leaned in and Kissed Sakura. Things were finally looking up.
DIVIDER WORDS
END! should I write a sequels? also if you check the 11th chapter. I changed Brain Control to Change of Heart, to make this simpler.