Disclaimer: I don't claim to own Fushigi Yuugi.
Thanks to...
neppy: Yes. Tasuki is being mean. And no, you shouldn't vote. You know the answer.
Metajoker: Yea, I'm working on going through the beginning chapters and editing them but I haven't gotten around to finishing all of them. And could you explain what you mean by 'paragraphing?' The story had paragraphs last time I checked.
Fyfangirl26: Thank you so much for saying I deserve 100 reviews! That makes me feel really good that someone cares! And thank you for voting! Yea, Jean Grey is definitely cool but I was always a Wolverine fan. I don't know why...
Chibificgrl_100: I don't think Renee could if she tried. Yume doesn't seem to care. Oh, the question about what Suzaku is hiding from Yume is actually answered in this chapter so your patience is paid off.
AquaRose: Carbonated? Lol, thanks. :) I will have to read your story. I've been really busy the last few weeks so I'll get around to it. Promise. And you're not the only one who will cry if Tasuki doesn't end up with Yume. I'm sure other reviewers will, too.
Otaku Pitcher: Ok, you really confuse me sometimes. First you say I don't go into her feelings that much and then now I do? The last chapter wasn't really her mooning over Tasuki. She's just one of those people who can't stand when others are mad at them. That's what that was about. And I couldn't just have her be at peace with her mind in an instant. She's been through a lot the last few days. And you're the only one who considered the other people and my warnings. For that, and your review, I thank you. But why not Nakago?
miLady: Yea, I know it was harsh but it had to be. And I only said they were her assistants, not that they were happy about it. I mean, think for a minute. Put yourself in their shoes. Here they are, all happy not working for anyone but the gods and then, all of a sudden, some youngin' pops into the world who knows a lot less than they do and they're ordered to work for her. I wouldn't be happy about it either. But I understand what you mean.
Author's Note: Thanks to all of you who participated in the poll! I must say, I found the results very pleasing. In fact the results, well except for one of them, were exactly what I expected! (In other words, most of you voted for Tasuki.) I can't say I'm surprised, that's who I would have voted for. That doesn't mean you were right and it doesn't mean you are wrong. It means...wait and find out. This chapter switches point of view once but it's clearly stated. So it shouldn't confuse anyone. I guess that's all I have to say except that I kind of like the way this chapter turned out.
Chapter 28: Acceptance is a Virtue
(POV= third person)
"Hey, kid!" a voice called into a room where an orange-haired youth was apparently getting ready to go to sleep.
"What the-? Who said that?" the youth asked, looking around the empty room he was sharing with his friend, who was asleep on the next bed.
"It's me, you're god. Man, don't you people know anything? Who else would be using a disembodied voice to talk to you?" the first voice replied.
"How is that possible? You haven't been summoned yet!"
"Don't concern yourself with that. We have a message for you from Yume," a second voice told him. "She wanted us to tell you good-night and that she's sorry. She didn't mean to hurt you before."
"She's got a fine way of showing it, sending gods to tell me for her. Tell Yume that her apology is not accepted. She has an excuse for everything and I'm sick of it," the youth ordered, sounding angry.
"Tell her yourself!" the second voice snapped. "You make me sick. She's been through hell the last few days and all you can do is think about yourself. We can all tell that you still care for her so why are you so hard on her? She's trying her best, can't you see that?"
"Why am I so hard on her?! You're the ones in her mind. How would you feel if she said those things to you? Why should I believe anything she says anymore? This could all be one of her tricks," the youth answered, sounding more than a little angry and hurt. "And don't even say that you'd trust her because you believe she must have had a good reason."
"No, he'd probably be mad like you but I know he'd give her a chance to explain once he calmed down," the first voice said, rejoining the conversation. "And so would I. If you really care about someone, that's what you do."
"You're gods! What do you know about love?"
"I know that everyone, whether they like to admit it or not, experiences love, and everything that goes with it, at least once in their lifetimes. I know that when you love someone, and I mean truly love someone, you don't just cast them aside at the first sign of imperfection, you accept it because believe it or not, nobody is perfect. People make mistakes and if you care at all about the person, you let them explain themselves. I know that love can consume your entire being, that every moment you are away from your love you think about them and that when you see them, all your problems seem unimportant in comparison to their well being. I know that love can be blind and that sometimes, no matter what you do, love can be unrequited. Sometimes, the one you love cares for someone else and that that can hurt more than anything else in the world," the second voice retorted, saying the last piece with a tone so bitter and wistful it was sadly apparent that he had experienced such feelings. But he recovered quickly and continued as though it never occurred. "Yea, I am a god and as a god, I've had the chance to fall in love more times than I'd like to admit. I've had the opportunity to see you mortals laugh and cry, live and die, love and hate but it disintegrates into the big picture, the tapestry that is life. Love happens. Don't shrug it off like it's nothing and don't run from it. If you love Yume, forgive her, before it's too late, before someone else comes along and she realizes what an ass you are. If you really don't care for her, then leave her alone and let her get over you in peace." The god fell silent and the youth stood there considering.
"But...I don't even know if Yume cares about me. It's all easy for you to say, you're in her mind, and I'm not. I don't know what to do," the youth finally spoke up.
"We don't have anymore time to convince you. Think about what he said. Yume is expecting a response and she should be sleeping now in preparation for tomorrow. Just consider this: If Yume didn't care, why would she ask us to try and talk to you and tell that she's sorry?" the first voice asked.
"I don't know...but, I'll think about it," the youth told them.
"Good."
~*~
(Yume's POV, in other words, normal)
I awoke with a start. I had heard the distant echoing of voices in my mind but was unable to tell who was speaking. I rolled over and closed my eyes, attempting to go back to sleep. "Yume! Yume, wake up! It is time to resume your training!" I felt someone shaking me but it felt so distant, all that mattered was going back to sleep.
"Just five more minutes, mommy," I mumbled, covering my head with the blanket, keeping my eyes closed.
"I AM MOST CERTAINLY NOT YOUR MOTHER AND YOU BETTER GET UP NOW OR YOU WON'T BE ALLOWED TO EAT BREAKFAST!" the voice yelled.
That got me up. For one, it was right next to my ear and plus, I was hungry. "Ok, ok. Can you give me a second to get changed?" I asked, removing the covers from my face, revealing a very angry Taiitsu-kun.
"Very well, but hurry up. Today's lesson will probably take the entire day," she replied, leaving the room.
'Guess that's our cue to exit right?' Byakko asked. Something in the back of my mind clicked. I made a connection but lost it in an instant. 'Yea...I guess you should leave,' I said, my mind only half on making a response. 'We'll be back later. Just try and concentrate on your lessons today, ok?' Suzaku declared. 'All right.' They left my mind and I got out of bed, absent-mindedly heading towards my bag to get dressed in the only clothes that were actually mine.
I arrived in the dining room to find everyone waiting for me. "Took you long enough," Seppuka commented. "And what are you wearing?"
"Clothes from my world. I'm sick of wearing other people's stuff," I answered, sitting down. I grabbed some food and started eating, trying to avoid further conversation. I had made a connection, I know I did, but I don't remember what it was!
"Katana and Renee will be working with you on levitation today after breakfast. You will train until lunch and then you will be allowed an hour break before continuing your training," Taiitsu-kun informed me.
"Uh-huh. Sure..." I replied dully, looking down at the food on my plate.
"What's with her today?" Fae asked, ignoring the fact that I was sitting directly in front of her.
"Leave her alone. She is obviously troubled by something this morning. She'll get over it. Besides, I would think that you would appreciate her not talking much," Taiitsu-kun ordered.
"Fine. Whatever. She'll never be able to levitate with her mind as clouded as it is. Come on Seppuka. Let's go." Fae and Seppuka got up and left the room.
"Are you done there? We could use all the time we have to get you to master this," Renee asked me.
"Oh yea. Sure." I gave my plate one last look and decided there was nothing left on it that I wanted to eat before getting up and following Renee and Katana out of the room.
Katana led the way to an area outside of the palace where three pillow mat things were on the ground. "To soften the fall," Renee told me when she saw me staring at them.
"Take off your shoes before sitting down," Katana instructed. I did as was told and sat on the center mat. "The first step in learning to levitate is to clear your mind of all thoughts. Fae was right, someone with a clouded mind will never be able to achieve the harmonious state of the mind that is required in this task." She sat down to the left of me and Renee sat on the right. "There are several ways to do this. One is to meditate. Most people find this easier than the other options. I assume that is the one you will choose?"
"Yes. That will work fine," I answered. "I just have one question: if you need to be in harmony in your mind, how was I able to hover before? My mind was a mess the last time."
"No, it wasn't. Judging by the projection you showed us during your interrogation yesterday, you were only feeling one emotion: hate. Though it was a negative emotion, it was still the sole thought in your mind. Now use this time to get your mind in order. You have until the lunch break. Go," Katana answered, closing her eyes. Renee did so as well so I decided to follow their example.
I sat on the mat in my traditional meditation pose, eyes closed, trying to make sense of my world. My mind was a jumble of emotions, thoughts, and pieces. There was so much going on in my life the last few days. It was impossible to tell one thought apart from another. They were all interconnected in an intricate pattern so tightly I couldn't find a beginning or an end to it. I managed to trap myself into my mind for a more "hands on" approach but that wasn't much better. The usual blackness was filled with swirls of colors that I was guessing represented the current things going through my mind. I extended my hand to one of them and was immediately bombarded with a feeling of despair as Nuriko's death flashed before my eyes. I snatched my hand back as though it had been burned and vowed not to touch anymore of the color swirls. I wished that I had some sort of guide to all of this. There was no way I could make sense of this in a couple of hours without one. Directly after that thought was completed, a thin line of bluish green color left my head and flew off to join its comrades. I stared after it, confused, until I was dropped onto the ground. The blackness around me was illuminated and I was back in the valley. The colors were gone and instead, I saw the little girl version of myself.
"Hey! You're back!" she exclaimed, her small face glowing with joy. "I'm so happy! The leprechaun man and his friends left me and I was starting to get lonely..."
"Yea, I'm back," I replied, rubbing my sore bum. 'I really need some warning on these falls...' "I was wondering if you could help me again? I need to sort through my mind and I've having some problems doing it."
"Umm...ok!" she answered still smiling.
"So what good advice do you have for me this time? I need a thought or emotion to concentrate on so I can learn to fly," I told her.
"Hmm...I don't know how to help you with that. I remember that there was once a time when things were really tough and you wrote this thingie and I think it concentrated on an emotion but I don't remember which one." She looked upset that she couldn't remember. "I guess all I can do is make you remember it and you'll have to figure it out but you're smart. You'll get it." She closed her eyes and I felt my mind being drawn back to a certain memory, one long since forgotten.
I open my eyes and I can't see,
This world it no longer makes sense to me.
Floating in this blackness, lost and alone,
Wondering why I was forced into this throne.
Stuck in a place I never wanted to be,
Everything I thought I knew flows away from me.
Why is it that I always have questions, never answers?
This emptiness inside me grows like a cancer.
Why do I always have to act so tough?
I try my best but it's never enough.
Why am I forced to act so fake?
The real me's life this world would take.
Sometimes I just want to run...to hide...
To show the world just once what I really feel inside,
But I know they'd never accept me the way I am,
Forcing me to live my life as one big scam.
So I live a life without a single answer
Hey, life's a stage and I'm just a dancer. I thought about the words, considering every analogy, every word. It described the situation at hand almost to the last detail. I remembered writing the poem a couple years ago, without being sure why I was writing it. It's strange how the past affects the future, or even tells you what will happen. A minor change of decision and your whole life can end up differently. Things that seem insignificant at the time can be the straw that determines a future event. But I still wasn't sure what this poem was supposed to tell me. It symbolizes so many things, I couldn't zero in on specific emotion. "Don't you remember anything?" I asked the girl, pleading her with my eyes. "Well...it had something to do with the last line..." she said. I thought about the last line for a second. "Acceptance," I blurted out. "I'm no longer in control of my life but I just have to deal with it. I have to take things as they come even if I don't agree with it and just try and make the best of it. I've been trying to achieve perfection and it can't be done. I have to accept my fate," I continued. The girl smiled and faded. I opened my eyes, feeling at peace with myself for the first time in a long time. Katana and Renee were watching me, smiling. Something was weird though. I remembered Katana being taller. I looked down and saw the pillow and my own shadow. I was no long sitting on the mat. I was no longer sitting on anything. "Did I do it?" "Yea, and just in time, too. It's lunchtime," Renee answered, grinning. "Do you feel better now?" Katana asked me. "Yea, as I matter of fact, I do." I zoomed off to lunch, still floating in the bliss of the moment. Author's Note: Yay! Yume can fly! I wish I could fly... ::grumbles:: Oh well. I hope the beginning gave you some insight into what happened last chapter when they "couldn't get through." I thought I should clarify that. Besides, I liked Byakko's little commentary about love. :) (Yea, if you didn't figure it out before, the first voice was Suzaku and the second was Byakko. I don't think I have to explain who the youth was, do I?) I rewrote most of this chapter, well, the beginning, so it might not be prefect, but prefect is impossible. I think that was the moral to this chapter. Well, that and that sometimes you just have to accept your fate. Wow...I actually had a semi-philosophical chapter! Go me! Yes! Oh yea, one of the later chapters is really philosophical so if you like that sort of thing, you'll get it. I like to pretend that I'm a philosopher so you have to bear with me sometimes. I guess that's it for this author's note. To all of you who participated in the poll, thank you again. I might make another one sometime. It was fun. But not now. So...until next time! ~Smack Oh, whoops. I almost forgot your quote. Silly me. "Oh, and for future reference: I am not your friend."
This world it no longer makes sense to me.
Floating in this blackness, lost and alone,
Wondering why I was forced into this throne.
Stuck in a place I never wanted to be,
Everything I thought I knew flows away from me.
Why is it that I always have questions, never answers?
This emptiness inside me grows like a cancer.
Why do I always have to act so tough?
I try my best but it's never enough.
Why am I forced to act so fake?
The real me's life this world would take.
Sometimes I just want to run...to hide...
To show the world just once what I really feel inside,
But I know they'd never accept me the way I am,
Forcing me to live my life as one big scam.
So I live a life without a single answer
Hey, life's a stage and I'm just a dancer. I thought about the words, considering every analogy, every word. It described the situation at hand almost to the last detail. I remembered writing the poem a couple years ago, without being sure why I was writing it. It's strange how the past affects the future, or even tells you what will happen. A minor change of decision and your whole life can end up differently. Things that seem insignificant at the time can be the straw that determines a future event. But I still wasn't sure what this poem was supposed to tell me. It symbolizes so many things, I couldn't zero in on specific emotion. "Don't you remember anything?" I asked the girl, pleading her with my eyes. "Well...it had something to do with the last line..." she said. I thought about the last line for a second. "Acceptance," I blurted out. "I'm no longer in control of my life but I just have to deal with it. I have to take things as they come even if I don't agree with it and just try and make the best of it. I've been trying to achieve perfection and it can't be done. I have to accept my fate," I continued. The girl smiled and faded. I opened my eyes, feeling at peace with myself for the first time in a long time. Katana and Renee were watching me, smiling. Something was weird though. I remembered Katana being taller. I looked down and saw the pillow and my own shadow. I was no long sitting on the mat. I was no longer sitting on anything. "Did I do it?" "Yea, and just in time, too. It's lunchtime," Renee answered, grinning. "Do you feel better now?" Katana asked me. "Yea, as I matter of fact, I do." I zoomed off to lunch, still floating in the bliss of the moment. Author's Note: Yay! Yume can fly! I wish I could fly... ::grumbles:: Oh well. I hope the beginning gave you some insight into what happened last chapter when they "couldn't get through." I thought I should clarify that. Besides, I liked Byakko's little commentary about love. :) (Yea, if you didn't figure it out before, the first voice was Suzaku and the second was Byakko. I don't think I have to explain who the youth was, do I?) I rewrote most of this chapter, well, the beginning, so it might not be prefect, but prefect is impossible. I think that was the moral to this chapter. Well, that and that sometimes you just have to accept your fate. Wow...I actually had a semi-philosophical chapter! Go me! Yes! Oh yea, one of the later chapters is really philosophical so if you like that sort of thing, you'll get it. I like to pretend that I'm a philosopher so you have to bear with me sometimes. I guess that's it for this author's note. To all of you who participated in the poll, thank you again. I might make another one sometime. It was fun. But not now. So...until next time! ~Smack Oh, whoops. I almost forgot your quote. Silly me. "Oh, and for future reference: I am not your friend."