Disclaimer: See chapters one through nine.

Thanks to. . .

Otaku Pitcher: I'm glad you agree with me. It always makes me happy when people agree with me. Also thanks for pointing out the spelling thing. That would so have bothered me if you didn't point it out. I always make typos but normally I pick them up. I guess that was the one that slipped by me.

AquaRose: Ah the joys of love triangles. They are fun. Anyway, thanks for yet another review and maybe someday I'll read your fic. I say maybe because I'm always busy so I cannot be sure.

Author's Note: Yea, I know I took a little longer than normal to get this chapter up. I was sick for a couple of days so that delayed me a bit and I was busy. Sorry. This chapter is a little weird. I have to warn you that Yume is herself again (meaning moody) so be prepared for some Yume drama. With that, I start the chapter.

'. . .' are dialogue that occur in Yume's mind

Chapter 17: Here at Last!

I awoke suddenly and shivered. I knew I had been having another nightmare but couldn't remember all of it. I just remembered an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. I shivered again. 'God it's freakin' cold!' I noted. Thankfully, Miaka was still asleep. I didn't know why but I really wanted some alone time. I decided to walk around while everyone was still sleeping. I woke up feeling helpless for a reason and I wanted to know why.

I left my room, (after getting dressed, of course), and walked to the edge of the boat. This spot seemed to be my favorite. It was so freezing outside I could see my breath perfectly. I watched it for a moment as I exhaled. The steam rose out in front of me and seemed to take on the shape of a mountain. 'Now, that's weird. I'm probably just imagining it,' I thought. I steered my thoughts to our trip. 'We must be getting close. Tasuki did say that we'd be there sometime today.' I turned my gaze from my breath to the water, which was a more attractive sight. 'I still don't even know where we're going or why we're going there. I just love being dragged along on things I have no part of. Oh well, if it's getting colder, which it definitely is, we must be going north. Shiriko should like that. I just wished I had brought some winter clothes with me instead of spring ones. . .Wait a sec. What am I saying? I didn't even pack!' I found myself thinking of home again. You never know how much you have until you lose it. Ha. Now I understand that old saying. 'I've been here for six days. I don't know if time passes the same in this world as it does in mine. If it does, I only have one day left until my birthday and until my time here without anyone knowing ends.'

I searched the horizon for any sign of a break in the endless blue that had been my world for the past three days. I found one, far out in the distance, a single mountain jutted out into the skyline. I fixed my eyes upon the mountain and an overwhelming feeling of foreboding came over me. It seemed to come from everywhere all at once, catching me off guard. Something terrible was going to happen there, I could sense it. "Up early again I see. What. Don't people in your world sleep?" I heard Nuriko's voice ask, diverting my attention from the mountain to him.

"We sleep but I've been waking up early for some reason the past few days," I answered, turning to him. "What brings you up and about this time of the morning?"

"I don't know. I just woke up and wanted to check and see if we were there yet," he replied.

I looked over at him more directly. "It is sure is cold. Where are we going anyway?"

"To Hokkan, in the north."

"Why are we even going to Hokkan? I honestly don't understand any of this. All this talk about celestial warriors, gods and priestesses is too much for someone like me to understand, especially when no one even bothers to explain it to me."

"We're going to Hokkan to locate a sacred relic known as the Shinzaho, (A/N: I'm not sure how to spell it but I think that's how you do it), so we can summon Suzaku and save Konan," he explained. Unfortunately, how I was even more confused. I kept quiet, though, because I assumed that someday I'd figure it all out.

"So where exactly in Hokkan is this Shinzaho?" I asked. 'I should at least know where we're going. I can always just "forget" to tell Nakago if I find out anything important. He won't know any different.'

"We don't know exactly. We have to search for it," he confessed.

"You don't know? How are you supposed to find one tiny relic if you don't even know where to start?" I said in an incredulous tone. Another old saying came to mind. "That's like trying to find a needle in a haystack!"

He blinked a few times at me, obviously confused. "Huh? We're not looking for a needle; we're looking for a Shinzaho. It's a completely different object." I sweat dropped. I guess that saying hasn't been invented yet. 'Hey, that means that I came up with an old saying! Oh yea! Go me!'

"Never mind that. The point of the saying is that trying to find one tiny thing when you don't even know where to start is practically impossible," I explained.

"I guess we'll just have to split up and look for it," he answered. "Well, I'm going to go eat breakfast while there's still time. You know Miaka, the moment she gets up, all the food just disappears. Care to join me?"

"Sure why not." He held out his arm and I linked mine around it and he led me to the kitchen.

After eating breakfast, I went back to my room and repacked the few belongings I had. Nuriko gave me a cloak to wear over my clothes so I'd be warm and would be able to wear my clothes without drawing any unneeded attention to myself. And, I don't even have to wear a dress. 'He's a pretty nice guy now that we're getting along,' I thought as I pulled on the cloak. My stuff was all packed and everyone was still asleep! 'Bunch of lazy bums, I swear.' I grabbed my bag and headed down to where they were keeping my Shiriko. I would wait for our arrival there.

I must have dozed off or something because the next time I opened my eyes, Shiriko's head was on my lap, I was leaning against a wall and we were about to arrive in the port! I put Shiriko back on the leash, grabbed my bag, and headed out of the room. It was cold, really cold, even colder than it was before, and now it is snowing. The others were up now and mingling in little groups all around the boat, obviously as anxious about our upcoming arrival as I was. I spotted Tasuki standing by himself and decided to head in the opposite direction before he noticed me. I don't know why, but I didn't really want to talk to him at the moment. "Hi, Chichiri," I said as I stood next to him.

"Hi Yume. You feeling better this morning?" he asked. Shiriko sat down at his feet and licked his hand. Chichiri pet his head affectionately.

"Yea, I guess so," I answered.

"You and Nuriko sure seemed to have worked things out. That came as a surprise to all of us. We were sure you'd kill each other, you know." 'He's keeping to small talk. I wonder if he knows something that I don't.'

"We called a truce. We knew we were going to have to end our fighting sooner or later. Plus, both of us knew that we had no real reason to fight. I figured that us getting along would throw you guys off." He just smirked a little, surprisingly because I don't think I've ever seen Chichiri smirk, and nodded. 'He must know something I don't! I wanna know!'

"I think Tasuki really cares about you. He was pretty worried about you, you know," he said quietly. I could tell he was watching me for a reaction. 'Oh, he'll get a reaction all right.'

I laughed a quiet laugh. He surprised me with that one. "You know, Chichiri, this is almost amusing. I keep hearing all this crap about Tasuki being worried about me from everyone but him. I am truly sorry to say this Chichiri, but you disappoint me. You and Mitsukake were the two people I thought I could trust to not say something like that and what do you go and do? Say what everyone else is saying. I have to go now, this conversation has lost my interest." I turned around and walked away. Shiriko paused for a second before following me to snarl at Chichiri. I was hurt by his betrayal and this made me vulnerable. I do not like being vulnerable. 'It serves you right for thinking that you could actually trust someone. All people ever do is let you do, time after time,' a voice whispered into my mind. I was getting so sick of these voices.

When I got to the opposite end of the boat, I collapsed into a crumpled heap. Shiriko sat down next to me, nudging my arm and licking my face. "Oh, Shiriko! I'm just glad that you're here with me. I know that you'll never betray me, will you?" He barked. "That's my boy. I don't even know why this bothers me so much. I should have known better." I pet him and sat thinking. 'I've been here six days already. Tomorrow would be my birthday if everyday here was one day back home. Maybe I can have a little celebration. By myself. . .'

I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Go away," I ordered angrily. I didn't know who it was but I didn't care either. The hand didn't move. "I said GO AWAY!!!" I repeated whirling around to see who it was I was yelling at. My glare rested on Tasuki. It softened, but not by much. His hand still didn't move. "Look, I appreciate the effort or whatever but I really want don't want to talk to anyone right now. Just leave me alone." I moved back to my original position and stared at the wall, hoping he'd just go away.

"I'll leave once you tell me what's wrong." He sat down next to me. I slid away from him. Shiriko stared at him cautiously; almost a "hurt her and she won't be the only one in pain" look.

"Nothing. I just want to be alone," I lied, still mad but trying to hide the anger in my voice.

"Bull shit. You're not acting like yourself. Something's up."

That was the last straw. Like I said, I was vulnerable and angry because of it. I needed to vent. "How the hell would you know when or when not I'm acting like myself? You don't know me! You don't know anything about me!" I yelled. "Why do you care so much anyway?"

"I don't care. I was just-" he started, yelling back, but I interrupted him.

"Then drop it." I got up and left. Shiriko growled a threat at him and then followed.

"You're so impossible!" I heard him yell after me. 'Damn straight,' the angry side of my mind thought.

I didn't know why I got so angry. I felt a little bad for yelling at Tasuki like that. But he shouldn't have told me that I wasn't acting like myself. I hate it when people tell me how I'm feeling or when I'm not acting like myself. Then he wouldn't even drop it! I guess all that combined with my disappointment in Chichiri caused me to explode at him. 'I don't even know why I care that Chichiri let me down or that I exploded at Tasuki. No let down is going to be as big as the one they get once they find out that I'm "working" for Nakago. I'll get my explosion then.'

I didn't have much time to ponder this because we arrived in Hokkan. On our journey to where ever we were staying the night, I kept to the back of the group. I wanted to stay away from everyone, especially Tasuki. I decided not to get involved in what they were doing and to stop treating them like friends: it will hurt too much at the end. 'I'll just keep to myself and treat them like they were nothing more than acquaintances. Then it won't hurt anyone once I'm discovered.' I managed to find a good part to the fight with Tasuki as well. 'After all, if he does "care" about me, after a few more of those maybe his feelings will die down and he can find someone worthy of him. I'm sure as hell not.'

We didn't end up staying at an inn, I guess. We ended up at some house staying with a family Tamahome helped out. 'He's always helping people.' I had to share a room with Miaka and Nuriko this time. "I guess they wanted to put all us 'girls' together," Nuriko had said as we put our stuff down. I laughed weakly and continued petting Shiriko and keeping to myself.

"Let's go eat dinner. We can talk about what to do next in the morning. You coming, Yume?" Miaka asked. I shook my head no. I had no appetite; not for food and not for the socializing that comes with dinner. "Well, ok then. I'll bring you up some." I just smiled at her.

As they were leaving, I heard Nuriko say, "She isn't acting like herself. Tasuki seemed pissed, too."

"Yea maybe they had a fight. We should ask about it at dinner," I heard Miaka reply.

'They can ask Tasuki all they want. They're not going to hear much from me.' I decided to use this opportunity to let Nakago know that we arrived. That conversation was a quick one. The funny thing is he looked a little surprised when I told him we were there. He didn't say anything about attacking the ship. 'Of course he wouldn't mention it. Why would he want me to know that he was behind it?'

We, well, they, decided to leave for a place called Tolan in the morning. No one bothered me for the rest of the night. I went to bed before Miaka and Nuriko came back from dinner. This little boy that Tamahome was helping told Tasuki that he was scary. I couldn't help but laugh at that comment. The kid hugged me before we left. I didn't know why but he was a sweet kid.

'Happy Birthday to me.'
Author's Note:

Smack: Yea. . .that was a pretty weird chapter. Yume and her mood swings. Add that to the voices in her head and you get a pretty insane character.

Kim: Smack, you're mean.

Smack: ::looks shocked:: Me? I am not mean!

Kim: Oh yes you are. How can you put Yume through all that?

Smack: I didn't put her through anything! She brought it all on herself!

Kim: No she didn't.

Smack: Shut up and go back to your world. I want a new muse!

Kim: Here's the quote people:

"You comfy there Yume?" Tamahome joked.

"No, not really. I'm cold, uncomfortable and I think my ass is numb. Thanks for asking, though," I answered.

Kim: That's it. I have to go now before Smack kills me. Bye people!

Smack: Yea, you better leave. Bye everyone!